Close to tears

After the drama improve on Saturday, I had a real sense of pride knowing how well the drama peeps did and knowing that I had a lot of fun doing all we did for the improv. Then when we went for dinner, the same feeling I once felt from the drama BBQ repeated itself in my system.

However, there were a few differences. Apart from the fact that it is a different situation, I also felt a slightly milder yet deeper feeling. I know it sounds a bit contradictory, but the feeling was more subtle, yet it had a deeper impact. The BBQ by the beach was the first outing we had and therefore it felt more like the initial foundation to our friendship. Now, it felt like we were these bunch of close friends and that we were totally comfortable with each other.

Before I go deeper into the drama and the emotional thing, I just have to say a huge thanks to Nick and Anurag for coming to support us, and happy b’dae and sorry to gene for not turning up for his b’dae.

I think drama is infectious, and that the people in there are just amazing. The longer we are together, the deeper we sink. This all came from the talk I had with Yiming on the MRT home from City Hall.

The thing is that she will be quitting dram between now and the end of the year. The reason is because she cannot cope and that chamber is something she has to take or her MEP scholarship will be revoked. Yet, she has pretty much made up her mind about quitting. So I asked, “do you need to quit drama?” her reply was, “yes”. Then I asked, “Do you want to quit drama”, she answered me without hesitation, “no”.

That is the whole thing. We are getting closer as the days go by. Slowly we are getting sucked in, but we are enjoying each other’s company and we are more than glad we have each other to rely on. It is my emotional fulfillment, and it is not so much a physical bond we share of being in drama, but it has developed into an emotional bond which I don’t think can be separated.

The hard thing is for us to let anyone go. We have become part of each others’ lives, and losing one us is like losing a part of you. I was almost to tears when I though about anyone leaving the drama club. I will cry if we disband, as it is a fact that we are close, and more than that, we are so comfortable with each other that we take each other for granted.

And that is where feel great injustice has been done to Amanda. For all the times she has tried to confide in me, and tried to just let her spill her guts, I have not been there for her, and I find my self dismissing her a lot more than before. Yeah, we do have our own lives, yet she is a big part of mine as a friend and more than that too. People just take her for granted. Yes that means a certain person, but I and I think some others are like that too. I feel really guilty towards her now, and I will make it up to her soon. That is a promise.
Sometimes, I just am not in the right mood when I talk to her. I know that she would revolve around a certain person, and I would rather talk about something else, but she has not talked about him for a while, and she has matured a lot as a person and as a friend. I need to spend more time with her, I am way to caught up in a lot of things that I don’t really need to be involved in, and it is high time that I stop being so selfish.

I know that might sound like I am in love with her or something, but I thing it is not a love in terms of BGR, but rather she is like the closest thing I have to a sister. She not only is someone that I enjoy being around, but I just have a certain sense of solace, and comfort knowing she is around. It is more than a relationship, it has become family.

I have matured a lot in drama club. And it has a greater impact on my internal self than I think. I think that a part of me would just die if the TJC drama club disbanded, but I know that our emotional bond will always be there, and we would find our own way of staying together. How often do we say something and mean it? I mean this: “I love TJC Drama club, and I love every one of its members.” Thanks for everything.