Role playing

Shakespeare once said, "I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano,- a stage, where every man must play a part; and mine a sad one."

i bet that once, in everyones life, they asked themselves where they are. where are they in life, and where are they within everyone else. well, i am too young to have a mid life crisis, but i really am wondering who i am, and why i am here.

recently, i have felt very meaningless. i ask what is my role? i am "the loudspeaker" in 1984, yeah, but what am i within my friends? or in my class? or in SC? I said before i have a place in drama club, that is a place where i feel like i am somebody. i am a friend, and i am amandas da ge. but everywhere else i feel like nothing.

i say that i am just unappreciated. but is that just a delusion? do i do things which no one takes notice of? or am i just a loafer that does nothing. In SC, i am lost as to what my position is. sure, it says on the pin "Jonathan Heng - Recreation and dance" but that doesnt say anything. it does not portray who i am. it just means that other people felt that i was capable in that area and hence gave it to me. i have tried leading in other areas of my life. yet it seem that everytime i try, i fail. so now i give in, stop and listen instead of being the stubborn bull i usually am. but no it seems so lifeless. im like a rag doll. turns up for meetings, does what is neccesary, but if not, i just sit there and shut up.

class may be the worse. i have no idea why i am there at all. i just sit in the corner (literally) and answer questions when asked. i have no character in the classroom. i used to be the "funny one" or hte "clown" but now marcus has the title hands down. then for obvious reasons i cannot be the cute one (varun), the pretty one/s (syak, jane, etc.), the intelligent one/s (prerna, (and as much as i deny it) isaac) or even the dependaple one/s (sze sian). i am just that guy that people know. just. there.

Well now what? i am going back to school in about a week. i am going back to the drone of life. but what can i do? up till then, i can but carry on with life. ciao