If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!

Man has it been HOT! the weather is wonky as hell, from extreme HOT to downpours. crazyness, really makes one sleepy >.< i wanna go sleep soon! haha.

still today, after SOA, was awesome shizz! Mingyuan, aka My Wang :D, came over cuz he wanted to COOK! so we got all the relevant stuff from NTUC at Tiong Bahru, and headed down to my place to whip up some dinner!

Haha, for a first time chef of Fried Bee Hoon, i've got to say that he did quite well. the bee hoon may have been a little dry, but at least its healthier than drenching the noodles in oil >.< so all in all the bee hoon was really tasty, and i can't wait to see what else he's gonna cook in the near future!

i realise that cooking is quite a significant thing in my family. ever since i could remember, cooking was the best thing to do to celebrate things like Mothers' Day or Fathers' Day (mainly also because i kept forgetting to buy Mom and Dad presents, hehe) but there's something special about seeing the look of satisfaction and pride on Mom and Dad's faces, after they have had a hearty meal produced by yours truly. It has also been a great opportunity for Mat to do something for Mom and Dad, since now i'm too lazy to cook, haha.

I enjoy cooking (i enjoy eating more!) and for me its a performance to whizz around the kitchen and whip up a storm. but i must confess that the main reason i don't step into the kitchen so often is because i CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT. not the metaphorical pressure, but the literal "heat" from the kitchen. every time i cook, i find myself sweltering, having to keep taking breaks to cool down. that's not good, not hygenic! yeah, so i don't cook so much anymore.

Still, i'll find more opportunities to get my hands dirty and show off my culinary skills a little more! there's always baking! like Mom's famous MUD CAKE, which she just made! Mmmmm.... mud cake..... *drool*

haha, maybe you should make special orders! then i'll have the motivation to bake a little, or make a little, and serve for all to share :D

oh, and i was telling My wang, 2 of my favourite/most memorable cooking experience in the recent years, Vinegar Pig's Trotters, and B&J Baked Rice :D good times, good times :)

Only Eat, Talk & Idle

And guess what! it was BORING AS HELL! Did absolutely nothing of use at the place. okay fine, that's a little exaggerating, there was about a total of 1 useful hour. then a big part would be catching up with so many section mates, Jeremy (from VS!), and of course, theoneandonly Eugene! then the rest of it was just sitting around talking cock and wasting time :)

Life at OETI is not tough, but precisely because of that, i'm glad i'm not there. a rough guide to what today was like:

8.30 - Staff Tang (CK TANG!), "have you had breakfast? okay, what time do you want to come back?" Us: "Erm... 9?" Tang:"Okay, come back at 9.30"

9.45 - Staff Tang does SA and Turret lecture then says "What time you want to go for lunch?" Us: "11.30?" Tang:"okay" at 11.10 he leaves the room and says to I/C, "let them off at 11.30 for lunch, come back at 1pm. Bye"

Lunch for 1.5 hours

1pm - skips lectures, go check out the Turrets and HA weapons (i earned $5 for licking some random grease thing on a gun barrel :D)

2.30 - Staff Tang: "your break is supposed to be at 3pm, you can go ahead first"

4.00 - Staff Tang returns. covers some stuff on SA, and dismissed by 4+

So yes, OETI is damn slack. with so many Tea breaks, and the unhealthy food staring you down, i'm glad i'm not at OETI, or all the work during BMT would have gone to waste.

Still, today was nice to catch up with everyone! i can imagine without all the computers to make us seclude ourselves, actually we can bond alot with the people around by talking cock, since there's nothing else to do! But i'm glad to be at SOA. life's good there, and i can get some stuff done i couldn't at OETI :D (yes, i'm talking about Facebook, hur)

Oh yes! Those who have been invited, or those who are interested, for this Friday's Cycling Trip to Ubin, can check out the details here! Finally got down to doing all the stuff needed, can feel the whole event coming together! whee~ can't wait till friday!

Growing into this skin

I'm getting more comfortable with what i'm doing. came back from rehearsal today (my back aches from having to be hunched so much, thinking.... like some plowbeast, lots to carry on my back, so hunched forward) but the people are nice, and breaking the ice, though can see that the directors (particularly Cheng) are getting a little more stressed, but i'm sure given time they will gain control of the reins again.

I realise i'm the kind of actor that either likes to Direct the movement of everyone (but that's the Directors job, so actually i'm saying i rather be Director :D) or be completely directed, which means that i'd like to be told exactly how to do what i need to do. yeah, actually that mean's i'm not so creative like, rather just be an empty canvas for the director to paint on. i'm funny like that >.<

haha, had quite a few awkward scenes with Claire (or is it Clare? through the wonders of Facebook, i have discovered that its 'Claire'!) but i think she did good, me... hahaha... still quite awkward lah. anyway, will be professional about it, and its just business, heh.

Well, put that aside for now, still getting use to acting again, it really feels like its been really long >.<>.<>.<) Its on the 1st May which is next friday... at night! so no clash with the whole cycling trip!

Speaking of which! i've really got to get down and call everyone to confirm if they're going! man, i've been putting it off for so long! damn you Varun! why pangseh me :( haha, silly noob is currently at field camp! Mwaha but i'm sure he's enjoying it! can't wait to hear his 'war stories'.

okay okay, i've REALLY got to go and call everyone. aite, will update soon :) tomorrow's the trip to OETI, even if its boring as hell, you'll hear about it!

Try a little HAPPINESS

HAPPINESS! dad went to open up the mail, and lo and behold i got a letter from NTU, but it came in one of those card sizes envelopes, so didn't hope for much. looks like another one of those brochures...

BUT IT WASN'T!

"Dear Mr Heng,

Congratulations! you have been accepted into

Sociology (First Year)"

(haha, something like that, the letter is with Dad >.<)

OMGOMGOMGOMG! damndamndamn! haha! to me that's just AMAZING :D i thought that i'd be stuck without an advance placement, and have to work my ass off to get a better portfolio to apply in the next years, but now i've got my Sociology spot at NTU :D :D

its also a huge sigh of relief, cuz now i know that i've got a University waiting for me, and not only that, but its MY FIRST CHOICE of course! wahh.... i'm happy :)

okay, now, to be realistic, i must admit that this is just the beginning. not that i don't appreciate my spot, but it also means that this is the starting platform for me to go and apply for more universities, and possibly even scholarship. since the first wave of uni applications were most urgent, i focused on that, but now that i've got some breather, i should start looking at overseas Uni's and look at things i can do beyond this first opportunity. This is an exciting time! i've got sort of a safety net (though i think its too luxurious to consider it that >.<) and i can explore a little more, with slightly less worry about getting a spot in a Uni :D

yes yes, today was good (obviously!) though i've got a little headache, from 6 hours of MagicTG, i love the game, but it really takes alot out of a fella! but yeah, Matt, Rags, Mr Hsi, Mr Low and I, attended the pre-release at Suntec, and thanks to the tutalage of Mr Low, the deck i drafted was awesome enough to get 2 wins! and hence a sweet 2 booster prize! whole bunch of awesome cards! so now i DEFINITELY have to make a dragan deck! with so many awesome shizz like broodmother, broodmate, Karrthus! and much more awesome in there, haha, deck building! but not yet, still gotta recover from today :)

wow. i feel like calling as many as i can and sharing with them the news! but it seems kinda wierd, haha can disguise it with details about Ubin Trip! woo~ another thing to be excited about :D

okay, i'm gonna set this to auto play, cuz when i got the letter, this was the first song that came to mind, just so jumpy with excitement!

edit: stopped it from autoplaying, you know how annoying it is, when everytime you go to a page, songs autoplay, so with the next post i stopped it, but the video shall still be there!

Fulifillment is kinda tough

Man, i'm so tired! i think running in the morning makes me that way. never mind, will just have to go catch some sleep soon, right after i blog, and check some stuff online haha!

just came home from spending some time with Jane, Sze Sian, Wendy, Hui Min, Zhi Hao and Eugene. initially went for the MegaHouse Function, but it was kinda lame, so decided to go off and have dinner and chat instead.

The Weather is freaking hot! i remember as we were talking, we kept complaining about the heat. garh... maybe that's what's making me sleepy too.

I'm a little tired of starting conversations with "hey? how've you been?" its getting a little old. and i'm just saying it to everyone >.< well, goes to show how little i know about my friends, i need to BEG them to tell me, sigh...

I guess i miss Dialogue. not many people around me are still curious about what's happening in my life. even tonight as we chatted, when i left, i couldn't help but feel a little hollow, cuz it was just those superficial talk. I want to have a heart to heart with people. that's REALLY TALKING. but i guess that kind of relationship has to be built up, and i guess now its a little tough to do so. but i must persevere on nonetheless!

Monday going OETI with eugene! and tmr i'm going for Alara Reborn Pre-Release! yes yes, filled weekend, but is it fulfilling? i'll have to figure that out...

Movies Again!

woo hoo! feels good to get out of the house again! haha. its just so funny, i feel so tired everytime i get back home, that i don't feel like doing anything, and also cuz of that, usually no inspiration to blog about anything. I'm more of an events person, i need things to be happening and going on for me to write about, heh :)

So tonight i went to catch 17 Again! yes yes, many might say that its a silly movie to want to watch, but i don't mind :D anyway, had an awesome time watching it with Nadia (Junior! <3)>.<

So, 17 Again. It wasn't bad, but i guess i was a little too over eager to see it, so had higher expectations, which i felt weren't really met. Matthew Perry was a little disappointing for me... i hoped it would be his quirky, interesting Cha-nan-dler Bong type character, but i guess its not easy for him, hard for him to break out of that character. i heard there was a movie where he was a teacher that taught in a neighbourhood school, need to go and find that one. i think i watched it on a plane trip, and i thought he was quite moving in that one! Zac Efron! now that is an actor to watch! sure, now he's doing all the school/young teenie movies, but he's got potential to be a good actor! it will prolly take some time for him to reel in from all that High School Musical, but if he pulls through, i wouldn't mind being a fan of his acting ;D

so now this is how it stands, No. 1 favourite actor : Tom Hanks
Movies:
BIG
You've Got Mail
Cast Away
Forrest Gump
etc. No. 2: Ewan Mcgregor
Movies:
Moulin Rouge
Big Fish
Star Wars Episode I,II,III ( i only liked I tho, II wasn't too bad for him)
The Island

Honourary Mention: Zac Efron
Movies:
High School Musical (1,2 and 3)
Hairspray
17 Again

hehe, i'm quite the movie and TV junkie, even though i really don't watch that much! really! i can't bear to spend on movies >.<

oh well, gotta get that home theater fixed! then can enjoy all sorts of movies at home again! got The Colour Purple due to be watched, and Aunty Jane's Juno! i want to watch! sigh, but for now, i've got to settle the other plans in my life! haha, busy, but exciting!

Untargeted

to recollect on everything i have done today... i've done nothing. We started off with a test, but the rest of the day was an utter waste of time. i even went on facebook, stared at it for the whole of 5 minutes, and just gave up. i think i became sick of facebook! (don't worry, i'll be back using it again tomorrow! haha)

still, its times like this where i can feel my life slipping away through my fingers. so i spent some time thinking about Ubin, and a little time sketching up Mr Rhino, but most of it was just sitting there waiting for something to happen. sadness.

i've gotten into such a momentum of doing things, that when i'm just idling by, i can feel it. like REALLY feel it. hear the tick tick ticking away of the seconds. time just passes so slowly >.< i much rather be out there doing something. that's why i must try my very best not to get a desk job in an office. i would spend so much time at the desk, my bum would probably melt and conjoin with the seat. i feel the pounds packing on already.

GkuGku (mom's brother) has asked me again about "what is your goal? do you have a target" and though i admit that i'm more active, i'm still not sure if i have a direction.

another thing i found i want to do! i want to enrol in Jap classes! if i can learn a decent amount of Jap, i can go to Japan after i ORD, and can get around without having to rely on a translator or travel guides! oh man! that sounds good! if only i can buckle down and really go and do it. maybe will ask GkingGking about it (aunt, mom's sister-in-law) (just in case you were wondering why they have such wierd names, i think its Teochew, but that's what we call them at home XP)

I realise i easily feel tired at home. that's why i must get out of the house! i hope i can find someone to go watch 17 Again with me tmr! just want to get out, and i REALLY want to watch 17 Again! MATTHEW PERRY, ZAC EFRON FTW!!!

me no likes runny noses

i'm feeling uber sick now. wanted to post about The Principle, but will have to leave that till another time. now i've got to cope with a messed up head, not enough oxygen going to brain. i think i owe like... 3 posts already? haha. i'm very a very bad blogger >.<

anyway, off to do a little studying before tmr's ammo test. if you do drop by, give a little tag, just to know that you're tuning in to "Jonathan's Blog: Is he still posting?"
:D

My comfort food : Han's Rum Balls

Sure, it isn't my ONLY comfort food, but its the first one i've ever thought of as a comfort food :) okay. i wouldn't have said it was a bad day. because honestly, it wasn't so bad, but just felt a little low a while ago, and had a Han's Rum Ball to pick me up a little. so there ya go, my first acknowledged comfort food!

i don't like a lot though. just 1 is good, the taste of familiarity and richness, ah simple pleasures :) My mom use to get it often when i was a kid, i think she liked it too! and slowly, the taste started to grow on me, and maybe my brother, and i don't think any other place does it as smoothly or as rich as Han's.

So today has been an embarrassingly hot day, embarrassing because i sweat from the start till the end of the day! the sweat just couldn't stop! the humid, hot weather is really bothering >.<

then came home and rushed down to SMU to see the R&GAD (Rosencrantz and Guilderstern Are Dead!) people, where we were working on our characters as tradgedians. i must say, from a 3rd person's perspective, it seems like what we're doing is awesome fun, because we explore different characters and create whole people and motivations, literally from thin air. but from the perspective of myself doing all this, as amazing as it is, it isn't quite working out for me. sure, its only been 2 rehearsals so far and only 1 as an official member of the cast, but maybe because of that, i don't really feel part of the team yet. its like everyone knows each other, and its kinda hard to penetrate that clique, haha, sounds like my life story eh? always the odd one out, Mr Rhinocerous.

Mr. Rhino : awkward and clumsy, in terms of social interactions. heavy weighted steps of trying hard to do whatever he is doing. always wanting to please others. timid, polite, reserved and hesitant. tough, but not in a violent way. no one seems to understand Mr Rhino.

haha, so maybe the character didn't come out from 'thin air' per se, just a short reflection of some of the thoughts swimming in my head. i'm still giving it a shot, trying hard to bond and connect, but like all things, it takes time, and strife. must work hard to do this well, and to get to click with the others.

its not easy lah. i'm good at meeting people, but not good at establishing meaningful, long term relationships, it takes a lot of awkwardness and luck for me to blend well with people. haha, i bet you didn't know that.

ah well, till the day that i'm accepted, gotta settle with a little loneliness XP, but don't worry, i'll live :) after all, there's always Han's Rum Balls :)

Hungry, for the Video!

Just pored through 3 CDs, with lots of pictures, but mainly of Hungry, 06 LA night, best experience of my life ever. will try and post a few pictures soon, but not yet. wanna find the video too! Ms Cheah better find it!

Damn, it was a bloody amazing time. just can do it justice, need to postpone this post till another day. so keep your eye out!

Showing Interest in Others

Hello ya'll, maybe this is the time where my postings start to slow, cuz i realise that finding things to post about EVERYDAY is kinda tough, and i want my posts to have a point, not just random ramblings.

but first! if you know us and what to get a good laugh at what our TA1 was like, i suggest you check out "Which TA oneeey'ohfive boy are you?" its freaking funny, but only if you know who we are!

anyway, had a good day today. Morning was at Temple, was grandparents anniversary (death or wedding, i'm not sure...) but in any case, its good to pay respects to the elders, reminds me that family is very important. Its also an opportunity for Dad's side of the family to meet up. We always see Mom's side, being under one roof and all, but for Dad, i'm glad there's this constant effort to stay close, even though we stay all over the place :)

Then headed down to school, where i got to see what the TA open house is like, from the perspective of a graduate! (But mainly i was there to play MagicTG with Mr Hsi and Mr Low) Maybe its the good performance of my cohort of TA (my COHORT, not necessarily me >.<) but it seemed like there were a lot more people here for open house compared to the last few years. the hype of novelty kinda faded, now there's finally some stats to back up the effectiveness of TA.

more importantly, Mr Hsi and Mr Low are FREAKING AWESOME players! haha, or i'm noob. but in anycase, they do have more income to invest in the game, which sad to say i can't, POOR little army boy :'( but still, can pick up quite a few pointers from them, and find ways to fine tune my deck to match up to them! haha, maybe this challenge will reignite my interest in deckbuilding! Johnny i am, rearing its head at the thought of a challenge! haha

met wendy and kenny for a while but not very long, would be seeing them for dinner.

Met up with Prerna, who just came back from India for NUS medicine interview, Varun, Kenneth and Wendy for dinner at Fish and Co. @ Parkway. Dinner was good, company fine, and it was nice to see and catch up with Prerna again! nice simple dinner to talk about randomities.

to be honest, i've felt lately that my spending time with people has kinda changed. it isn't what it used to be. hmmm there's like something lacking, like a certain expectation that is not met, but i can't quite put my finger on it. it just feels like there isn't that openness that there once were. i think its just me, there's a need to shift my mindset.

i think i may know what it is. it feels a little like no one is interested in what i have to say. haha, a little like low self-esteem, which doesn't usually come out of me (i hide it well XP) but recently, theres been this sentiment that no one is really interested in me (that sounds like such a selfish statement >.<) Maybe also because now that i've facebooked so much, i've asked so many people "hey! how are you? what's been going on in your life?" its just my way of nudging them to ask, "you've been different lately, anything you wanna share?"

ah well, i've got to entertain myself for a little while, used to have someone to give these little quirks to and work it out, but i guess i'm not so lucky anymore, haha.

Anyway, i'm really excited about planning the Ubin trip! really looking forward to getting it done! me and varun were going on and on about it just now before we split, and there sounds like so much potential for it to be damn fun! but the obstacles are starting to surface already, hope can iron the kinks out and make the trip go without a hitch :D

will keep you updated on my life now and then! i told ya'll! tell me what to post about and i will! i need topics, people!

Walling too much

Just came home from dinner with Jane, Wendy, Sarah, Zhi Hao, and not forgetting Naddie! dinner was good, at Al Majilis, darn, kinda wish i got the ginger tea to settle my stomach, ginger tea is good! ( i like it more for the effects than the taste, but i think it has kinda grown onto me)

stupid as this may sound, but its good to have female contact again. sure i wasn't totally engaged in tonights conversations, but its still good seeing these girls, and talking about something different for a change.

it has made me more determined than ever to plan that Ubin trip, me and varun keep talking about! so people who frequent here, i'll keep ya'll updated soon!

2 things i realise about my chatting/messaging habits. 1) i use ALOT of emoticons, i think i use it to fill up when i don't know how to express how i feel, afterall, body language communicates ideas so much more easily! but if its not emoticons than its "haha" just feels natural, but i need to cut down alot more... 2) when i start messaging i don't know how to stop XP go check out my face book page

"Jonathan wrote on _____'s Wall
Jonathan wrote on _______'s Wall
20 similar stories"

haha, that's what it's like as an Ammo Tech, too much time, so i end up using FB, not that its a bad thing :)

okay i'm tired, figure out what else to say tmr, till then, goodnight!

Best friends, ChanMon

"PIPE PIPE PIPE DOWN! What's the matter with you people? this woman was trying to do a nice thing for you, and look at her... She's a MESS! Her hair's not brushed, she's got dark circle on her eyes, chocolate on her face and she still looks st-st-stunning!" - Chandler Bing (Cha-nan-dler Bong)

I still love Monica and Chandler. yes i am jealous. :']

Go Exploring

I'm kinda tired, and got Much swimming in my head, but i guess its important to keep an update of what i'm doing, will be doing, just because i should.

off the cuff, decided to head on down to school and meet ximin, though that didn't quite work out, but in the end managed to catch up a little with Junior Nad, Kelly and even Yanting, so that was good nonetheless. then had dinner with ZT, or rather, i had dinner as he watched me eat. he's changed, a good changed, more open and more relaxed than i remembered him. though i like the new ZT, more adventurous, and if possible i wouldn't mind getting him as a buddy to go try out new things (that does not sound gay at all)

but more importantly, he threw some thoughts into my face which i would not have done so alone, so i'm appreciative of that. too many things swimming, just swimming around in the head of mine. need to figure things out, but i've packed my schedule quite tight for the next few days. not much time to sit around and just reflect. some how i think i see it as 'moping' and i don't want to be moping. i'd do anything just to not slow down. but i think that's what i need to do. for the time being.

after everything, still she leaves me with contradictions and internal struggles. never failing to make me think, assess and figure out who i am and how to deal with things. hmm... thanks.

tomorrow have got an interview and test with NTU for Sociology, fingers crossed! if these are the only replies i'm getting, then i've got to try extra hard (though i must admit, so far i haven't really done much... or anything for that matter) but yeah. 2 years army, go exploring.

the constant ache

had an enjoyable sunday afternoon. went down to RJ to audition for a part in a play. the audition was a mess, haha, but it's not that heartbr-ache-ing if i don't get the part. its not like i have that much at st-ache there, its just a one off thing, if i get it that'd be great, but if not its okay :)

but what was definitiely more enjoyable were the little excercises, like action/reaction or roleplay. really has reaw-ache-ened my interest in drama, that's what i missed, letting lose and forgetting the world for a while. we did an exercise where we kinda had to improv a shakespearan scene, me and partner did Romeo and Juliet, she was a little... stressed, so it didn't turn out so good, but the rest were good nonetheless.

then met raghav down at raffles city, didn't have anywhere in particular in mind, just wanted to br-ache the monotony of doing nothing on weekends (more for him than for me though) my weekends will have the play rehearsals if all goes well. haha, i hope i m-ache it!

spent the whole day going around as red as a lobster, and painful painful patches all over the body, ahh well, that's the price paid for enjoying yourself to the max, you must pay the price if you want to have your c-ache and eat it too!

but overall its been a good day. not too stressful, a decent pace.

+++

i realise it is not an overwhelming feeling of unhappiness, but in everything i do, every where i go, the little pangs hit, like a terrible ache. life goes on, but the aches shall be there for a while.

Buffy

i couldn't let it end so selfishly.

so now i think about Buffy, may peace be with her.

"You would love with that big heart of yours, love even though it hurt, even though your body was wracked with pain, even as your spine jutted out awkwardly… They would all be covered by a rich, soft coat of love."

Buffy, thank you. Thank you for the lessons your taught, and the gleam in your eye, quiet and reserved, you reminded me of someone not very far from yourself. Do watch over her, she shares a pain not very unlike yours.

pumping a dry tap

Saturday, good day with the brothers at Sentosa, quite hesitant about going at first, a little sick of Sentosa too, but glad that i went down and had a good time with Marcus, Varun, Eugene, Firdaus and not forgetting Kenneth. these are the good times, the crazy times, that i remember because of the painful sunburns i have on my back now. haha. still awesome day. tired, but good :)

then on the way back home, the thought creeps back, and i don't know what to do with it.

i wish i could just let it out, like just force it all out in one final unhappiness. i tried. seriously, i REALLY TRIED. but i got nothing. i find myself in this state where i can't really express what i want to. like feeling the nose itch, but unable to sneeze.

It's slowly sinking in. i'm slowly realising what i've done. it had to be done. i didn't want to do it. but i did.

i really wish i knew what to say. I'm so scared, beyond scared. Frightened by my reaction. i can't get it out right. something like this should not be lingering, it cannot linger.

i saw the 2 and i read them again and again. i went to find everything i ever recieved and all the pictures, looking again and again. thinking over the countless things said and done. i searched my mail for the letters, the wonderful, amazing letters, speaking across the oceans. i remember the calls, the long, the short, the crying, the silence.

there's so much, there's just SO MUCH. i don't get why the hell i can't let it out. its a sedation, a numbing, that just dilutes the feelings, and prolongs it too.

there's a lot of history at work.

i'm going off to try and pump the tap. what else can i do?

Trickling

I hate how the phone ringing sounds like teardrops trickling, when you don't pick up the phone.

The 15 year old

Just came back from dinner with Aisyah, Amorn and Amanda. (only when typing this out do i realise their name all starts with A! LOL the A Team, haha) Haven't seen them in a long time, and aisyah and amanda look lovely, while amorn looks... actually a little like he jumped out of a manga... haha must be the hair...

Anyway, they were the same batch of students as me, so all of us came into TJ in 2005, but they've gotten the head start in life, while i went through 2 more years in TA, so in actual fact, they aren't really 'seniors' but more like peers, but older.

yet, in their presence, i will always be the little kid (yes yes, make your BIG/SMALL jokes now XP) and i even feel it in my behaviour when i'm with them! i let loose a little more, i am willing to be a bit more charming, more ego, more silly, and just more of a kid, then i would be with my other friends, and needless to say, the juniors.

maybe its just me taking my role as the little TA kid of the group again. aManda termed it "hegemony" (makes me think of Sharuum, helps that s/he's my current wallpaper) and it means to have a dominance of one social group over another. what I THINK it means, is to basically suscribe to what the dominating social system in the group, and for me that is to be the less mature kiddy guy, despite having had my own share of growing up done.

still, i enjoy playing the munchkin of the group, showing maturity only when i have to, if not its fun indulging as the little one :D

Hopefully the 05-06 Drama Gathering turns out well! i can't wait to see some of the ole drama people again! Leandra, Serena, Raf (amanda! hahaha), and i realise we don't have much guys in drama... much less GUY guys... Why Shouvik! why did you go away :'( still, can't wait! :D

Emergency! change of plans!

I've never been the type to put up pictures on my blog, just always though that words were enough to say it all, but now, like all changes, i'm gonna do a lot more photo posts than i usually do :D after all a picture says a thousand words! and here's the first thousand to kick it off!

I like breaking convention, doing things completely unexpected, at the best of times. sometimes i end up with wierd looks, but i've gotten use to it now :) after all, sometimes, having no shame is a good thing!

just look at this picture! funny as hell from an instructional diagram standpoint, but if someone were to actually do it, man would he get heat from everyone >.< i want to figure this out. i want to figure out how people think, and how they easily assume things, simple and complex, and i want to break that convention. Don't want to do the same old thing that everyone else has done, be just like the Joker, doing the unimaginable.

of course there's the very practical motivation of just wanting to be noticed, and hoping for attention, but who wouldn't want attention some of the time? its a human acceptance thing, we want to be validated for our actions, so that's fine with me :)

it was awesome with kenneth around, another kindred soul unafraid to break the usual trend, and have the BALLS to do what others would turn and say "siao!", "crazy!", "LAME". haha, cannot forget TA2, studying for exams, or the infocenter "portrait" so many countless RANDOM things we did in our TA life, that's why he's definitely one of the friends i want to hang on to, so that the spontaneity will last, hopefully even till we are 40+ and having our mid life-crises, and need to find something crazy and random to do!

its hard finding someone so open and willing to put himself in a situation that is new and different. people like that are hard to come by, if you're one, then please do tell me, lets go do something random together!

and to end it all off, here's EMERGENCY! BREAK GLASS!

Liar Game

I think my curiosity in psychology was also sparked off by Akiyama-san, ingenious character from the fictitious world of Liar Game. Some of you might have heard of it before, but most of you prolly haven't. Anyway, Liar Game is a Manga and was made into a live action show (much better than the manga in my opinion, except for the ending...) and it really looks into the behavior of greed and selfishness exhibited by people. Sure, its a manga, and some of the qualities are highly exaggerated, but its very reflective on the society we live in, things to think about when you go about in your daily life

liar game

plus, it doesn't hurt that the main character is really cute :D

people just fascinate me, at least that's the only real thing that i can say right now. i can't remember what else i wanted to blog in this post, cuz i was too busy watching Liar Game, haha, maybe some other time my blog will be more... wholesome :D

SCC&TASCO&D&D&SW&S

SC Camp & TASC Outing & Dungeons & Dragons & Social Work & SLEEP

super tired now, and yet i choose to blog before i get some rest, haha, at least i'm posting right?

Dungeons and Dragons was awe-freaking-some (courtesy of Eugene :D) going crazy over the lame choices we made (HAM!) and the enemies we fought (WOLVES!) and all the stupid NPC's we met (INDIAN BLACKSMITH! f*** your mother!) it was damn fun! haha, even to complete newbie's such as Marcus, Matthew and I, picking it up was real simple, especially since after teh basic groundwork, most of the things were adapted on the spot, that makes this a really flexible game, able to adapt to our constraints (i foresee time will be one of them!) and our personalities. Its one of those things that would take hours to describe, but once you're in it, you never look back :D

Then with an hour of sleep, headed down to rag's place, thanks for the lovely Thosai's! i love freshly cooked, homemade thosai's. i think i finally understand why indians (and italians) say that their mom makes the best *insert group* food. Aunty Jane's Thosai was slightly different from Raghav's family's, very subtle, but definitely there, and i can imagine growing up on such food, you wouldn't think anyone else's is better.

Then from there, we collected the food at Little India, and proceeded on to the... the... okay so i forgot the name, but it was an old folks place nonetheless, and helped served food, just like cookhouse aunty/uncles! haha, feels interesting to be on the other side of the serving counter for once. still considering whether i should continue, cuz i still want to explore some other things, but social work definitely should be in my plans for the future.

Note to self: i want to post about the old folks home, entitled "waiting" or somewhere along these lines, when i remember/ got the time, will elaborate.

at this point of my post i realise i forgot to post about SC campfire and TASC Outing, it was good, as all TASC outings are :D, but maybe with the TASC there, they felt too awkward turtle, so i didn't really know whether to go around chatting up the seniors and 32nd, did a little, but felt bad and went back to the TASC often, haha, we are in an awkward position lah, neither here nor there, "the first, the last, the only" heh. still, nice to see them all again!

then off to Cafe Cartel for Half Priced Cheesecakes, on Half washed plates. yes yes, gross-ness. still the company was good, and we click with each other after going through so much, so we a good bunch of friends, with lots of bets and challenges to redeem years later :)

what a wonderfully fruitful and fulfilling weekend, "eh, eugene, i can't do this every weekend... we getting old ah?" "haha, yah" every once in a while can chiong like this, but will surely burn out, but its good to do so when we can :D these are the things that we'll remember!

Night Drive

Bukit Batok Driving Center, the beginning of possibly quite the scary responsibility, all part of my initiation into manhood. I went to enroll for driving lessons today.

I guess most people don't give a second thought about driving, it's one of those skills that everyone else seems to have, so you should learn how to drive too. so that's how i approached it, up till the point my mom had a minor freakout with me applying for driving lessons now.

I love my mom to bits, but its kinda freaky when she suddenly unloads her maternal worry all at once, haha. but its important to know what you're getting yourself into when you put yourself behind the wheel to a "high potential lethal machine" - quote mom. but it's true, accidents happen all the time, and you hear all about them in the papers, but yet we don't really consider, what if that were you?

when you drive you are not only responsible for yourself, but the safety of everyone in, and outside, the vehicle. not only must you get from A to B, but you need to pay attention to the road, other drivers, where you're going, and still focus such that you're not distracted by the other passengers.

I'm too used to having so many drivers in the family, i almost assume its second nature to drive. like a rite of passage, my dad learnt to drive to drive his family around, my mom learnt to drive to get in and out of Wolskell Road, and now i want to drive to feel like a contributing member to my family, driving is more than a skill to me.

haha, you can prolly tell that this responsibility is kinda starting to weigh on me, but i guess that's the kind of mentality i should adopt if i'm going to be a responsible driver. Time to grow up a bit, mature more, and understand that there are times in life you gotta let loose and have fun, but there are times like these where you have to buckle down and take control of the wheel.

i'm going to have fun driving, but cannot forget the importance of taking this seriously :)

Nut shot

its one of those things that you can't help but share! I'm glad to be alive where you know you're male even in computer games.
ouch, i hope you don't get your own nut shot :D

Shall wii play?

I love fridays! half hour earlier from SOA, and no need to worry about waking early to get to school tomorrow! YES! hahaha

and hence i can play the wii guilt-free! no impending doom felt from tests, and no applications to Uni to rush! HOWEVER, did get a message from Mom, about a call from SMU about arrangement for my Info Systems Technology interview. just saying it is a mouthful "Info-Systems Technology". It 'sounded' interesting when browsing through the possible courses, i can't even remember which choice it was >.< soo... will have to do a little reading up on that i guess! but hopefully its not too soon, will have to call the guy tmr.

Still! i got my chance to play the wii just now! Super Smash Bro.'s Brawl is just the best! such simple button combinations, but yet such a rewarding game, especially when played with others. and though heng woon has no clue what she's doing, at least we had a bit of fun unlocking CAPTAIN FALCON, and SONIC! captain falcon is freaking awesome, he may be vulnerable when building special attacks, but his attacks knock the stuffing out of every guy on the field! Remember kids, FALCON PUNCH! the solution to teenage pregnancy :)

But anyway, for now, i'm gonna enjoy my friday! make a few arrangements for weekend plans, and get an early night (sorta, haha)

this weekend!
Sat: morning breakfast with family hopefully!
afternoon might be rest at home, or maybe meet fidot, depending on who's free
night, council campfire, followed by TASC outing, followed by some of the guys coming over to my place (supposed to be lester's house, but, long story)

SLEEPOVER Whee!

sunday: if i'm not too hammered, hopefully i'll be perky enough to attend the social work with raghav! haven't done this sorta thing in a while, a little initimidated, and a little excited :D
the rest of the day i guess i should study some of my Ammunition stuff, i still wanna do well i guess, cuz its important to do enough so that i'm in a more favourable position after finishing the course. wouldn't want to slave aways at sai kang!

To the weekend! here i come!

Nobody wants to hear you sing about tradgedy

how apt! my title for today is lyrics from Disloyal Order of the Water Buffaloes - Fall Out Boy, looks like my blog is all about FOB nowadays, i'm not a crazed fanboy, but you gotta admit, their music is awesome! (testimonials from Raghav and Eugene if you need :D)

i look at some of the old posts, and actually even the previous one (though prolly not so much) are a little emo. have the tendency to do that when i come to a dark, blue, gloomy blogskin, even if i did like the "Giant in the City" imagery! so there was the tendency to come to my blog and lament. BUT NO MORE! that's the whole idea with the revamp! i would like to come and post anything here, but since its more like a journal of my life, i'd like to fill it with happy memories, things that i want to look back and laugh at when i'm older :)

Studying at SOA bores me, but i must say that life is being quite good to me with this posting. sure, studying sucks, but i get to use facebook all day XP and i'm sure that's annoying the hell out of some guys with stay in vocations and TEXTBOOKS to study, haha. and for girls, they wonder, why the hell is jon so free! posting on facebook all day, SHEESH! hahaha (actually i imagine wendy saying this, cuz she's all day on facebook watching me prance around on walls and quizzes, haha)

also, i think i'm quite blessed with the workload. no homework! just the way i like it. and i pay a reasonable amount of attention in class, such that even with minimal study last night (yes yes i was online FB-ing and surfing) i managed to be top 3 in class! (fine, so it was third, SHEESH) well, as long as it is good enough for me to get a "good job" after SOA, then i'm happy enough.

not to mention having lots of time to myself after class! just came back from a jog, bleh tired, but i guess after BMT, i'm kinda getting use to it. gotta get my stupid silver for IPPT (pass is 12 points and silver is 15, might as well just aim for silver! $100 too!) but i also know its good for me, if i want to improve on my Gorgeous figure :D

So good times ahead for me, at least i can foresee for this week + weekend, its gonna be awesome, D&D, Council Campfire, maybe i can slot in 1 more thing... maybe should do something with family!

i'm very bad at finding things to talk about. my blog usually dies when i run out of things to say, so if you're interested in hearing things about my life, tag! then i'll try to dedicate posts to it :) just like a radio show.

Jon Heng signing off! -Bzzt- -Bzzt- *no more reception*

Displeasurable certainty

It was a nice time not collecting our A level results, i mean, i wouldn't have to face the results be it good or bad, and can just enjoy being "in transition" where there is nothing bad weighing you down, that's a nice place to be, but i wouldn't want to stay there forever.

Once i got my results, they were less than ideal. they were just downright horrible, but as disappointing as it IS, at least, now that i know the facts, i can do something about it. With my poor results i still try to apply for Uni, see if i'm good enough. if i'm not, then knowing my results give me the opportunity to move forward, and either retake my A levels, or give in, and maybe take my degree elsewhere.

so, please don't "spare the rod, (and) spoil the child", i'd rather learn my lesson, and move on, if today turns out bad, at least i can hope for a brighter tomorrow :)

Retardant

bleh, haven't run in so long, almost died today. damn. don't like running, but know i have to do it.

NS is just generally slow, doesn't matter whether you're in Tekong or in SOA, as long as its NS, the days feel retardedly long. when you look at the clock, you go "wow, its 2 o' clock, should be ending the day in a few more hours!" then a little while later, after you pore through the many lecture notes, you take a second glance and scream inside "WHAT its only 2.30! How! Why? DAMN" and you continue facebooking to pass the time (people on facebook know EXACTLY what i'm talking about :D)

On the flipside, 3SGT Chris did say today "Its a nice place to be. When you know you've done your studying, you have an office and a stable income, you don't have a worry in the world" and its kinda true. for now, now that my applications have been sent, and i don't really worry greatly about my Ammo Tests, i can just be happy, arrange meet ups, and look for interests i've always wanted to try. Was just telling Wendy that now's the time! the perfect opportunity to go pursue our interests, cuz we're "in transit" neither in Uni, nor looking for a job, we're just waiting, and this time can be well spent to find ourselves!

i'm adjusting quite well to the people in SOA. I just hope i'm not an elitist, and can only relate, click, and get along with people that are more educated, would be quite sad if that's the case... but that's why empathy is such a difficult skill to aquire, and hopefully if i go into the world more often, i can figure out how to understand more people. this leads up to sunday's social work, going with rag to serve food to the elderly, haven't done something like this in a while, if all goes well, maybe next time can get more people to do something and return to society!

so... even though things are slow, i'm having a good time cruising along, and lapping up every minute i have to myself :) "its a good time to be"

Opportunities

finally submitted all the Uni applications! good to finally get that out of the way, now i don't have to worry so much about Dad breathing down my neck. but yeah, i know he does it out of concern, its good to know that he actively takes part in making my life, and future better. Thanks Dad :)

So, that means now i can go do some other things apart from staring at computer screen wondering what to write for the application essays (and end up FB-ing or just surfing) but i do realise there are quite a lot of opportunities rearing thier head for me to go grab it.

1) Driving Lessons
really must go get that done, i want to be able to drive soon! actually its the silly 6 mth probabtion thing that i want to get rid off, and what better time to watch it pass than when i'm in army (everyday's a wait -_-)

2) Community service
"I don't need community service! i'm doing all the service right here in NS! 'CIP hours: 2 years' why would i spend my weekends doing that!" -Varun (who just booked back in... poor fellow... HAHAHAHA XD) but i would agree if i were in a stay in vocation or in tekong, but now that i have time, i would like to do some comm work. Raghav's intro-ing me to help serve food to the elderly next sunday, maybe i'll pick up on that offer! sounds quite good, and a good place to start

3) D&D
this is completely random, but it sounds damn good coming from the guys, and its an opportunity to meet up, while playing some mad awesome game! let's hope things work out next weekend!

4) Performing
So recently caught up with Sally, primary school friend, and she's doing a million other projects, one of which she terms "random musical thing" which sounds really interesting, and since i haven't been in that field for so long, maybe this might be a good chance to dip my hands in! but must get through the auditions, so we'll see! haha.

5) reconnecting with the past
Benedict, Company mate, now with me at SOA and ex-GEPper too, so he happens to know like EVERYONE i've known in my years before TJ, so i'm taking the chance to start adding people on FB, and talking to them, catch up, and see what's changed (and what stays the same) even this guy named Jevon Yeoh, who was like my P1,P2 classmate, just random, but cool to see if he still remembers! haha.

so yes, lots of things coming up, will have to manage my time well, and make sure i get all the neccessary done, and not get into trouble anywhere! Sleep is very important to get all these things done, so now i'm going to bathe, and sleep :D toodles!

Comm Chest

I'd like to do something for the needy. help out like we used to at the YMCA. all friends who would like to join me to find something to give back to society, tag my board! let's go find something to do!

No Phone Today

I realise that i'm alot more introspective when i'm without my phone. yes, i still talk to people around me, but i find that i'm more able to be alone with my thoughts, maybe because i'm not thinking about the next message to send out to people...

i must admit, i'm not really good at asking myself the hard questions. i can almost feel myself avoiding it, but because i'm in conversation with me, "we" both know that the issue is there, i just don't want to face it. I do enjoy talking to him though, its a little like narration sometimes, like telling me what to do, and what has happened. Reflection, like in a mirror, just in thought. 'Don't think so much' that's what my platoon mates tell me... sorry, but no thanks, that's what makes ME, reflection and thinking back, hoping to find ways to improve, or at least assess what has been done, that's the only way to move forward.

Ben is quite a mushroom to hang out with (Funghi- FUN GUY! XD) its surprising what a small island this is, and i guess this is the opportunity to finally link up and connect with old friends, like Sally :D but stupid i-love-my-pole kia liang STILL has NOT replied my message, you better be in delta wing or something!

So, with no phone today, i've been pretty much disconnected from my usual sms chat buddies, but its good to have some time to my own thoughts, maybe this is what kgukgu (refer below) is talking about. Must still learn how to face the tough questions tho.

i heart my bed

i'm so greatful for having my bed to sleep on. i wish i could give it a big hug, 'thank you for always supporting me' haha.

but have been neglecting Mr. Bed till very late every night. trying to catch up, but most of the time, just wasting time frying my brains on the com. so tonight i'll try to sleep early, maybe 10, depending on whether i do my SMU applications tonight. the essays are just SO TEDIOUS. but yeah, might be a good idea if i write the topics and try to get it done during free time tomorrow.

am concurrently applying for my driving basic theory test. okay, to be honest, i have no clue how to go about getting a driving license... so if anyone knows, do enlighten!

actually coming home from SOA these few days, i've had terrible headaches, dunno if its because i'm not drinking enough water, or maybe just not having enough sleep. fine, fine, looks like Mr. Bed's alluring call is much louder than SMU application. will hopefully get that done tmr. stupid essay. tucking in soon :) goodnight

Going back to School

Yes, i've been posted to School of Ammunition, but like everything in the SAF, can't say anything about it. not that i want to anyway :)

hopefully will be updating a tad more often now that there's more free time on my hands. But what am i going to do with this free time? well, part of it will have to be studying for SOA i guess, it really is like going back to school, but there's a coupla things i would list to want to do with my new found freedom (sorta)

1) take driving lessons
sounds like a good idea getting my license out of the way, i just wanna have that license so that if ever the need may arise, i can be of service to the family too. that's why my dad took up driving, and i think its a very good reason to! also, designated driver is the perfect way to have a friendly excuse for not drinking (yes, i do not drink outside of my home)

2) take a dance class
this is still prolly a fantasy. but i've always wanted to take up dance, just to see if i can follow, and see if i'm sexy enough to pull it off! lol.

3) meet more friends for dinner dates
yes yes i know i do it every book out, but that's the thing, to keep my friends close, we need to make the effort to meet. Hopefully i'm not overdoing it in the initial stages of being seperated, but now's as good a time as any. its gonna be hard to keep it up for many years to come, if i'm not enthusiastic about it now!

but kgukgu (rough sound translation, for my mother's younger brother, basically uncle) did mention. "I noticed you have been living very full weekends, but now that you have got some (more) time on your hands, maybe its time you spend some time chasing your passions, alone"

he has a point, i have been doing ALOT of things with other people, mainly cuz i'm trying to squeeze on tightly to my friends, but perhaps its also because i haven't really spent time alone connecting with myself. i struggled with the dual life of tekong life and civvy life, but now it seems like i may have lost touch with some of my "self-conversation" skills. if there's one thing i'd like to learn, its to have better communication with myself, figure out where i'm going in life, my passions, and what am i going to go after.

sigh, its all about "what drives you" - isn't that some slogan from some ad campaign? or sounds like something from an Open house... - but to find what makes me tick. living in the moment is good, but i need to step out of the zone and take a look at things in the bigger picture, but with that i need to find where am i going to take myself. Big Scary questions which maybe i don't want to answer, maybe i'm scared of finding out. in anycase, need to find a way to look for that.

so. with everyone starting thier vocations all over the place, all the best (shoutout to kenneth, delta wing OCS, heh heh heh, god bless your soul :D) and do stay in touch :)

Why i don't sleep

When i sleep it signals to me the end of the day. but i don't want the days to end! when a day ends, it means that the next one begins. if i sleep at 1 and wake up the same time, it really seems like i have more than 24 hours in a day!

but its kinda stupid if you think about it. yeah i know. but its a happy kind of denial doncha think? the only thing is that i'm losing on sleep. (hoping my body gets use to it, and i can function on less sleep)

anyway, since i'm here, if any one is interested (or still visits here XP) i've been posted to Rifle Range Road, as an Ammo Tech (i think that is Ammunitions Technician) don't know what that does, but will tell you next week (if i bother to blog) might be a 9 to 5 which might mean i can go home! then maybe i will blog more often :)

anyway, i've POP-ed (since my last post was "7 days to enlistment"). Finally out of the stupid island of Tekong, and have gotten that out of the way. people might be familiar with my Emo Sundays and my frustrations with working with some of the people there. let's hope it won't stay this way for the next 2 years.

also, i'm starting my application to Uni's most likely will stay here, there isn't any particular course i'm interested in doing overseas. but undesirable results might hold me back from getting the desired course. we shall see where this hand will take me. or i might have to mulligan >.<

if anyone still frequents this place, do give a shout out, and i'll try to reply XP i want to keep in touch :) i miss having friends surrounding me everyday. i miss school (kinda, haha)

maybe if i get to go back each night, i might have to make a exercise plan, but i want to meet people too. maybe i'll exercise with people! we'll see, we'll see...

I like bread :)

i'm tired but i don't want to sleep. (but now i'm gonna go bathe, and i shall sleep)

today was awesome. beach time with kenny, raggy and gavin (no nickname, unless you want gavvy, but that just sounds like... gross) then KJ came over and we just hung out. my place is good to hang out. but i gotta start letting other people plan! haha

i miss... life.

RACIST!

7 days to enlistment!

Hi everybody!

its 7 days to enlistment, 7 whole days, actually potentially 7 awesome days because i have my birthday party this sat! and even though its a small group (of friends) i'm hoping that many people will stay over and we'll have a rocking party!

a little on an adrenaline high, cuz the past 1.5 weeks have been the most fun 1.5 weeks ever. maybe because i know i have to enlist so soon, so i'm cramming every last bit of enjoyment i can into them, so let's take a look at what we have done to date!

Tuesday, 18th Nov:
after the physics paper, Varun, Marcus and I went bowling, with Eugene and Raghav there too. Tampines Safra is a really nice place to bowl, and there's the pool tables, reminded me of that time with the angel-mortal thing. haha

then lunch at seoul garden with Mrs. Ang and the class. she's like this Mommy taking the whole "family" out for a meal, Mrs Ang's just great it will be sad to leave TJ :(

but it didn't end there! after that we (Rag, Var, Mar, Gene, Me) headed over to Kenneth's place to (play with fire/Barney) plant potatoes and onions! i wonder how they are doing, i know the onions are shooting, but the potatoes cannot see...

then Dinner at Pizza Hut@Siglap, with a trip to Video Ezy ment i finally got to watch Be Kind Rewind, as i got the DVD and watched it that night!

Wednesday, 19th Nov:
Hm, i know it was fun, but i can't remember what i did... haha so many things went on!

Oh... Wednesday.... it was THAT day. ECP, lala, getting wet, sticky messes anr unravelling them. yes yes.... what an interesting, beautiful, Jack/taugay kind of day.

Thursday, 20th Nov:
Raghav was due to come over in the evening on thursday, but in the end it was too late... the morning was nice and relaxed, but dinner was to celebrate 266, HengHwee's PSLE score! right! so instead shifted the raghav thing to monday next week. Dinner at Crystal Jade was nice! the ramen was too nutty for my taste, but the ribs were GOOOOOD, haha!

Friday, 21st Nov:
I loved that day. My parents took leave for November/Dec, cuz we were to go to China for a last long family trip in a long time (due to NS) but since it was cancelled, we decided to have a holiday in Singapore :)

the morning started with Indian Breakfast in Little India (the Thosais wer YUMMM) then decided that we were going to spend the afternoon/evening at East Coast Park and go cycling! so the whole jin-gang, my family, and gramps and grandma, all left for ECP. Grandpa, Dad, Mat, Heng Hwee and I went cycling at east coast park, going to all the jetties (and me thinking about wednesday) and just having fun exploring ECP. Mom and her mom went library, to join us later for Dinner near Tanah Merah ( is that Simpang Bedok? very chaotic >.<)

Saturday, 22nd Nov:
the second day of holiday-ing in Singapore, woke up to a lazy Saturday morning, a slow breakfast and then off to watch Madagascar 2. Actually i was more like a chaperone to Mat, HH and her friend, but the movie wasn't too bad, funny, and will.i.am's travelling song is a really nice track in that movie

Sunday, 23rd Nov:
enlistment draws near and this sad fact is starting to set in, hence we went to John Little's to get a few amenities for army and gking-gking ( i don't know how to type it, its dialect for mom's brother's wife) bought a BIG Elmo for Chewy, since he lost his previous one. after going back home, i finally touched the Wii for the first time in ages! and Rayman Raving Rabbids is an AWESOME game, but really tiring to play >.<

Monday, 24th Nov:
Raghav finally came over, but i think i was not as good a host as i should have been, sorry mate >.<, but you know why... haha. and i got an early Christmas present!!!! JACE VS. CHANDRA DUEL DECKS! WOOO! WOOOOO! only people who know my love for Magic will get why i'm going gaga over this, and really the decks are awesome to play, i can go round after round against my brother, its that awesome. Made a deliver. Somewhere Out There.

Tuesday, 25th Nov:
although his birthday was all the way back in Nov 5th, we finally get to celebrate the guy (who i think) puts the "brother" in "1e'brothers" "brothers united" and all the "brother-hoods" i've had in TJ. Glad to know you Marcus :) hope you had a good party :) (oh and thanks germaine for sending me home! haha) the party was wicked fun, both barbequeing (mmmm...banana marshmallow straweberry chocolate boat dessert.... *the Homer drool* Achhlaachlaachaaa...) and the game Gavin brought, Bloodthirst i think, wicked fun, bring on Sat!!!!

Finally today,
Wednesday, 26th Nov:
after thinking about doing something for SO LONG we finally settled for having lunch at Cafe Cartel, and then when our plans for Settlers Cafe became ruined by urban redevelopment, we played Risk at my place! haha marc was hilarious, but a gentlemen (though loud and whiny, but gentlemen nonetheleast), and the alliances were CRAZY, i'm glad you guys came over, even though its so far >.< haha (shoutout - Hui Min, Marc, Kenneth, Zhong Ting, Karyn and lunchbuddy Kerry!)

like i said, the past week + has been lived up to the max, and there's more to come! so excited! haha

For Good

Yes this blog is still here.

Hi everyone, tomorrow shall be the last day of school, and farewell concert. and saying goodbye to everyone, and starting the pure mugging stage, and... so many other things beginning and ending.

almost don't want to think about it. part of it has settled in, yet part me seems like i'm in denial, that i'll just happily see everyone again next week. i don't think it ends here though. i want to see these people again, and i will make sure i do, be it a charity event where we can go do stuff together, or a gathering, or something. anything.

i'm not one for putting everything down to my blog, but if i did there is so much to list. putting down a few to think about when i look back on this post

1) Orientation 05 Iniziatone
2) orientation 06 Voyage
3) TASC (hehehe! always makes me giggle)
4) Floorball
5) Mardi Gras
6) Temasek Idol
7) national day, staff day
8) oneeey'ohfive
9) Brothers (penguin, chicken rice, the A class)
10) Temasek Academy :)

i love everyone in TA, because everyone has contributed to my growth, no matter how large or small.

sounds so terminal, and i don't want it to be so. but the truth is i won't see some of these people again, but to all i want to send them this song "For Good" - "Wicked" Musical

The Magician

You are The Magician

Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.

Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing,
you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

never thought of me this way... its quite fascinating really, and i am at the point in my education where i need to decide what i intend to create of myself. but first, off to start my weekend's work.

i've got ubuntu on my com now, all my windows stuff are gone (accidentally reformatted it >.<)

Mardi Gras

Mardi Gras was AB FAB (Absolutely Fabulous) , and i want to thank everyone who made the day special. it's so much more different to be just walking around (though i didn't do much of that due to gate duty...) in everyday clothes, compared to donning the whole costumed outfit, and playing a character larger than myself (no pun intended of course!). but the other great thing was seeing all the other people i know dressed up and soaking mardi gras all in. i can't comment about the performances, not having watched any of them, but walking around taking pictures made the whole night worth the sweltering sauna of a suit!

Half the fun of Mardi Gras was also getting the costume. thursday at the costume shop may have been the best day i've had this year, once eugene, kenneth and i reached Masquerade, we were bouncing of the walls trying on the many cloaks and hats and costumes, fighting each other with plastic swords and light sabers, and laughing at the weird things costumes do to people when they put them on.

even friday when i went again with wendy (meeting Joey and Joel there, and joined later by Zhong Ting) it was awesome playing with all the props, and watching others "get into character". its these times that will always linger up in the noggin, to pull out and reminisce. "We were here before..." check it out on eugene's blog for a little list we came up with! but yeah, it would not have been even half as fun without going to the costume shop with all the friends. :)

the words escape me. when i think about how much all of us has gone through together, even with the investiture over and everything going towards the big A's, its the people that matter the most now, and man am i gonna miss them when all of this is over.

Mardi Gras, the photos speak for themselves, but to try and sum it all up, my word would definitely have to be MAGIC, not the "your supposed to bend the spoon!" kind of Verella magic. but the joy of having amazing friends, family there to see and support, and having the wackiest costume to go around parading in. this mardi gras was absolutely awesome, thanks to everyone there :)

p.s. thanks mom and dad for helping make this possible (more than just funding, the support too!) and thanks for being there

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totally unrelated
we just want to have someone to be special for and be special to, it makes life have that extra spice, the chilli of life if you must.
i can't eat very much without chilli, it has just been that big part of food. i almost have withdrawal symptoms when i go on long periods without it. and i kinda miss talking to her, but yet i don't want to. like others i want the "specialness" though at the same time it is very much liberating without. still, it never hurt to wait for something good to come along, i just hope that i find someone to talk to soon, the kind of talks that make you feel good, and that everything is right.

=) its been a fun run this week, a lot to think about.

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Remember when it rained?

Do i like the rain because i like the rain? or because... it's raining

So much to Grow...

i've been thinking about myself quite a lot recently, and what life probably has in store for me. i just enjoy this video so much. craig is really good, and i hope to be like him one day. - and for some strange reason, as i think and type this out, i have a scottish accent in my brain. -

i've got so much more to grow...

The man with the big rimmed glasses

I hardly ever think about it, but I guess its also I never really knew that much, and only recently come of age to understand it better. I’m on an MRT on the way to meet Saloma, and I see this old man with large specs, those with the square frame, which I guess quite a few people of that generation dons. with his hair a brilliant white with streaks of his youth once passed, he reminded me of a fellow, that I sometimes just forget to think about. (the fact that he stands in the MRT, while people pretend to sleep, doesn’t make me very happy either)

Its funny that one of the biggest things I remember about my paternal grandpa was his squarish almost oblong-ish spectacles. I think it was his reading glasses, because most of the time he doesn’t wear specs… I think. But he was a very softspoken man, not the social person my maternal grandpa was, which is why at times I fail to remember all the times he was around.

I remembered playing the favourite grandson well, I always greeted him, and was very caring about him, but apart from that, I never really got to know him. As in really know him. I knew he co-owned a provisions shop which we often frequented, but it closed down a number of years before 2003, couldn’t keep up with the growing rent or something. Now that is real history, and we still have the store sign, nicely touched up, waiting to find a space on one of the walls at home.

I’m not sure if regret is the right word in this case, because I sincerely wished that I could live this few years of my life with him still around. In the past 4 almost 5 years, I discovered so much about myself, and a kind of person I want to be, and knowing that, I wish he could have been part of this.

Seems weird to talk about him that way, I mean if he hasn’t been big in my life, I don’t really have to say so much, but at the same time I think that he did have some part in molding me, and I wish that he had molded more. Teochew. That has been a tipping point for me. In the past year plus, I have learnt more teochew than ever, that was because I wanted to communicate with my grandparents, maternal side that is, and the family just uses it so much, that I don’t want to be left out. Admittedly my teochew still is extremely weak, but I just feel so much closer to my family, especially my grandparents, when I speak to them in teochew.

I’ll continue more about this soon, hopefully. For now, i have come to realise I miss my grandfather, and that I am very grateful for him in my life.

New Age Chicken Rice War

Having lunch across the road, became the battleground for two clans. armed with their laser weaponry, they suit up for battle.

the sugarcane bo staff squeezing every last drop from the japanese side. the katsu don oil splattering everywhere. the sushi chef pulls out her light saber, but fails to bring out the straight beam. she fumbles desperately mashing her buttons, but only getting a soft white light.

the guffaws of menacing laughter, taunt the Unagi team to bring out thier head chef. Bzzt! pulls out a brilliant beam of red from the same saber the old apprentice still fumbles with. "the stupid new technology!" the old apprentice does not approve of such witchcraft, but the sugarcane seller is not as convinced. His army pulls out thier spare lights from every pocket and every keychain, and all beams on the old apprentice.

this is the end. old apprentice still does not know how to use a laser pointer... >.<

List

1) Why are so many people creating lists?
2) Sure it organises everything,
3) maybe i should go create a list too
4) but i like my way of doing things
5) my very own post it wall, with all sorts of post-its of what i need to do
6) but i don't update it regularly enough
7) can never find my pen to do it....

--- end of list 1 ---

1) there are a number of things i have to do this hols

2) but one big thing i need to do is reflect

3) every year i do so, but never intentionally plan to reflect

4) i just do.

5) but i guess this year i really gotta "wake up my idea"

6) funny how things happen that change my point of views.

7) i feel like i need to do something with myself

8) get going, go places, do things

9) very lazy

10) somewhat annoyed with myself

--- end of list 2 ---

1) what happened to days of being happy

2) not very like you is it?

3) balance balance balance, cannot trip myself up

4) its been a year

5) wow, its been a year

6) not the best year

7) but 'ere's been a 'ear, that prolly's quite dear

8) that was silly, weak too >.<

9) hard to rhyme -ear to fit the context.

10 ) i bet just didn't think long enough

11) this list thing is very... disjointed

--- end of list 3 ---

5) lists are very straight to the point

7) no flapping around redundencies

4) but quite cold huh?

2) its in our words that we show who we are

6) what can you tell from just "Do Laundry"

1) but it sorts out things in your head

3) unless the things you list are already scrambled up

--- end of lists ---

Monica and Chandler

i've loved "Friends" for the longest time. perhaps because i got to see so many episodes of in on Star World, but still, i think its one of the best shows.

one of the things i particularly liked about it was Chandler and Monica. Chandler alone i hilarious, with "could he BE any more funny?" and all the little inadequate quirks which make him such a brilliant character. but at the same time, he was like that guy with all the mess ups, but still looking for and eventually finding someone to love.

haha, i know i should not be wasting my sunday afternoon (the one just before going back to school, nonetheless) watching all the clips of ChanMon on youtube, but everytime i watch that pairing on screen, its just gives a good feeling.

I hope to find my Monica, someone that is a friend as much as a lover. Its not about finding the perfect person, its finding someone perfect for you. all the times she says "you really don't get women do you?" "uh.. no?" "that's okay :)" and that's how it is.

so many things, that i don't know how to put it. they have love, friendship, understanding, humour, little things that just give the relationship sparkle. most of all is that they have fun, there's not a lot of the mushy mushy, but much on the cute spurts of love even after getting married. if only all marraiges last that way.

i recently had 2 dreams (slept, dreamt, woke up, then slept again, dreamt again, then woke up same sitting, or rather sleeping) and in 2 dreams, i attended 5 weddings. or rather it was 2 weddings, but the first one 3 pairs got married at the same time, and the second time 2 pairs. the first time was friends, and the second was wedding of relatives.

a bit young for me to think about getting married right? afterall, "i am 16 going on 17, i am still naive" (sorry, watched sound of music on star movies!) but still, it makes me wonder what kind of a dad i would be. all the things people say they would do if they got married is not always the reality. i had one relative recently, that broke up with her husband, and i was the "escort boy" for their wedding.

its not usual for me to see a divorce, so i don't really understand it. so many things i don't understand, and yet i dream of marraige and finding a partner. Jon jon jon... silly hormonally charged saggittarious.

back to monica and chandler. cant help but sit and admire (to me) that perfect pair on screen. the love they share may be something made of dreams, or it could happen... can it?

to the writers od Friends, well done, on making such a beautiful couple, they shall be idols in my life, for quite some time to come :)

Mismatched

Qn: Why do people laugh after they cry?
Me: because after they let all the bad things out, then they can show the good things
Uncle: they must know how to be sad, then can learn to be happy
Girl: if they keep crying they will DIE!

Qn: Why do people pretend pretend?
Uncle: because everyone is doing it
Girl: but if you don't want to pretend, then don't be their friend!
Me: cuz its easier to hide than show the truth

Qn: why can't dogs and cats live together
Uncle: because their characters do not match
Girl: but they can be trained to live together

Qn: why does the big animal always eat the small animal?
Audience: it's nature, a vicious cycle (G: is it like bycycle? A: yah... :D)
Uncle: it is nature, it made it that way
Girl: but some big animals are afraid of small animals, like the elephant is scared of the mouse!

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I loved it completely, from the very tip of my fingers to the bottom of my heart. it seemed so accesible, and real. not in a realistic "it-will-happen" way, but a raw sense of emotion. and so familiar, yet so heart warming.

I forget how the venue of a play can change the whole feel of the play. Hello was the same, and Mismatched Girl was no different. the intamacy that can only be felt in a small room, where only a few can watch, but everyone can see every intimate detail on the actor's face. when props are kept simple and yet symbolic, and there is only the characters and you.

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Uncle: Girl, why you so sad?
Girl: because... we are moving away...
then i cannot see all the pretty lights anymore!
Uncle: No what, next time you move, can still see the lights what!
Girl: yah, but not the same without you
Uncle: HAHAHA, see you say-wan ah!
Girl: HMPH!

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its an escape. getting away from it all, and for that one short moment of your life, you're somewhere else, learning something else, feeling something else. that's why i want to keep going for plays, to find myself, to be a voyeur on the raw emotions of life, taking a step back to look at life, mine inclusive.

it can be as cliche as any other storyline, but cliches are cliches for a reason. its things at its simplest, boiled down to just you and me, the things we do, the things we say. I love you gong gong, ma ma, mom, dad, bro, the whole family, and in the thick of it all, i forget who are those that actually listen, when no one hears me.

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Girl: My friends always laugh at my ambitions
Uncle: Don't worry girl, you must believe in yourself. I believe it you, and you must believe in you.

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its only 2007, i want to live till 75 and look back on my life, while living my second childhood.

(i've got a little crush on a 10 year old >.< haha)

Passing Trians

even after a day, i am still stuck in awe of last night's Gin and Tonic: Passing Trains it probably is the most visually stunning show i have ever seen. It was a complete mime, and left so much for your own intepretation and your imagination. that made it all the more amazing, as i bet every person in that room saw a different picture but got the exact same message.

She was right, even though i had so much to say about it, words fail to encapsulate the entirety of the peice. it wasn't something that was seen or heard, it was simply felt. no complicated wording or any wording for that matter. Just one man, creating his entire scene, and reminding everyone that there was essentially only one thing in that place, Him.

i was not expecting this at all. I did not go in with any idea what was going to happen (heh, i didn't even know it was a mime) but the concept just seemed so facinating, of the signalman and his loneliness. but what i saw (or rather didn't see) was the beauty of creating a setting with your imagination, he didn't need fancy props or stunning visual effects, he just needed to feel the space, and in turn let us feel with him.

The story is so happy, innocent, yet sad. i loved everything from the foreshadowing to the colour-play and especially the accompanying music. Its been a while since something hit me like this. We have seen quite a few plays since, some good some bad, and few that make us feel of IT again (don't really know what "IT" is but tat tvam asi)

feeling really.... warm. just appreciative of what i have, and the people i am surrounded by. Haha, looks like my thoughts really are all over the place. but happy, feeling just generally happy :)

Heat wave

GR. can't even give a long growl... just so hot and bothered. and very uncomfortable. for once my mind would like to study, but even doing that gets me very irritated. HUFF. trying to do my work here? and end up blogging, just need some venting to try get the heat out of my mind. my room isn't a very good place to study, too many things on the desk, and i never bother to clear it out. and actually of all the rooms, my room is the most stuffy, wrong direction to everywhere. that's why i end up doing most of my work at night, when the sun is not so glaring and the room is semi-less uncomfortable than the day. I realise how often i waste my afternoons away, like now it is almost 4, and just a while ago it felt like 2pm. very unproductive at home, and actually i don't know if it would be better anywhere else. the only place i have ever kind of studied in this house is in the living/dining room, and even then i get distracted. yes, i'm easily distracted, especially on the computer, so easily i fall into youtubing or random surfing, darn, my achilles heel, the computer. Prying prying prying, trying trying trying, dying dying dying. bleh.

Only when under pressure...

Sigh, only when under such tight constraints of battery life and time, to i decide to do the most utterly useless thing of blogging....

Haha, oh well... i'm now in transit in Taipei and waiting for a 10.50p.m. flight. so decided to put up a notice to everyone that i'm not in Singapore.

Will be spending the next 3 weeks in America (the US of A) 26th of May to 17th June. Quite sad really, it can't be just an all out holiday, cuz i come back to a week before the JCTs, which means i have brought all my work with me, and will be mugging during the free time i have.

Still, am going to enjoy this holiday, afterall, am meeting relatives and going camping (that i'm actually quite looking forward to, my dad too!) So don't think any silly work can bog me down.

Anyway, i'll keep this short. I will be missing all of you back home in S'pore! haha, but now come to think of it, i have to get a whole bunch of things for everyone back home. lets see... what's cheap, easy to get, and representative of New Mexico.... i know! I'll bring back home for everyone.... MEXICANS! :D hope you like them!

You just might find, you get what you need

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want (but you try!)
You can't always get what you want
But if you try, sometimes,
You just might find,
You get what you need!

The acoustice portion in the front is to die for! JD Fortune is an excellent front man for INXS.

Had my daily dose of Happy Stick, and also a fair slice of real life. But like they say, you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.

And so starts as a whole new path unfolds in front of me. I realise i tend to take the road less travelled, be it by choice, or by circumstance...

Ohana

I've come back from council camp, so i guess that is something worth blogging about. I forgot that council is not just about what you can do for the school, or the things you can change or even the events you plan. Fundamentally, council is about the people.

Perhaps, with my relisation, i have a few more things to consider before i jump into anything, or even jump to conclusions. but those stuff i can/should/need to handle on my own, no need to say too much here.

Council camp was quite good. sure there was a lot of pain involved, with all the physical training and the time limits and such. and even today, on tuesday, i believe some parts of my body are still sleeping and aching. However, there were times where it really pulled out the team spirit of the whole group, some of which i do agree with, but some that i do not necessarily mesh with.

I learnt something from council camp. on the night of the campfire, many of the seniors came back. i recognised people all the way from the 25th to the 29th Councils, and i bet they recognised me too. Yet, i didn't seem to be able to talk and really connect with them. there were a few of course, like some of the 28th, after all, they were the ones that conduct my nomination period, and i am grateful for them being there. the one that surprised me quite a bit was the 29th, perhaps they were busy trying to catch up with each other, but i kind of felt like i did not know them anymore, and neither did they know me.

the thought has passed through my head that even though i may know a lot of people, how many of these relationships are deep, and how many more are transient. When i leave this school, is what i am going to leave behind purely material, or will people remember me for who i am, and for being their friend?

I know where i want to start. I want to really get to know my Babies, because sure it might have only been a game back last year, but they have grown on me in a way, and seeing htem always makes me cheery! Speaking of which, it was yanting's birthday on Sunday (last day of camp) and it was nice to be able to spend it with her (even if it was while we were all half dead) and give her a present.

TJ has become my home, and i would like to create the people i deem family. When i leave TJ, it will be this people i can always talk to again, even when not in school boundaries. That is the kind of meaningful relations i would like to make, and it needs to start with me.

I just keep learning and learning. there is just so muc more to know.

Ohana~ means family, and family means no body gets left behind :)

(WE) MADE GOOD BJ-BAKED RICE TODAY.

I like my room.

A Fresh Feeling

changed template of blog. I think its because i got a little bored of the black one. No doubt it was nice, but i like to change my blogskin once in a while. hopefully the next time i change it, it will be original, and something that i created. hope to pick up some CSS, then can do a good one.

I don't know how to use the blog properly. As in, i run out of things to say and do with this blog. It doesn't reveal much about me does it? i can't bear to be all "Oh this is what i did today! and that is what i will do tomorrow!" it just seems weird when it all comes out. then there are times where i come here and just post random overflowing spilled words, where i try to understand what is going on in that noggin up there.

But that is how i usually live eh? Confused. of course i try to make sense of things, but like everything else, when you try to make things better it usually goes awry doesn't it? haha, so its sometimes better to take things as is, and just enjoy whatever is going on in your life right now.

There are other ways and other people to pour out to. Many things do not need to be declared over the internet, they can simply be told to a friend. its much more personal that way, and with them, you can seek differing opinions, thrash things out a little.

If you are an old friend, and just happen to pass by this littlt blog o' mine, then try and give me a call. it would be nice to talk to you again! haha, but i don't do the same >.< hypocrite... sorta. I will try though! perhaps during the holidays when time frees up a little. I learnt from a friend how important and how much effort is needed to maintain a friendship. things and people are transient, but that should not mean you take it for granted. you never know how much you can know someone, unless you take the time and effort to get to know them.

I have learnt a lot. sometimes you learn a little from many people, or sometimes you learn a lot form just one. and from one i've learnt leaps and bounds, while still maintaining myself of course... i think. haha. well, everchanging as the wind.

I keep thinking, "Wow, there's so much in store for this year, so much more i think i can do, and so many things i would like to accomplish" and yet, its passing by like a bullet train, with the first term almost at its end.

Sometimes i wonder what lies ahead...

the answer? (side note, my current SONG, just love listening to it)

The Knight

The Knight slowly stabs himself with piano keys. The answer lies in the answer.

The Knight

The past two days i realise i have been writing alot. like just off the cuff tping and random blurting of thougts swimming in my mind. well, i guess that is what you get when you let yourself get lost in your own thoughts. you just need to channel it all out, no? so here i am, typing again, wondering if i have run out of words in my vocabulary bank to better leak out the things that are up there.

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The Knight.

riding out to the cave of Dark Days,
never once fearing, or is it never thinking?
still he fears no dragon, fears no bats or eveil witches with pointy hats.
into the cave he ventures,
unfaltering and then he stabs himself.
he is about to die, left there in his own pool of blood.
the Dragon laughing.

The Dragon.

Enter my little maze.
Roar, cough, splutter, puff, growl, rumble, thunder.
clouds in intervals, big puffs and small. there is no fire
swishing of the tail, are you happy?
why silly me, died already?
ha. ha. ha.

The Knight

a new round table, shouting and argueing ensues.
great battle plans drawn over days.
rows and disputes over temptations,
the seven sins of man.
make as much noise as you want.
its more peaceful when i cannot hear it laugh.

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fascinating, that just came out. ohe well, it probably does not make any sense anyway. I THINK i have finally gone -Kaput- nothing left in this system, but still, very interesting the things that do come out, when it comes out too.