The teacher started class by calling everyone to take out their pencil and paper and to write an essay comparing a person, apart from your relatives, that they knew to an object. little johnny john jon shabadoo was sure of what he was going to write all about.
My senior
My senior is like my favourite food, Ipoh Hor Fun. the dish reminds me of her character, she can be smooth and slick like the noodle, yet the chilli packs enough punch to make me want to eat more, just like the way she intrigues me. even though the food is supposed to be savoury, she defies convention, and like the chunks of char siew, is sweet in the multiple layers. Overall, she makes me happy, and is the perfect comfort food for me in the morning.
But like all food, if i were to eat it everyday, i would not like it as much as before. i might even dislike the taste and complain on how its faults instead of complimenting the good things that never change. I would find that the rich taste of the same food everyday overbearing, and sometimes i wish to eat something blander and less complex.
yet when i go cold turkey, i miss the taste of having it for breakfast, and i would crave Hor Fun above all else, but i can only eat the dull whole bran cereal that i have every other day.
i didnt know how to appreciate the things that were in front of me. instead of relishing the fact that i have that comfort food, instead i get cocky and think that i can go without it at all. I started to realise this, so i told myself to be happy and learn to appreciate it more, but then my grandpa started buying from a different stall and it was not the same.
Until i can convince my grandfather to change back to the previous stall, i have to be content with what i have got, i think the flavour is slowly reverting though, the stall uncle must be getting better?
but i have learnt one thing if anything at all, it would be that since i enjoy it, yet i do not want to take it for granted, i can have it once a while, and on special occasions. it would seem that i seem to meet her when something special is organised, then i appreciate her more, and i know what it is like to enjoy good food.
to my senior, you are my Ipoh Hor Fun, and you will always be =D
Senior? what do you think of my essay? do i get my A++?
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Friday, October 28, 2005
Departure
I am posting this on the official last day of the school year. And i have to say that it is really a bitter sweet feeling that is really strong. At the end of this school year, when i looked back on my year, i cried, literally, this year has been the best in my schooling life so far.
I immensly enjoyed this year, and i really cannot bear to let everyone go. Mrs. Lim is going on to do more in the MOE, and will no longer be the principal of TJC. I have to say that i was quite shocked at myself. I guess it did not really hit me until after her farewell concert. i was really glad when i got the honour to hand her her present, even thought the fashion in which i did was really silly. then she went on to her speech where she gave a summary of her life story, and i felt small inklings of loss, and i guess that i wasnt fully aware how it would affect me. then it was when we went up on stage to sing the school song, that i think i really broke down. It was the start of the song, just seeing mrs lim stand there, i saw how it started from the interview, and then here where i am, on stage, one of the councillors, and honouring the best person, principle, companion and friend, i think i have ever met in my life.
from there, it was a waterfall. the tears just kept flowing, and i didnt even know what was happening to me. I have to admit that i have never felt so strongly, or ever cried in school before. It had been just too overwhelming, and especially when i come to terms with it at such a late date. It is true, /" you have to know that everything will eventually end, so while you have what you have, treasure it, and dont regret it after its gone"/. so i can say that these tears are not in vain, as it is for the good times, and the inspiration Mrs Lim has given to me. Thank you, Mrs. Lim.
It is not just her that made me weep so much, but it was more like he build up of emotions. Like i have said, this year has been the best in my schooling life, every point i enjoyed, and even with certain ups and downs i have never wished for anything else. I stepped into TJ for the first time, to have the interview for TAIP, and before coming i had no inkling whatsoever to stay dedicateed to the school. Perhaps it was that VS mentality, and the macho figure that i had to pose, that caused me to not have any emotional link with anything.
stepping into that interview room, and speaking with Mrs Lim, i felt so welcomed, so much at home, and with Mrs Lim like a mother not just to the school, but to every individual. She was the sole changer of every emotion in my body, and pretty much my entire attitude. maybe it can be considered a turnign point, and she guided me smoothly round the bend.
My feelings for Mrs Lim will never change, and she will always be my inspiration, it will be as strong as my bond with one'eey oh five. I pretty much said what i wanted to in my earlier post about the class, and i still find the class the best in IP, best in school, and the best, just.
Swifter, Higher, Stronger, just.
I immensly enjoyed this year, and i really cannot bear to let everyone go. Mrs. Lim is going on to do more in the MOE, and will no longer be the principal of TJC. I have to say that i was quite shocked at myself. I guess it did not really hit me until after her farewell concert. i was really glad when i got the honour to hand her her present, even thought the fashion in which i did was really silly. then she went on to her speech where she gave a summary of her life story, and i felt small inklings of loss, and i guess that i wasnt fully aware how it would affect me. then it was when we went up on stage to sing the school song, that i think i really broke down. It was the start of the song, just seeing mrs lim stand there, i saw how it started from the interview, and then here where i am, on stage, one of the councillors, and honouring the best person, principle, companion and friend, i think i have ever met in my life.
from there, it was a waterfall. the tears just kept flowing, and i didnt even know what was happening to me. I have to admit that i have never felt so strongly, or ever cried in school before. It had been just too overwhelming, and especially when i come to terms with it at such a late date. It is true, /" you have to know that everything will eventually end, so while you have what you have, treasure it, and dont regret it after its gone"/. so i can say that these tears are not in vain, as it is for the good times, and the inspiration Mrs Lim has given to me. Thank you, Mrs. Lim.
It is not just her that made me weep so much, but it was more like he build up of emotions. Like i have said, this year has been the best in my schooling life, every point i enjoyed, and even with certain ups and downs i have never wished for anything else. I stepped into TJ for the first time, to have the interview for TAIP, and before coming i had no inkling whatsoever to stay dedicateed to the school. Perhaps it was that VS mentality, and the macho figure that i had to pose, that caused me to not have any emotional link with anything.
stepping into that interview room, and speaking with Mrs Lim, i felt so welcomed, so much at home, and with Mrs Lim like a mother not just to the school, but to every individual. She was the sole changer of every emotion in my body, and pretty much my entire attitude. maybe it can be considered a turnign point, and she guided me smoothly round the bend.
My feelings for Mrs Lim will never change, and she will always be my inspiration, it will be as strong as my bond with one'eey oh five. I pretty much said what i wanted to in my earlier post about the class, and i still find the class the best in IP, best in school, and the best, just.
Swifter, Higher, Stronger, just.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Slimming down
I am aware that I am overweight, but I am quite confused on what to do about it. At first I was skeptical about writing this post, the reason is that when I do post something, I want to let it out and deal with it so that it is no longer weighing in my mind. Yet, this is one thing that I wanted to make sure that I keep so that I can do something about it.
It is not that I do not want to slim down, but I just am not exactly sure how to go about doing it. I know that I can eat less and exercise more, but firstly I am not that strong at controlling and sometimes I eat more than I should, but that is something I am already working on and I think we some guidance I think I can make it, the second would be exercise, I like basketball and mass dance and that kind of stuff, but I cant possibly do that everyday, and I guess I need to do something about that.
I know that some people have told me that if I slim down my image would change for the better, and there are people who said that If I were to slim down I could look quite hot (o.O) either way, I have been quite conscious of my image recently, and I kind of am trying to look and present myself better.
Perhaps it’s the influence of the girls. I want to look better in front of them and maybe their constant engrossing over their clothes has led me to do that too. But anyway, I am glad that they have influenced me like that, because it just gives me more reason to want to change. I am not unhappy with my current image, but I guess that it can be better.
I am not embarrassed about my weight, and I guess I have come to terms with it. I am not petite, and I am tall, but sometimes I think I use my height to hide my size. I was with a few guys on Friday last week, and we were eating dinner and chatting. Then there was this girl that was quite fat, that one of the guys said had a crush on him. At first I laughed along and found her antics to flirt with him quite funny, but then I felt awkward, as I knew that I am possibly made fun of that way too. So I mentioned it to them and said, /“I am not that slim myself you know”/ they agreed but I was intrigued when they said, /“hey, but we are guys, and it is not like you don’t think you are fat, you accept it, and we do too”/. At that point I was not sure whether to feel good or bad, but I just let that matter rest. Thing is that I have friends that do not mind me being big, if they did, they wouldn’t be my friends, would they?
So now I can but try to slim down, I have never felt more driven about it. I will have problems, and I may eat more now and then, but I can try and control (I kinda want to save more for hols any way), so all the best for me and may I come back to school next year watching the shock o their face =P
It is not that I do not want to slim down, but I just am not exactly sure how to go about doing it. I know that I can eat less and exercise more, but firstly I am not that strong at controlling and sometimes I eat more than I should, but that is something I am already working on and I think we some guidance I think I can make it, the second would be exercise, I like basketball and mass dance and that kind of stuff, but I cant possibly do that everyday, and I guess I need to do something about that.
I know that some people have told me that if I slim down my image would change for the better, and there are people who said that If I were to slim down I could look quite hot (o.O) either way, I have been quite conscious of my image recently, and I kind of am trying to look and present myself better.
Perhaps it’s the influence of the girls. I want to look better in front of them and maybe their constant engrossing over their clothes has led me to do that too. But anyway, I am glad that they have influenced me like that, because it just gives me more reason to want to change. I am not unhappy with my current image, but I guess that it can be better.
I am not embarrassed about my weight, and I guess I have come to terms with it. I am not petite, and I am tall, but sometimes I think I use my height to hide my size. I was with a few guys on Friday last week, and we were eating dinner and chatting. Then there was this girl that was quite fat, that one of the guys said had a crush on him. At first I laughed along and found her antics to flirt with him quite funny, but then I felt awkward, as I knew that I am possibly made fun of that way too. So I mentioned it to them and said, /“I am not that slim myself you know”/ they agreed but I was intrigued when they said, /“hey, but we are guys, and it is not like you don’t think you are fat, you accept it, and we do too”/. At that point I was not sure whether to feel good or bad, but I just let that matter rest. Thing is that I have friends that do not mind me being big, if they did, they wouldn’t be my friends, would they?
So now I can but try to slim down, I have never felt more driven about it. I will have problems, and I may eat more now and then, but I can try and control (I kinda want to save more for hols any way), so all the best for me and may I come back to school next year watching the shock o their face =P
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
In a friend
looking back at the friendship i have established this year, i think about my history of friendships, and then i sometimes think of my loneliness, when i piece them all together, i seem to get a realisation that even though i have had many good friendships in my life, it also have had the same amont of short term friendships too.
In a way, i am constantly changing, and whether i change at a fast rate or not, is not something by which i can judge. So i would assume that i have different needs at different points in my life, and hence i do not have long lasting friendships. i am not so sure whether it is reflecting on my love life, but it is evident to me that my circle of friends is ever changing, and seems to fade quite quickly too.
take for example my primary school days. i though i established some really good friends with people like Ka-X and KL. yet now, not do i barely see them, i do not chat, nor talk to them anymore either. I remember the more /"innocent"/ days, where i would be able to do, say and spout anything i want, and usually the implications are not that great. then as i grow older, the implications get graver, and overall my actions, or lack of it, has caused severe damage to both my social and emotional self.
perhaps it is a bit like Sal. she claims to be more self conscious. in a way, it seems true for myself as well. not in the physical way, as i have dealt with the fact that i am large, and i can only but work to resolve it, rather, i have been made more aware of my flaws, and i feel easily affected and influenced by the critiques of others. In a way i am quite oversensitive in certain areas, especially when isults are in a more convincing form, or somethimes if i respect the person who says it, i would be easily affected too.
i would have thought, that unlike most of my other friends, they do not have the fortune of having inter GEP events to bond more with their primary school friends, yet there are people that have friendships that have lasted a significantly long time. I guess that i do envy kenneth, as he told me of his best friend that he has known since primary 4. in a way, he has other ties with his friend other than school, his father happens to know his friend/'s father, and they know each other through a number of other ways, but the bottomline is that he has a friend which he can call abest friend, and it means more than just the petty things of friend you more than him, so you are my best friend.
of course i am not saying i am unhappy with my current friends. i know a large number of people in TJ, and i have better friendships, and i have many more acquaintences, but i feel content with status quo.
I just cannot help but wonder to myself, about the reasons my friendship has worked, or not, in the past and present. I find that it has a large extent to do with me being clingy towards people. Isaac has said, why do people have the inate desire to belong to a group? personally, i would initially disagree with him and say that i am content being alone sometimes, yet i know that his words are true, and that i do want to belong to something bigger than personal.
I tend to pull back the image of my childhood. there was once where i went on holiday to malaysia with my cousin, and her cousin. her cousin is not my cousin, as her cousin was from the other side of her family. when i first met her cousin, or guan yi, i was in such admiration of him, and i felt that i wanted to be his best friend. of course it would seem psychotic, but that was the way i thought at that age, and it was a simple wanting to be as close to him as possible. however, by the end of that holidays, he must have been really bothered by me, because i beleive i was too clingy, and would do anything to make myself likeable. from that point, it has been a recurring thought when i have friends, and it has developed me to be more passive.
i then progressed on to VS, which was more detrimental to my friendship development than ever. i was pretty much of a social outcast in VS, but the social outcasts consist of the physically different, the blacks, the munjans, the smart, the stupid, the nerds, the posers, and close to everyone, leaving nothing for the normal people. i thought i found friendship in Sean and Leon, but now they are doing their own thing, and have their own social castle to build.
but i do have to admire sean. he has been a interesting person to be friends with. recently when i invited him to buy tickets for my drama performance, he had matured more in his thinking, and he seemed to have a cler path and conscience in his attitude to life. it was inspiring to see his life change, and that he was coming into his own as well.
after all the loops i have made, somehow it all boils down to isaac. after so long, it seems like he is the reference point, and most of my derivations seem to stem from knowing him. yes i do admire him at times, and i do wish i knew him more as a person, but i still would trust my life with him more than anyone, currently. it pisses me off quite a bit when he has his mood swings and his silly ramblings. it is just hard to deal with someone that treats you so strangely, especially when you think he is a friend worth having.
I just want to know someone for who he or she really is. i do not care how weird their life is, but i just want to be in touch with the person underneath the facade. when isaac tells me things i have great repect for him, when syak told me about her life, i was honored, and i got to know a different dimension of her. i think that in a way, i wear my heart on my sleeve. i am gullible in a sense that i would tell anyone anything, provided they know me to a certain extent. i just want a friend which i can say that i know what he/she is really like, i know why they are like that and do certain things, that is what i want in a friend.
In a way, i am constantly changing, and whether i change at a fast rate or not, is not something by which i can judge. So i would assume that i have different needs at different points in my life, and hence i do not have long lasting friendships. i am not so sure whether it is reflecting on my love life, but it is evident to me that my circle of friends is ever changing, and seems to fade quite quickly too.
take for example my primary school days. i though i established some really good friends with people like Ka-X and KL. yet now, not do i barely see them, i do not chat, nor talk to them anymore either. I remember the more /"innocent"/ days, where i would be able to do, say and spout anything i want, and usually the implications are not that great. then as i grow older, the implications get graver, and overall my actions, or lack of it, has caused severe damage to both my social and emotional self.
perhaps it is a bit like Sal. she claims to be more self conscious. in a way, it seems true for myself as well. not in the physical way, as i have dealt with the fact that i am large, and i can only but work to resolve it, rather, i have been made more aware of my flaws, and i feel easily affected and influenced by the critiques of others. In a way i am quite oversensitive in certain areas, especially when isults are in a more convincing form, or somethimes if i respect the person who says it, i would be easily affected too.
i would have thought, that unlike most of my other friends, they do not have the fortune of having inter GEP events to bond more with their primary school friends, yet there are people that have friendships that have lasted a significantly long time. I guess that i do envy kenneth, as he told me of his best friend that he has known since primary 4. in a way, he has other ties with his friend other than school, his father happens to know his friend/'s father, and they know each other through a number of other ways, but the bottomline is that he has a friend which he can call abest friend, and it means more than just the petty things of friend you more than him, so you are my best friend.
of course i am not saying i am unhappy with my current friends. i know a large number of people in TJ, and i have better friendships, and i have many more acquaintences, but i feel content with status quo.
I just cannot help but wonder to myself, about the reasons my friendship has worked, or not, in the past and present. I find that it has a large extent to do with me being clingy towards people. Isaac has said, why do people have the inate desire to belong to a group? personally, i would initially disagree with him and say that i am content being alone sometimes, yet i know that his words are true, and that i do want to belong to something bigger than personal.
I tend to pull back the image of my childhood. there was once where i went on holiday to malaysia with my cousin, and her cousin. her cousin is not my cousin, as her cousin was from the other side of her family. when i first met her cousin, or guan yi, i was in such admiration of him, and i felt that i wanted to be his best friend. of course it would seem psychotic, but that was the way i thought at that age, and it was a simple wanting to be as close to him as possible. however, by the end of that holidays, he must have been really bothered by me, because i beleive i was too clingy, and would do anything to make myself likeable. from that point, it has been a recurring thought when i have friends, and it has developed me to be more passive.
i then progressed on to VS, which was more detrimental to my friendship development than ever. i was pretty much of a social outcast in VS, but the social outcasts consist of the physically different, the blacks, the munjans, the smart, the stupid, the nerds, the posers, and close to everyone, leaving nothing for the normal people. i thought i found friendship in Sean and Leon, but now they are doing their own thing, and have their own social castle to build.
but i do have to admire sean. he has been a interesting person to be friends with. recently when i invited him to buy tickets for my drama performance, he had matured more in his thinking, and he seemed to have a cler path and conscience in his attitude to life. it was inspiring to see his life change, and that he was coming into his own as well.
after all the loops i have made, somehow it all boils down to isaac. after so long, it seems like he is the reference point, and most of my derivations seem to stem from knowing him. yes i do admire him at times, and i do wish i knew him more as a person, but i still would trust my life with him more than anyone, currently. it pisses me off quite a bit when he has his mood swings and his silly ramblings. it is just hard to deal with someone that treats you so strangely, especially when you think he is a friend worth having.
I just want to know someone for who he or she really is. i do not care how weird their life is, but i just want to be in touch with the person underneath the facade. when isaac tells me things i have great repect for him, when syak told me about her life, i was honored, and i got to know a different dimension of her. i think that in a way, i wear my heart on my sleeve. i am gullible in a sense that i would tell anyone anything, provided they know me to a certain extent. i just want a friend which i can say that i know what he/she is really like, i know why they are like that and do certain things, that is what i want in a friend.
Friday, September 23, 2005
wrapping up
it has been a wholesome year with all sorts of ups and downs, and i guess that i like reflecting on this year, as it has been one of the best years of my life, it is enriching, and altough i go through a lot of shit, there is still the sense of awe, when i look back and seen what i have done.
It never occured to me how short a time we have left. the thing is that we knew at the back of our heads that we are going to split up, but we just do not really realise it with the exam stress going on.
Today i was simply doing my math revision excercise with kenneth in school. then out of the blue he turned to me and said, /" You dont realise it right?/" i was like Huh?. he went on we all dont realise it but in 1 months time, we are going to be in seperate classes.. I was kind of taken aback. it was true. i did not realise that it was so soon. and i could not think about it at all...
Many a time i have said that i am so glad i am in 1E. in fact this week i said it quite a few times to people like yee chuin and others. Apparently 1E was the leftovers class. all those that are not exactly high in academics but have interesting personalities. i should know, look at Kenneth, Marcus, Isaac, the rest of the brudders, even jane, syak, and of course wendy. 1E is so diverse in personality, that it is never boring in our class. Even other people hang out in our class, usually its just the 1A people, but even so, our class is a hangout.
I have been asking around what kind of subject combinations people are going to take. as usual my class has totally different answers from different people, and it does not really seem like many are choosing the subject combi i am doing. So there is the chance that i will have a totally different class that is kinda boring, or at least not as great as 1E.
It seems funny, because i did not think about it before. I used to feel nostalgic of my primary school, and even to a certain sense, VS. yet, it never occured to me that i will miss my class. we have grown so much together, the class and as brudders, and it really seems a pity for us to break up. Nostalgia is weird, it can occur even when you are still together.
me and kenneth spent a while lamenting and reminiscing before going back to math. It seems like just yesterday when we had our orientation. the days of doing crazy things to get points, and the stripping act for orientation night. I remember hitting it off really well with eugene, and remember the nights where isaac would scream WORK PERMIT!!! and i would throw my bulky sleeping bag at him. All the crazy things, including arguing with wendy over almost everything, and playing around with eugene.
then there has been the rest of the year. Cheerleading, House functions, SC campaigning, SC things, and now we are planning our own Orientation. It seems that we are moving at too fast a pace, and i want it to stay like this for as long as possible.
Wendy, the squabbling, the bickering, insults and just pissing each other off. in a way, it is going to be quite quiet when i am not your enemy. look at today, marcus tan asked for who is the most disliked in class, and almost immedietly, we hear I dont like Jonathan. marcus tan was simply grinning so hard... Well, there is only one wendy, and only one enemy in her eyes >.<
Jane, hmm... you are definitely interesting. working in your group for 1 term has been very interesting, cuz i have never been chased after so much for work by a classmate in my life. but yet, you are still fun loving. hmm... fun-loving perfectionist. awkward combo, but definitely suits you. its been a pleasure working with you and fun seeing how you react to the craziness of me kenneth and marcus :D
Eugene, he has gone a long way from the start of the year. it is either he has grown a lot, or i have just gotten to know him better. the strength you have shown is in class as a CG rep, and in SC as a councillor. i have not met someone quite like you, but i am glad i have. you show me that one can be so much stronger than what he portrays himself to be.
Syakirah, you are still a really muddled character! I didnt remember much of you from the orientation or even the start of the year. but now, we are like siblings, or dodo sibs, i have gotten to meet a different side of you in SC and through other things. haha, you will always be the cheeky sily person, but i know that there is more to that as well :)
Councillors of 1E. we work things out together. its just like the chopsticks and how many of us are stronger, and i know we can rely on each other no mattter what. thanks, you taught me how to be less aggresive and stubborn, and you guys have really been the best people i have worked with.
Varun, you have been remembered as the uncute cute one. you are underestimated a lot, but you just have to pick yourself up and prove them wrong. you are definitely letting yourself go to waste, but i know that you are more than that, so i think you will be fine.
Marcus, you are a serious joker, with you it never is a dull moment. you totally lame people out, and the way you react to thinngs is just simply entertaining. haha, i remember the years when you chase me out of class, never would i think you are so crazy and weird, yet the most enthu and vibrant too.
Kenneth, you wit never seems to astound me. you are just an intellectual, just that you are just so weird o.O you are like a really wise-ass kid, you know too much for your own good, but it is really fun having you around to make the group laugh like crazy even when the topic is boring out of all reason. you liven up our group. 2 terms of groupwork has just been amazing with you around.
Isaac, we go back a long way. i have so much to say, but bottomline is that i appreciate you. all the times of insults, pranks and squabbling, it has boiled down to this. i have found a person that i can trust things with. you may not always be the MOST positive person around, but you definitely have one of the most mature minds in class and perhaps TA. it has been an honor for the past 5 years of school, and i hope it will not end.
Brothers of 1E. over the past term, we have simply become closer. perhaps sometimes there are different divisions, but we share good times, and i bet if one of us is facing problems, we are there for each other. maybe we will have different brothers next year, but the brothers of 1E will be there for a long time.
1E. it has been a hell of a ride. a ride i wish i could go on again. but i know it wont happen. i have learnt so much.
Me and kenneth are planning something for the class. a memorabilia in a way. it has to be surprise though, but of course work comes first. I just cant think that there will be an easy way for 1E to split, and what else can i do but look in longing and savour our final month as a class together. CG 1E/05 forever, and may we stay strong as friends.
It never occured to me how short a time we have left. the thing is that we knew at the back of our heads that we are going to split up, but we just do not really realise it with the exam stress going on.
Today i was simply doing my math revision excercise with kenneth in school. then out of the blue he turned to me and said, /" You dont realise it right?/" i was like Huh?. he went on we all dont realise it but in 1 months time, we are going to be in seperate classes.. I was kind of taken aback. it was true. i did not realise that it was so soon. and i could not think about it at all...
Many a time i have said that i am so glad i am in 1E. in fact this week i said it quite a few times to people like yee chuin and others. Apparently 1E was the leftovers class. all those that are not exactly high in academics but have interesting personalities. i should know, look at Kenneth, Marcus, Isaac, the rest of the brudders, even jane, syak, and of course wendy. 1E is so diverse in personality, that it is never boring in our class. Even other people hang out in our class, usually its just the 1A people, but even so, our class is a hangout.
I have been asking around what kind of subject combinations people are going to take. as usual my class has totally different answers from different people, and it does not really seem like many are choosing the subject combi i am doing. So there is the chance that i will have a totally different class that is kinda boring, or at least not as great as 1E.
It seems funny, because i did not think about it before. I used to feel nostalgic of my primary school, and even to a certain sense, VS. yet, it never occured to me that i will miss my class. we have grown so much together, the class and as brudders, and it really seems a pity for us to break up. Nostalgia is weird, it can occur even when you are still together.
me and kenneth spent a while lamenting and reminiscing before going back to math. It seems like just yesterday when we had our orientation. the days of doing crazy things to get points, and the stripping act for orientation night. I remember hitting it off really well with eugene, and remember the nights where isaac would scream WORK PERMIT!!! and i would throw my bulky sleeping bag at him. All the crazy things, including arguing with wendy over almost everything, and playing around with eugene.
then there has been the rest of the year. Cheerleading, House functions, SC campaigning, SC things, and now we are planning our own Orientation. It seems that we are moving at too fast a pace, and i want it to stay like this for as long as possible.
Wendy, the squabbling, the bickering, insults and just pissing each other off. in a way, it is going to be quite quiet when i am not your enemy. look at today, marcus tan asked for who is the most disliked in class, and almost immedietly, we hear I dont like Jonathan. marcus tan was simply grinning so hard... Well, there is only one wendy, and only one enemy in her eyes >.<
Jane, hmm... you are definitely interesting. working in your group for 1 term has been very interesting, cuz i have never been chased after so much for work by a classmate in my life. but yet, you are still fun loving. hmm... fun-loving perfectionist. awkward combo, but definitely suits you. its been a pleasure working with you and fun seeing how you react to the craziness of me kenneth and marcus :D
Eugene, he has gone a long way from the start of the year. it is either he has grown a lot, or i have just gotten to know him better. the strength you have shown is in class as a CG rep, and in SC as a councillor. i have not met someone quite like you, but i am glad i have. you show me that one can be so much stronger than what he portrays himself to be.
Syakirah, you are still a really muddled character! I didnt remember much of you from the orientation or even the start of the year. but now, we are like siblings, or dodo sibs, i have gotten to meet a different side of you in SC and through other things. haha, you will always be the cheeky sily person, but i know that there is more to that as well :)
Councillors of 1E. we work things out together. its just like the chopsticks and how many of us are stronger, and i know we can rely on each other no mattter what. thanks, you taught me how to be less aggresive and stubborn, and you guys have really been the best people i have worked with.
Varun, you have been remembered as the uncute cute one. you are underestimated a lot, but you just have to pick yourself up and prove them wrong. you are definitely letting yourself go to waste, but i know that you are more than that, so i think you will be fine.
Marcus, you are a serious joker, with you it never is a dull moment. you totally lame people out, and the way you react to thinngs is just simply entertaining. haha, i remember the years when you chase me out of class, never would i think you are so crazy and weird, yet the most enthu and vibrant too.
Kenneth, you wit never seems to astound me. you are just an intellectual, just that you are just so weird o.O you are like a really wise-ass kid, you know too much for your own good, but it is really fun having you around to make the group laugh like crazy even when the topic is boring out of all reason. you liven up our group. 2 terms of groupwork has just been amazing with you around.
Isaac, we go back a long way. i have so much to say, but bottomline is that i appreciate you. all the times of insults, pranks and squabbling, it has boiled down to this. i have found a person that i can trust things with. you may not always be the MOST positive person around, but you definitely have one of the most mature minds in class and perhaps TA. it has been an honor for the past 5 years of school, and i hope it will not end.
Brothers of 1E. over the past term, we have simply become closer. perhaps sometimes there are different divisions, but we share good times, and i bet if one of us is facing problems, we are there for each other. maybe we will have different brothers next year, but the brothers of 1E will be there for a long time.
1E. it has been a hell of a ride. a ride i wish i could go on again. but i know it wont happen. i have learnt so much.
Me and kenneth are planning something for the class. a memorabilia in a way. it has to be surprise though, but of course work comes first. I just cant think that there will be an easy way for 1E to split, and what else can i do but look in longing and savour our final month as a class together. CG 1E/05 forever, and may we stay strong as friends.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
matters of the heart
It has always been obvious to me that at this age, and this point in my life, hormones will be raging, and inevitably, matters of the heart will be complicated. yet, it is not until you experience it, that you reallise that it truly is a bigger thing to handle that what is is perceived to be. there is no wonder why we tend to see such drastic behavior in people and within ourselves.
So i realise that there is no simple way going around it,so i can only but tackle it head-on. Not surprisingly, just because i have faced it, doesnt make it any easier. im sure anyone who has devoted himself at least once, knows what i mean, and agrees, to a certain,if not full, extent.
So what has sparked me to write about such a topic, when i usually do not talk about such things? i just feel that this is the time of the year where i seem to be more reflective. After all, the promos are approaching, and its either i do not want to face my work and hence divert to other worries, or i am simply doing all the reflecting for the year, both academically and emotionally.
this year, really has been a emotional rollercoaster for me. So many diverse and profound emotiions, at the same time, and also across a span of time. it intrigus me when i look back and contemplate on my behaviors and reactions. IT never fails for me to become all moody and depressed, as when in deep thought, i tend to shut off most of the rest of hte world. Even currently, i am typing this in an MRT to tiong bahru, i just needed to let it out.
Fact is, that i feel a bit lost in terms of my companionship. i have good friends now, people that i know i can share these kind of things with, but now is not a good time for either of us, they are busy with promos, and i should be busy too, and i guess it would really be too much to ask to bog someone down at this point of the year. yet i have been feeling certain feelings that cannot simply be shoved aside. i cant do anything about it, but just live with it till after promos.
still, i will put it here as bot a reminder and a release outlet. simply put, im in a state where i have emotions for 2 seperate people that are in two different places and i have had different experiences with each. i cant seem to let any of them go. i cant let go of one for the other, and it has never happened before as when i meet someone, usually i reserve myself, and not think about the other at all.
even for my previous relationship, i had a better control, and seemed to focus and devote myself on one, without thinking about others. physical attraction is one thing, but emotional attraction is totally different. previously, i was able to really only have feelings for one, i didnt have a crush or even have a inkling of feelings for anyone other than her. Now it seems so different, and i cant do anything about it.
speaking of letting go, i have this strange recurring thought. i know, accepted and have put behind a certain person in my life. she was what once was, but no longer is. yet, i have this problem with speaking to her. i just always have had a mental barrier up, and never really thinking much of it, i would just carry on my life excluding this person. yet, recently there has been complications to the matter. i kind of identified the barrier that has been affecting me, and now it seems like the barrier has gone for sometime, but the mental barrier is still there as i had not concerned myself with her affaris hence i did not know that the reason has left. im not saying that i am having recurring feelings for her, but i am just admitting the fact that i can talk to her, yet i am not. im not sure, but i think i will not either.
looking at some of my other friends, i see that singlehood is not so bad. perhaps the benefits of being attatched is the companionship, and knowing that you will always have someone to lean on, yet there has never been a relationship without quarrles, but one knows that if there is more quarrels then good times, it will not last. I have a friend who seems really nice with his girlfriend, but he has not been having the easiest time throughout. that is the point, people do not want to devote themselves emotionally as they know that in a relationship, there is bound to be amazing highs, as well as depressing lows.
Question for me has never been whether i am ready to go into a relationship, but like some people, we think far ahead, and we worry for ourselves and the other party. im not sure how will i go into a relationship if i have 2 people i have high feelings for at the same time. can i let go one? will i regret. /"live without regret/" Nick likes to say that, i think so too, but it is hard to do so.
i think there are still a lot of things i have to think about. singlehood is not that bad, it gives time for me to get to know someone more important, myself. im still finding myself out, maybe if i know what i am like, then i will know when my decision is right. the only problem left is time. maybe it is 4 years, maybe it is 2 years, maybe i can keep trying no matter what.
2 different people. 2 different schools. 2 diferent ages. 2 different personalities. 2 different reaction to me. 2 different reactions to them. 2 people that make a difference in my day. and 2 people which i have a crush on.
1 past. 1 ex. 1 lesson. 1 decision. 1 being ignored. 1 lonely.
no regrets. no holding back. no hasty decisions. no giving up. no more time.
hit the pause button, i want to resume later.
So i realise that there is no simple way going around it,so i can only but tackle it head-on. Not surprisingly, just because i have faced it, doesnt make it any easier. im sure anyone who has devoted himself at least once, knows what i mean, and agrees, to a certain,if not full, extent.
So what has sparked me to write about such a topic, when i usually do not talk about such things? i just feel that this is the time of the year where i seem to be more reflective. After all, the promos are approaching, and its either i do not want to face my work and hence divert to other worries, or i am simply doing all the reflecting for the year, both academically and emotionally.
this year, really has been a emotional rollercoaster for me. So many diverse and profound emotiions, at the same time, and also across a span of time. it intrigus me when i look back and contemplate on my behaviors and reactions. IT never fails for me to become all moody and depressed, as when in deep thought, i tend to shut off most of the rest of hte world. Even currently, i am typing this in an MRT to tiong bahru, i just needed to let it out.
Fact is, that i feel a bit lost in terms of my companionship. i have good friends now, people that i know i can share these kind of things with, but now is not a good time for either of us, they are busy with promos, and i should be busy too, and i guess it would really be too much to ask to bog someone down at this point of the year. yet i have been feeling certain feelings that cannot simply be shoved aside. i cant do anything about it, but just live with it till after promos.
still, i will put it here as bot a reminder and a release outlet. simply put, im in a state where i have emotions for 2 seperate people that are in two different places and i have had different experiences with each. i cant seem to let any of them go. i cant let go of one for the other, and it has never happened before as when i meet someone, usually i reserve myself, and not think about the other at all.
even for my previous relationship, i had a better control, and seemed to focus and devote myself on one, without thinking about others. physical attraction is one thing, but emotional attraction is totally different. previously, i was able to really only have feelings for one, i didnt have a crush or even have a inkling of feelings for anyone other than her. Now it seems so different, and i cant do anything about it.
speaking of letting go, i have this strange recurring thought. i know, accepted and have put behind a certain person in my life. she was what once was, but no longer is. yet, i have this problem with speaking to her. i just always have had a mental barrier up, and never really thinking much of it, i would just carry on my life excluding this person. yet, recently there has been complications to the matter. i kind of identified the barrier that has been affecting me, and now it seems like the barrier has gone for sometime, but the mental barrier is still there as i had not concerned myself with her affaris hence i did not know that the reason has left. im not saying that i am having recurring feelings for her, but i am just admitting the fact that i can talk to her, yet i am not. im not sure, but i think i will not either.
looking at some of my other friends, i see that singlehood is not so bad. perhaps the benefits of being attatched is the companionship, and knowing that you will always have someone to lean on, yet there has never been a relationship without quarrles, but one knows that if there is more quarrels then good times, it will not last. I have a friend who seems really nice with his girlfriend, but he has not been having the easiest time throughout. that is the point, people do not want to devote themselves emotionally as they know that in a relationship, there is bound to be amazing highs, as well as depressing lows.
Question for me has never been whether i am ready to go into a relationship, but like some people, we think far ahead, and we worry for ourselves and the other party. im not sure how will i go into a relationship if i have 2 people i have high feelings for at the same time. can i let go one? will i regret. /"live without regret/" Nick likes to say that, i think so too, but it is hard to do so.
i think there are still a lot of things i have to think about. singlehood is not that bad, it gives time for me to get to know someone more important, myself. im still finding myself out, maybe if i know what i am like, then i will know when my decision is right. the only problem left is time. maybe it is 4 years, maybe it is 2 years, maybe i can keep trying no matter what.
2 different people. 2 different schools. 2 diferent ages. 2 different personalities. 2 different reaction to me. 2 different reactions to them. 2 people that make a difference in my day. and 2 people which i have a crush on.
1 past. 1 ex. 1 lesson. 1 decision. 1 being ignored. 1 lonely.
no regrets. no holding back. no hasty decisions. no giving up. no more time.
hit the pause button, i want to resume later.
matters of the heart
It has always been obvious to me that at this age, and this point in my life, hormones will be raging, and inevitably, matters of the heart will be complicated. yet, it is not until you experience it, that you reallise that it truly is a bigger thing to handle that what is is perceived to be. there is no wonder why we tend to see such drastic behavior in people and within ourselves.
So i realise that there is no simple way going around it,so i can only but tackle it head-on. Not surprisingly, just because i have faced it, doesnt make it any easier. im sure anyone who has devoted himself at least once, knows what i mean, and agrees, to a certain,if not full, extent.
So what has sparked me to write about such a topic, when i usually do not talk about such things? i just feel that this is the time of the year where i seem to be more reflective. After all, the promos are approaching, and its either i do not want to face my work and hence divert to other worries, or i am simply doing all the reflecting for the year, both academically and emotionally.
this year, really has been a emotional rollercoaster for me. So many diverse and profound emotiions, at the same time, and also across a span of time. it intrigus me when i look back and contemplate on my behaviors and reactions. IT never fails for me to become all moody and depressed, as when in deep thought, i tend to shut off most of the rest of hte world. Even currently, i am typing this in an MRT to tiong bahru, i just needed to let it out.
Fact is, that i feel a bit lost in terms of my companionship. i have good friends now, people that i know i can share these kind of things with, but now is not a good time for either of us, they are busy with promos, and i should be busy too, and i guess it would really be too much to ask to bog someone down at this point of the year. yet i have been feeling certain feelings that cannot simply be shoved aside. i cant do anything about it, but just live with it till after promos.
still, i will put it here as bot a reminder and a release outlet. simply put, im in a state where i have emotions for 2 seperate people that are in two different places and i have had different experiences with each. i cant seem to let any of them go. i cant let go of one for the other, and it has never happened before as when i meet someone, usually i reserve myself, and not think about the other at all.
even for my previous relationship, i had a better control, and seemed to focus and devote myself on one, without thinking about others. physical attraction is one thing, but emotional attraction is totally different. previously, i was able to really only have feelings for one, i didnt have a crush or even have a inkling of feelings for anyone other than her. Now it seems so different, and i cant do anything about it.
speaking of letting go, i have this strange recurring thought. i know, accepted and have put behind a certain person in my life. she was what once was, but no longer is. yet, i have this problem with speaking to her. i just always have had a mental barrier up, and never really thinking much of it, i would just carry on my life excluding this person. yet, recently there has been complications to the matter. i kind of identified the barrier that has been affecting me, and now it seems like the barrier has gone for sometime, but the mental barrier is still there as i had not concerned myself with her affaris hence i did not know that the reason has left. im not saying that i am having recurring feelings for her, but i am just admitting the fact that i can talk to her, yet i am not. im not sure, but i think i will not either.
looking at some of my other friends, i see that singlehood is not so bad. perhaps the benefits of being attatched is the companionship, and knowing that you will always have someone to lean on, yet there has never been a relationship without quarrles, but one knows that if there is more quarrels then good times, it will not last. I have a friend who seems really nice with his girlfriend, but he has not been having the easiest time throughout. that is the point, people do not want to devote themselves emotionally as they know that in a relationship, there is bound to be amazing highs, as well as depressing lows.
Question for me has never been whether i am ready to go into a relationship, but like some people, we think far ahead, and we worry for ourselves and the other party. im not sure how will i go into a relationship if i have 2 people i have high feelings for at the same time. can i let go one? will i regret. /"live without regret/" Nick likes to say that, i think so too, but it is hard to do so.
i think there are still a lot of things i have to think about. singlehood is not that bad, it gives time for me to get to know someone more important, myself. im still finding myself out, maybe if i know what i am like, then i will know when my decision is right. the only problem left is time. maybe it is 4 years, maybe it is 2 years, maybe i can keep trying no matter what.
2 different people. 2 different schools. 2 diferent ages. 2 different personalities. 2 different reaction to me. 2 different reactions to them. 2 people that make a difference in my day. and 2 people which i have a crush on.
1 past. 1 ex. 1 lesson. 1 decision. 1 being ignored. 1 lonely.
no regrets. no holding back. no hasty decisions. no giving up. no more time.
hit the pause button, i want to resume later.
So i realise that there is no simple way going around it,so i can only but tackle it head-on. Not surprisingly, just because i have faced it, doesnt make it any easier. im sure anyone who has devoted himself at least once, knows what i mean, and agrees, to a certain,if not full, extent.
So what has sparked me to write about such a topic, when i usually do not talk about such things? i just feel that this is the time of the year where i seem to be more reflective. After all, the promos are approaching, and its either i do not want to face my work and hence divert to other worries, or i am simply doing all the reflecting for the year, both academically and emotionally.
this year, really has been a emotional rollercoaster for me. So many diverse and profound emotiions, at the same time, and also across a span of time. it intrigus me when i look back and contemplate on my behaviors and reactions. IT never fails for me to become all moody and depressed, as when in deep thought, i tend to shut off most of the rest of hte world. Even currently, i am typing this in an MRT to tiong bahru, i just needed to let it out.
Fact is, that i feel a bit lost in terms of my companionship. i have good friends now, people that i know i can share these kind of things with, but now is not a good time for either of us, they are busy with promos, and i should be busy too, and i guess it would really be too much to ask to bog someone down at this point of the year. yet i have been feeling certain feelings that cannot simply be shoved aside. i cant do anything about it, but just live with it till after promos.
still, i will put it here as bot a reminder and a release outlet. simply put, im in a state where i have emotions for 2 seperate people that are in two different places and i have had different experiences with each. i cant seem to let any of them go. i cant let go of one for the other, and it has never happened before as when i meet someone, usually i reserve myself, and not think about the other at all.
even for my previous relationship, i had a better control, and seemed to focus and devote myself on one, without thinking about others. physical attraction is one thing, but emotional attraction is totally different. previously, i was able to really only have feelings for one, i didnt have a crush or even have a inkling of feelings for anyone other than her. Now it seems so different, and i cant do anything about it.
speaking of letting go, i have this strange recurring thought. i know, accepted and have put behind a certain person in my life. she was what once was, but no longer is. yet, i have this problem with speaking to her. i just always have had a mental barrier up, and never really thinking much of it, i would just carry on my life excluding this person. yet, recently there has been complications to the matter. i kind of identified the barrier that has been affecting me, and now it seems like the barrier has gone for sometime, but the mental barrier is still there as i had not concerned myself with her affaris hence i did not know that the reason has left. im not saying that i am having recurring feelings for her, but i am just admitting the fact that i can talk to her, yet i am not. im not sure, but i think i will not either.
looking at some of my other friends, i see that singlehood is not so bad. perhaps the benefits of being attatched is the companionship, and knowing that you will always have someone to lean on, yet there has never been a relationship without quarrles, but one knows that if there is more quarrels then good times, it will not last. I have a friend who seems really nice with his girlfriend, but he has not been having the easiest time throughout. that is the point, people do not want to devote themselves emotionally as they know that in a relationship, there is bound to be amazing highs, as well as depressing lows.
Question for me has never been whether i am ready to go into a relationship, but like some people, we think far ahead, and we worry for ourselves and the other party. im not sure how will i go into a relationship if i have 2 people i have high feelings for at the same time. can i let go one? will i regret. /"live without regret/" Nick likes to say that, i think so too, but it is hard to do so.
i think there are still a lot of things i have to think about. singlehood is not that bad, it gives time for me to get to know someone more important, myself. im still finding myself out, maybe if i know what i am like, then i will know when my decision is right. the only problem left is time. maybe it is 4 years, maybe it is 2 years, maybe i can keep trying no matter what.
2 different people. 2 different schools. 2 diferent ages. 2 different personalities. 2 different reaction to me. 2 different reactions to them. 2 people that make a difference in my day. and 2 people which i have a crush on.
1 past. 1 ex. 1 lesson. 1 decision. 1 being ignored. 1 lonely.
no regrets. no holding back. no hasty decisions. no giving up. no more time.
hit the pause button, i want to resume later.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
soon...
it is 6pm, im in school, blogging, and it is 3 weeks to the promos. Admittantly, i should be studying and cramping my brain with tons of miscellenous information about Similar triangles, shakespeare's plays and secondary structure of protein. yet i am here posting, and reflecting of what i have done this year, and what i am goign to do.
Truth is, that my opinion, and to many other's too, the exams are just gonna be the paper certification for our future job. soon, everyone will have the same qualification, and it is going to speak very little to the employer, what kind of person we are. then our opinion is that the paper qualifications will no longer matter, what will matter is personality, commitment, and experience.
My take, is that i can not worry so far ahead. if i am going to think about this, i should save it for after the promos.
how has my year been? relatively, at least compared to last year, i have reason to beleive that my work attitude is changing. perhaps because i am doing marginally better, or maybe it is just the environment i am now in. No, its not very competitive, but i feel more competent, and willing to work harder to not only do better, but to show to others and myself, that i am changing.
I feel a bit bad/guilty, especially to those that look up to me. funny, i have people who actually look up to me! but yeah, i guess that people think i am more intelligent then them. i have been given the opportunity and adapt to the faster pace in GEP, but that does not make me any more intelligent. look at isaac, he is intelligent, but the key is that he works hard, i will have nothing to say if he were to get top scores.
Now i am starting to worry. i do not work as hard. i am only accustomed to the style of teaching, and i guess i am doing relatively similar to last year. this does mean that by the end of the 4 years, i will be further behind then anyone else, as while they are at my comfort with the system, their true intelligence will show, and i will eat their dust if i am not hardworking enough.
Work. that is something i am not good at. more as a verb than a noun. truth is that i dont think this really my forte. i think rather than just work, i excel more at brainstorming than the slogging over work. essentially, in one word, im LAZY.
i still am slothing my day away instead of studying, but this is where i think i put council before studies. i shouldn/'t but the truth is i do. I rather do anything, and this usually includes socialising, doing things for others, and i rather teach what i know than do work! still, i rather do things that build me up as a person, than remembering the one thing that builds people, discipline.
Sigh, what is a guy to do? i can resolve all i like and commit to studying full force, but i know that it is not really gonna happen. but until i can commit, i shall go study anyway. i think i have reached a point where i have nothing else better to do.
Truth is, that my opinion, and to many other's too, the exams are just gonna be the paper certification for our future job. soon, everyone will have the same qualification, and it is going to speak very little to the employer, what kind of person we are. then our opinion is that the paper qualifications will no longer matter, what will matter is personality, commitment, and experience.
My take, is that i can not worry so far ahead. if i am going to think about this, i should save it for after the promos.
how has my year been? relatively, at least compared to last year, i have reason to beleive that my work attitude is changing. perhaps because i am doing marginally better, or maybe it is just the environment i am now in. No, its not very competitive, but i feel more competent, and willing to work harder to not only do better, but to show to others and myself, that i am changing.
I feel a bit bad/guilty, especially to those that look up to me. funny, i have people who actually look up to me! but yeah, i guess that people think i am more intelligent then them. i have been given the opportunity and adapt to the faster pace in GEP, but that does not make me any more intelligent. look at isaac, he is intelligent, but the key is that he works hard, i will have nothing to say if he were to get top scores.
Now i am starting to worry. i do not work as hard. i am only accustomed to the style of teaching, and i guess i am doing relatively similar to last year. this does mean that by the end of the 4 years, i will be further behind then anyone else, as while they are at my comfort with the system, their true intelligence will show, and i will eat their dust if i am not hardworking enough.
Work. that is something i am not good at. more as a verb than a noun. truth is that i dont think this really my forte. i think rather than just work, i excel more at brainstorming than the slogging over work. essentially, in one word, im LAZY.
i still am slothing my day away instead of studying, but this is where i think i put council before studies. i shouldn/'t but the truth is i do. I rather do anything, and this usually includes socialising, doing things for others, and i rather teach what i know than do work! still, i rather do things that build me up as a person, than remembering the one thing that builds people, discipline.
Sigh, what is a guy to do? i can resolve all i like and commit to studying full force, but i know that it is not really gonna happen. but until i can commit, i shall go study anyway. i think i have reached a point where i have nothing else better to do.
Monday, September 05, 2005
The new, the old and the constant
Its been a while since i posted. i have enjoyed myself utterly throughout the last week as well as the first 3 days of the hols.
I guess it started from wednesday, the very eve of teachers/' day. thanks to isaac, who didn/'t really go back to Royth, but just got the excuse to get out of school, anywae, he and i were allowed to leave school early to go back to our Rosyth. I felt a bit guilty as i was allowed to leave freely, but the rest from schools like anglican, tried so hard to get permission to leave, but they were rejected. I felt bad that i couldn/'t do anything, but it couldn/'t be helped.
When i finally reached Rosyth. i couldn/'t help be feel a bit out of place. I had come back here twice with a /"Victorian mentality/" and i cannot say that i had a very good attitude then. yet now, i come back with a totally different experience, and i felt that i was not who i used to be in this school and in vs. Then i was commenting, perhaps it was not something internal, but it could have been because it was so quiet. the RI guys pretty much made up a large portion of the guys that came back. maybe it is due to the fact one RI guy coming is equavalent to 3 people. the Rafflesian, his ego, and his ego/'s ego.
After, guan and bib came to my house. it has been eons since any ex-ro or even my classmates, last came to my house. It was really good to catch up with bib and guan, even though guan was drunk on some mocha creme which was a mocha and vodka drink i served him. I admit, that out of all the people i have met and left, i miss my primary school friends the most. As they left, we planned to meet sal the next day for vocal training which she was introducing to us.
The next day, in the morning i was still skeptical to go, yet, i managed to lug myself out of the house and meet them. bib kinda backed out, cuz she said she couldnt sing... I was wondering how sal would look like now. havent really seen her, and when i last saw bib this year, she was totally different in style and everything. Then sla came in a /"plain jane/" look which i guess you cant really say that, as, when was sal ever /"plain/"?
so the three of us (me, guan and sal) all went to the place where we were gonna try that vocal training thing. The lady was really really late, so we being immature as we are, fooled around with the mikes and played around in the area. Sal sings really well, even though she does not admit it, her speaking voice has really gone down too, cuz she says she is more self conscious. i guess it happens to best of us, i am still really chicken to try certain things though.
I/'m proud i plucked up the courage to try the vocal training, cuz not only does it allow me to spend time with the ex-ros, but it is fun and beneficial too.
Side: i never fully noticed how close our batch of 2002 GEP ex-rosythians were. i knew that we were usually good friends and generally kept in contact, but i thought that was normal for all batches. well it isnt really. why were we so close? i guess it was all the crazy stuff we did in and out of class. the fairytale dress up (fairy princess in roller blades!) and the inter class war, or even the time chong wee broke the window slide in the old rosyth building, it was really great those days.
It really seems like there are many old and new things in my life, but i am glad that i get to try more and more new things in my life. even if it is small and silly. thanks to Sal for letting me try the crazy parapara machine, i garuntee that next time we are going to spend guan/'s tokens so fast he wont see what hit him.
It was quite ironic, cuz immedietly after spending the morning with them, i spent time doing my math proj at kenneth/'s house with the rest of my group, and friends from TJ.
but for real irony, it was today celebrating syak/'s birthday. Btw, Happy birthday SYAK! you/'re 15 now! better start acting your age! haha.
the irony was that we went to exact same place to watch a movie (red eye), as where i went /"parapara-ing/" and the funny thing was that today was the first time i ever took a neoprint. apart from learning that it is very expensive, and hard to take within the short time (and cramped space), it can be quite fun to mark the occasion, and to leave happy memories.
There was something i realised. when going out with sal and guan, i felt slightly more depressed and toned down than today. i figured that it was due to my experiences with them. I knew that i was on good terms with Sal and guan, but i have to admit that i was a bit of a social reject in pri school. i guess i offended quite a few people. also, i guess its bcuz i knew that our outing would not last long, and soon we may not see each other for a while. On syak/'s birthday, i felt comfortable with everyone, and i knew that these would be a time we can talk about when we meet in school, and i felt like there was no burden of the past.
Well, apart from having 3 very fun days with my frineds both new nad old, i have also gained quite a bit of knowledge of myself and my attitude towards people. i can only but say, /"let the good time roll/", and i look forward to the next vocal training as well as the next outing any of us have. =)
I guess it started from wednesday, the very eve of teachers/' day. thanks to isaac, who didn/'t really go back to Royth, but just got the excuse to get out of school, anywae, he and i were allowed to leave school early to go back to our Rosyth. I felt a bit guilty as i was allowed to leave freely, but the rest from schools like anglican, tried so hard to get permission to leave, but they were rejected. I felt bad that i couldn/'t do anything, but it couldn/'t be helped.
When i finally reached Rosyth. i couldn/'t help be feel a bit out of place. I had come back here twice with a /"Victorian mentality/" and i cannot say that i had a very good attitude then. yet now, i come back with a totally different experience, and i felt that i was not who i used to be in this school and in vs. Then i was commenting, perhaps it was not something internal, but it could have been because it was so quiet. the RI guys pretty much made up a large portion of the guys that came back. maybe it is due to the fact one RI guy coming is equavalent to 3 people. the Rafflesian, his ego, and his ego/'s ego.
After, guan and bib came to my house. it has been eons since any ex-ro or even my classmates, last came to my house. It was really good to catch up with bib and guan, even though guan was drunk on some mocha creme which was a mocha and vodka drink i served him. I admit, that out of all the people i have met and left, i miss my primary school friends the most. As they left, we planned to meet sal the next day for vocal training which she was introducing to us.
The next day, in the morning i was still skeptical to go, yet, i managed to lug myself out of the house and meet them. bib kinda backed out, cuz she said she couldnt sing... I was wondering how sal would look like now. havent really seen her, and when i last saw bib this year, she was totally different in style and everything. Then sla came in a /"plain jane/" look which i guess you cant really say that, as, when was sal ever /"plain/"?
so the three of us (me, guan and sal) all went to the place where we were gonna try that vocal training thing. The lady was really really late, so we being immature as we are, fooled around with the mikes and played around in the area. Sal sings really well, even though she does not admit it, her speaking voice has really gone down too, cuz she says she is more self conscious. i guess it happens to best of us, i am still really chicken to try certain things though.
I/'m proud i plucked up the courage to try the vocal training, cuz not only does it allow me to spend time with the ex-ros, but it is fun and beneficial too.
Side: i never fully noticed how close our batch of 2002 GEP ex-rosythians were. i knew that we were usually good friends and generally kept in contact, but i thought that was normal for all batches. well it isnt really. why were we so close? i guess it was all the crazy stuff we did in and out of class. the fairytale dress up (fairy princess in roller blades!) and the inter class war, or even the time chong wee broke the window slide in the old rosyth building, it was really great those days.
It really seems like there are many old and new things in my life, but i am glad that i get to try more and more new things in my life. even if it is small and silly. thanks to Sal for letting me try the crazy parapara machine, i garuntee that next time we are going to spend guan/'s tokens so fast he wont see what hit him.
It was quite ironic, cuz immedietly after spending the morning with them, i spent time doing my math proj at kenneth/'s house with the rest of my group, and friends from TJ.
but for real irony, it was today celebrating syak/'s birthday. Btw, Happy birthday SYAK! you/'re 15 now! better start acting your age! haha.
the irony was that we went to exact same place to watch a movie (red eye), as where i went /"parapara-ing/" and the funny thing was that today was the first time i ever took a neoprint. apart from learning that it is very expensive, and hard to take within the short time (and cramped space), it can be quite fun to mark the occasion, and to leave happy memories.
There was something i realised. when going out with sal and guan, i felt slightly more depressed and toned down than today. i figured that it was due to my experiences with them. I knew that i was on good terms with Sal and guan, but i have to admit that i was a bit of a social reject in pri school. i guess i offended quite a few people. also, i guess its bcuz i knew that our outing would not last long, and soon we may not see each other for a while. On syak/'s birthday, i felt comfortable with everyone, and i knew that these would be a time we can talk about when we meet in school, and i felt like there was no burden of the past.
Well, apart from having 3 very fun days with my frineds both new nad old, i have also gained quite a bit of knowledge of myself and my attitude towards people. i can only but say, /"let the good time roll/", and i look forward to the next vocal training as well as the next outing any of us have. =)
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Close to tears
After the drama improve on Saturday, I had a real sense of pride knowing how well the drama peeps did and knowing that I had a lot of fun doing all we did for the improv. Then when we went for dinner, the same feeling I once felt from the drama BBQ repeated itself in my system.
However, there were a few differences. Apart from the fact that it is a different situation, I also felt a slightly milder yet deeper feeling. I know it sounds a bit contradictory, but the feeling was more subtle, yet it had a deeper impact. The BBQ by the beach was the first outing we had and therefore it felt more like the initial foundation to our friendship. Now, it felt like we were these bunch of close friends and that we were totally comfortable with each other.
Before I go deeper into the drama and the emotional thing, I just have to say a huge thanks to Nick and Anurag for coming to support us, and happy b’dae and sorry to gene for not turning up for his b’dae.
I think drama is infectious, and that the people in there are just amazing. The longer we are together, the deeper we sink. This all came from the talk I had with Yiming on the MRT home from City Hall.
The thing is that she will be quitting dram between now and the end of the year. The reason is because she cannot cope and that chamber is something she has to take or her MEP scholarship will be revoked. Yet, she has pretty much made up her mind about quitting. So I asked, “do you need to quit drama?” her reply was, “yes”. Then I asked, “Do you want to quit drama”, she answered me without hesitation, “no”.
That is the whole thing. We are getting closer as the days go by. Slowly we are getting sucked in, but we are enjoying each other’s company and we are more than glad we have each other to rely on. It is my emotional fulfillment, and it is not so much a physical bond we share of being in drama, but it has developed into an emotional bond which I don’t think can be separated.
The hard thing is for us to let anyone go. We have become part of each others’ lives, and losing one us is like losing a part of you. I was almost to tears when I though about anyone leaving the drama club. I will cry if we disband, as it is a fact that we are close, and more than that, we are so comfortable with each other that we take each other for granted.
And that is where feel great injustice has been done to Amanda. For all the times she has tried to confide in me, and tried to just let her spill her guts, I have not been there for her, and I find my self dismissing her a lot more than before. Yeah, we do have our own lives, yet she is a big part of mine as a friend and more than that too. People just take her for granted. Yes that means a certain person, but I and I think some others are like that too. I feel really guilty towards her now, and I will make it up to her soon. That is a promise.
Sometimes, I just am not in the right mood when I talk to her. I know that she would revolve around a certain person, and I would rather talk about something else, but she has not talked about him for a while, and she has matured a lot as a person and as a friend. I need to spend more time with her, I am way to caught up in a lot of things that I don’t really need to be involved in, and it is high time that I stop being so selfish.
I know that might sound like I am in love with her or something, but I thing it is not a love in terms of BGR, but rather she is like the closest thing I have to a sister. She not only is someone that I enjoy being around, but I just have a certain sense of solace, and comfort knowing she is around. It is more than a relationship, it has become family.
I have matured a lot in drama club. And it has a greater impact on my internal self than I think. I think that a part of me would just die if the TJC drama club disbanded, but I know that our emotional bond will always be there, and we would find our own way of staying together. How often do we say something and mean it? I mean this: “I love TJC Drama club, and I love every one of its members.” Thanks for everything.
However, there were a few differences. Apart from the fact that it is a different situation, I also felt a slightly milder yet deeper feeling. I know it sounds a bit contradictory, but the feeling was more subtle, yet it had a deeper impact. The BBQ by the beach was the first outing we had and therefore it felt more like the initial foundation to our friendship. Now, it felt like we were these bunch of close friends and that we were totally comfortable with each other.
Before I go deeper into the drama and the emotional thing, I just have to say a huge thanks to Nick and Anurag for coming to support us, and happy b’dae and sorry to gene for not turning up for his b’dae.
I think drama is infectious, and that the people in there are just amazing. The longer we are together, the deeper we sink. This all came from the talk I had with Yiming on the MRT home from City Hall.
The thing is that she will be quitting dram between now and the end of the year. The reason is because she cannot cope and that chamber is something she has to take or her MEP scholarship will be revoked. Yet, she has pretty much made up her mind about quitting. So I asked, “do you need to quit drama?” her reply was, “yes”. Then I asked, “Do you want to quit drama”, she answered me without hesitation, “no”.
That is the whole thing. We are getting closer as the days go by. Slowly we are getting sucked in, but we are enjoying each other’s company and we are more than glad we have each other to rely on. It is my emotional fulfillment, and it is not so much a physical bond we share of being in drama, but it has developed into an emotional bond which I don’t think can be separated.
The hard thing is for us to let anyone go. We have become part of each others’ lives, and losing one us is like losing a part of you. I was almost to tears when I though about anyone leaving the drama club. I will cry if we disband, as it is a fact that we are close, and more than that, we are so comfortable with each other that we take each other for granted.
And that is where feel great injustice has been done to Amanda. For all the times she has tried to confide in me, and tried to just let her spill her guts, I have not been there for her, and I find my self dismissing her a lot more than before. Yeah, we do have our own lives, yet she is a big part of mine as a friend and more than that too. People just take her for granted. Yes that means a certain person, but I and I think some others are like that too. I feel really guilty towards her now, and I will make it up to her soon. That is a promise.
Sometimes, I just am not in the right mood when I talk to her. I know that she would revolve around a certain person, and I would rather talk about something else, but she has not talked about him for a while, and she has matured a lot as a person and as a friend. I need to spend more time with her, I am way to caught up in a lot of things that I don’t really need to be involved in, and it is high time that I stop being so selfish.
I know that might sound like I am in love with her or something, but I thing it is not a love in terms of BGR, but rather she is like the closest thing I have to a sister. She not only is someone that I enjoy being around, but I just have a certain sense of solace, and comfort knowing she is around. It is more than a relationship, it has become family.
I have matured a lot in drama club. And it has a greater impact on my internal self than I think. I think that a part of me would just die if the TJC drama club disbanded, but I know that our emotional bond will always be there, and we would find our own way of staying together. How often do we say something and mean it? I mean this: “I love TJC Drama club, and I love every one of its members.” Thanks for everything.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Brothers
i havent added the link yet, but there is a 1E brothers unite blog. i was just pondering over how we started it and how even though we dont really post on it that often, we still are close friends in school.
I wrote a post about nostalgia and how i missed my primar schoolmates in secondary school. yet i today felt a certain sense of longing and belonging to the 1E guys. For example, when isaac had his tablet stolen, we were all in major uproar, and we all identified with him. Or today, we discovered the absurdity of making VS a co-ed school. At first, marcus, isaac and i were just viloently discussing the change that pow chew was gonna make in VS, then eugene and kenneth joined in, all angry at that idiot for doing something so stupid and against the entire victorian tradition.
Haha, well that is just display of the guys. also, it has been like an unwritten ritual that at least 3 guys from the brudders would go have lunch together across the road at the coffeeshop. In fact, today was the first day that all 5 of 8 guys in class went across for lunch. I mean, yeah, it is a small event, and it really doesnt matter where we eat. but the thing was that we were happily chatting away, and overall just enjoying ourselves.
Same thing when we went back to school and slacked before IS. just us 5 guys in the next door classroom, and we just crapping around, laughing our ass off at the jokes that i found off the net. It was just an overall feel good kinda thing. i felt that our space was kinda invaded when YX came in, but that wasnt a strong feeling, it was just a bit weird.
I just never expected this to happen. earlier this year, i hardly interacted with the guys at all. it was only slowly after that i gt to know eugene and then marcus, and kennteth better. Isaac has always been my friend, but this is the first time in years, that i know we could sit together, and just crap around enjoying each other's company. In VS this never happened, everyone kept to themselves, and all of the students have the very Heck Care attitude. then now knowing that there are always these bunch of guys that i can talk to and enjoy myself with, it feels good.
On a side note, i guess that nick is a great guy. I mean, even though i am not like the closest guy to me, i know that he is like my lease hole in SC. i would approach eugene, but he has his own things, and i would not want to cause uproar in my own SC. Nick just has that really fun, yet really good listening attitude that maybe i can learn from.
So every aspect i kinda need something or someone to release my angst and stress. In Council, i got nick. In class, the brothers. But the thing i really want to attribute would be to my home and family, they are my release to life
I wrote a post about nostalgia and how i missed my primar schoolmates in secondary school. yet i today felt a certain sense of longing and belonging to the 1E guys. For example, when isaac had his tablet stolen, we were all in major uproar, and we all identified with him. Or today, we discovered the absurdity of making VS a co-ed school. At first, marcus, isaac and i were just viloently discussing the change that pow chew was gonna make in VS, then eugene and kenneth joined in, all angry at that idiot for doing something so stupid and against the entire victorian tradition.
Haha, well that is just display of the guys. also, it has been like an unwritten ritual that at least 3 guys from the brudders would go have lunch together across the road at the coffeeshop. In fact, today was the first day that all 5 of 8 guys in class went across for lunch. I mean, yeah, it is a small event, and it really doesnt matter where we eat. but the thing was that we were happily chatting away, and overall just enjoying ourselves.
Same thing when we went back to school and slacked before IS. just us 5 guys in the next door classroom, and we just crapping around, laughing our ass off at the jokes that i found off the net. It was just an overall feel good kinda thing. i felt that our space was kinda invaded when YX came in, but that wasnt a strong feeling, it was just a bit weird.
I just never expected this to happen. earlier this year, i hardly interacted with the guys at all. it was only slowly after that i gt to know eugene and then marcus, and kennteth better. Isaac has always been my friend, but this is the first time in years, that i know we could sit together, and just crap around enjoying each other's company. In VS this never happened, everyone kept to themselves, and all of the students have the very Heck Care attitude. then now knowing that there are always these bunch of guys that i can talk to and enjoy myself with, it feels good.
On a side note, i guess that nick is a great guy. I mean, even though i am not like the closest guy to me, i know that he is like my lease hole in SC. i would approach eugene, but he has his own things, and i would not want to cause uproar in my own SC. Nick just has that really fun, yet really good listening attitude that maybe i can learn from.
So every aspect i kinda need something or someone to release my angst and stress. In Council, i got nick. In class, the brothers. But the thing i really want to attribute would be to my home and family, they are my release to life
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Blood Boil
if you read this tomorrow, then most of you will already know of the theft incident in TJ. IT REALLY MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL TO THINK OF WHO DID THIS!
The incident is as follows.
I ended my PDP, M.A.G.I.C. and walked down to in front of the general office where i saw arvin, isaac and a few other trackkers walking around. i heard something about lost..., and that was about it. then, i approached isaac to find out what exactly had happaned. Turns out, some assh*** stole isaac's bag and took his tablet, phone and iPod from his bag. That just made my blood boil. the nerve of someone to steal in broad daylight! Whatsmore, i have known isaac for 5 years, we may not have been the best of friends, but he is my close friend, and i know that i can depend on him. for such a thing to happen, is just unthinkable, the idiot who took his bag nessed with the wrong person, i gaurentee i will do everything in my power to get that guy.
The story does not end there. the bags of Zhong ting and Kheng Sheng were reported missing too. initially isaac could not find his bag and the trackkers found it at the marquee area, near the canteen. but at that point, the tablet and valuables were gone. then now we had to locate the bags of the two soccer players, and we were enraged by the fact that so many of this was occuring, and it seemed deliberated directly at IP students. The biggest blow to all of them was the notes and the important documents in the tablet. I know how important it is. i write most of my notes in onenote, and i have all hassims slides there too. 8 months of notes and work, all gone, due to the idiocy of the group that took it.
Helpless. that is probably the most irritating feeling in the world. knowing that i could not be of great help to isaac or to zhong ting and kheng sheng, really ticked me off. also knowing that there is someone that was so screwed up and neurotic so as to steal from IP students, really got me dissed. but the helplessness i felt was so much more irritating. at that point, i put it as my personal duty to do whatever possible to help in anywae. i know that a lot of things are not within my control, but i also know that when my friends are in need, i need to be there for them, and that i can be but a friend.
To kheng sheng and zhong ting, getting the items back is our top priority. I know that you are damn pissed with the guy who did this, but rest assured, he will be caught.
To isaac, dont worry about it too much. i understand that the items were worth a lot of money, and that you are pissed and just want to get at the guys throat, but that it not an option right now. If you do need anyone to talk to, need help in getting anything, including study material and notes, you know who to look for.
and to the asshole that has taken the things, this will be your final time doing anything like this. the SC will catch you, Mr Tong will catch you, the school will catch you. You have messed with the wrong people, and have really gone too far. it is no longer just a theft, you have offended me personally. you will pay.
The incident is as follows.
I ended my PDP, M.A.G.I.C. and walked down to in front of the general office where i saw arvin, isaac and a few other trackkers walking around. i heard something about lost..., and that was about it. then, i approached isaac to find out what exactly had happaned. Turns out, some assh*** stole isaac's bag and took his tablet, phone and iPod from his bag. That just made my blood boil. the nerve of someone to steal in broad daylight! Whatsmore, i have known isaac for 5 years, we may not have been the best of friends, but he is my close friend, and i know that i can depend on him. for such a thing to happen, is just unthinkable, the idiot who took his bag nessed with the wrong person, i gaurentee i will do everything in my power to get that guy.
The story does not end there. the bags of Zhong ting and Kheng Sheng were reported missing too. initially isaac could not find his bag and the trackkers found it at the marquee area, near the canteen. but at that point, the tablet and valuables were gone. then now we had to locate the bags of the two soccer players, and we were enraged by the fact that so many of this was occuring, and it seemed deliberated directly at IP students. The biggest blow to all of them was the notes and the important documents in the tablet. I know how important it is. i write most of my notes in onenote, and i have all hassims slides there too. 8 months of notes and work, all gone, due to the idiocy of the group that took it.
Helpless. that is probably the most irritating feeling in the world. knowing that i could not be of great help to isaac or to zhong ting and kheng sheng, really ticked me off. also knowing that there is someone that was so screwed up and neurotic so as to steal from IP students, really got me dissed. but the helplessness i felt was so much more irritating. at that point, i put it as my personal duty to do whatever possible to help in anywae. i know that a lot of things are not within my control, but i also know that when my friends are in need, i need to be there for them, and that i can be but a friend.
To kheng sheng and zhong ting, getting the items back is our top priority. I know that you are damn pissed with the guy who did this, but rest assured, he will be caught.
To isaac, dont worry about it too much. i understand that the items were worth a lot of money, and that you are pissed and just want to get at the guys throat, but that it not an option right now. If you do need anyone to talk to, need help in getting anything, including study material and notes, you know who to look for.
and to the asshole that has taken the things, this will be your final time doing anything like this. the SC will catch you, Mr Tong will catch you, the school will catch you. You have messed with the wrong people, and have really gone too far. it is no longer just a theft, you have offended me personally. you will pay.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Loner
Sam has gone back to China and i cntinue with my life. Im back to doing things myself and not having to worry about someone other than myself. yeah, i noe it sounds kinda selfish, but i guess i need my own time more than i think i do.
Am I a loner? Well, i dont think so. at least i didnt think so. I always felt that i need to belong to some group or some one other than just myself. then recently i felt a wave of loneliness that i have never experienced before. I felt that i needed more than just, as kheng foo put it Hi-Bye Friends. I have many people that know me and smile at me and just say hi! and then Bye! it is nice to know that i know so many people, but i realise that i dont have anyone i can really confide in.
Then Sam came along. he was the China exchange student from TianJin. i appreciated him being here for the first few days, but i guess after a while i felt a little distant from him. I was getting kinda irritted for a while, and when he finally left, i felt sorry, but i also realised why. Sam and i have very different maturity levels. He may be mature in China, but here, we are quite different. i saw that he interacted better with my brother and my bro is pri 5. Even Wendy said it, He is like a little kid. Haha, no offence but yeah, we are more different than he thinks.
So back to the question, am i a loner? I dont want to be, but do i have to be?
I may change my template soon, the background no longer appeals to me. and i want to change myself to. i want to find a person or a group of people that i can have a nice long chat with. I like talking to Nick and Isaac, as they are more than just a face and more than just a passing friend. Nick i only known for a short while, but his sincirity is really ejoyable. Isaac, what else can i say? 5 years, and many more to come, hopefully.
Nah, i dont think i am a loner. at least if i am it is not by choice, but rather by circumstance. I rather have no friends than just fins any stranger and pour out mindless rants and gossip that are not part of my nature. I am just looking for that person/group that can understand and can bring out the best in me. yeah, still looking.
Am I a loner? Well, i dont think so. at least i didnt think so. I always felt that i need to belong to some group or some one other than just myself. then recently i felt a wave of loneliness that i have never experienced before. I felt that i needed more than just, as kheng foo put it Hi-Bye Friends. I have many people that know me and smile at me and just say hi! and then Bye! it is nice to know that i know so many people, but i realise that i dont have anyone i can really confide in.
Then Sam came along. he was the China exchange student from TianJin. i appreciated him being here for the first few days, but i guess after a while i felt a little distant from him. I was getting kinda irritted for a while, and when he finally left, i felt sorry, but i also realised why. Sam and i have very different maturity levels. He may be mature in China, but here, we are quite different. i saw that he interacted better with my brother and my bro is pri 5. Even Wendy said it, He is like a little kid. Haha, no offence but yeah, we are more different than he thinks.
So back to the question, am i a loner? I dont want to be, but do i have to be?
I may change my template soon, the background no longer appeals to me. and i want to change myself to. i want to find a person or a group of people that i can have a nice long chat with. I like talking to Nick and Isaac, as they are more than just a face and more than just a passing friend. Nick i only known for a short while, but his sincirity is really ejoyable. Isaac, what else can i say? 5 years, and many more to come, hopefully.
Nah, i dont think i am a loner. at least if i am it is not by choice, but rather by circumstance. I rather have no friends than just fins any stranger and pour out mindless rants and gossip that are not part of my nature. I am just looking for that person/group that can understand and can bring out the best in me. yeah, still looking.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Accomplishment
i just finished my course on the adventure tower, and after all the 5 items on tuesday and the current physical torment, i feel like just lying down and sleeping till tomorrow.
However, i am sure that many of the 1E/05s are gonna post about this day. why? because it was an accomplishment. im sure varun must be feeling really good. he was missing climbing intially, but during the double dual, or something like that, vaun used all his migh to pull me up.
On this note, i would like to talk about varun. i know that isaac and i like making fun of him, and he has some procrastination problems, much like me. but during that element (the term for one of the items on the adventure tower) i felt really confident in his strength. at first i was hesitatn of his strength, and comparing our sizes, we dont exactly make a good climbing pair. yet, when we locked our wrists, and he pulled as hard as he could to lift me to the next rung, i couldnt help but feel that all the cruel jokes and the offending was just chucked aside and we just focused on the taks at hand.
Haha, hopefully NS will be like this too. i know how in Scouts PLTC, we had so much good time bonding, and we really got to know each of our troop members better.
I like this phrase, friends are like tea leaves, you wont get a taste of them until they are in hot water.
overall, i have a really good feeling today. no doubt, this morning i felt groggy and lifeless, and for some reason there was a certain low demeanor this morning. yet now i feel enriched, sort of, and it feels really good.
Accomplishment is a really good feeling. after slogging it out and pusing to the limit, then when you ponder back on the event, you can't help but feel good. =)
However, i am sure that many of the 1E/05s are gonna post about this day. why? because it was an accomplishment. im sure varun must be feeling really good. he was missing climbing intially, but during the double dual, or something like that, vaun used all his migh to pull me up.
On this note, i would like to talk about varun. i know that isaac and i like making fun of him, and he has some procrastination problems, much like me. but during that element (the term for one of the items on the adventure tower) i felt really confident in his strength. at first i was hesitatn of his strength, and comparing our sizes, we dont exactly make a good climbing pair. yet, when we locked our wrists, and he pulled as hard as he could to lift me to the next rung, i couldnt help but feel that all the cruel jokes and the offending was just chucked aside and we just focused on the taks at hand.
Haha, hopefully NS will be like this too. i know how in Scouts PLTC, we had so much good time bonding, and we really got to know each of our troop members better.
I like this phrase, friends are like tea leaves, you wont get a taste of them until they are in hot water.
overall, i have a really good feeling today. no doubt, this morning i felt groggy and lifeless, and for some reason there was a certain low demeanor this morning. yet now i feel enriched, sort of, and it feels really good.
Accomplishment is a really good feeling. after slogging it out and pusing to the limit, then when you ponder back on the event, you can't help but feel good. =)
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Fast paced life
I never realised how fast paced life i had. It has never occurred to me how quick life can past, and how many things i actually am doing within a week. This brings me to another point, it is already week 6 of the 3rd term, and the exams are not far away.
Recently, i have had a china exchange student from Tianjin, by the name of Sam ling, or "ling xiang". i realise how much work i am doing when i explain to him what i do, and the number of tings i have to accomplish within a day. some people realise it, but apparently i dont. i am not really sre whether this is a good sign, cuz it could mean that i enjoy the things i do a lot, and hence do not realise that time is passing when i do stuff. or it could also mean that i have no regard for time and proirities and end up not organising time well.
I do enjoy students council too, though. the constant barrage of projects and things to do, ensures that i have things to do throughout the year. however, it is also kinda distracts me from my work, also, i dont particularly enjoy the frustations and the tension i sometimes feel in council.
The pace of life is just something i have to keep in check more often. if i do not realise how much time i have b4 the exams, i also end up screwing up my results in the end. I admit that i spend a lot of time blogging and i also MSN a lot. this then results me in using this as an excuse like sometimes online i would say i am discussing council stuff.
what can i say? no offence to sam, but i guess he kinda drags me and slows me down. it is kinda ironic as when i am alone, as in before the exchange programme, i would usually spend much time alone, and lamenting on the fact that i do not have much company, yet with him around i feel like i have a lack of personal space and time. I enjoy his company and all, but i need my own space too. maybe it requires balance, i need to have a certain output like maybe some friends i can spout my nonsense to, but i also need to have time where can self reflect. that is what my blog is for.
eugene once said, imagine the world goes at this pace *pitterpatterpitterpatter*, if you go at this pace *pat pat pat* the world wont wait for you.. true, and that is where i know i cannot change the pace of my life, but i need to find more time to keep myself in check and remind myself to slow down, and relax, before i go too far.
Honestly, life is fast paced and, like a roller coaster, has its ups and downs, extreme ups and downs, but just enjoy the thrill of the ride, and do the best to make the ride enjoyable! =)
Recently, i have had a china exchange student from Tianjin, by the name of Sam ling, or "ling xiang". i realise how much work i am doing when i explain to him what i do, and the number of tings i have to accomplish within a day. some people realise it, but apparently i dont. i am not really sre whether this is a good sign, cuz it could mean that i enjoy the things i do a lot, and hence do not realise that time is passing when i do stuff. or it could also mean that i have no regard for time and proirities and end up not organising time well.
I do enjoy students council too, though. the constant barrage of projects and things to do, ensures that i have things to do throughout the year. however, it is also kinda distracts me from my work, also, i dont particularly enjoy the frustations and the tension i sometimes feel in council.
The pace of life is just something i have to keep in check more often. if i do not realise how much time i have b4 the exams, i also end up screwing up my results in the end. I admit that i spend a lot of time blogging and i also MSN a lot. this then results me in using this as an excuse like sometimes online i would say i am discussing council stuff.
what can i say? no offence to sam, but i guess he kinda drags me and slows me down. it is kinda ironic as when i am alone, as in before the exchange programme, i would usually spend much time alone, and lamenting on the fact that i do not have much company, yet with him around i feel like i have a lack of personal space and time. I enjoy his company and all, but i need my own space too. maybe it requires balance, i need to have a certain output like maybe some friends i can spout my nonsense to, but i also need to have time where can self reflect. that is what my blog is for.
eugene once said, imagine the world goes at this pace *pitterpatterpitterpatter*, if you go at this pace *pat pat pat* the world wont wait for you.. true, and that is where i know i cannot change the pace of my life, but i need to find more time to keep myself in check and remind myself to slow down, and relax, before i go too far.
Honestly, life is fast paced and, like a roller coaster, has its ups and downs, extreme ups and downs, but just enjoy the thrill of the ride, and do the best to make the ride enjoyable! =)
Monday, July 25, 2005
little things
life is filled with little things. things that not many people pay attention to, but they can accumulate to a large portion of life. From the little action of saying thank you to the putting down of other people, they really do make a difference.
Perhaps i am one of those oversensitive people that like to pay attention to those small insignificant things, and i end up over criticising myself or making mountains out of molehills.
I found it funny when Ms Cheah said during the breifing for the exchange students, that some little details we overlook at home like certain practices before or after mealtime, might be offensive to some people. the particular example i found interesting was the one where she spoke of couples that divorce as they didnt know about the daily practices of his or her spouse. like even the squeezing of the toothpaste bottle from the middle or the end, could cause another trigger to the couples seperation.
I enjoy how people would send an sms after a project or meeting and say thanks for coming or talk about how productive the meeting was. I know that Nick does it all the time, and some might take it for granted, but they then feel good about the message. I try to mimic him, in value and in priciple, as i think that even if people ignore the effort or just delete the message without half a glance, it can still have a certain impact on others, and i am sure that even i enjoy the small praise for a job well done.
This just goes to show how important the little things are. however, there are times where i think i get overly agitated with certain little tricks and teases that are not supposed to mean anything. for example, i love singing, especially out loud. however, i know that i am not the best singer on earth, but that does not mean that i like people asking me to shut up. sigh... it is being over sensitive, but if the action is so minute, it is not hard to just not to say it, and it has a better impact on the receiver. another is how i dont always understand the tricks that are played on me. sorry syak, but when you purposely ignore me, and in front of others, i know that you are joking, but i just take it too much to heart. not your fault, just i too sensitive.
Maybe that is whats most important in a relationship, that as much as the big feelings are important, that one is able to live with the partner on the day to day basis and is able to live and accept and even mesh together. same for family, the little times i get to talk to my parents in the car or during dinner, or the weekends we find things to do and have fun together. without them we wont have the bond we share.
now that i talk about it, i think i really feel guilty towards my little brother. my mom tells me that i play a big part in his life and that the things i do to aggravate him strains our relationship. i just find it hard to be fair and nice to him, and i just get too irritating, it is true, i do constantly aggravate him.
little things accumulate, and they can become a big part of life. some little things hurt and some are nice, but taken for granted. we just need to looker deeper into our actions, i may not have high awareness of my physical body, but when it comes to my actions, i beleive and i hope that i have a resonable level of control over myself.
little things, become big things.
Perhaps i am one of those oversensitive people that like to pay attention to those small insignificant things, and i end up over criticising myself or making mountains out of molehills.
I found it funny when Ms Cheah said during the breifing for the exchange students, that some little details we overlook at home like certain practices before or after mealtime, might be offensive to some people. the particular example i found interesting was the one where she spoke of couples that divorce as they didnt know about the daily practices of his or her spouse. like even the squeezing of the toothpaste bottle from the middle or the end, could cause another trigger to the couples seperation.
I enjoy how people would send an sms after a project or meeting and say thanks for coming or talk about how productive the meeting was. I know that Nick does it all the time, and some might take it for granted, but they then feel good about the message. I try to mimic him, in value and in priciple, as i think that even if people ignore the effort or just delete the message without half a glance, it can still have a certain impact on others, and i am sure that even i enjoy the small praise for a job well done.
This just goes to show how important the little things are. however, there are times where i think i get overly agitated with certain little tricks and teases that are not supposed to mean anything. for example, i love singing, especially out loud. however, i know that i am not the best singer on earth, but that does not mean that i like people asking me to shut up. sigh... it is being over sensitive, but if the action is so minute, it is not hard to just not to say it, and it has a better impact on the receiver. another is how i dont always understand the tricks that are played on me. sorry syak, but when you purposely ignore me, and in front of others, i know that you are joking, but i just take it too much to heart. not your fault, just i too sensitive.
Maybe that is whats most important in a relationship, that as much as the big feelings are important, that one is able to live with the partner on the day to day basis and is able to live and accept and even mesh together. same for family, the little times i get to talk to my parents in the car or during dinner, or the weekends we find things to do and have fun together. without them we wont have the bond we share.
now that i talk about it, i think i really feel guilty towards my little brother. my mom tells me that i play a big part in his life and that the things i do to aggravate him strains our relationship. i just find it hard to be fair and nice to him, and i just get too irritating, it is true, i do constantly aggravate him.
little things accumulate, and they can become a big part of life. some little things hurt and some are nice, but taken for granted. we just need to looker deeper into our actions, i may not have high awareness of my physical body, but when it comes to my actions, i beleive and i hope that i have a resonable level of control over myself.
little things, become big things.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Highs and lows
the recent TA fun night was really good! i wouldn't say it was a success, but it turned out quite well. therefore, i wanna thank the 29th SC, and all that came, cuz it really could not have been done without ya guys.
i had a good time, and the most of the TASC too. the reason being that we went through the entire night with as little hiccups as possible. sure, the food ran out too quickly, and the drinks were finished by 8, but there were people that bothered to come, and they had quite a good time with all the performances (okay so the bands weren't that great) and the food ( people eat too fast >.< ).
The organising of the entire thing was not that fun, but i kinda enjoyed the night before the TA night. I noe syak kinda pissed at turnout to help the things like the frame, and backdrop, but i, ironically, enjoyed doing the bacjdrop without so many people. The people that actually stayed back to do were me, syak and yee chuin. those were the people from the TASC. but i think the people that should receive more credit would be 3 of the house caps and nick. chun kiat, raimi, benjamin and nick. thanks so much guys!!! thank you for staying back till 12 am to spray paint the back drop and do up the frame.
I particularly enjoyed the nice company of the 29s and the 2 people there which were 100% committed. the thing is that when you are with people that are driven and really want to get things done, you have that sense of acheivement. actually i was more proud that there were at least 2 more (from TASC) that were willing to help. i couldnt care less that the rest went home, i just was glad i had help.
on friday, i was just worried that we could not get things done on time. it was 3 pm, and the AV guys had not met me to setup the stuff. the decor part was doing okay, but yee chuin was very worried it wouldnt turn out nicely. the previous night most of it was still arguments, and a lot of unsettled stuff. today, everything was being rushed, and the deadline was no longer than 3 hours. then just 1 1/2? 2? hours before the fun night, we change the venue, due to the rain, and chaos just came. but we made it in good time. partially because not many people came at 6. in fact, the turnout seemed so bad that we did not officially start until 7.15, 45 mins off our initial start time.
from there things started to pick up. the turnout became better, and the things started to kick off well. the people had something to focus on and there was at least some direction to the whole thing. I think that the part i enjoyed the most had to be the end. not because it was so bad that i wanted it to end, but because of my favourite part, mass dance! here is another part where it would not have been as good without the 29th. they performed on stage, we performed on the floor, and it looked really nice. a great way to end the whole thing :D
the next day, i was tired beyond tired. my arms ached so much, i swear they were going to drop off. i just felt like sleeping the whole day. (which i did) even today, monday, my muscles still hurt and im still suffering from the fatigue of the two days.
sigh, saturday i eventually fell sick. KaX couldnt make it for the concert, and now me too. I am really sorry bib, maybe next time we treat you to a meal or something? haish, after all the hype i gave when i said i was going to go, now i feel really bad, like i betrayed her or something. it was like thursday night. i was going to stay as long as needed to do finish the backdrop, and that meant even staying over, but in the end, i called my parents, and hearing them all worried about me, my heart just sank. am i really giving too much for SC? am i losing touch of my friends, and maybe even my family? what else can i do? i have to make up for it. make everything better.
haha, now i really have lost the inspiration i had when i started. oh well, blog i shall, but of what next?
i had a good time, and the most of the TASC too. the reason being that we went through the entire night with as little hiccups as possible. sure, the food ran out too quickly, and the drinks were finished by 8, but there were people that bothered to come, and they had quite a good time with all the performances (okay so the bands weren't that great) and the food ( people eat too fast >.< ).
The organising of the entire thing was not that fun, but i kinda enjoyed the night before the TA night. I noe syak kinda pissed at turnout to help the things like the frame, and backdrop, but i, ironically, enjoyed doing the bacjdrop without so many people. The people that actually stayed back to do were me, syak and yee chuin. those were the people from the TASC. but i think the people that should receive more credit would be 3 of the house caps and nick. chun kiat, raimi, benjamin and nick. thanks so much guys!!! thank you for staying back till 12 am to spray paint the back drop and do up the frame.
I particularly enjoyed the nice company of the 29s and the 2 people there which were 100% committed. the thing is that when you are with people that are driven and really want to get things done, you have that sense of acheivement. actually i was more proud that there were at least 2 more (from TASC) that were willing to help. i couldnt care less that the rest went home, i just was glad i had help.
on friday, i was just worried that we could not get things done on time. it was 3 pm, and the AV guys had not met me to setup the stuff. the decor part was doing okay, but yee chuin was very worried it wouldnt turn out nicely. the previous night most of it was still arguments, and a lot of unsettled stuff. today, everything was being rushed, and the deadline was no longer than 3 hours. then just 1 1/2? 2? hours before the fun night, we change the venue, due to the rain, and chaos just came. but we made it in good time. partially because not many people came at 6. in fact, the turnout seemed so bad that we did not officially start until 7.15, 45 mins off our initial start time.
from there things started to pick up. the turnout became better, and the things started to kick off well. the people had something to focus on and there was at least some direction to the whole thing. I think that the part i enjoyed the most had to be the end. not because it was so bad that i wanted it to end, but because of my favourite part, mass dance! here is another part where it would not have been as good without the 29th. they performed on stage, we performed on the floor, and it looked really nice. a great way to end the whole thing :D
the next day, i was tired beyond tired. my arms ached so much, i swear they were going to drop off. i just felt like sleeping the whole day. (which i did) even today, monday, my muscles still hurt and im still suffering from the fatigue of the two days.
sigh, saturday i eventually fell sick. KaX couldnt make it for the concert, and now me too. I am really sorry bib, maybe next time we treat you to a meal or something? haish, after all the hype i gave when i said i was going to go, now i feel really bad, like i betrayed her or something. it was like thursday night. i was going to stay as long as needed to do finish the backdrop, and that meant even staying over, but in the end, i called my parents, and hearing them all worried about me, my heart just sank. am i really giving too much for SC? am i losing touch of my friends, and maybe even my family? what else can i do? i have to make up for it. make everything better.
haha, now i really have lost the inspiration i had when i started. oh well, blog i shall, but of what next?
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Fragility
A brave front is a cover up, or even a facade to hide the more fragile emotions of the heart. It helps to shirk any direct or indirect attack on the things that we deem more "touchy" and sensitive.
Jokers are usually people that put up a really strong front, bullies, loud people and most outstanding characters that make a lot of noise and are overall, involving in everyone elses business but themselves. It is just a matter of directing our own thoughts to anyone else but ourselves.
Im not sure if i put a front, but i know that i definitely put up a front, to quite a large extent, in class. At home, i have the comfort of my parents, and i know that they, i can always confide in. I guess i am really lucky. i dont realise what a good relationship i have with my parents. i see people like yee chuin, she seems to have a very good relationship with her mom. Then i stop and think about some of my other friends. i hope you dont mind syakirah, but you reminded me on how lucky i am to have my parents and the bond that my parents and i share. At least syak has circumstances, and she has the desire and want, to get closer to her mom. i know of some that dont tell their parents anything. He is not only losing the bond between him and his parents, but he risks making the wrong choices, and the parents not being there to understand as they dont know what is going on in his life. So yeah, i am really lucky, and i am glad my home is a sanctuary where i do not have to put up the facade that i do in school.
In school, it is a slightly different ball game. the thing is that in school you are dealing with peers and thiers and my own immaturity. my mom likes to complain/joke that when you confide in your friends in everything, it could be a case of "the blind leading the blind". It is true, how much have we experienced in this short span of 15 years? compare their experience to yours, close to 2.5 time your lifetime. So in school and in class, everyone puts up a front, be it thicker or thinner.
So, what about the front? well, i am not sure about my front. sometimes, i just want to be that big carefree fun guy, that is over enthu and is slightly psychotic. Yet, there are many times i want to be mature about things and am not able to get the repsect and understanding of others. My front is inconsistent and varies so much that sometimes i lose who i am, and become one of those zombies that rattles on mindlessly without an end.
i actually entitled this post "fragility", i wanted to take about the inner and the outer me and how it differs, too bad that i harped so much on the outer.
with regards to the inside. i guess there really isnt much to be said. i am still at the age where i am still finding myself. easily influenced and quite gullible sometimes. and i guess that it is now where we try to make as many friends and as diversely connected as possible. Yes, i am finding myself. but with that, we are then letting ourselves be very open, and risk the possibility of getting seriously hurt. betrayal is one of the sad killers of trust. Cynicism is increasing amongst people my age and it sometimes gets quite unnerving. What can i say, isnt that what the front is for? it is mostly comprising of cynicism and other things add on to make our demeanor overall unstable, and eventually unsure of ourselves. what i am saying is that, with everyone taking everything so negatively, where is the fun of life, and the joy of optimism.
well, i am very easily affected even tho it is not shown on my face. i get hurt by the stupidest things and even insults when i know i shouldnt be taking to heart. it is not things like "you're fat" or "you're dumb". but things that hurt are those that make sense, and try to lower self confidence.
So the outer, well, most of it just a combination of the outgoing-ness of my inner self. my inner self is mostly a mystery. the whole thing is me. me.
Jokers are usually people that put up a really strong front, bullies, loud people and most outstanding characters that make a lot of noise and are overall, involving in everyone elses business but themselves. It is just a matter of directing our own thoughts to anyone else but ourselves.
Im not sure if i put a front, but i know that i definitely put up a front, to quite a large extent, in class. At home, i have the comfort of my parents, and i know that they, i can always confide in. I guess i am really lucky. i dont realise what a good relationship i have with my parents. i see people like yee chuin, she seems to have a very good relationship with her mom. Then i stop and think about some of my other friends. i hope you dont mind syakirah, but you reminded me on how lucky i am to have my parents and the bond that my parents and i share. At least syak has circumstances, and she has the desire and want, to get closer to her mom. i know of some that dont tell their parents anything. He is not only losing the bond between him and his parents, but he risks making the wrong choices, and the parents not being there to understand as they dont know what is going on in his life. So yeah, i am really lucky, and i am glad my home is a sanctuary where i do not have to put up the facade that i do in school.
In school, it is a slightly different ball game. the thing is that in school you are dealing with peers and thiers and my own immaturity. my mom likes to complain/joke that when you confide in your friends in everything, it could be a case of "the blind leading the blind". It is true, how much have we experienced in this short span of 15 years? compare their experience to yours, close to 2.5 time your lifetime. So in school and in class, everyone puts up a front, be it thicker or thinner.
So, what about the front? well, i am not sure about my front. sometimes, i just want to be that big carefree fun guy, that is over enthu and is slightly psychotic. Yet, there are many times i want to be mature about things and am not able to get the repsect and understanding of others. My front is inconsistent and varies so much that sometimes i lose who i am, and become one of those zombies that rattles on mindlessly without an end.
i actually entitled this post "fragility", i wanted to take about the inner and the outer me and how it differs, too bad that i harped so much on the outer.
with regards to the inside. i guess there really isnt much to be said. i am still at the age where i am still finding myself. easily influenced and quite gullible sometimes. and i guess that it is now where we try to make as many friends and as diversely connected as possible. Yes, i am finding myself. but with that, we are then letting ourselves be very open, and risk the possibility of getting seriously hurt. betrayal is one of the sad killers of trust. Cynicism is increasing amongst people my age and it sometimes gets quite unnerving. What can i say, isnt that what the front is for? it is mostly comprising of cynicism and other things add on to make our demeanor overall unstable, and eventually unsure of ourselves. what i am saying is that, with everyone taking everything so negatively, where is the fun of life, and the joy of optimism.
well, i am very easily affected even tho it is not shown on my face. i get hurt by the stupidest things and even insults when i know i shouldnt be taking to heart. it is not things like "you're fat" or "you're dumb". but things that hurt are those that make sense, and try to lower self confidence.
So the outer, well, most of it just a combination of the outgoing-ness of my inner self. my inner self is mostly a mystery. the whole thing is me. me.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Missing, nostalgia
Coming back to school after the 4 weeks, i saw all the people that i missed during the hols. people like shouvik, jiayi, amanda, aqil, and the list can go on. i was then reminded of my sec school peeps that i visited during the VIP openhouse yesterday (sat). last but not least i remind myself of the primary school ex-ro, and how i will be meeting them at habibah's guitar concert.
the first week i met all the usual classmates, and i think my previous posts on the class issues pretty much said it all. then i started to see the 29th SC ppl. the first week they had JCT's so their times were irregular, but now i see them all again! and am allowed to hang out together with them in the SC room. btw, the electronic signboard outside the SC room is now so cool, with it saying "Temasek Junior College 29th and 1st TA Students Council". that is just soo kewl! it is a pride thing =D
well, these people are easy to stay in contact with. they are in the same school, but people like leon, sean, and the 2K VSGEP'05, these people may be just down the road, but their schedule is tight and so is mine, we have barely enuf time to chat online! and it is not just the VS GEP, but practically all my friends in GEP. we used to be able to hang out together after/during inter-gep activities, but now there are no "inter-IP" activities, and it is quite dissapointing not seeing everyone again.
our schedules are just choking! I have not chatted with Xinyi for close to 7 months, and it was so nice to chat with her again recently. Just a simple "good morning :)" in the morning, made my day. still, our work is piling up, and getting quite stressful for all IP schools, in fact i see the most people online at 11pm, cuz they are rushing their work!
I think out of all the groups that i have mentioned, the people i really want to keep in contact with are the Ex-Ro (Ex-Rosythians of 2002). we shared 3 years of schooling together, and then we shared more time during the inter-GEP events in secondary school, i feel really luck that we had such chances to keep together in secondary school.
So now i am trying to talk to them again, even with their bz schedule, hence i think it is important that i go for the guitar concert. I dont get it. how is it that we lose touch so easily? sigh... i miss them.
well, i guess that it was inevitable before i started talking about isaac. like a venn diagram, he is the only guy that is in the middle, where all three intersect. he is just that quiet, weird guy that i have friended, hated, and rivalled against for 5 years. it is weird that we have been in the same class for so long. but it is also good to know that there is some guy that knows all the things i am talking about, the people i am referring to and the things that happened. alter ego: xtian. good advise on my tagboard that i would not have expected from him. he has changed, i have changed, friends? maybe. but surely, he will be unforgettable, and someone i know i can respect. to isaac, thanks.
ciao
the first week i met all the usual classmates, and i think my previous posts on the class issues pretty much said it all. then i started to see the 29th SC ppl. the first week they had JCT's so their times were irregular, but now i see them all again! and am allowed to hang out together with them in the SC room. btw, the electronic signboard outside the SC room is now so cool, with it saying "Temasek Junior College 29th and 1st TA Students Council". that is just soo kewl! it is a pride thing =D
well, these people are easy to stay in contact with. they are in the same school, but people like leon, sean, and the 2K VSGEP'05, these people may be just down the road, but their schedule is tight and so is mine, we have barely enuf time to chat online! and it is not just the VS GEP, but practically all my friends in GEP. we used to be able to hang out together after/during inter-gep activities, but now there are no "inter-IP" activities, and it is quite dissapointing not seeing everyone again.
our schedules are just choking! I have not chatted with Xinyi for close to 7 months, and it was so nice to chat with her again recently. Just a simple "good morning :)" in the morning, made my day. still, our work is piling up, and getting quite stressful for all IP schools, in fact i see the most people online at 11pm, cuz they are rushing their work!
I think out of all the groups that i have mentioned, the people i really want to keep in contact with are the Ex-Ro (Ex-Rosythians of 2002). we shared 3 years of schooling together, and then we shared more time during the inter-GEP events in secondary school, i feel really luck that we had such chances to keep together in secondary school.
So now i am trying to talk to them again, even with their bz schedule, hence i think it is important that i go for the guitar concert. I dont get it. how is it that we lose touch so easily? sigh... i miss them.
well, i guess that it was inevitable before i started talking about isaac. like a venn diagram, he is the only guy that is in the middle, where all three intersect. he is just that quiet, weird guy that i have friended, hated, and rivalled against for 5 years. it is weird that we have been in the same class for so long. but it is also good to know that there is some guy that knows all the things i am talking about, the people i am referring to and the things that happened. alter ego: xtian. good advise on my tagboard that i would not have expected from him. he has changed, i have changed, friends? maybe. but surely, he will be unforgettable, and someone i know i can respect. to isaac, thanks.
ciao
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Busying up and family
With the first week of school ended, i guess i wanna sum up what i have done.
The first week has been great, many changes in my life, in fact a lot has changed over the holidays as well. Maybe it is a new attitude to life, maybe it is a new liberation, but whatever the case, i am feeling good, and prepared for challenges upcoming.
Speaking of the upcoming challeges! On the 15th of july (friday), Temasek Academy is having a "TA fun night", it will be a night of fun, games and excitement! Everyone is invited to come! but remember to bring your juniors!
Yup, that is our project for this part of the term. The TASC is gonna plan the entire thing, and get up and ready, IN TWO WEEKS!!! Whew, we are going to have one hell of a time! but at least now we are going as one full force of the 12-man team!
Haha, that is exactly the kind of challeges i am talking about. Then there is the social life. as you guys can see, i have moved to the other side of class, i guess that most of it is elaborated in the previous entries.
Hence, i cant really post as frequently. i couldnt post on friday, and hence, am posting now! with so much going on in my life, i think that i am neglecting my family the most. previously my mom would joke My Son never comes home anymore!, well, that is a joke on her side, but to a certain extent it is kinda true.
In the first term, i stayed back to do my work, and mostly to spend time with people. then in the second term, i started getting really involved in things, like SC campaigning, Drama, then SC projects etc. i stayed back every day to do one thing or another. then now, the start of the third ter, and the pace is starting to pick up again. very soon, i will be back to my old schedule, and scurrying to catch with work. there is one major difference tho. I feel different about my whole course. i guess it is because of my severe thrashout during SC meeting, as well as my move to the "West side". then there is the new contacting of old friends. i feel more enriched in what i do and what needs to be done.
Im going to Habibah's guitar concert on the 16th of july, and this is cuz i have started chatting with ppl like bb and KaX and some of the ex-ro, which i have kinda ignored since sec 1. I miss those guys, and the days when we could be innocent, crazy and just fun-loving. instead, in school, we are caught up with personal image, cliques, politics, more in class than anywhere else.
I think back on what Mr tan said Friends are the new 20th century family, which i guess to a certain extent is true, but i cant help feeling that my family is the most important thing to me. I feel that my family, and most of my beleif system is based on family, and family togetherness. Most, if not all, of my family members are very family orientated. no matter what beleif, religion, we all treasure family and, know that this is the solace we all have. that is where i get confused. i love my family, and i treasure them the most, yet i am spending less and less time with them. in fact over this long weekend of 4 days (sat, sun, monday is youth day, tuesday is a TJ holiday) 2 of the days i am going out to friends' houses to do project or SC stuff.
It is a major pity. i really find it difficult to spend time with them, but then again, i could push out things, but i rather not. I see that most of the TASC are really family people. take Yee Chuin for example, we keep hearing of how she goes out with her mom, and they spend time together, same for syak, and how she still meets her mom even on weekdays (oh btw, thanks syak, for telling me some personal stuf, i feel honored that you trust me =) ). it is those little things we do that bring us closer to our families, and i learnt from amanda that we have to stay close to family.
With that, i am going to finish my work and hopefully go out with my family tonight for dinner. remember little things, add up to one great big family =D
The first week has been great, many changes in my life, in fact a lot has changed over the holidays as well. Maybe it is a new attitude to life, maybe it is a new liberation, but whatever the case, i am feeling good, and prepared for challenges upcoming.
Speaking of the upcoming challeges! On the 15th of july (friday), Temasek Academy is having a "TA fun night", it will be a night of fun, games and excitement! Everyone is invited to come! but remember to bring your juniors!
Yup, that is our project for this part of the term. The TASC is gonna plan the entire thing, and get up and ready, IN TWO WEEKS!!! Whew, we are going to have one hell of a time! but at least now we are going as one full force of the 12-man team!
Haha, that is exactly the kind of challeges i am talking about. Then there is the social life. as you guys can see, i have moved to the other side of class, i guess that most of it is elaborated in the previous entries.
Hence, i cant really post as frequently. i couldnt post on friday, and hence, am posting now! with so much going on in my life, i think that i am neglecting my family the most. previously my mom would joke My Son never comes home anymore!, well, that is a joke on her side, but to a certain extent it is kinda true.
In the first term, i stayed back to do my work, and mostly to spend time with people. then in the second term, i started getting really involved in things, like SC campaigning, Drama, then SC projects etc. i stayed back every day to do one thing or another. then now, the start of the third ter, and the pace is starting to pick up again. very soon, i will be back to my old schedule, and scurrying to catch with work. there is one major difference tho. I feel different about my whole course. i guess it is because of my severe thrashout during SC meeting, as well as my move to the "West side". then there is the new contacting of old friends. i feel more enriched in what i do and what needs to be done.
Im going to Habibah's guitar concert on the 16th of july, and this is cuz i have started chatting with ppl like bb and KaX and some of the ex-ro, which i have kinda ignored since sec 1. I miss those guys, and the days when we could be innocent, crazy and just fun-loving. instead, in school, we are caught up with personal image, cliques, politics, more in class than anywhere else.
I think back on what Mr tan said Friends are the new 20th century family, which i guess to a certain extent is true, but i cant help feeling that my family is the most important thing to me. I feel that my family, and most of my beleif system is based on family, and family togetherness. Most, if not all, of my family members are very family orientated. no matter what beleif, religion, we all treasure family and, know that this is the solace we all have. that is where i get confused. i love my family, and i treasure them the most, yet i am spending less and less time with them. in fact over this long weekend of 4 days (sat, sun, monday is youth day, tuesday is a TJ holiday) 2 of the days i am going out to friends' houses to do project or SC stuff.
It is a major pity. i really find it difficult to spend time with them, but then again, i could push out things, but i rather not. I see that most of the TASC are really family people. take Yee Chuin for example, we keep hearing of how she goes out with her mom, and they spend time together, same for syak, and how she still meets her mom even on weekdays (oh btw, thanks syak, for telling me some personal stuf, i feel honored that you trust me =) ). it is those little things we do that bring us closer to our families, and i learnt from amanda that we have to stay close to family.
With that, i am going to finish my work and hopefully go out with my family tonight for dinner. remember little things, add up to one great big family =D
Friday, July 01, 2005
blogs and such
Are good things boring? As I looked over some of my previous entries, perhaps I found of them quite bland. It is not like I am going to retract tem, but I just guess that sometimes things that are lacking in conflict and tension just becomes boring. Haha, but that does not mean I am looking for trouble, I jus guess that it is not so exciting reading a boring blog.
Hopefully I find a way of making my entries more vibrant, but I am still glad that I have this source of output to say my good and bad experiences. When starting out on my blog, I started with many heavily emotional and resentment within the words. Now that it is mostly out, I don’t have that burden floating over my head anymore. It started with ranting. Some hurt others, but that I try to clear out. That was my blog, a spouting shell, or a complaining space.
Now I post light and quite insignificant blog posts, and I wonder if I should post about my day or wait until I have surges of emotion or particularly disturbing/interesting things to talk about.
I guess that this entry is all about blogs. Mine and others. And I guess most forms of teenage expression.
Looking at MSN, its quite obvious that most of us put lovey-dovey things as our nick, if not we pose questions of life and challenge our opinions of life and living. I guess that I do that too, sometimes. Then I see some blog posts being very complicated and philosophical. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, but I wonder how much to we really understand of what we are saying.
My Mom constantly tells me that I cant substantiate most of my arguments as I do not read enough and am ignorant of the world. I like to rebut and say that I am quite aware of the world, but truthfully, I really have no clue how others are living. I can hear it from friends and family, but I can only sympathise. Mr Tan is the other person that intrigues me. I would really like to see how he posts on his blog. He is aware of the world, he is a GP teacher, and has a good mastery of the English language, how does he post? Is it as rantful and ignorant as our blogs? Or is more than that?
I saw posts on blogs like Kerry’s and the old posts of mariam. Even some of Lester’s posts. I know they have good eloquence and they are good in expressing themselves in the written form. Yet there is still that limit of their own life. Yes a blog is personal recount, but it doesn’t mean that he or she has to victimise themselves.
Sighh.. even as I type this, I am quite aware that this is my expression of what I believe is mature. Based on my personal maturity capability, I try to objectify, but it still is an opinion.
Perhaps I might still post everyday (if possible) and see what I can add to my everyday life. It might end up as the soppy crap that is boring, but some of it might be good. Haha, I understand what varun means when he says that this is not light reading. I tend to go on and on, but there are some that still read my blog. I wanna say thanks. Even if you hate me and you just want to see what you can exploit of me, or if you are one of those that care for me and want to know how my life is like, and learning from my experiences, I just want you to know that I appreciate you reading this.
To end, Amanda told me this, “see this: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ […] i must keep telling the people i love that i love them”, to those that love me, I love you.
Hopefully I find a way of making my entries more vibrant, but I am still glad that I have this source of output to say my good and bad experiences. When starting out on my blog, I started with many heavily emotional and resentment within the words. Now that it is mostly out, I don’t have that burden floating over my head anymore. It started with ranting. Some hurt others, but that I try to clear out. That was my blog, a spouting shell, or a complaining space.
Now I post light and quite insignificant blog posts, and I wonder if I should post about my day or wait until I have surges of emotion or particularly disturbing/interesting things to talk about.
I guess that this entry is all about blogs. Mine and others. And I guess most forms of teenage expression.
Looking at MSN, its quite obvious that most of us put lovey-dovey things as our nick, if not we pose questions of life and challenge our opinions of life and living. I guess that I do that too, sometimes. Then I see some blog posts being very complicated and philosophical. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, but I wonder how much to we really understand of what we are saying.
My Mom constantly tells me that I cant substantiate most of my arguments as I do not read enough and am ignorant of the world. I like to rebut and say that I am quite aware of the world, but truthfully, I really have no clue how others are living. I can hear it from friends and family, but I can only sympathise. Mr Tan is the other person that intrigues me. I would really like to see how he posts on his blog. He is aware of the world, he is a GP teacher, and has a good mastery of the English language, how does he post? Is it as rantful and ignorant as our blogs? Or is more than that?
I saw posts on blogs like Kerry’s and the old posts of mariam. Even some of Lester’s posts. I know they have good eloquence and they are good in expressing themselves in the written form. Yet there is still that limit of their own life. Yes a blog is personal recount, but it doesn’t mean that he or she has to victimise themselves.
Sighh.. even as I type this, I am quite aware that this is my expression of what I believe is mature. Based on my personal maturity capability, I try to objectify, but it still is an opinion.
Perhaps I might still post everyday (if possible) and see what I can add to my everyday life. It might end up as the soppy crap that is boring, but some of it might be good. Haha, I understand what varun means when he says that this is not light reading. I tend to go on and on, but there are some that still read my blog. I wanna say thanks. Even if you hate me and you just want to see what you can exploit of me, or if you are one of those that care for me and want to know how my life is like, and learning from my experiences, I just want you to know that I appreciate you reading this.
To end, Amanda told me this, “see this: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ […] i must keep telling the people i love that i love them”, to those that love me, I love you.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
The change that i need
I actually posted something earlier today. but i decided that it was no onger a part of my life and so i deleted it. I guess there are some things in life we need to let go, and there was no point harbouring over it.
But i shall say what made me write it. It was a chat with Yixiu, it was about personal stuff that concerned my past. i told you yesterday that things were going to change, and i guess that part of change is letting go and exploring new facets of life. The entry was simply to negative for myself, and hence i post this now.
Today, one of the things Marcus said to me was "Welcome to the West!", that was quite funni, cuz it really shows how split the class really is. And finally, i am out of my rut in my previous seat.
I was actually a bit scared this morning. I knew that Varun would definitely object, but i dont really pay much attention to what he says. Anyway, even though yesterday i said i was going to move, i was not exactly sure if people like Wendy and Sarah would make noise about it. I was then decently surprised when they said nothing about it.
The first period was math, and i was just sitting in my corner quietly doing my math. then i was quite surprised when sarah kept turning around asking me on help and verification for her math. i guess i expected them to not really talk to me, and surprised i was. Overall, it was just easier to sit on the other side. I am not choked by some mental barrier, and people there are more responsive. I used to joke that i was the only "right person" that was loud and made a lot response to the other side, i joked that i was a immigrant :D. now it seems weird that i have gone that side.
Usually i would "psst..." loudly when there was an inside joke between me and isaac, now either cuz he is kinda hyper for these few days, or maybe we have changed, we talk like old buddies and lament about the days in rosyth and VS. it seems like this year, my overall perception of isaac has changed dramatically. looks like if we are not busy backstabbing each other, we got along quite well! XP
Maybe i am making a mountain out of a mole hill. It doesnt really matter where i sit, but i think it is the surrounding that has drastically changed. Still, in class cuz we have our cliques and our disapproval of some people, like isaac would never sit next to anyone but kenneth, or wendy sarah and nad being inseperable, and that makes changing of seat difficult. i remember at the start of the school year, i liked to move around and sit in a different seat everyday. but i think only once or twice i crossed over to the left side. then as people form stronger cliques, moving around is practically impossible.
well, i guess i could be a hpocrite and retract my words later this year. but till then, i am satisfied with my area. so that is it :D
But i shall say what made me write it. It was a chat with Yixiu, it was about personal stuff that concerned my past. i told you yesterday that things were going to change, and i guess that part of change is letting go and exploring new facets of life. The entry was simply to negative for myself, and hence i post this now.
Today, one of the things Marcus said to me was "Welcome to the West!", that was quite funni, cuz it really shows how split the class really is. And finally, i am out of my rut in my previous seat.
I was actually a bit scared this morning. I knew that Varun would definitely object, but i dont really pay much attention to what he says. Anyway, even though yesterday i said i was going to move, i was not exactly sure if people like Wendy and Sarah would make noise about it. I was then decently surprised when they said nothing about it.
The first period was math, and i was just sitting in my corner quietly doing my math. then i was quite surprised when sarah kept turning around asking me on help and verification for her math. i guess i expected them to not really talk to me, and surprised i was. Overall, it was just easier to sit on the other side. I am not choked by some mental barrier, and people there are more responsive. I used to joke that i was the only "right person" that was loud and made a lot response to the other side, i joked that i was a immigrant :D. now it seems weird that i have gone that side.
Usually i would "psst..." loudly when there was an inside joke between me and isaac, now either cuz he is kinda hyper for these few days, or maybe we have changed, we talk like old buddies and lament about the days in rosyth and VS. it seems like this year, my overall perception of isaac has changed dramatically. looks like if we are not busy backstabbing each other, we got along quite well! XP
Maybe i am making a mountain out of a mole hill. It doesnt really matter where i sit, but i think it is the surrounding that has drastically changed. Still, in class cuz we have our cliques and our disapproval of some people, like isaac would never sit next to anyone but kenneth, or wendy sarah and nad being inseperable, and that makes changing of seat difficult. i remember at the start of the school year, i liked to move around and sit in a different seat everyday. but i think only once or twice i crossed over to the left side. then as people form stronger cliques, moving around is practically impossible.
well, i guess i could be a hpocrite and retract my words later this year. but till then, i am satisfied with my area. so that is it :D
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Left and right
Finally i have migrated. i have finally moved from the right corner of the room... to the other corner :D
I have joined the race of the left side, which is interesting, cuz i have mixed feelings about moving there. I used to hang out with the people that are usually quieter in class, and those that have certain issues with the loud and boistorous people in class. perhaps another reason for sitting there was because someone else was sitting there too.
In my previous post, i mentioned how i have distanced from some people, and i just ignore and carry on with my usual behaviour. At first i did not have any inclination to move to the other side, but it is now so quiet at my corner, that i feel that i need a change of environment and change of influence in class.
I admit that one of the other reasons i sat on the other side is that i too had disagreements with some people there. but this term, and part of last term, people have changed. i am not sure if it is because we finally settled down and realising that we might have the same people for the next 4 years, or maybe cuz they have made fun, tease and exploited every part of class, that they have found it boring and diverted thier attention to more juicy ongoings. Whatever the case, the people in class are becoming a lot more decent, and maybe what they say is true, "when one door closes, another one opens up".
When i had certain disagreements with people, i think the bigger/ one of the bigger disagreements i had was with wendy and co. Wendy, Sarah and Nadiah. At first, i viewed them as an entity. they were just that "group" that i felt were the popular yet bitchy. no offence to them! that was just my first impression. It was particularly during the classroom design project, i remember butting heads with wendy at every corner. it was extremely difficult to come to a consensus or make decisions with her around.
Eventually term 1, i simply avoided talking to them and just didnt pay much attention except when they joked and talked loudly in class. after the first half of term 1, they simply quietened down, and they were not as attention demanding at the start of the year.
i didnt really notice it, but htings changed quite significantly in term 2. As a coucil nominee, i got to know some of the IP students better, and simply made a few more friends, but the more interesting group that i bonded with was with the nominees, the commited ones at least. it was quite evident from there on who were more likely to make it and who probably wouldnt. as well as this, i didnt realise that i was talking more to the people on the left side of class. for example, i bonded with eugene during the orientation camp, but he was also well liked by others and people like wendy, sarah and nad, gave him due respect. near the end of the term, i realised that even sarah talked to me, even if it was brief and mostly insignificant.
perhaps, of the 3, i got to know nad better than the rest. Nadiah was in my group for term 2. at first i was a little hesitant at working with her, but as i did, she was really friendly and really nice, not to mention hardworking. i managed to chat with her during projects and discussions, and realised that i had generalised her too much with the rest, and that she was actually just a simple girl that hangs out with her good friends.
Sarah i didnt really know, but she started talking to me a bit in term 2. she was just ranting to a group of us, about one of the nominees, and it was just those times i never notice that they might not hate me anymore.
Wendy is who i beleive is the most loud of the three. she can be funny and decent, but there i times she kinda annoys me, but not directly at me. she is the main person i disagreed with all this while, but she showed that she can be just as nice and sociable as anone else, if not more. so yeah these three are the people that i have changed my perspective of.
what really inspired me to post this was after class today (tuesday). they stayed back to clean up the class and rearrange the tables. the very people i beleived hated the class and wanted to have nothing to do with it, were cleaning it up, and thinking of ways to make the class a nicer and more appealing place. i was awakened at how they have differed from my earlier stereotype, and i was pleasantly surprised. then we got to play "I Never..." which is quite entertaining, just that i think guys are on the losing end =P.
perhaps this moving over to the left side might not be such a bad idea after all. my reasons for staying at the right side is no longer as strong, and there is nothing stopping me from going over (except maybe varun). To the new school term, i am adding a new seating plan, and a new environment (sort of). "Change is the only constant" so i am changing to my benefit!
I have joined the race of the left side, which is interesting, cuz i have mixed feelings about moving there. I used to hang out with the people that are usually quieter in class, and those that have certain issues with the loud and boistorous people in class. perhaps another reason for sitting there was because someone else was sitting there too.
In my previous post, i mentioned how i have distanced from some people, and i just ignore and carry on with my usual behaviour. At first i did not have any inclination to move to the other side, but it is now so quiet at my corner, that i feel that i need a change of environment and change of influence in class.
I admit that one of the other reasons i sat on the other side is that i too had disagreements with some people there. but this term, and part of last term, people have changed. i am not sure if it is because we finally settled down and realising that we might have the same people for the next 4 years, or maybe cuz they have made fun, tease and exploited every part of class, that they have found it boring and diverted thier attention to more juicy ongoings. Whatever the case, the people in class are becoming a lot more decent, and maybe what they say is true, "when one door closes, another one opens up".
When i had certain disagreements with people, i think the bigger/ one of the bigger disagreements i had was with wendy and co. Wendy, Sarah and Nadiah. At first, i viewed them as an entity. they were just that "group" that i felt were the popular yet bitchy. no offence to them! that was just my first impression. It was particularly during the classroom design project, i remember butting heads with wendy at every corner. it was extremely difficult to come to a consensus or make decisions with her around.
Eventually term 1, i simply avoided talking to them and just didnt pay much attention except when they joked and talked loudly in class. after the first half of term 1, they simply quietened down, and they were not as attention demanding at the start of the year.
i didnt really notice it, but htings changed quite significantly in term 2. As a coucil nominee, i got to know some of the IP students better, and simply made a few more friends, but the more interesting group that i bonded with was with the nominees, the commited ones at least. it was quite evident from there on who were more likely to make it and who probably wouldnt. as well as this, i didnt realise that i was talking more to the people on the left side of class. for example, i bonded with eugene during the orientation camp, but he was also well liked by others and people like wendy, sarah and nad, gave him due respect. near the end of the term, i realised that even sarah talked to me, even if it was brief and mostly insignificant.
perhaps, of the 3, i got to know nad better than the rest. Nadiah was in my group for term 2. at first i was a little hesitant at working with her, but as i did, she was really friendly and really nice, not to mention hardworking. i managed to chat with her during projects and discussions, and realised that i had generalised her too much with the rest, and that she was actually just a simple girl that hangs out with her good friends.
Sarah i didnt really know, but she started talking to me a bit in term 2. she was just ranting to a group of us, about one of the nominees, and it was just those times i never notice that they might not hate me anymore.
Wendy is who i beleive is the most loud of the three. she can be funny and decent, but there i times she kinda annoys me, but not directly at me. she is the main person i disagreed with all this while, but she showed that she can be just as nice and sociable as anone else, if not more. so yeah these three are the people that i have changed my perspective of.
what really inspired me to post this was after class today (tuesday). they stayed back to clean up the class and rearrange the tables. the very people i beleived hated the class and wanted to have nothing to do with it, were cleaning it up, and thinking of ways to make the class a nicer and more appealing place. i was awakened at how they have differed from my earlier stereotype, and i was pleasantly surprised. then we got to play "I Never..." which is quite entertaining, just that i think guys are on the losing end =P.
perhaps this moving over to the left side might not be such a bad idea after all. my reasons for staying at the right side is no longer as strong, and there is nothing stopping me from going over (except maybe varun). To the new school term, i am adding a new seating plan, and a new environment (sort of). "Change is the only constant" so i am changing to my benefit!
Monday, June 27, 2005
Distance
we have reached the new school term once again. this is a tet for my blog, either i will forget and neglect it, or i will be to caught up with work to update. but while it is still reasonably relaed, i will update for the few people that actually read this blog. Thank you.
In the new school term, i go back to the same situation i was before the holidays. i tried to tell myself, "things are gonna change", but will it? i hope so. The workload is not that high yet, but it soon will be. looking at the plans layed out for this term, academic-wise, it is going to be one hectic term. This however, is not my concern. i will struggle with my work, and i will try to score for tests, but that i can handle. It is the social part, that is tough.
Ever since the previous term, i have let myself distance from people. the unwillingness to deal with some people, leads to the shirking of others' input. i admit that i am trying to exclude people from my life, but at the same time, i am unwittingly excluding myself from a lot of things. I have found solace and stability in certain parts of school though. it is not going to be exactly the same as last term. from my previous post, it is quite obvious that i am feeling better about TASC and my role within it. i feel part of them now, and i just need to deal with individuals, not shy away and exclude myself from the rest of the group.
The problem with enemies is that it becomes hard to have friends of the enemy, be friends with you. to a certain extent, it is a mental barrier where there seems to be a classification that they are 'his/her friends' and that they wouldnt want to associate you with them in fear of others finding out. also there is the constant downplaying of you by the enemy. if thye can convince their friends that you are bad/evil/horrible, then you are not even given the opportunity to prove them wrong.
I am learning much from Vidhi. she is one of those people that has friends but does not have a clique. she does not need to belong as she is her own person and is able to live with that. I am still immature in this part, i still feel a need to be in a group, and that dampens my spirits when i am not. Shouvik and many others are like that too, but it is difficult to be stubborn and accepted at the same time. I guess that i need to learn to be alone. For instant, blogging without a particular audience in mind helps for me to be myself yet show my internal emotions.
I cant help thinking mr tan's comment during language arts today, "Friends are the 21st century family". I would like to beleive that, but due to my lack of accompanyment, it really seems like a thin comment. perhaps i havent found my solace yet. we will meet many people in your life, and most of htem you will not agree with, but once you find that person or that group of friends, then it will be all worthwhile. sounds a bit like a lovesick puppy, but not quite so. Even if i really do not find that "2nd family" i always have my folks. I have always been quite a family person, holding my parents and relatives quite close to me. I know that they will never let me down, and they will always be there.
So now, back to school. I have been searching for where i belong. i thought i found it in someone, but that was just a facade. continue with the search and resume to my former life, sounds philosophical, but simply is common sense.
This term is going to get a lot better, i can feel it!
In the new school term, i go back to the same situation i was before the holidays. i tried to tell myself, "things are gonna change", but will it? i hope so. The workload is not that high yet, but it soon will be. looking at the plans layed out for this term, academic-wise, it is going to be one hectic term. This however, is not my concern. i will struggle with my work, and i will try to score for tests, but that i can handle. It is the social part, that is tough.
Ever since the previous term, i have let myself distance from people. the unwillingness to deal with some people, leads to the shirking of others' input. i admit that i am trying to exclude people from my life, but at the same time, i am unwittingly excluding myself from a lot of things. I have found solace and stability in certain parts of school though. it is not going to be exactly the same as last term. from my previous post, it is quite obvious that i am feeling better about TASC and my role within it. i feel part of them now, and i just need to deal with individuals, not shy away and exclude myself from the rest of the group.
The problem with enemies is that it becomes hard to have friends of the enemy, be friends with you. to a certain extent, it is a mental barrier where there seems to be a classification that they are 'his/her friends' and that they wouldnt want to associate you with them in fear of others finding out. also there is the constant downplaying of you by the enemy. if thye can convince their friends that you are bad/evil/horrible, then you are not even given the opportunity to prove them wrong.
I am learning much from Vidhi. she is one of those people that has friends but does not have a clique. she does not need to belong as she is her own person and is able to live with that. I am still immature in this part, i still feel a need to be in a group, and that dampens my spirits when i am not. Shouvik and many others are like that too, but it is difficult to be stubborn and accepted at the same time. I guess that i need to learn to be alone. For instant, blogging without a particular audience in mind helps for me to be myself yet show my internal emotions.
I cant help thinking mr tan's comment during language arts today, "Friends are the 21st century family". I would like to beleive that, but due to my lack of accompanyment, it really seems like a thin comment. perhaps i havent found my solace yet. we will meet many people in your life, and most of htem you will not agree with, but once you find that person or that group of friends, then it will be all worthwhile. sounds a bit like a lovesick puppy, but not quite so. Even if i really do not find that "2nd family" i always have my folks. I have always been quite a family person, holding my parents and relatives quite close to me. I know that they will never let me down, and they will always be there.
So now, back to school. I have been searching for where i belong. i thought i found it in someone, but that was just a facade. continue with the search and resume to my former life, sounds philosophical, but simply is common sense.
This term is going to get a lot better, i can feel it!
Friday, June 24, 2005
Feeling better
It is the last fridya of the holidays. I am releived and yet i am struggling to finish the work that is due for the new term. However, i am in better spirits, and is more upbeat and enthusiastic about the new term.
It is particularly due to the SC meeting i had yesterday (thursday). It was our first thrash-out session, and i was finally able to throw out some of the things i have been holding in for the past half term. "judge, lest ye be judged" as much as i was criticising and ranting, i also got more insight on the problems i was having with council. from my previous posts, you could tell that i was not happy with certain things, and when you exclude yourself from such matter, you exclude yourself from the group.
All of this was thrown out during the session, and after that, i probably made a few people pissed off with me, but at the end of the day, we were all friends, and with the mindset that it was a thrashout session and not a personal attack, everyone was more open and acceptable to certain critiques and displeasures.
"Hardship pulls a team together", by identifying my/our issues, we were able to face them head on, and get it out of the way. then like Gopal said, "after that we go for kopi", the * of us then went for lunch and simply had a good time.
I cant say that i feel the most accepted in the group, but after yesterday, i feel at least i am part of them. perhaps for one simple reason. WE LOVE TO DIGRESS!! =P it is true, we are a bunch of people that can never stay on topic! from peopl, we talk about school, then to openhouse, then to other schools, then to Star Wars and then lightsabers! (they lost me there!) but it is true, when we finally get a chance to chit chat instead of bickering, it is a very pleasant group to be with!
Funny, with the workload waiting for me at home, and the tests to prepare for next term, i am feeling quite hyper about the whole thing. like Morpheous' wise words, "some things never change... ; but some things do..."
ciao! TASC rocks.
It is particularly due to the SC meeting i had yesterday (thursday). It was our first thrash-out session, and i was finally able to throw out some of the things i have been holding in for the past half term. "judge, lest ye be judged" as much as i was criticising and ranting, i also got more insight on the problems i was having with council. from my previous posts, you could tell that i was not happy with certain things, and when you exclude yourself from such matter, you exclude yourself from the group.
All of this was thrown out during the session, and after that, i probably made a few people pissed off with me, but at the end of the day, we were all friends, and with the mindset that it was a thrashout session and not a personal attack, everyone was more open and acceptable to certain critiques and displeasures.
"Hardship pulls a team together", by identifying my/our issues, we were able to face them head on, and get it out of the way. then like Gopal said, "after that we go for kopi", the * of us then went for lunch and simply had a good time.
I cant say that i feel the most accepted in the group, but after yesterday, i feel at least i am part of them. perhaps for one simple reason. WE LOVE TO DIGRESS!! =P it is true, we are a bunch of people that can never stay on topic! from peopl, we talk about school, then to openhouse, then to other schools, then to Star Wars and then lightsabers! (they lost me there!) but it is true, when we finally get a chance to chit chat instead of bickering, it is a very pleasant group to be with!
Funny, with the workload waiting for me at home, and the tests to prepare for next term, i am feeling quite hyper about the whole thing. like Morpheous' wise words, "some things never change... ; but some things do..."
ciao! TASC rocks.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Role playing
Shakespeare once said, "I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano,- a stage, where every man must play a part; and mine a sad one."
i bet that once, in everyones life, they asked themselves where they are. where are they in life, and where are they within everyone else. well, i am too young to have a mid life crisis, but i really am wondering who i am, and why i am here.
recently, i have felt very meaningless. i ask what is my role? i am "the loudspeaker" in 1984, yeah, but what am i within my friends? or in my class? or in SC? I said before i have a place in drama club, that is a place where i feel like i am somebody. i am a friend, and i am amandas da ge. but everywhere else i feel like nothing.
i say that i am just unappreciated. but is that just a delusion? do i do things which no one takes notice of? or am i just a loafer that does nothing. In SC, i am lost as to what my position is. sure, it says on the pin "Jonathan Heng - Recreation and dance" but that doesnt say anything. it does not portray who i am. it just means that other people felt that i was capable in that area and hence gave it to me. i have tried leading in other areas of my life. yet it seem that everytime i try, i fail. so now i give in, stop and listen instead of being the stubborn bull i usually am. but no it seems so lifeless. im like a rag doll. turns up for meetings, does what is neccesary, but if not, i just sit there and shut up.
class may be the worse. i have no idea why i am there at all. i just sit in the corner (literally) and answer questions when asked. i have no character in the classroom. i used to be the "funny one" or hte "clown" but now marcus has the title hands down. then for obvious reasons i cannot be the cute one (varun), the pretty one/s (syak, jane, etc.), the intelligent one/s (prerna, (and as much as i deny it) isaac) or even the dependaple one/s (sze sian). i am just that guy that people know. just. there.
Well now what? i am going back to school in about a week. i am going back to the drone of life. but what can i do? up till then, i can but carry on with life. ciao
i bet that once, in everyones life, they asked themselves where they are. where are they in life, and where are they within everyone else. well, i am too young to have a mid life crisis, but i really am wondering who i am, and why i am here.
recently, i have felt very meaningless. i ask what is my role? i am "the loudspeaker" in 1984, yeah, but what am i within my friends? or in my class? or in SC? I said before i have a place in drama club, that is a place where i feel like i am somebody. i am a friend, and i am amandas da ge. but everywhere else i feel like nothing.
i say that i am just unappreciated. but is that just a delusion? do i do things which no one takes notice of? or am i just a loafer that does nothing. In SC, i am lost as to what my position is. sure, it says on the pin "Jonathan Heng - Recreation and dance" but that doesnt say anything. it does not portray who i am. it just means that other people felt that i was capable in that area and hence gave it to me. i have tried leading in other areas of my life. yet it seem that everytime i try, i fail. so now i give in, stop and listen instead of being the stubborn bull i usually am. but no it seems so lifeless. im like a rag doll. turns up for meetings, does what is neccesary, but if not, i just sit there and shut up.
class may be the worse. i have no idea why i am there at all. i just sit in the corner (literally) and answer questions when asked. i have no character in the classroom. i used to be the "funny one" or hte "clown" but now marcus has the title hands down. then for obvious reasons i cannot be the cute one (varun), the pretty one/s (syak, jane, etc.), the intelligent one/s (prerna, (and as much as i deny it) isaac) or even the dependaple one/s (sze sian). i am just that guy that people know. just. there.
Well now what? i am going back to school in about a week. i am going back to the drone of life. but what can i do? up till then, i can but carry on with life. ciao
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Father's day
happy father's day to my father, my grandfather, and to all hte father's of teh world.
i am not really one of those suckers that beleive we shouoould worship days such as father's and mother's day. yet i will still celebrate it as a thanks to my parents for all they give me.
on mother's day, i totally forgot it! it was not till the night before that i planned to make breakfast for the family. It turned out very well. i made omelettes, french toast and fryed up sausages for my folks. this time i bought carrot cake the previous night (the huge block of kueh, not the pre made one! =D ) then this morning, i helped to fry it up for the breakfast of my Dad. okay so it didnt taste the best, (it was too salty! >.<) but my dad was glad that i took the trouble.
i would like to take this time to reflect on my paternal grandfather. 2 years ago, during the SARS period. my granparents were warded into the hospital for a suspected case of SARS. it wasn't long after my march school holidays, and i was to stay at home for quarantine. my father went through a lot those few weeks. it was his parents in the ward, and we were not even allowed to see them. even after they passed away, we could not hold a proper wake or even visit the body. to prevent contamination, they were cremated immedietly. the impact during that time was immense, as we did not expect it. my grandmother had already been diagnosed with diabetes, a few years back. if she had passed on, we would have blamed it on her weak body and her low immune system. the one we were more shocked by was my grandfather. he was still healthy and had only been ill the few days. this time SARS really took the lives of my loved ones.
i wonder if my father misses them. im sure he does, but how does he live with it? i guess this father's day means a lot to him. i got to spend it with my father, my mom got to spend it with her father. my father? his parents are gone. one of his brothers recently migrated. he has very little, but this little, is a lot. my maternal grandparents have said it before, "we treat him like a son. he behaves better than even my own son!"
on this evening of this day. i wanna say to my Dad, "thank you for all you have given me, and i love you"
i am not really one of those suckers that beleive we shouoould worship days such as father's and mother's day. yet i will still celebrate it as a thanks to my parents for all they give me.
on mother's day, i totally forgot it! it was not till the night before that i planned to make breakfast for the family. It turned out very well. i made omelettes, french toast and fryed up sausages for my folks. this time i bought carrot cake the previous night (the huge block of kueh, not the pre made one! =D ) then this morning, i helped to fry it up for the breakfast of my Dad. okay so it didnt taste the best, (it was too salty! >.<) but my dad was glad that i took the trouble.
i would like to take this time to reflect on my paternal grandfather. 2 years ago, during the SARS period. my granparents were warded into the hospital for a suspected case of SARS. it wasn't long after my march school holidays, and i was to stay at home for quarantine. my father went through a lot those few weeks. it was his parents in the ward, and we were not even allowed to see them. even after they passed away, we could not hold a proper wake or even visit the body. to prevent contamination, they were cremated immedietly. the impact during that time was immense, as we did not expect it. my grandmother had already been diagnosed with diabetes, a few years back. if she had passed on, we would have blamed it on her weak body and her low immune system. the one we were more shocked by was my grandfather. he was still healthy and had only been ill the few days. this time SARS really took the lives of my loved ones.
i wonder if my father misses them. im sure he does, but how does he live with it? i guess this father's day means a lot to him. i got to spend it with my father, my mom got to spend it with her father. my father? his parents are gone. one of his brothers recently migrated. he has very little, but this little, is a lot. my maternal grandparents have said it before, "we treat him like a son. he behaves better than even my own son!"
on this evening of this day. i wanna say to my Dad, "thank you for all you have given me, and i love you"
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Slump, again
im becoming the sloth and scum that i keep turning into in the 2nd half of every year.
it happens all the time. every time i am in a new environment i will be really enthusiastic for a while, in this case 6 months, then i will just start slacking. It is just part of me. i am hardly ever focused and always degenerating into the same slump. they say that we learn from our mistakes and never commit them again, but how many times have i fallen back into the same rut.
in fact to a lot of things that i do, i am inconsistent. take my blog for example. i am running out of things to blog about, and very soon i will ignore this blog and not post for a long time.
However till that time, i will just continue. back to the topic of slacking.
Perhaps this time it will be different. at least that is what i hope for it to be. I have more support now. I have friends spurring me on, unlike in VS where we shun the good and humiliate the weak. Now i have a role to live up to, not that assistant monitor is not a good title. I need a start, and when i reboot i will be on full drive again.
what else can i say? it is, after all, a personal drive. fun again games need to be rescheduled and hard work has to come down strong and hard.
That is it. this post was uninspired, and flat. till the next post, cya.
it happens all the time. every time i am in a new environment i will be really enthusiastic for a while, in this case 6 months, then i will just start slacking. It is just part of me. i am hardly ever focused and always degenerating into the same slump. they say that we learn from our mistakes and never commit them again, but how many times have i fallen back into the same rut.
in fact to a lot of things that i do, i am inconsistent. take my blog for example. i am running out of things to blog about, and very soon i will ignore this blog and not post for a long time.
However till that time, i will just continue. back to the topic of slacking.
Perhaps this time it will be different. at least that is what i hope for it to be. I have more support now. I have friends spurring me on, unlike in VS where we shun the good and humiliate the weak. Now i have a role to live up to, not that assistant monitor is not a good title. I need a start, and when i reboot i will be on full drive again.
what else can i say? it is, after all, a personal drive. fun again games need to be rescheduled and hard work has to come down strong and hard.
That is it. this post was uninspired, and flat. till the next post, cya.
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