the new year

i kind of did not have the urge to blog over the holidays. i cannot say that my holidays was uneventful, after going for my first exchange trip and having so much ups and downs in orientation, but i simply did not have that weight of my mind that i needed to unload. so now with the new school year, i go back to having a lot of things on my mind, and very little tangible things to do.

once again when you have a lot of free time, your mind would wander and think about all the good and bad things in life. perhaps my mind like to focus on the bad things, and just goes to show how insecure i am.

I dread the class change, i really am not comfortable with my new class. they are nice people and they are entertaining, but i just dont clique with them. maybe it is a kind of /"1E withdrawal"/ syndrome, or it could just be the long timetable that has caused me to think that way.

the long timetable in school is really killing me. my body has the energy, ad i can wake up like any other morning over the past year, and have the energy to almost anything, but by the end of the day, i am completely worn out no matter what time the day ends. my earliest day is 3.15 on monday, and also on wednesday, but the other days are 5.15 and 4.15. worst still is the one hour periods, where sometimes i cannot last till the end of the session. i realise that most of the time, i am in a sort of lethargic stupor, and i find myself singing britney spears, or some other chic song that is nothing but noise in class.

my class is supposed to be considered top notch, with a subject combination of 3 sci and hist, its supposedly one of the better or more /"mugger"/ combinations where the students have to like it and work hard, for history and the sciences. maybe that is daunting me a littlem and to compensate for not being that great in academics i use the class clown or class jukebox to fill in.

I miss 1E. i know i have said it a gazillion times, but i just dont feel natural without 1E around.

i am not going on a nostalgia trip and say how great oneee/'ohfive was, but i feel like the friends i made there are slipping too, and that is one of my worries. I said before that i thought i was quite frivolous in the past where i have a really close friend for a while than i lose touch and when we meet again we are not as close. in fact KL KX and sean leon, all i just have contact and chat every now and then, but if not we are doing our own thing.

something syak told me over the hols, she said that in sec school and certainly not in primary school, we wouldnt do that much for our friends, and even though we may be close in school, once we go other ways we are not that close. yet now in TJ/TA we can feel that we have closer friends and do more things together, like all the oneeeyohfive things we did, and even now going out for lunch together. this more than ever makes me want to stay close to the 1E bunch this year, and sometimes i think i overdo it, and it just comes off the wrong way.

this year has not been working out for me so far. other people tell me to wait a while and hopefully i will adjust, but now i just feel terrible, and i dont know how much more i can take.

side note: dont redo the same mistakes of yester year

I think i need something to fill me at the moment. anything, be it SC or some activity, i need something to get my mind of things, and give me some focus no matter how short term. i cant wait for cheerleading to start, or the get back my personality profile, but whatever the case i need something in my life to change, i need it.