Loner

Sam has gone back to China and i cntinue with my life. Im back to doing things myself and not having to worry about someone other than myself. yeah, i noe it sounds kinda selfish, but i guess i need my own time more than i think i do.

Am I a loner? Well, i dont think so. at least i didnt think so. I always felt that i need to belong to some group or some one other than just myself. then recently i felt a wave of loneliness that i have never experienced before. I felt that i needed more than just, as kheng foo put it Hi-Bye Friends. I have many people that know me and smile at me and just say hi! and then Bye! it is nice to know that i know so many people, but i realise that i dont have anyone i can really confide in.

Then Sam came along. he was the China exchange student from TianJin. i appreciated him being here for the first few days, but i guess after a while i felt a little distant from him. I was getting kinda irritted for a while, and when he finally left, i felt sorry, but i also realised why. Sam and i have very different maturity levels. He may be mature in China, but here, we are quite different. i saw that he interacted better with my brother and my bro is pri 5. Even Wendy said it, He is like a little kid. Haha, no offence but yeah, we are more different than he thinks.

So back to the question, am i a loner? I dont want to be, but do i have to be?

I may change my template soon, the background no longer appeals to me. and i want to change myself to. i want to find a person or a group of people that i can have a nice long chat with. I like talking to Nick and Isaac, as they are more than just a face and more than just a passing friend. Nick i only known for a short while, but his sincirity is really ejoyable. Isaac, what else can i say? 5 years, and many more to come, hopefully.

Nah, i dont think i am a loner. at least if i am it is not by choice, but rather by circumstance. I rather have no friends than just fins any stranger and pour out mindless rants and gossip that are not part of my nature. I am just looking for that person/group that can understand and can bring out the best in me. yeah, still looking.