soon...

it is 6pm, im in school, blogging, and it is 3 weeks to the promos. Admittantly, i should be studying and cramping my brain with tons of miscellenous information about Similar triangles, shakespeare's plays and secondary structure of protein. yet i am here posting, and reflecting of what i have done this year, and what i am goign to do.

Truth is, that my opinion, and to many other's too, the exams are just gonna be the paper certification for our future job. soon, everyone will have the same qualification, and it is going to speak very little to the employer, what kind of person we are. then our opinion is that the paper qualifications will no longer matter, what will matter is personality, commitment, and experience.

My take, is that i can not worry so far ahead. if i am going to think about this, i should save it for after the promos.

how has my year been? relatively, at least compared to last year, i have reason to beleive that my work attitude is changing. perhaps because i am doing marginally better, or maybe it is just the environment i am now in. No, its not very competitive, but i feel more competent, and willing to work harder to not only do better, but to show to others and myself, that i am changing.

I feel a bit bad/guilty, especially to those that look up to me. funny, i have people who actually look up to me! but yeah, i guess that people think i am more intelligent then them. i have been given the opportunity and adapt to the faster pace in GEP, but that does not make me any more intelligent. look at isaac, he is intelligent, but the key is that he works hard, i will have nothing to say if he were to get top scores.

Now i am starting to worry. i do not work as hard. i am only accustomed to the style of teaching, and i guess i am doing relatively similar to last year. this does mean that by the end of the 4 years, i will be further behind then anyone else, as while they are at my comfort with the system, their true intelligence will show, and i will eat their dust if i am not hardworking enough.

Work. that is something i am not good at. more as a verb than a noun. truth is that i dont think this really my forte. i think rather than just work, i excel more at brainstorming than the slogging over work. essentially, in one word, im LAZY.

i still am slothing my day away instead of studying, but this is where i think i put council before studies. i shouldn/'t but the truth is i do. I rather do anything, and this usually includes socialising, doing things for others, and i rather teach what i know than do work! still, i rather do things that build me up as a person, than remembering the one thing that builds people, discipline.

Sigh, what is a guy to do? i can resolve all i like and commit to studying full force, but i know that it is not really gonna happen. but until i can commit, i shall go study anyway. i think i have reached a point where i have nothing else better to do.