I actually posted something earlier today. but i decided that it was no onger a part of my life and so i deleted it. I guess there are some things in life we need to let go, and there was no point harbouring over it.
But i shall say what made me write it. It was a chat with Yixiu, it was about personal stuff that concerned my past. i told you yesterday that things were going to change, and i guess that part of change is letting go and exploring new facets of life. The entry was simply to negative for myself, and hence i post this now.
Today, one of the things Marcus said to me was "Welcome to the West!", that was quite funni, cuz it really shows how split the class really is. And finally, i am out of my rut in my previous seat.
I was actually a bit scared this morning. I knew that Varun would definitely object, but i dont really pay much attention to what he says. Anyway, even though yesterday i said i was going to move, i was not exactly sure if people like Wendy and Sarah would make noise about it. I was then decently surprised when they said nothing about it.
The first period was math, and i was just sitting in my corner quietly doing my math. then i was quite surprised when sarah kept turning around asking me on help and verification for her math. i guess i expected them to not really talk to me, and surprised i was. Overall, it was just easier to sit on the other side. I am not choked by some mental barrier, and people there are more responsive. I used to joke that i was the only "right person" that was loud and made a lot response to the other side, i joked that i was a immigrant :D. now it seems weird that i have gone that side.
Usually i would "psst..." loudly when there was an inside joke between me and isaac, now either cuz he is kinda hyper for these few days, or maybe we have changed, we talk like old buddies and lament about the days in rosyth and VS. it seems like this year, my overall perception of isaac has changed dramatically. looks like if we are not busy backstabbing each other, we got along quite well! XP
Maybe i am making a mountain out of a mole hill. It doesnt really matter where i sit, but i think it is the surrounding that has drastically changed. Still, in class cuz we have our cliques and our disapproval of some people, like isaac would never sit next to anyone but kenneth, or wendy sarah and nad being inseperable, and that makes changing of seat difficult. i remember at the start of the school year, i liked to move around and sit in a different seat everyday. but i think only once or twice i crossed over to the left side. then as people form stronger cliques, moving around is practically impossible.
well, i guess i could be a hpocrite and retract my words later this year. but till then, i am satisfied with my area. so that is it :D
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Left and right
Finally i have migrated. i have finally moved from the right corner of the room... to the other corner :D
I have joined the race of the left side, which is interesting, cuz i have mixed feelings about moving there. I used to hang out with the people that are usually quieter in class, and those that have certain issues with the loud and boistorous people in class. perhaps another reason for sitting there was because someone else was sitting there too.
In my previous post, i mentioned how i have distanced from some people, and i just ignore and carry on with my usual behaviour. At first i did not have any inclination to move to the other side, but it is now so quiet at my corner, that i feel that i need a change of environment and change of influence in class.
I admit that one of the other reasons i sat on the other side is that i too had disagreements with some people there. but this term, and part of last term, people have changed. i am not sure if it is because we finally settled down and realising that we might have the same people for the next 4 years, or maybe cuz they have made fun, tease and exploited every part of class, that they have found it boring and diverted thier attention to more juicy ongoings. Whatever the case, the people in class are becoming a lot more decent, and maybe what they say is true, "when one door closes, another one opens up".
When i had certain disagreements with people, i think the bigger/ one of the bigger disagreements i had was with wendy and co. Wendy, Sarah and Nadiah. At first, i viewed them as an entity. they were just that "group" that i felt were the popular yet bitchy. no offence to them! that was just my first impression. It was particularly during the classroom design project, i remember butting heads with wendy at every corner. it was extremely difficult to come to a consensus or make decisions with her around.
Eventually term 1, i simply avoided talking to them and just didnt pay much attention except when they joked and talked loudly in class. after the first half of term 1, they simply quietened down, and they were not as attention demanding at the start of the year.
i didnt really notice it, but htings changed quite significantly in term 2. As a coucil nominee, i got to know some of the IP students better, and simply made a few more friends, but the more interesting group that i bonded with was with the nominees, the commited ones at least. it was quite evident from there on who were more likely to make it and who probably wouldnt. as well as this, i didnt realise that i was talking more to the people on the left side of class. for example, i bonded with eugene during the orientation camp, but he was also well liked by others and people like wendy, sarah and nad, gave him due respect. near the end of the term, i realised that even sarah talked to me, even if it was brief and mostly insignificant.
perhaps, of the 3, i got to know nad better than the rest. Nadiah was in my group for term 2. at first i was a little hesitant at working with her, but as i did, she was really friendly and really nice, not to mention hardworking. i managed to chat with her during projects and discussions, and realised that i had generalised her too much with the rest, and that she was actually just a simple girl that hangs out with her good friends.
Sarah i didnt really know, but she started talking to me a bit in term 2. she was just ranting to a group of us, about one of the nominees, and it was just those times i never notice that they might not hate me anymore.
Wendy is who i beleive is the most loud of the three. she can be funny and decent, but there i times she kinda annoys me, but not directly at me. she is the main person i disagreed with all this while, but she showed that she can be just as nice and sociable as anone else, if not more. so yeah these three are the people that i have changed my perspective of.
what really inspired me to post this was after class today (tuesday). they stayed back to clean up the class and rearrange the tables. the very people i beleived hated the class and wanted to have nothing to do with it, were cleaning it up, and thinking of ways to make the class a nicer and more appealing place. i was awakened at how they have differed from my earlier stereotype, and i was pleasantly surprised. then we got to play "I Never..." which is quite entertaining, just that i think guys are on the losing end =P.
perhaps this moving over to the left side might not be such a bad idea after all. my reasons for staying at the right side is no longer as strong, and there is nothing stopping me from going over (except maybe varun). To the new school term, i am adding a new seating plan, and a new environment (sort of). "Change is the only constant" so i am changing to my benefit!
I have joined the race of the left side, which is interesting, cuz i have mixed feelings about moving there. I used to hang out with the people that are usually quieter in class, and those that have certain issues with the loud and boistorous people in class. perhaps another reason for sitting there was because someone else was sitting there too.
In my previous post, i mentioned how i have distanced from some people, and i just ignore and carry on with my usual behaviour. At first i did not have any inclination to move to the other side, but it is now so quiet at my corner, that i feel that i need a change of environment and change of influence in class.
I admit that one of the other reasons i sat on the other side is that i too had disagreements with some people there. but this term, and part of last term, people have changed. i am not sure if it is because we finally settled down and realising that we might have the same people for the next 4 years, or maybe cuz they have made fun, tease and exploited every part of class, that they have found it boring and diverted thier attention to more juicy ongoings. Whatever the case, the people in class are becoming a lot more decent, and maybe what they say is true, "when one door closes, another one opens up".
When i had certain disagreements with people, i think the bigger/ one of the bigger disagreements i had was with wendy and co. Wendy, Sarah and Nadiah. At first, i viewed them as an entity. they were just that "group" that i felt were the popular yet bitchy. no offence to them! that was just my first impression. It was particularly during the classroom design project, i remember butting heads with wendy at every corner. it was extremely difficult to come to a consensus or make decisions with her around.
Eventually term 1, i simply avoided talking to them and just didnt pay much attention except when they joked and talked loudly in class. after the first half of term 1, they simply quietened down, and they were not as attention demanding at the start of the year.
i didnt really notice it, but htings changed quite significantly in term 2. As a coucil nominee, i got to know some of the IP students better, and simply made a few more friends, but the more interesting group that i bonded with was with the nominees, the commited ones at least. it was quite evident from there on who were more likely to make it and who probably wouldnt. as well as this, i didnt realise that i was talking more to the people on the left side of class. for example, i bonded with eugene during the orientation camp, but he was also well liked by others and people like wendy, sarah and nad, gave him due respect. near the end of the term, i realised that even sarah talked to me, even if it was brief and mostly insignificant.
perhaps, of the 3, i got to know nad better than the rest. Nadiah was in my group for term 2. at first i was a little hesitant at working with her, but as i did, she was really friendly and really nice, not to mention hardworking. i managed to chat with her during projects and discussions, and realised that i had generalised her too much with the rest, and that she was actually just a simple girl that hangs out with her good friends.
Sarah i didnt really know, but she started talking to me a bit in term 2. she was just ranting to a group of us, about one of the nominees, and it was just those times i never notice that they might not hate me anymore.
Wendy is who i beleive is the most loud of the three. she can be funny and decent, but there i times she kinda annoys me, but not directly at me. she is the main person i disagreed with all this while, but she showed that she can be just as nice and sociable as anone else, if not more. so yeah these three are the people that i have changed my perspective of.
what really inspired me to post this was after class today (tuesday). they stayed back to clean up the class and rearrange the tables. the very people i beleived hated the class and wanted to have nothing to do with it, were cleaning it up, and thinking of ways to make the class a nicer and more appealing place. i was awakened at how they have differed from my earlier stereotype, and i was pleasantly surprised. then we got to play "I Never..." which is quite entertaining, just that i think guys are on the losing end =P.
perhaps this moving over to the left side might not be such a bad idea after all. my reasons for staying at the right side is no longer as strong, and there is nothing stopping me from going over (except maybe varun). To the new school term, i am adding a new seating plan, and a new environment (sort of). "Change is the only constant" so i am changing to my benefit!
Monday, June 27, 2005
Distance
we have reached the new school term once again. this is a tet for my blog, either i will forget and neglect it, or i will be to caught up with work to update. but while it is still reasonably relaed, i will update for the few people that actually read this blog. Thank you.
In the new school term, i go back to the same situation i was before the holidays. i tried to tell myself, "things are gonna change", but will it? i hope so. The workload is not that high yet, but it soon will be. looking at the plans layed out for this term, academic-wise, it is going to be one hectic term. This however, is not my concern. i will struggle with my work, and i will try to score for tests, but that i can handle. It is the social part, that is tough.
Ever since the previous term, i have let myself distance from people. the unwillingness to deal with some people, leads to the shirking of others' input. i admit that i am trying to exclude people from my life, but at the same time, i am unwittingly excluding myself from a lot of things. I have found solace and stability in certain parts of school though. it is not going to be exactly the same as last term. from my previous post, it is quite obvious that i am feeling better about TASC and my role within it. i feel part of them now, and i just need to deal with individuals, not shy away and exclude myself from the rest of the group.
The problem with enemies is that it becomes hard to have friends of the enemy, be friends with you. to a certain extent, it is a mental barrier where there seems to be a classification that they are 'his/her friends' and that they wouldnt want to associate you with them in fear of others finding out. also there is the constant downplaying of you by the enemy. if thye can convince their friends that you are bad/evil/horrible, then you are not even given the opportunity to prove them wrong.
I am learning much from Vidhi. she is one of those people that has friends but does not have a clique. she does not need to belong as she is her own person and is able to live with that. I am still immature in this part, i still feel a need to be in a group, and that dampens my spirits when i am not. Shouvik and many others are like that too, but it is difficult to be stubborn and accepted at the same time. I guess that i need to learn to be alone. For instant, blogging without a particular audience in mind helps for me to be myself yet show my internal emotions.
I cant help thinking mr tan's comment during language arts today, "Friends are the 21st century family". I would like to beleive that, but due to my lack of accompanyment, it really seems like a thin comment. perhaps i havent found my solace yet. we will meet many people in your life, and most of htem you will not agree with, but once you find that person or that group of friends, then it will be all worthwhile. sounds a bit like a lovesick puppy, but not quite so. Even if i really do not find that "2nd family" i always have my folks. I have always been quite a family person, holding my parents and relatives quite close to me. I know that they will never let me down, and they will always be there.
So now, back to school. I have been searching for where i belong. i thought i found it in someone, but that was just a facade. continue with the search and resume to my former life, sounds philosophical, but simply is common sense.
This term is going to get a lot better, i can feel it!
In the new school term, i go back to the same situation i was before the holidays. i tried to tell myself, "things are gonna change", but will it? i hope so. The workload is not that high yet, but it soon will be. looking at the plans layed out for this term, academic-wise, it is going to be one hectic term. This however, is not my concern. i will struggle with my work, and i will try to score for tests, but that i can handle. It is the social part, that is tough.
Ever since the previous term, i have let myself distance from people. the unwillingness to deal with some people, leads to the shirking of others' input. i admit that i am trying to exclude people from my life, but at the same time, i am unwittingly excluding myself from a lot of things. I have found solace and stability in certain parts of school though. it is not going to be exactly the same as last term. from my previous post, it is quite obvious that i am feeling better about TASC and my role within it. i feel part of them now, and i just need to deal with individuals, not shy away and exclude myself from the rest of the group.
The problem with enemies is that it becomes hard to have friends of the enemy, be friends with you. to a certain extent, it is a mental barrier where there seems to be a classification that they are 'his/her friends' and that they wouldnt want to associate you with them in fear of others finding out. also there is the constant downplaying of you by the enemy. if thye can convince their friends that you are bad/evil/horrible, then you are not even given the opportunity to prove them wrong.
I am learning much from Vidhi. she is one of those people that has friends but does not have a clique. she does not need to belong as she is her own person and is able to live with that. I am still immature in this part, i still feel a need to be in a group, and that dampens my spirits when i am not. Shouvik and many others are like that too, but it is difficult to be stubborn and accepted at the same time. I guess that i need to learn to be alone. For instant, blogging without a particular audience in mind helps for me to be myself yet show my internal emotions.
I cant help thinking mr tan's comment during language arts today, "Friends are the 21st century family". I would like to beleive that, but due to my lack of accompanyment, it really seems like a thin comment. perhaps i havent found my solace yet. we will meet many people in your life, and most of htem you will not agree with, but once you find that person or that group of friends, then it will be all worthwhile. sounds a bit like a lovesick puppy, but not quite so. Even if i really do not find that "2nd family" i always have my folks. I have always been quite a family person, holding my parents and relatives quite close to me. I know that they will never let me down, and they will always be there.
So now, back to school. I have been searching for where i belong. i thought i found it in someone, but that was just a facade. continue with the search and resume to my former life, sounds philosophical, but simply is common sense.
This term is going to get a lot better, i can feel it!
Friday, June 24, 2005
Feeling better
It is the last fridya of the holidays. I am releived and yet i am struggling to finish the work that is due for the new term. However, i am in better spirits, and is more upbeat and enthusiastic about the new term.
It is particularly due to the SC meeting i had yesterday (thursday). It was our first thrash-out session, and i was finally able to throw out some of the things i have been holding in for the past half term. "judge, lest ye be judged" as much as i was criticising and ranting, i also got more insight on the problems i was having with council. from my previous posts, you could tell that i was not happy with certain things, and when you exclude yourself from such matter, you exclude yourself from the group.
All of this was thrown out during the session, and after that, i probably made a few people pissed off with me, but at the end of the day, we were all friends, and with the mindset that it was a thrashout session and not a personal attack, everyone was more open and acceptable to certain critiques and displeasures.
"Hardship pulls a team together", by identifying my/our issues, we were able to face them head on, and get it out of the way. then like Gopal said, "after that we go for kopi", the * of us then went for lunch and simply had a good time.
I cant say that i feel the most accepted in the group, but after yesterday, i feel at least i am part of them. perhaps for one simple reason. WE LOVE TO DIGRESS!! =P it is true, we are a bunch of people that can never stay on topic! from peopl, we talk about school, then to openhouse, then to other schools, then to Star Wars and then lightsabers! (they lost me there!) but it is true, when we finally get a chance to chit chat instead of bickering, it is a very pleasant group to be with!
Funny, with the workload waiting for me at home, and the tests to prepare for next term, i am feeling quite hyper about the whole thing. like Morpheous' wise words, "some things never change... ; but some things do..."
ciao! TASC rocks.
It is particularly due to the SC meeting i had yesterday (thursday). It was our first thrash-out session, and i was finally able to throw out some of the things i have been holding in for the past half term. "judge, lest ye be judged" as much as i was criticising and ranting, i also got more insight on the problems i was having with council. from my previous posts, you could tell that i was not happy with certain things, and when you exclude yourself from such matter, you exclude yourself from the group.
All of this was thrown out during the session, and after that, i probably made a few people pissed off with me, but at the end of the day, we were all friends, and with the mindset that it was a thrashout session and not a personal attack, everyone was more open and acceptable to certain critiques and displeasures.
"Hardship pulls a team together", by identifying my/our issues, we were able to face them head on, and get it out of the way. then like Gopal said, "after that we go for kopi", the * of us then went for lunch and simply had a good time.
I cant say that i feel the most accepted in the group, but after yesterday, i feel at least i am part of them. perhaps for one simple reason. WE LOVE TO DIGRESS!! =P it is true, we are a bunch of people that can never stay on topic! from peopl, we talk about school, then to openhouse, then to other schools, then to Star Wars and then lightsabers! (they lost me there!) but it is true, when we finally get a chance to chit chat instead of bickering, it is a very pleasant group to be with!
Funny, with the workload waiting for me at home, and the tests to prepare for next term, i am feeling quite hyper about the whole thing. like Morpheous' wise words, "some things never change... ; but some things do..."
ciao! TASC rocks.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Role playing
Shakespeare once said, "I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano,- a stage, where every man must play a part; and mine a sad one."
i bet that once, in everyones life, they asked themselves where they are. where are they in life, and where are they within everyone else. well, i am too young to have a mid life crisis, but i really am wondering who i am, and why i am here.
recently, i have felt very meaningless. i ask what is my role? i am "the loudspeaker" in 1984, yeah, but what am i within my friends? or in my class? or in SC? I said before i have a place in drama club, that is a place where i feel like i am somebody. i am a friend, and i am amandas da ge. but everywhere else i feel like nothing.
i say that i am just unappreciated. but is that just a delusion? do i do things which no one takes notice of? or am i just a loafer that does nothing. In SC, i am lost as to what my position is. sure, it says on the pin "Jonathan Heng - Recreation and dance" but that doesnt say anything. it does not portray who i am. it just means that other people felt that i was capable in that area and hence gave it to me. i have tried leading in other areas of my life. yet it seem that everytime i try, i fail. so now i give in, stop and listen instead of being the stubborn bull i usually am. but no it seems so lifeless. im like a rag doll. turns up for meetings, does what is neccesary, but if not, i just sit there and shut up.
class may be the worse. i have no idea why i am there at all. i just sit in the corner (literally) and answer questions when asked. i have no character in the classroom. i used to be the "funny one" or hte "clown" but now marcus has the title hands down. then for obvious reasons i cannot be the cute one (varun), the pretty one/s (syak, jane, etc.), the intelligent one/s (prerna, (and as much as i deny it) isaac) or even the dependaple one/s (sze sian). i am just that guy that people know. just. there.
Well now what? i am going back to school in about a week. i am going back to the drone of life. but what can i do? up till then, i can but carry on with life. ciao
i bet that once, in everyones life, they asked themselves where they are. where are they in life, and where are they within everyone else. well, i am too young to have a mid life crisis, but i really am wondering who i am, and why i am here.
recently, i have felt very meaningless. i ask what is my role? i am "the loudspeaker" in 1984, yeah, but what am i within my friends? or in my class? or in SC? I said before i have a place in drama club, that is a place where i feel like i am somebody. i am a friend, and i am amandas da ge. but everywhere else i feel like nothing.
i say that i am just unappreciated. but is that just a delusion? do i do things which no one takes notice of? or am i just a loafer that does nothing. In SC, i am lost as to what my position is. sure, it says on the pin "Jonathan Heng - Recreation and dance" but that doesnt say anything. it does not portray who i am. it just means that other people felt that i was capable in that area and hence gave it to me. i have tried leading in other areas of my life. yet it seem that everytime i try, i fail. so now i give in, stop and listen instead of being the stubborn bull i usually am. but no it seems so lifeless. im like a rag doll. turns up for meetings, does what is neccesary, but if not, i just sit there and shut up.
class may be the worse. i have no idea why i am there at all. i just sit in the corner (literally) and answer questions when asked. i have no character in the classroom. i used to be the "funny one" or hte "clown" but now marcus has the title hands down. then for obvious reasons i cannot be the cute one (varun), the pretty one/s (syak, jane, etc.), the intelligent one/s (prerna, (and as much as i deny it) isaac) or even the dependaple one/s (sze sian). i am just that guy that people know. just. there.
Well now what? i am going back to school in about a week. i am going back to the drone of life. but what can i do? up till then, i can but carry on with life. ciao
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Father's day
happy father's day to my father, my grandfather, and to all hte father's of teh world.
i am not really one of those suckers that beleive we shouoould worship days such as father's and mother's day. yet i will still celebrate it as a thanks to my parents for all they give me.
on mother's day, i totally forgot it! it was not till the night before that i planned to make breakfast for the family. It turned out very well. i made omelettes, french toast and fryed up sausages for my folks. this time i bought carrot cake the previous night (the huge block of kueh, not the pre made one! =D ) then this morning, i helped to fry it up for the breakfast of my Dad. okay so it didnt taste the best, (it was too salty! >.<) but my dad was glad that i took the trouble.
i would like to take this time to reflect on my paternal grandfather. 2 years ago, during the SARS period. my granparents were warded into the hospital for a suspected case of SARS. it wasn't long after my march school holidays, and i was to stay at home for quarantine. my father went through a lot those few weeks. it was his parents in the ward, and we were not even allowed to see them. even after they passed away, we could not hold a proper wake or even visit the body. to prevent contamination, they were cremated immedietly. the impact during that time was immense, as we did not expect it. my grandmother had already been diagnosed with diabetes, a few years back. if she had passed on, we would have blamed it on her weak body and her low immune system. the one we were more shocked by was my grandfather. he was still healthy and had only been ill the few days. this time SARS really took the lives of my loved ones.
i wonder if my father misses them. im sure he does, but how does he live with it? i guess this father's day means a lot to him. i got to spend it with my father, my mom got to spend it with her father. my father? his parents are gone. one of his brothers recently migrated. he has very little, but this little, is a lot. my maternal grandparents have said it before, "we treat him like a son. he behaves better than even my own son!"
on this evening of this day. i wanna say to my Dad, "thank you for all you have given me, and i love you"
i am not really one of those suckers that beleive we shouoould worship days such as father's and mother's day. yet i will still celebrate it as a thanks to my parents for all they give me.
on mother's day, i totally forgot it! it was not till the night before that i planned to make breakfast for the family. It turned out very well. i made omelettes, french toast and fryed up sausages for my folks. this time i bought carrot cake the previous night (the huge block of kueh, not the pre made one! =D ) then this morning, i helped to fry it up for the breakfast of my Dad. okay so it didnt taste the best, (it was too salty! >.<) but my dad was glad that i took the trouble.
i would like to take this time to reflect on my paternal grandfather. 2 years ago, during the SARS period. my granparents were warded into the hospital for a suspected case of SARS. it wasn't long after my march school holidays, and i was to stay at home for quarantine. my father went through a lot those few weeks. it was his parents in the ward, and we were not even allowed to see them. even after they passed away, we could not hold a proper wake or even visit the body. to prevent contamination, they were cremated immedietly. the impact during that time was immense, as we did not expect it. my grandmother had already been diagnosed with diabetes, a few years back. if she had passed on, we would have blamed it on her weak body and her low immune system. the one we were more shocked by was my grandfather. he was still healthy and had only been ill the few days. this time SARS really took the lives of my loved ones.
i wonder if my father misses them. im sure he does, but how does he live with it? i guess this father's day means a lot to him. i got to spend it with my father, my mom got to spend it with her father. my father? his parents are gone. one of his brothers recently migrated. he has very little, but this little, is a lot. my maternal grandparents have said it before, "we treat him like a son. he behaves better than even my own son!"
on this evening of this day. i wanna say to my Dad, "thank you for all you have given me, and i love you"
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Slump, again
im becoming the sloth and scum that i keep turning into in the 2nd half of every year.
it happens all the time. every time i am in a new environment i will be really enthusiastic for a while, in this case 6 months, then i will just start slacking. It is just part of me. i am hardly ever focused and always degenerating into the same slump. they say that we learn from our mistakes and never commit them again, but how many times have i fallen back into the same rut.
in fact to a lot of things that i do, i am inconsistent. take my blog for example. i am running out of things to blog about, and very soon i will ignore this blog and not post for a long time.
However till that time, i will just continue. back to the topic of slacking.
Perhaps this time it will be different. at least that is what i hope for it to be. I have more support now. I have friends spurring me on, unlike in VS where we shun the good and humiliate the weak. Now i have a role to live up to, not that assistant monitor is not a good title. I need a start, and when i reboot i will be on full drive again.
what else can i say? it is, after all, a personal drive. fun again games need to be rescheduled and hard work has to come down strong and hard.
That is it. this post was uninspired, and flat. till the next post, cya.
it happens all the time. every time i am in a new environment i will be really enthusiastic for a while, in this case 6 months, then i will just start slacking. It is just part of me. i am hardly ever focused and always degenerating into the same slump. they say that we learn from our mistakes and never commit them again, but how many times have i fallen back into the same rut.
in fact to a lot of things that i do, i am inconsistent. take my blog for example. i am running out of things to blog about, and very soon i will ignore this blog and not post for a long time.
However till that time, i will just continue. back to the topic of slacking.
Perhaps this time it will be different. at least that is what i hope for it to be. I have more support now. I have friends spurring me on, unlike in VS where we shun the good and humiliate the weak. Now i have a role to live up to, not that assistant monitor is not a good title. I need a start, and when i reboot i will be on full drive again.
what else can i say? it is, after all, a personal drive. fun again games need to be rescheduled and hard work has to come down strong and hard.
That is it. this post was uninspired, and flat. till the next post, cya.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Religion
the last few days, i spent time with my family and doing things that are close to our hearts.
it is interesting, as i have experienced so much of God over the past week/s that i forget where my roots were. I was even prepared to go to the camp echo and sunday service. however, i had other family things to do, and i was not feeling well today, so i decided against it.
On saturday, i went to the temple with my relatives (father's side) to pay respects to my grand and great-grand parents. I lost both my grandparents to SARS 2 years back, and i still am reminded of them everytime i go to temple. It was during this saturday when i got some time to chat with my mom and discuss things that i faced this week. I guess that the main thing on my mind was religion. after the church camp and the talk i had with nicholas, i just kept thinking about God and my relationship with him.
i am quite firm in my postion in religion. yet i realise i am eing firm in a very shaky beleif of religion. my mom manged to clear all of that out by discussing it with me.
My family leans to the christian religion more than any other religion. yet there are things we do not totally agree with and hence we do not go to church. i just want to say that whatever i say here i do not mean to offend anyone, just showing my opinions, kay'! ^-^. anyway, i learnt much about my household. my mom told me respected different religions at different points of her life, and hence she keeps an open mind to all religions. the thing that interested me the most was during her stay in England. She attended a certain "gethering", of sorts, known as "Agnostics Anonymous". they were a group that gathered to discuss about God and religion.
agnostic:
1. One who believes that it is impossible to know whether there is a God.
2. One who is skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true
i realise that if i were to say i had a religion, i would say that i am an agnostic. i found it quite funny when my mom told me that when she went for agnostic anonymous, they would start a prayer with, "Dear God, if you exist..." that was particularly interesting, for me, as i said the same thing when i prayed to God tellingh im it was not my time to convert.
well, i realise that this is my life. i keep my interest to family. i am very family orientated. no matter what it is, i treasure my parents, relatives, and yes, even my little brother. and this goes out ot my second family too. i do treasure them most, and my religion is a personal relationship with God, no one can/should tell me what i should decide to beleive. yeah.
it is interesting, as i have experienced so much of God over the past week/s that i forget where my roots were. I was even prepared to go to the camp echo and sunday service. however, i had other family things to do, and i was not feeling well today, so i decided against it.
On saturday, i went to the temple with my relatives (father's side) to pay respects to my grand and great-grand parents. I lost both my grandparents to SARS 2 years back, and i still am reminded of them everytime i go to temple. It was during this saturday when i got some time to chat with my mom and discuss things that i faced this week. I guess that the main thing on my mind was religion. after the church camp and the talk i had with nicholas, i just kept thinking about God and my relationship with him.
i am quite firm in my postion in religion. yet i realise i am eing firm in a very shaky beleif of religion. my mom manged to clear all of that out by discussing it with me.
My family leans to the christian religion more than any other religion. yet there are things we do not totally agree with and hence we do not go to church. i just want to say that whatever i say here i do not mean to offend anyone, just showing my opinions, kay'! ^-^. anyway, i learnt much about my household. my mom told me respected different religions at different points of her life, and hence she keeps an open mind to all religions. the thing that interested me the most was during her stay in England. She attended a certain "gethering", of sorts, known as "Agnostics Anonymous". they were a group that gathered to discuss about God and religion.
agnostic:
1. One who believes that it is impossible to know whether there is a God.
2. One who is skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true
i realise that if i were to say i had a religion, i would say that i am an agnostic. i found it quite funny when my mom told me that when she went for agnostic anonymous, they would start a prayer with, "Dear God, if you exist..." that was particularly interesting, for me, as i said the same thing when i prayed to God tellingh im it was not my time to convert.
well, i realise that this is my life. i keep my interest to family. i am very family orientated. no matter what it is, i treasure my parents, relatives, and yes, even my little brother. and this goes out ot my second family too. i do treasure them most, and my religion is a personal relationship with God, no one can/should tell me what i should decide to beleive. yeah.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
2nd family bbq with drama peeps
i went for a post production party with drama peeps on friday, and i really had a lot of fun.
now that the production is over, it really is a load off all our minds. for the past months we have been struggling to make sure that our play would be perfect for performance day. I can't say that i was absolutely happy with the result, but it was really a memorable experience i will never forget.
finally, we are back to the slackers that we are, and we took time to just sit back, relax, and beam in accomplishment what we have done for drama. we are like a 2nd family. we went through the tough time together, and now we share the fruits of our labour!
well, we met at east coast park and i got horribly lost. i took the best all the way to VS, only to find out that the pit is aaaalllll the way at big splash. oh well, take it as a relaxing walk to whet my appetite! haha! well, i met vidhi, leandra, nur and few of the rest along the way, and at the pit, amanda, terence, gwen, and of course everyone's favorite... JINFU! haha. but really jinfu is a really nice guy!! he is just soo fun to be around, but i think he was not feeling well or smthn, cuz he was really quiet >.<
well, in any case, we played games before the bbq, and i have no idea how they come up with such games. the first (and only memorable one) was the blindfolded three-legged race. we were blindfolded and tied by the legs to the partner which we did not know, and then we were supposed to cross the finish line without talking. well, i think i kinda knew who my partner was after a minute of being tied next to her. cuz gwen was the only other girl that was sleeveless, and i just some how knew? anywae it was funny for other pairs. for example. VIDHI! omg she was sooo noisy, anyone that who was her partner could tell, but the thing was that it was hard to find her a partner! i quote nur, "VIDHI! STOP GROPING YOUR PARTNER!" well that;s vidhi. Jinfu, must have been really hungry, the poor fellow was eating his sandwiches blind folded! geez, even i am not that greedy... (maybe i am...>.<)
It isnt a beach party unless there is dunking and getting WET! hahaz, well yeah, that is the main point of going to the beach, just jump into the water and have fun! it was fun just throwing people in, and i am happy to say, that no one dunked me! (cuz i too heavy to carry! XP) but it was nice after that, just relaxing and chatting. i talk to my drama friends about everything. we are really nice to each other, and we are never afraid to share our problems with each other. perhaps of people like vidhi, jinfu and even shouvik, they just give that good vibe that makes people feel comfortable.
I like to treat drama as my second family. not some deranged crazy family tree thing like the 29th (pearl told me all about how her "boyfriend" has a thing for tuan), but the drama people are just close. maybe it is bbecause of the production, or maybe its just the people. all in all, i enjoy their company, and it is nice to know that there is always a group i can turn to. =D
well, to all the drama peeps that read this. i just wanna say, I LOVE YA GUYS! *muacks =D lol
now that the production is over, it really is a load off all our minds. for the past months we have been struggling to make sure that our play would be perfect for performance day. I can't say that i was absolutely happy with the result, but it was really a memorable experience i will never forget.
finally, we are back to the slackers that we are, and we took time to just sit back, relax, and beam in accomplishment what we have done for drama. we are like a 2nd family. we went through the tough time together, and now we share the fruits of our labour!
well, we met at east coast park and i got horribly lost. i took the best all the way to VS, only to find out that the pit is aaaalllll the way at big splash. oh well, take it as a relaxing walk to whet my appetite! haha! well, i met vidhi, leandra, nur and few of the rest along the way, and at the pit, amanda, terence, gwen, and of course everyone's favorite... JINFU! haha. but really jinfu is a really nice guy!! he is just soo fun to be around, but i think he was not feeling well or smthn, cuz he was really quiet >.<
well, in any case, we played games before the bbq, and i have no idea how they come up with such games. the first (and only memorable one) was the blindfolded three-legged race. we were blindfolded and tied by the legs to the partner which we did not know, and then we were supposed to cross the finish line without talking. well, i think i kinda knew who my partner was after a minute of being tied next to her. cuz gwen was the only other girl that was sleeveless, and i just some how knew? anywae it was funny for other pairs. for example. VIDHI! omg she was sooo noisy, anyone that who was her partner could tell, but the thing was that it was hard to find her a partner! i quote nur, "VIDHI! STOP GROPING YOUR PARTNER!" well that;s vidhi. Jinfu, must have been really hungry, the poor fellow was eating his sandwiches blind folded! geez, even i am not that greedy... (maybe i am...>.<)
It isnt a beach party unless there is dunking and getting WET! hahaz, well yeah, that is the main point of going to the beach, just jump into the water and have fun! it was fun just throwing people in, and i am happy to say, that no one dunked me! (cuz i too heavy to carry! XP) but it was nice after that, just relaxing and chatting. i talk to my drama friends about everything. we are really nice to each other, and we are never afraid to share our problems with each other. perhaps of people like vidhi, jinfu and even shouvik, they just give that good vibe that makes people feel comfortable.
I like to treat drama as my second family. not some deranged crazy family tree thing like the 29th (pearl told me all about how her "boyfriend" has a thing for tuan), but the drama people are just close. maybe it is bbecause of the production, or maybe its just the people. all in all, i enjoy their company, and it is nice to know that there is always a group i can turn to. =D
well, to all the drama peeps that read this. i just wanna say, I LOVE YA GUYS! *muacks =D lol
Thursday, June 09, 2005
expectations
after a while, people get generalised. we are taken for granted by other people, both in actions and in attitude.
If you know someone for a while, then talk to them a few years later, they would tell you how much you have changed. however, if you know someone everyday, he would not notice the change unless someone points it out. this is due to one thing, expectations.
expectations of a person can change. expectations for a group may change, but how long will it take to change?
i can't really say how it is to be in SC, but i do say it is stressful. not just the work but hte people. We are a bunch of new, fresh, unsure bunch of kids. yet the expectations for us is higher than maybe even the 29th council. i say this not in terms of adults. in fact it is our personal expectatiations we are trying to live up to, that makes it so stressful.
no offence to YC, but we are just trying to make our TASC seem so perfect and great that everyone will look up to. It is not easy. and it sometimes is internally conflicting. for example. if we are not unified, we still need to "look" unified, as then we can show the students that we are. also, we are not supposed to segregate ourselves from the cohort, yet we are supposed to be unified, we cannot be a group if we worry about being a group that seperates us.
i'm just ranting as it seems like the TASC is not what i expected it to be. i was soo excited when i became a councillor, yet now i feel so weighed by it. do not misunderstand me. i enjoy the organising and conducting things. but it is just not enjoyable to do the things anymore. we are meant to do all these for the IP cohort as we hope that they as well as us will enjoy it.
i guess it becomes kinda sad when you dont enjoy what you are doing. and i am not enjoying what i am doing. work does come first, but that does not mean that it has to be boring. work is only as boring as you make it. if you force it into a strict and rigid conform, it will become boring for everyone, but if you spice it up, make it a challenge, a game, and adventure, it makes it worthwhile for everyone.
i really envy the 29th council. i do not just "really" envy them, i really reall really envy them. Pearl once told me, the councillors are a clique. they are just one really big clique. they do things together and hang out together. why? because it is fun! because they share good and bad times. they are not just a SC, they are friends. and that is something to be envied. when everyone you work with is a true friend, that is a blessing.
i guess i dont have much to say left. i just wanna treasure my friends. Drama, 29th, church, ex-ro, VS, etc. just having fun together, when we can.
smile a little, laugh a lot, and just go crazy! haha =P
If you know someone for a while, then talk to them a few years later, they would tell you how much you have changed. however, if you know someone everyday, he would not notice the change unless someone points it out. this is due to one thing, expectations.
expectations of a person can change. expectations for a group may change, but how long will it take to change?
i can't really say how it is to be in SC, but i do say it is stressful. not just the work but hte people. We are a bunch of new, fresh, unsure bunch of kids. yet the expectations for us is higher than maybe even the 29th council. i say this not in terms of adults. in fact it is our personal expectatiations we are trying to live up to, that makes it so stressful.
no offence to YC, but we are just trying to make our TASC seem so perfect and great that everyone will look up to. It is not easy. and it sometimes is internally conflicting. for example. if we are not unified, we still need to "look" unified, as then we can show the students that we are. also, we are not supposed to segregate ourselves from the cohort, yet we are supposed to be unified, we cannot be a group if we worry about being a group that seperates us.
i'm just ranting as it seems like the TASC is not what i expected it to be. i was soo excited when i became a councillor, yet now i feel so weighed by it. do not misunderstand me. i enjoy the organising and conducting things. but it is just not enjoyable to do the things anymore. we are meant to do all these for the IP cohort as we hope that they as well as us will enjoy it.
i guess it becomes kinda sad when you dont enjoy what you are doing. and i am not enjoying what i am doing. work does come first, but that does not mean that it has to be boring. work is only as boring as you make it. if you force it into a strict and rigid conform, it will become boring for everyone, but if you spice it up, make it a challenge, a game, and adventure, it makes it worthwhile for everyone.
i really envy the 29th council. i do not just "really" envy them, i really reall really envy them. Pearl once told me, the councillors are a clique. they are just one really big clique. they do things together and hang out together. why? because it is fun! because they share good and bad times. they are not just a SC, they are friends. and that is something to be envied. when everyone you work with is a true friend, that is a blessing.
i guess i dont have much to say left. i just wanna treasure my friends. Drama, 29th, church, ex-ro, VS, etc. just having fun together, when we can.
smile a little, laugh a lot, and just go crazy! haha =P
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
I'm back!
Hi guys! im finally back from camp, and the camp was really funn :P!
i checked my tagboard, and as i expected, SPAM. no surprise. always happens. but anyway, i understand that people are reacting negatively to my posts. well, if it affects you so much that you need to spam my tagboard, then, for goodness sake! dont read it!
Okay, back to more important things. The camp was great! met a whole bunch of new people, such as : Marcus, Ming song, Daniel, Kwee Hong, Elson, Suat ting, Cindy, Amanda, Zhong yun, Wenyuan and ling ling jie! and of course there was Vivien, who invited me to the camp! They were great fun, some were lame and crappy like me! and some were just plain crazy! Hahaz!
Over the 5 days i really learn a lot from them, as well as from the rest of the camp. it was both spiritually enriching, as well as personally developing. the team work part was essential, and some times we had it (but most of the time it was a bit shaky). I enjoyed the Praise and Worship Session, enjoyed it ALOT! the whole camp would come together about twice a day to sing their lungs out with the band. some of the songs really touched me and im sure i wasn't the only one. i loved songs like "Above All" and "So you would come"
"Above all"
Above all powers, above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began
Above all kingdoms, above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what You're worth
Crucified, laid behind the stone
You lived to die, rejected and alone
Like a rose trampled on the ground
You took the fall and thought of me
Above all
well, this might be my ultimate favorite. i know one of my friends that reacted really emotionally to this song. it just means so much, sacrifice, and love.
I really thank vivien for inviting me to this camp. i do feel guilty of going through this camp and disappointing some by not converting. but i am not ready, i have my own views of the world, and it is not my time to become a Christian. However, through the 5 days, i have learnt a lot about the values and beliefs of christians. I saw a lot i could learn from them, even if i am not Christian.
I cant say that the camp was perfect, cuz then i would be lying. and there were points where i felt uncomfortable. It was during day 3/4, more during day 4. i felt very uncomfortable when they asked for those who wanted to "accept Christ", or in other words, convert. I have said that i was not going to, but all the other non-Christians in my group all decided to convert, and i felt very very awkward. i silently prayed to the lord that if he did exist, that he would understand that it was not my time, and that maybe it might happen one day, and maybe it may not. So i hope everyone understands.
apart from that, it was basically fun all the way. the various games were intriguing, such as "CSI: project mew" and the "amazing race". to have fun, and to share it with a bunch of good friends, that was the best.
well now that it is over, i am a little disappointed, but i still have the contacts of friends and still we share the memories of the past few days. Maybe one of these days we can go out for a lunch or something? haha yeah!
One more thing before i sign off.... DUMPERS RAWK!!! :P
i checked my tagboard, and as i expected, SPAM. no surprise. always happens. but anyway, i understand that people are reacting negatively to my posts. well, if it affects you so much that you need to spam my tagboard, then, for goodness sake! dont read it!
Okay, back to more important things. The camp was great! met a whole bunch of new people, such as : Marcus, Ming song, Daniel, Kwee Hong, Elson, Suat ting, Cindy, Amanda, Zhong yun, Wenyuan and ling ling jie! and of course there was Vivien, who invited me to the camp! They were great fun, some were lame and crappy like me! and some were just plain crazy! Hahaz!
Over the 5 days i really learn a lot from them, as well as from the rest of the camp. it was both spiritually enriching, as well as personally developing. the team work part was essential, and some times we had it (but most of the time it was a bit shaky). I enjoyed the Praise and Worship Session, enjoyed it ALOT! the whole camp would come together about twice a day to sing their lungs out with the band. some of the songs really touched me and im sure i wasn't the only one. i loved songs like "Above All" and "So you would come"
"Above all"
Above all powers, above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began
Above all kingdoms, above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what You're worth
Crucified, laid behind the stone
You lived to die, rejected and alone
Like a rose trampled on the ground
You took the fall and thought of me
Above all
well, this might be my ultimate favorite. i know one of my friends that reacted really emotionally to this song. it just means so much, sacrifice, and love.
I really thank vivien for inviting me to this camp. i do feel guilty of going through this camp and disappointing some by not converting. but i am not ready, i have my own views of the world, and it is not my time to become a Christian. However, through the 5 days, i have learnt a lot about the values and beliefs of christians. I saw a lot i could learn from them, even if i am not Christian.
I cant say that the camp was perfect, cuz then i would be lying. and there were points where i felt uncomfortable. It was during day 3/4, more during day 4. i felt very uncomfortable when they asked for those who wanted to "accept Christ", or in other words, convert. I have said that i was not going to, but all the other non-Christians in my group all decided to convert, and i felt very very awkward. i silently prayed to the lord that if he did exist, that he would understand that it was not my time, and that maybe it might happen one day, and maybe it may not. So i hope everyone understands.
apart from that, it was basically fun all the way. the various games were intriguing, such as "CSI: project mew" and the "amazing race". to have fun, and to share it with a bunch of good friends, that was the best.
well now that it is over, i am a little disappointed, but i still have the contacts of friends and still we share the memories of the past few days. Maybe one of these days we can go out for a lunch or something? haha yeah!
One more thing before i sign off.... DUMPERS RAWK!!! :P
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Hiatus 1
btw, im going for some church camp, so won't be updating for a few days. do tag, and leave comments... thanks!
Puking
ever met one of those people that make you feel uneasy? those kind of people that sicken you with their every move. Doesn't mean that that person is your most hated enemy. maybe you just agree to disagree and live with it.
I am in a rut. I am stuck with this person that sickens me to the core, yet I am his friend. it is friggin irritating.
He is a leader, a dedicated and determined person and is very good in whatever he does. I do not hate him or envy him due to that. In fact, I respect it, and that is what made me his friend in the first place. yet, he is so... so... disturbing. he seems like he is trying to be something that he is not. it is just so awkward being around him.
I'm always quiet around him. I shut up, as I am afraid that if I open my mouth I will offend him and everyone else around me. if I open my mouth, I am afraid that I would totally attack him, causing everyone to hate me. that sucks.
perhaps it is true. I see too much of myself in him. I am freaking out as I see myself in another person, and I do not like what I am seeing. come on, he has moved in on my ex! but thats not all. I mean, I remember when I used to be this guy that is trying to make all the friends in the world. surrounding myself with people. And I used to be, and still am, stubborn. It is all the traits I dislike about myself reflected off him.
I wish it were as simple as envy. if it were envy, I would just hate him and never bother myself with him. I probably would do something drastic, and then that would be the end of it. but it isn't so simple. I still regard him as an acquaintance, and it seems that I have to put up with it, as friends are supposed to overlook their differences. but do we overlook our similarities?
I need advice, and I need it bad. but dont tell me confrontation. I have tried so many times to force myself to privately talk to him and sort things out. but I really am not able to. he is just too difficult to face.
I am rethinking this over. perhaps it is not all him. perhaps it is her, too. maybe it is knowing that he is with someone I shared something special with. she played a big part in my life for short while. it will not be forgotten but it will be history.
I shall not talk about her now. it is meant to be private. I am gonna keep it that way. but it is he I need to deal with. so yeah, advise me, and gimme options, something I definitely do not have.
I am in a rut. I am stuck with this person that sickens me to the core, yet I am his friend. it is friggin irritating.
He is a leader, a dedicated and determined person and is very good in whatever he does. I do not hate him or envy him due to that. In fact, I respect it, and that is what made me his friend in the first place. yet, he is so... so... disturbing. he seems like he is trying to be something that he is not. it is just so awkward being around him.
I'm always quiet around him. I shut up, as I am afraid that if I open my mouth I will offend him and everyone else around me. if I open my mouth, I am afraid that I would totally attack him, causing everyone to hate me. that sucks.
perhaps it is true. I see too much of myself in him. I am freaking out as I see myself in another person, and I do not like what I am seeing. come on, he has moved in on my ex! but thats not all. I mean, I remember when I used to be this guy that is trying to make all the friends in the world. surrounding myself with people. And I used to be, and still am, stubborn. It is all the traits I dislike about myself reflected off him.
I wish it were as simple as envy. if it were envy, I would just hate him and never bother myself with him. I probably would do something drastic, and then that would be the end of it. but it isn't so simple. I still regard him as an acquaintance, and it seems that I have to put up with it, as friends are supposed to overlook their differences. but do we overlook our similarities?
I need advice, and I need it bad. but dont tell me confrontation. I have tried so many times to force myself to privately talk to him and sort things out. but I really am not able to. he is just too difficult to face.
I am rethinking this over. perhaps it is not all him. perhaps it is her, too. maybe it is knowing that he is with someone I shared something special with. she played a big part in my life for short while. it will not be forgotten but it will be history.
I shall not talk about her now. it is meant to be private. I am gonna keep it that way. but it is he I need to deal with. so yeah, advise me, and gimme options, something I definitely do not have.
Nostalgia
Have you ever missed the past? that is a stupid question, of course. It seems like in IP people are feeling especially Nostalgic. we miss our friends and when we do see them, we are suddenly surged with intense reminiscence.
So i know that i have been very busy lately. i have not even had much time to go online and chat. truth is that i really miss all my peeps. with everyone maturing and "growing up" i miss the days where going CrAzY was part of everyday life.
Its quite funny really. this morning i went with my grandpa to MacRitchie Resevoir for his morning walk. bhe does this close to every day, and for god knows how many years. i remember when i used to follow him during the holidays. i used to complain about how long it took before leaving the resevoir for breakfast. Well now he has shortened the distance, and it is over in no time flat. but just the even of it makes me miss the past where i used to enjoy a lot more things.
i've been trying to hook up with a few people. those i have not contacted for a long time. this year i met a friend of jercho, my P1 and P2 classmate. i added him to msn, though now we dont really chat. and then there are the Ex-Ro, boy do i miss theses guys. all the times we had, especially to KX, KL, the entire batch basically. i recently met Habibah at TJ's Gema Temasek and she was lookin soo different! she was soo styled up! hehe, no offence but she looked really really mature! so yeah it was kewl seeing her again, then we started chatting on msn, updated each other on life school and friends.
okay, i have to admit, as crazy as it may sound, i actually miss some parts of VS. people like Sean and Leon, they are the people that made VS interesting nad entertaining. When Sean came over, to TJC it was fun introducing him to all the TJ peeps, and he takes quite well to most of them.
in IP it is very stressful, and i guess being with people from the past where you dont have to work with them, it makes friendship so much better. maybe that is why i do not always enjoy the company in class and SC, but perhaps when i graduate and look back, things will be different.
well, now that the hols are here, i wish for gathering chances! i do want to meet the peeps again, and just catch up. Nostalgia, the stronger the feeling, the older one gets.
So i know that i have been very busy lately. i have not even had much time to go online and chat. truth is that i really miss all my peeps. with everyone maturing and "growing up" i miss the days where going CrAzY was part of everyday life.
Its quite funny really. this morning i went with my grandpa to MacRitchie Resevoir for his morning walk. bhe does this close to every day, and for god knows how many years. i remember when i used to follow him during the holidays. i used to complain about how long it took before leaving the resevoir for breakfast. Well now he has shortened the distance, and it is over in no time flat. but just the even of it makes me miss the past where i used to enjoy a lot more things.
i've been trying to hook up with a few people. those i have not contacted for a long time. this year i met a friend of jercho, my P1 and P2 classmate. i added him to msn, though now we dont really chat. and then there are the Ex-Ro, boy do i miss theses guys. all the times we had, especially to KX, KL, the entire batch basically. i recently met Habibah at TJ's Gema Temasek and she was lookin soo different! she was soo styled up! hehe, no offence but she looked really really mature! so yeah it was kewl seeing her again, then we started chatting on msn, updated each other on life school and friends.
okay, i have to admit, as crazy as it may sound, i actually miss some parts of VS. people like Sean and Leon, they are the people that made VS interesting nad entertaining. When Sean came over, to TJC it was fun introducing him to all the TJ peeps, and he takes quite well to most of them.
in IP it is very stressful, and i guess being with people from the past where you dont have to work with them, it makes friendship so much better. maybe that is why i do not always enjoy the company in class and SC, but perhaps when i graduate and look back, things will be different.
well, now that the hols are here, i wish for gathering chances! i do want to meet the peeps again, and just catch up. Nostalgia, the stronger the feeling, the older one gets.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
The inner me and the rest
I have always been a very outgoing person. I have never had problems with making friends. However, maintenance has always led to my destruction of friendships. It seems that I offend others very easily. Guys and girls alike. Yet I do not do it intentionally. A moment's folly leading to an eternal grudge.
look at my past. I hate it. I have a "promising future", and had many accomplishments. but it seems like it is all downhill from here.
I find solace in drama. I find it easier to enjoy myself and go absolutely crazy when I don't have to deal with the political struggle for power in everyday school life. School is as such: most of it is social. the petty politics in all aspects and all groups. in class, in SC and in the whole cohort. take a pile of work on top, and add in the problems with everyday projects. that's it, a recipe for disaster.
In drama, I KNOW that everyone cares for each other, and for everyone else. It seems ironic, as it is only in drama, people do not act. maybe because we join the PDP for acting that we have no facades when facing each other later. It seems like the people I meet in drama are more pure and more willing to open themselves. I like it.
don't blame me for disliking school. I find it very stressful and I just don't like facing it. I respect and admire people like Eugene and Ethel. they can stay bright and cheery despite the weights of life. okay maybe not so much Eugene. even he has a threshold that sometimes I see broken. but it is amazing how some people throw away all their cares and just have fun doing what they do.
I better sign off. I have got other things to do.
by the way, do not ask me about whatever I say here. remember, this is just to let off steam. when you see me again I would be totally different. I would revert back to my old jovial self. so this is just inner me.
look at my past. I hate it. I have a "promising future", and had many accomplishments. but it seems like it is all downhill from here.
I find solace in drama. I find it easier to enjoy myself and go absolutely crazy when I don't have to deal with the political struggle for power in everyday school life. School is as such: most of it is social. the petty politics in all aspects and all groups. in class, in SC and in the whole cohort. take a pile of work on top, and add in the problems with everyday projects. that's it, a recipe for disaster.
In drama, I KNOW that everyone cares for each other, and for everyone else. It seems ironic, as it is only in drama, people do not act. maybe because we join the PDP for acting that we have no facades when facing each other later. It seems like the people I meet in drama are more pure and more willing to open themselves. I like it.
don't blame me for disliking school. I find it very stressful and I just don't like facing it. I respect and admire people like Eugene and Ethel. they can stay bright and cheery despite the weights of life. okay maybe not so much Eugene. even he has a threshold that sometimes I see broken. but it is amazing how some people throw away all their cares and just have fun doing what they do.
I better sign off. I have got other things to do.
by the way, do not ask me about whatever I say here. remember, this is just to let off steam. when you see me again I would be totally different. I would revert back to my old jovial self. so this is just inner me.
A new beginning
i start afresh, but when will it end?
well i have not had a blog for quite some time now. i guess its time issues and other things. but i guess with all my browsings of other's blogs, it makes me feel like i am missing out on something, that perhaps i need to have a way of letting others know about me.
don't expect the blog to be much like me. i am usually the crazy reckless silly that does not have a care in the world. yet when i am alone and facing myself, i can go all moody and depressing. sure i will have the occasional happy posts, but most is just rants.
loneliness. that is why i have a blog. loneliness.
they say that you can never be truly lonely. well true. but then again idulge me, it is my blog...
well i have not had a blog for quite some time now. i guess its time issues and other things. but i guess with all my browsings of other's blogs, it makes me feel like i am missing out on something, that perhaps i need to have a way of letting others know about me.
don't expect the blog to be much like me. i am usually the crazy reckless silly that does not have a care in the world. yet when i am alone and facing myself, i can go all moody and depressing. sure i will have the occasional happy posts, but most is just rants.
loneliness. that is why i have a blog. loneliness.
they say that you can never be truly lonely. well true. but then again idulge me, it is my blog...
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