I haven't been updating, eh? well, that's how it is during the holidays. partly also cuz i don't feel inclined to post anything either. But since i don't want to just let this blog die, decided to just mention some things, just to update. :)
The Italy trip was good, Venice is a beautiful place, and if i ever go back to Italy, Venice is a Must! More about my trip, just ask me, i'm sure (on most days) i will be more than happy to tell you all about it!
Something more recent, Jack and the Beansprout. It was fun, just to let loose a little, insert some laughter where previously missing. And a few new resolutions for the new year. I think one of the best songs on the CD would be Sebastian Tan and Celine Rosa Tan's "Like that called love" lyrics... i'll just post them here ( afterall! i spent time listening and typing it out!)
Like that called Love – Sebastian Tan & Celine Rosa Tan
There’s a funny feeling deep inside my gut,
Like that called love.
There’s something wrong and I don’t know what,
Like that called love.
My heart goes haywire,
My brain’s upside-down
I want to be a hero,
but I feel like a clown.
I get a heart attack, every time she frowns
Like that called love... ah?
The things I’m feeling make me want to choke
Can this be love?
I always thought romance was just a joke.
Am I in love?
When I’m down there, I realize I miss her
When I’m up here I just want to kiss- ee,
No way, no way, I can’t kiss her
Like that called love… meh?
Her love is as loud as a car alarm
Her touch is as soft as a lorry.
If I give in to her jumbo charm,
I know my ribs will be sorry.
But everytime she smiles
My heart melts
Wah kao, wah lao, wah piang
Like that called love~
He’s an ordinary sized boy
In an ordinary size frame
With average looks
And a pretty average name
But here’s what I found, when I took him apart,
He’s got a Giant size- Heart
His smile’s a little bit crooked,
And his hair is shiny with gel.
He hasn’t the tiniest clue about women, I can tell
But as I suspected right from the start
He’s got a giant size heart
I know his strength is half of mine,
I’ll have to learn to be gentle
But there’s no funnier valentine
He makes me sentimental
And every time he smiles, my heart soars
I’m full of joy,
Acting coy,
For my boy.
I’m in love~
And though our lives may be miles apart
With him so far below me (but deep inside I feel)
Until we stand here heart to heart (just how right this is)
I got to let him know me (I’ve got to let her know)
And every time I’m with him (for once in my life I know what)
I’ll show him ( I want)
Till he can see (Wah kao)
That him and me (Wah lao)
Are meant to be (Wah piang)
We’re in (Like that called)
Love
We’re in love
The rest of the hols is chocked full with Orientation, DSA camp, and working for a deficit. So prolly next post will be either after Xmas or even new year's? till then thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. Very much appreciated :)
P.S. thanks for the child of a Wall (hint Pig=piglet)
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
A little update
I haven't been updating, eh? well, that's how it is during the holidays. partly also cuz i don't feel inclined to post anything either. But since i don't want to just let this blog die, decided to just mention some things, just to update. :)
The Italy trip was good, Venice is a beautiful place, and if i ever go back to Italy, Venice is a Must! More about my trip, just ask me, i'm sure (on most days) i will be more than happy to tell you all about it!
Something more recent, Jack and the Beansprout. It was fun, just to let loose a little, insert some laughter where previously missing. And a few new resolutions for the new year. I think one of the best songs on the CD would be Sebastian Tan and Celine Rosa Tan's "Like that called love" lyrics... i'll just post them here ( afterall! i spent time listening and typing it out!)
Like that called Love – Sebastian Tan & Celine Rosa Tan
There’s a funny feeling deep inside my gut,
Like that called love.
There’s something wrong and I don’t know what,
Like that called love.
My heart goes haywire,
My brain’s upside-down
I want to be a hero,
but I feel like a clown.
I get a heart attack, every time she frowns
Like that called love... ah?
The things I’m feeling make me want to choke
Can this be love?
I always thought romance was just a joke.
Am I in love?
When I’m down there, I realize I miss her
When I’m up here I just want to kiss- ee,
No way, no way, I can’t kiss her
Like that called love… meh?
Her love is as loud as a car alarm
Her touch is as soft as a lorry.
If I give in to her jumbo charm,
I know my ribs will be sorry.
But everytime she smiles
My heart melts
Wah kao, wah lao, wah piang
Like that called love~
He’s an ordinary sized boy
In an ordinary size frame
With average looks
And a pretty average name
But here’s what I found, when I took him apart,
He’s got a Giant size- Heart
His smile’s a little bit crooked,
And his hair is shiny with gel.
He hasn’t the tiniest clue about women, I can tell
But as I suspected right from the start
He’s got a giant size heart
I know his strength is half of mine,
I’ll have to learn to be gentle
But there’s no funnier valentine
He makes me sentimental
And every time he smiles, my heart soars
I’m full of joy,
Acting coy,
For my boy.
I’m in love~
And though our lives may be miles apart
With him so far below me (but deep inside I feel)
Until we stand here heart to heart (just how right this is)
I got to let him know me (I’ve got to let her know)
And every time I’m with him (for once in my life I know what)
I’ll show him ( I want)
Till he can see (Wah kao)
That him and me (Wah lao)
Are meant to be (Wah piang)
We’re in (Like that called)
Love
We’re in love
The rest of the hols is chocked full with Orientation, DSA camp, and working for a deficit. So prolly next post will be either after Xmas or even new year's? till then thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. Very much appreciated :)
P.S. thanks for the child of a Wall (hint Pig=piglet)
The Italy trip was good, Venice is a beautiful place, and if i ever go back to Italy, Venice is a Must! More about my trip, just ask me, i'm sure (on most days) i will be more than happy to tell you all about it!
Something more recent, Jack and the Beansprout. It was fun, just to let loose a little, insert some laughter where previously missing. And a few new resolutions for the new year. I think one of the best songs on the CD would be Sebastian Tan and Celine Rosa Tan's "Like that called love" lyrics... i'll just post them here ( afterall! i spent time listening and typing it out!)
Like that called Love – Sebastian Tan & Celine Rosa Tan
There’s a funny feeling deep inside my gut,
Like that called love.
There’s something wrong and I don’t know what,
Like that called love.
My heart goes haywire,
My brain’s upside-down
I want to be a hero,
but I feel like a clown.
I get a heart attack, every time she frowns
Like that called love... ah?
The things I’m feeling make me want to choke
Can this be love?
I always thought romance was just a joke.
Am I in love?
When I’m down there, I realize I miss her
When I’m up here I just want to kiss- ee,
No way, no way, I can’t kiss her
Like that called love… meh?
Her love is as loud as a car alarm
Her touch is as soft as a lorry.
If I give in to her jumbo charm,
I know my ribs will be sorry.
But everytime she smiles
My heart melts
Wah kao, wah lao, wah piang
Like that called love~
He’s an ordinary sized boy
In an ordinary size frame
With average looks
And a pretty average name
But here’s what I found, when I took him apart,
He’s got a Giant size- Heart
His smile’s a little bit crooked,
And his hair is shiny with gel.
He hasn’t the tiniest clue about women, I can tell
But as I suspected right from the start
He’s got a giant size heart
I know his strength is half of mine,
I’ll have to learn to be gentle
But there’s no funnier valentine
He makes me sentimental
And every time he smiles, my heart soars
I’m full of joy,
Acting coy,
For my boy.
I’m in love~
And though our lives may be miles apart
With him so far below me (but deep inside I feel)
Until we stand here heart to heart (just how right this is)
I got to let him know me (I’ve got to let her know)
And every time I’m with him (for once in my life I know what)
I’ll show him ( I want)
Till he can see (Wah kao)
That him and me (Wah lao)
Are meant to be (Wah piang)
We’re in (Like that called)
Love
We’re in love
The rest of the hols is chocked full with Orientation, DSA camp, and working for a deficit. So prolly next post will be either after Xmas or even new year's? till then thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. Very much appreciated :)
P.S. thanks for the child of a Wall (hint Pig=piglet)
Thursday, November 02, 2006
What builds a Family
A mother, a father, child, extended family, etc. all components of a family, and all crucial. I appreciate my parents, and i love them a lot, and its easy to forget what they put up with and what they give us every day of the week, every week of the year, every year in our lives. There's so much that can be said about them. but that's not for this blog post, anyway.
I think i have either written or said somewhere, that my greatest hero/role model is my dad, and it is not hard to imagine why. he is a family man. not some ambitious man chasing after an illustrious career, but just a simple family man, wanting to provide whatever he can for his family. I aspire to be like him. if i were just half of what he is, i think that would be more than sufficient to right a sloppy directionless person like me.
But i think it took me some time to realise what is my dad's direction. i remember once speaking to my uncle and uncle's brother-in-law about math, and they did pursue math quite far. My Dad is my "go-to-guy" for most of my math problems, but i never really wondered why he didnt pursue math. as the uncles put it, "do math as far as you can", but when i enquired about my dad, my mom simply said that that was not what he wanted to do.
So what did my dad want? he wanted a family. I find it extremely ironic how he was the least doted in his family, yet the most filial, and possibly best father in the lot. He works hard for the money. no doubt he loves his job, and enjoys working, but he is doing it for teh family. it is his greatest inspiration. and time after time, my mom would remind me of that, which is everything i would want to be like.
family is the most important thing. that is constantly what i say, but i do worry about if i practice what i preach. i think i don't treat my brother the best that i can, and sometimes even get cheap thrills from annoying him. my cousins can be quite a pain sometimes, okay, maybe more than just "some" times. But i would say that i hold them close to me. the ones i do so even more is the generations before me. My grandparents are especially the ones i am worried about. they are old, but i'm not old enough to let them go yet. my parents and relatives (at least on mom's side) i talk to very often, and they give so much to me. these are the people that matter in my life, but how am i showing it?
Speaking of relatives, the whole reason im thinking about this is because today my youngest cousin (at least for a few more weeks) fell and got a very deep gash in her head today. I'm not all depressed or traumatised, i know that little children hurt themselves accidentaly, and i know that she is going to be all right, so there is no need for unnecessary worry. however, i was thinking about what goes on when something like this happens. my grandparents would be there to talk to the kids at home, reminding that everything will be alright, and then the parents would do all the neccesary to make sure that my cousin is in no further harm, and it all works well, no chaos, no craziness, just lots of care poured in, and love.
I know that my parents would drop everything if they heard i am in serious danger, and if im in harm, they would know exactly what to do. STAY CALM, and handle the situation. that's is because they live for us. Parents are good parents when there is nothing more important than the children.
When i think about my aspirations and dreams, and what i want to take as my occupation, i don't think about the family i want to have in the future. My dad has a desk job, it pays well, it gives him time off to spend with me and mat, and he does not have to go flying all over the world tending to this and that, missing any events in our childhood years. Even mom put down her regional job to spend more time with me and mat, and she knew that what mattered was not out there, it was here, with the people she loved. at that point i don't know what to think. i want a family as bad as anyone, but what does that cost? maybe i could be like The Flying Dutchman (FD, Class 95) have children and still have a "fun" job, i wonder just what it takes.
"One day i would just drop everything, and spend my time with the kids" - someone said this. easier said than done, but not impossible.
I'm young, still got a whole life of me ahead before i start a family of my own, i'm sure there would be dreams to chase and things to try before i start a family, but that is something i want to always keep with me.
maybe this quote puts it into simpler terms
"Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted." ~Paul Pearshall
but to end it off with a lighter note,
"Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts."
I think i have either written or said somewhere, that my greatest hero/role model is my dad, and it is not hard to imagine why. he is a family man. not some ambitious man chasing after an illustrious career, but just a simple family man, wanting to provide whatever he can for his family. I aspire to be like him. if i were just half of what he is, i think that would be more than sufficient to right a sloppy directionless person like me.
But i think it took me some time to realise what is my dad's direction. i remember once speaking to my uncle and uncle's brother-in-law about math, and they did pursue math quite far. My Dad is my "go-to-guy" for most of my math problems, but i never really wondered why he didnt pursue math. as the uncles put it, "do math as far as you can", but when i enquired about my dad, my mom simply said that that was not what he wanted to do.
So what did my dad want? he wanted a family. I find it extremely ironic how he was the least doted in his family, yet the most filial, and possibly best father in the lot. He works hard for the money. no doubt he loves his job, and enjoys working, but he is doing it for teh family. it is his greatest inspiration. and time after time, my mom would remind me of that, which is everything i would want to be like.
family is the most important thing. that is constantly what i say, but i do worry about if i practice what i preach. i think i don't treat my brother the best that i can, and sometimes even get cheap thrills from annoying him. my cousins can be quite a pain sometimes, okay, maybe more than just "some" times. But i would say that i hold them close to me. the ones i do so even more is the generations before me. My grandparents are especially the ones i am worried about. they are old, but i'm not old enough to let them go yet. my parents and relatives (at least on mom's side) i talk to very often, and they give so much to me. these are the people that matter in my life, but how am i showing it?
Speaking of relatives, the whole reason im thinking about this is because today my youngest cousin (at least for a few more weeks) fell and got a very deep gash in her head today. I'm not all depressed or traumatised, i know that little children hurt themselves accidentaly, and i know that she is going to be all right, so there is no need for unnecessary worry. however, i was thinking about what goes on when something like this happens. my grandparents would be there to talk to the kids at home, reminding that everything will be alright, and then the parents would do all the neccesary to make sure that my cousin is in no further harm, and it all works well, no chaos, no craziness, just lots of care poured in, and love.
I know that my parents would drop everything if they heard i am in serious danger, and if im in harm, they would know exactly what to do. STAY CALM, and handle the situation. that's is because they live for us. Parents are good parents when there is nothing more important than the children.
When i think about my aspirations and dreams, and what i want to take as my occupation, i don't think about the family i want to have in the future. My dad has a desk job, it pays well, it gives him time off to spend with me and mat, and he does not have to go flying all over the world tending to this and that, missing any events in our childhood years. Even mom put down her regional job to spend more time with me and mat, and she knew that what mattered was not out there, it was here, with the people she loved. at that point i don't know what to think. i want a family as bad as anyone, but what does that cost? maybe i could be like The Flying Dutchman (FD, Class 95) have children and still have a "fun" job, i wonder just what it takes.
"One day i would just drop everything, and spend my time with the kids" - someone said this. easier said than done, but not impossible.
I'm young, still got a whole life of me ahead before i start a family of my own, i'm sure there would be dreams to chase and things to try before i start a family, but that is something i want to always keep with me.
maybe this quote puts it into simpler terms
"Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted." ~Paul Pearshall
but to end it off with a lighter note,
"Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts."
Sunday, October 29, 2006
update on my life
holidays have started! and now is the time to be bored at home! Honestly, there isn't much to do. but then again there hasnt been that many days. very soon i will have to go back to school, which i am actually looking forward to (tuesday, collect grades) and then find some other way to use my time.
my holiday projects are those that need to either be in school or at least out. Maybe i need to lug myself out of the house more. I'm sure it will be good for me. Anyway, i don't have much to blog. a rare short post unlike my usual long ramblings. Long ramblings usually come when i have much on my mind, usually negative... Well that's good right? that means i am actually a very happy person! happy posts are boring. boring to type and boring to read. (happy posts are a bit pointless)
Haha, i find blogging quite impersonal anyway, you want to find out how i've been? give me a call! and then we can chat on the phone instead :)
That's all folks! see you all around!
my holiday projects are those that need to either be in school or at least out. Maybe i need to lug myself out of the house more. I'm sure it will be good for me. Anyway, i don't have much to blog. a rare short post unlike my usual long ramblings. Long ramblings usually come when i have much on my mind, usually negative... Well that's good right? that means i am actually a very happy person! happy posts are boring. boring to type and boring to read. (happy posts are a bit pointless)
Haha, i find blogging quite impersonal anyway, you want to find out how i've been? give me a call! and then we can chat on the phone instead :)
That's all folks! see you all around!
Sunday, October 15, 2006
a Grin from ear to ear
i had actually hoped for this entry to be on friday or at latest saturday, cuz it just goes to show how quickly my opinon can change. My previous post seemed to make me sound a little hollow, a little empty, just not in place, yet in the short span of 2 days i felt like it just turned around and i felt no reason to be empty at all...
Thursday was great, the highlight of the day being Ms Daisy Irani. She was everything i expected an more. "She made it seem so possible" to quote a certain someone. And true enough, she was such a real person. I stood out. It can't be helped, 1) i was the only guy there, 2) i'm not exactly a doormouse when it comes to volume and 3) not when it comes to size either. Even so, i manajed to get a compliment out of her, and she was even nice enough to share with the "class" the number to her casting manager. who knows i may just take her up on her offer :)
then i occupied myself the rest of teh day preparing for open house, getting some council stuff settled, but no great shakes.
Then Friday came, i think that was the climax of the weak. the most exhausting, but the most fun day i had in quite a while. Kicking off the day with inter-CG games. It was like a walk down memory lane... all the games i used to play as a kid, Pepsi-Cola (or as the old timers call it Green Spot), Blind Mice, hopskotch, just to name a few. But moreso, it was not just the games, but the people playing. all 6 guys participted one way or another. Bob completely dominated the board games, while the rest of the guys played in the outdoor games. Joining us were of course our ever lovely ladies, Bernice, Grace and Magdalene. So with such a crew, how could i not have fun! To top it off, it was great that our class won, it kinda gave me a good start to the day!
Then off i went to prepare for the emceeing for Open House. Possibly one of the most tiring emceeing i have ever done (4 full hours!!!) but possibly most rewarding. I can't say much, cuz i don't know how to say it, but it was great fun emceeing with wendy, partially because we were sesame street characters, partially because we are good friends. funny eh, the start of last year we oculd not stand each other, and now at the end of 2 years, i can count on her to emcee with me (even if it was also for her to skip her tennis meeting >.<)
Somehow, when i put it in words, it doesn't sound all so great, but like how an accumulation of little things pile up to a great mountain, the little bubbles of happiness just built up, and i felt good.
Im no longer feeling the hollowness of things, because i have filled them up with holiday projects and people in my life. I can only Grin from ear to ear, and go on with what i have set out to do. =D
Thursday was great, the highlight of the day being Ms Daisy Irani. She was everything i expected an more. "She made it seem so possible" to quote a certain someone. And true enough, she was such a real person. I stood out. It can't be helped, 1) i was the only guy there, 2) i'm not exactly a doormouse when it comes to volume and 3) not when it comes to size either. Even so, i manajed to get a compliment out of her, and she was even nice enough to share with the "class" the number to her casting manager. who knows i may just take her up on her offer :)
then i occupied myself the rest of teh day preparing for open house, getting some council stuff settled, but no great shakes.
Then Friday came, i think that was the climax of the weak. the most exhausting, but the most fun day i had in quite a while. Kicking off the day with inter-CG games. It was like a walk down memory lane... all the games i used to play as a kid, Pepsi-Cola (or as the old timers call it Green Spot), Blind Mice, hopskotch, just to name a few. But moreso, it was not just the games, but the people playing. all 6 guys participted one way or another. Bob completely dominated the board games, while the rest of the guys played in the outdoor games. Joining us were of course our ever lovely ladies, Bernice, Grace and Magdalene. So with such a crew, how could i not have fun! To top it off, it was great that our class won, it kinda gave me a good start to the day!
Then off i went to prepare for the emceeing for Open House. Possibly one of the most tiring emceeing i have ever done (4 full hours!!!) but possibly most rewarding. I can't say much, cuz i don't know how to say it, but it was great fun emceeing with wendy, partially because we were sesame street characters, partially because we are good friends. funny eh, the start of last year we oculd not stand each other, and now at the end of 2 years, i can count on her to emcee with me (even if it was also for her to skip her tennis meeting >.<)
Somehow, when i put it in words, it doesn't sound all so great, but like how an accumulation of little things pile up to a great mountain, the little bubbles of happiness just built up, and i felt good.
Im no longer feeling the hollowness of things, because i have filled them up with holiday projects and people in my life. I can only Grin from ear to ear, and go on with what i have set out to do. =D
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Now What?
Exams officially ended for me today... maybe because it was my miserable attitude towards history, or maybe because i'm just tuckered out from the exam period, but i just don't feel all "woohoo"-ish today. In fact, i felt kinda empty, like "now what?". I don't really have a very full schedule planned out ahead, even though i know i still have certain projects to do, SC and school alike. there's the italy trip, then Ex-ros chalet, maybe certain other things, but maybe because it is still some time away. Meanwhile... boredom sets in.
You know how sometimes there is this hype over what i am going to do after the exams. Well funnily enough, no one asked me what i was going to do. or if they did i gave them some half-baked answer. why? because i have no clue whatsoever what i am going to do. I even bet it is going to be like one of those holidays where i am going to spend a whole day wasting my life on youtube or watching TV till my brain rots.
I do want to find something to occupy myself with. But i really only go deep into something when i have a passion for it. maybe that is what really keeps me going. BlackLights was one that i put in a lot of hard work and effort into, mainly because i wanted it to be so much. LA project night was another. Therefore, i am currently looking for my "holiday project" and may have one up on my hands soon, so i will keep you updated in my ongoings for this "holiday project".
still between now end then, i don't really want to spend days wasting life away. Today was the first day of "holiday" in the after-exam sense, but apart from playing floorball before going home, i pretty much went home and watched TV until now.
I realise the importance of having some sort of direction in your life. We all have to work towards something right? even so, i wish i knew what that something was. Just need something to center myself around. As i type this i think of 2 people, the first has dreams of taking the hols to do some written work, hone style, the other is nick, who is organising the event at Attica for the Grad Night after party. He is supposedly a few weeks to his A levels, yet he needs to be do that event, because that is simply him. Is event organising my cup off tea? well only time will tell i guess.
I wonder if this feeling is that emptiness everyone keeps going on about. like there is some missing piece that was either never there, or lost. still im not gonna be all moody in trying to find it, life continues, eh?
tomorrow marks the day for post exam activities. a few talks in the morning and following which is the post exam activity, where i have joined some acting class of some sort. most interesting would be the facilitator of this activity, Daisy Irani. Haha, if given the opportunity i would like to pick her brain on the quality of television in singapore. Interesting...
speaking of which, i have this sudden interest in Chua Enlai. surprisingly, after watching heartland getaways, i went online to do some research on him. Its almost like he is what i want to be. Stage actor, TV celebrity, and he does a number of hosting jobs and emceeing. its his voice and his presence. there is just some quality that makes him very compelling to watch. Not over the top like certain characters, but with just enough boyishness in him to find energetic and lively.
This friday i (and wendy) will be emceeing for the performances under LT1 for the TJC open house. I keep telling myself that i want to emcee and i want to have confidence on stage. but unless it is some immensely rehearsed script, i seem to always get the jitters up on stage. I admire the stage presence, the confidence and the wit that some people have on stage. i can only but hope to reach that level. Its a common misconception that i am a good emcee/stage personality. the moment i go up on stage and you ask me to stick to the content and rally the crowd, i would stand there asking for a change of pants... oops, i just wet them... there's just the pressure that i have yet to be able to shake off. I can be perfectly full of myself in front of you, but the moment i am pressurised, or if there is an expectation of me, i really think i crumble under pressure.
maybe this acting class will help. ask how other people do it. some people have the natural talent, others require some time to hone it. But even so, i will take every opportunity i get to host. Hmmm this might be some direction afterall...
Okay so my schedule is not as empty as i had expected. quite a number of things for me to do actually. My focus just has to be kept. Instead of focusing on the things i should be doing, it keeps veering off to the forbidden thoughts of things i cannot control.
Que serah serah.
momma always sang that song for me,
and its become part of my vocabulary
You know how sometimes there is this hype over what i am going to do after the exams. Well funnily enough, no one asked me what i was going to do. or if they did i gave them some half-baked answer. why? because i have no clue whatsoever what i am going to do. I even bet it is going to be like one of those holidays where i am going to spend a whole day wasting my life on youtube or watching TV till my brain rots.
I do want to find something to occupy myself with. But i really only go deep into something when i have a passion for it. maybe that is what really keeps me going. BlackLights was one that i put in a lot of hard work and effort into, mainly because i wanted it to be so much. LA project night was another. Therefore, i am currently looking for my "holiday project" and may have one up on my hands soon, so i will keep you updated in my ongoings for this "holiday project".
still between now end then, i don't really want to spend days wasting life away. Today was the first day of "holiday" in the after-exam sense, but apart from playing floorball before going home, i pretty much went home and watched TV until now.
I realise the importance of having some sort of direction in your life. We all have to work towards something right? even so, i wish i knew what that something was. Just need something to center myself around. As i type this i think of 2 people, the first has dreams of taking the hols to do some written work, hone style, the other is nick, who is organising the event at Attica for the Grad Night after party. He is supposedly a few weeks to his A levels, yet he needs to be do that event, because that is simply him. Is event organising my cup off tea? well only time will tell i guess.
I wonder if this feeling is that emptiness everyone keeps going on about. like there is some missing piece that was either never there, or lost. still im not gonna be all moody in trying to find it, life continues, eh?
tomorrow marks the day for post exam activities. a few talks in the morning and following which is the post exam activity, where i have joined some acting class of some sort. most interesting would be the facilitator of this activity, Daisy Irani. Haha, if given the opportunity i would like to pick her brain on the quality of television in singapore. Interesting...
speaking of which, i have this sudden interest in Chua Enlai. surprisingly, after watching heartland getaways, i went online to do some research on him. Its almost like he is what i want to be. Stage actor, TV celebrity, and he does a number of hosting jobs and emceeing. its his voice and his presence. there is just some quality that makes him very compelling to watch. Not over the top like certain characters, but with just enough boyishness in him to find energetic and lively.
This friday i (and wendy) will be emceeing for the performances under LT1 for the TJC open house. I keep telling myself that i want to emcee and i want to have confidence on stage. but unless it is some immensely rehearsed script, i seem to always get the jitters up on stage. I admire the stage presence, the confidence and the wit that some people have on stage. i can only but hope to reach that level. Its a common misconception that i am a good emcee/stage personality. the moment i go up on stage and you ask me to stick to the content and rally the crowd, i would stand there asking for a change of pants... oops, i just wet them... there's just the pressure that i have yet to be able to shake off. I can be perfectly full of myself in front of you, but the moment i am pressurised, or if there is an expectation of me, i really think i crumble under pressure.
maybe this acting class will help. ask how other people do it. some people have the natural talent, others require some time to hone it. But even so, i will take every opportunity i get to host. Hmmm this might be some direction afterall...
Okay so my schedule is not as empty as i had expected. quite a number of things for me to do actually. My focus just has to be kept. Instead of focusing on the things i should be doing, it keeps veering off to the forbidden thoughts of things i cannot control.
Que serah serah.
momma always sang that song for me,
and its become part of my vocabulary
Thursday, September 14, 2006
When you stop thinking, life stops
Thought. Deep thought. I don't know if people can stop thinking, but some surely come close to it. It is not a matter of they brain malfunctioning, but, people fully capable of depth and thought are crippled by 2 things. Orthodoxy and the media.
I change in wants and needs all the time, everyone does, and when i realise that i am no longer content with my current status, i would heave my gluteous maximus out of whatever ditch i dug myself, and obviously go in the direction desired. And in this case, i want to think with more depth. going beyond superficial understanding may not be necessary to maintain a social life, but i do not want to be left just as that. i am capable of depth of thought, even i am quite superficial now.
i had 2 very interesting conversations yesterday. one was with a bunch of guys learning about religion (i.e. Saibaba, Hinduism), but i think the more interesting one was with a kid of 9.
That night, there was a subject combination talk for the parents, so hui min's parents and her brother David were there for the talk. So since we(eugene, aishah, hui min and i) did not have anything to do while waiting for the talk to end, i sparked off a conversation with David about some things i guess children think about. As David explained his theory and went on and on about his view of things, there obviously is the overwhelming naivete of children, that granted, is essential to enjoy primary school life. Yet, what i found shocking to myself was his knowledge. He may have over used certain proverbs, and he may have had flawed analogies, but his ability to use and pick out examples to support his stand was inspiring to me, especially since i know i struggle ot justify even myself.
So initially i planned to blog all about this issue of "thinking" yesterday night, but of course being tired and reluctant to take out my tablet, i decided against it.
Today, i received 2 of my essays for Language Arts, and reading the same-ole-thing again got me quite frustrated. i wouldn't say i scored very badly, but i felt as if i were a hypocrite. Here i was thinking that i no longer want to live as a supercial person, with no substance to his claims, yet, everything is reflected otherwise in my essays.
I understand the frustration: When you want to do something that you have a distaste for. In any case, disatisfaction is good, because disatisfaction means that i know what i need to improve in. And with much effort (and hopefully the ability to stick to it) i will overcome this minor problem, and move on to pursue what i am capable of.
When you stop thinking your life stops. My word of the day shall be "arty".
I change in wants and needs all the time, everyone does, and when i realise that i am no longer content with my current status, i would heave my gluteous maximus out of whatever ditch i dug myself, and obviously go in the direction desired. And in this case, i want to think with more depth. going beyond superficial understanding may not be necessary to maintain a social life, but i do not want to be left just as that. i am capable of depth of thought, even i am quite superficial now.
i had 2 very interesting conversations yesterday. one was with a bunch of guys learning about religion (i.e. Saibaba, Hinduism), but i think the more interesting one was with a kid of 9.
That night, there was a subject combination talk for the parents, so hui min's parents and her brother David were there for the talk. So since we(eugene, aishah, hui min and i) did not have anything to do while waiting for the talk to end, i sparked off a conversation with David about some things i guess children think about. As David explained his theory and went on and on about his view of things, there obviously is the overwhelming naivete of children, that granted, is essential to enjoy primary school life. Yet, what i found shocking to myself was his knowledge. He may have over used certain proverbs, and he may have had flawed analogies, but his ability to use and pick out examples to support his stand was inspiring to me, especially since i know i struggle ot justify even myself.
So initially i planned to blog all about this issue of "thinking" yesterday night, but of course being tired and reluctant to take out my tablet, i decided against it.
Today, i received 2 of my essays for Language Arts, and reading the same-ole-thing again got me quite frustrated. i wouldn't say i scored very badly, but i felt as if i were a hypocrite. Here i was thinking that i no longer want to live as a supercial person, with no substance to his claims, yet, everything is reflected otherwise in my essays.
I understand the frustration: When you want to do something that you have a distaste for. In any case, disatisfaction is good, because disatisfaction means that i know what i need to improve in. And with much effort (and hopefully the ability to stick to it) i will overcome this minor problem, and move on to pursue what i am capable of.
When you stop thinking your life stops. My word of the day shall be "arty".
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Hi Corrine
I've had a day supposedly "studying" with kenneth, but not much studying done eh? I came home swimming in thought.
I listened to these 2 songs back to back
Safe in a Crazy World
You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
Let It Go
I've seen the marks of a confusion
wipe out a single sign of grace
And i dont want to play anymore
Now when the stakes are so high
So before we circled round once more
I'm gonna lay down
lay down my
pride
Let it go
Let it go
Dont waste all your emotion on this
tit-for-tat machine
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go
I'll have to accept it sooner or later right? But after all, kenneth, it IS an ASSUMPTION. sigh...
Corrine May IS a good song writer. The most amazing thing is that even though she is writing a song for everyone, and it goes out to the masses, it still seems to speak to you. and ONLY you. genius.
I listened to these 2 songs back to back
Safe in a Crazy World
You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
Let It Go
I've seen the marks of a confusion
wipe out a single sign of grace
And i dont want to play anymore
Now when the stakes are so high
So before we circled round once more
I'm gonna lay down
lay down my
pride
Let it go
Let it go
Dont waste all your emotion on this
tit-for-tat machine
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go
I'll have to accept it sooner or later right? But after all, kenneth, it IS an ASSUMPTION. sigh...
Corrine May IS a good song writer. The most amazing thing is that even though she is writing a song for everyone, and it goes out to the masses, it still seems to speak to you. and ONLY you. genius.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Thanks for all the fish
I am home early on the eve of teachers' day, and thinking about things that have been happening the past few weeks. 2 BIG things i guess, LA night (cum performance for grading cum rehearsals) and Teachers' Day (or the silly name that TJ came up with "Staff Day" - we need to celebrate the other staff as well).
Firstly, i am very proud of the Production. It really has been pretty much blood sweat and tears for the entire thing. All the long sleepy afternoons, in the blistering heat of school, across school or at Bernice's House, it boiled down to this night. Yet as fondly as i speak of it, i cannot fathom the words to express my gratitude and satisfaction with our performance. 300 hungry pamphlets, not all given out, but all with sentimental value (Also because we folded it :)). I took apart our backdrop today, thinking about how many times we put it up and took it down, and because it got tangled in the process, we had to redo it for every performance. Behind the Audi has become my "hang out-place" for most of the past 3 weeks, and now to go there with no intention of doing the play, it feels different. But, Finally, the people. I don't know if using the word 'love' here is too frivolous, but that would best sum up what i feel for teh cast. Tiring rehearsals, heated debate and sometimes plain crankiness and frustration. but we pulled through together. never once did i feel that people were feeling left out, as everyone put in their all.
Dad was there to see me. Of the 4 major plays i have done in the past 4 years, i am very happy to know that he saw this one. this might have been the first play my dad has seen me perform in. Not only that, but this play was directed by us, the cast, me inclusive, and i am glad that he saw the fruits of all my labour. I am grateful for the Drama Club to have seen what we could do, as well as for all those that came down to support. It means to me greatly that you were able to see the virgin attempt of self directing and acting in our very own play.
I Actually invited Mrs Jay to the performance, but i think she may not have received my email. i wanted to invite her, as i think she really inspired me to drama and plays. in sec 1 and 2, we watched numerous plays, and i guess when you are required to do something you do not really see the relevance, nor do you enjoy it properly. but not looking back, it has been something to be remembered, everything from "atomic Jaya" to "the Scientist" i enjoyed it loads, so thanks Mrs Jay, and Happy Teachers' Day
Happy Teachers' Day to all celebrating teachers' day today and tomorrow. Before, my concept of teachers were these figures of oppression and strictness, but coming to TA i have grown to realise that they can be as funky and fun as any one of us students. maybe im sucking up too much, but i still think that my perceptionf of teachers have changed. I know i frustrate tutors immensely, and so, i apologise.
Thanks for Everything, everyone has done. it has been rewarding :)
I'm just waiting... :)
Firstly, i am very proud of the Production. It really has been pretty much blood sweat and tears for the entire thing. All the long sleepy afternoons, in the blistering heat of school, across school or at Bernice's House, it boiled down to this night. Yet as fondly as i speak of it, i cannot fathom the words to express my gratitude and satisfaction with our performance. 300 hungry pamphlets, not all given out, but all with sentimental value (Also because we folded it :)). I took apart our backdrop today, thinking about how many times we put it up and took it down, and because it got tangled in the process, we had to redo it for every performance. Behind the Audi has become my "hang out-place" for most of the past 3 weeks, and now to go there with no intention of doing the play, it feels different. But, Finally, the people. I don't know if using the word 'love' here is too frivolous, but that would best sum up what i feel for teh cast. Tiring rehearsals, heated debate and sometimes plain crankiness and frustration. but we pulled through together. never once did i feel that people were feeling left out, as everyone put in their all.
Dad was there to see me. Of the 4 major plays i have done in the past 4 years, i am very happy to know that he saw this one. this might have been the first play my dad has seen me perform in. Not only that, but this play was directed by us, the cast, me inclusive, and i am glad that he saw the fruits of all my labour. I am grateful for the Drama Club to have seen what we could do, as well as for all those that came down to support. It means to me greatly that you were able to see the virgin attempt of self directing and acting in our very own play.
I Actually invited Mrs Jay to the performance, but i think she may not have received my email. i wanted to invite her, as i think she really inspired me to drama and plays. in sec 1 and 2, we watched numerous plays, and i guess when you are required to do something you do not really see the relevance, nor do you enjoy it properly. but not looking back, it has been something to be remembered, everything from "atomic Jaya" to "the Scientist" i enjoyed it loads, so thanks Mrs Jay, and Happy Teachers' Day
Happy Teachers' Day to all celebrating teachers' day today and tomorrow. Before, my concept of teachers were these figures of oppression and strictness, but coming to TA i have grown to realise that they can be as funky and fun as any one of us students. maybe im sucking up too much, but i still think that my perceptionf of teachers have changed. I know i frustrate tutors immensely, and so, i apologise.
Thanks for Everything, everyone has done. it has been rewarding :)
I'm just waiting... :)
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Cast Away
Today i came home extremely early from school, as i went to the skin clinic to get a review on my scar (the birthmark removal one). so when i reached home, i got a chance to switch on the home theatre, and watch Cast Away, with Tom Hanks.
I realise i watch movies more for the actor, and the acting than the storyline. Tom Hanks is one of my absolute favourite actors. he has such strong acting, and powerful roles. Cast Away is just one of them. I enjoyed BIG, and You've got mail, Forrest Gump etc. he says things with such gravity, and such emotion, that it is hard not to get captivated by him.
I didn't think i was going to watch Cast Away today. i was meaning to, but never got the chance to in the past. Actually, since i was home early, i thought i would watch some comedy, and be happy happy the rest of the evening, instead, i watched Cast Away, and it just set me thinking. Cuz, Cast Away, as Robinson Crusoe (i love the book by the way) as it was publicised to be, was much deeper than i expected. it dealt with the whole issue about surviving.
My favourite scene was when Wilson (his volleyball, friend) got washed away. immedietly when Chuck saw wilson in the distance, he got into the water, with the rope to lead him back. then he swims out, and is within inches of Wilson, but is unable reach him. Wilson was built up as such a character, that even Mat and I were struck by Chucks loss.
Well, i think at this point my post sounds like a movie critique, but that could be because i read so many before posting this. But i enjoyed the movie a lot. Its just the relationship. and the power of the movie. I want to watch it again. but next time, with other people.
Tom Hanks: Brilliant actor. i want to watch as many of his movies as possible :) (Da Vinci Code, here i come!)
I realise i watch movies more for the actor, and the acting than the storyline. Tom Hanks is one of my absolute favourite actors. he has such strong acting, and powerful roles. Cast Away is just one of them. I enjoyed BIG, and You've got mail, Forrest Gump etc. he says things with such gravity, and such emotion, that it is hard not to get captivated by him.
I didn't think i was going to watch Cast Away today. i was meaning to, but never got the chance to in the past. Actually, since i was home early, i thought i would watch some comedy, and be happy happy the rest of the evening, instead, i watched Cast Away, and it just set me thinking. Cuz, Cast Away, as Robinson Crusoe (i love the book by the way) as it was publicised to be, was much deeper than i expected. it dealt with the whole issue about surviving.
My favourite scene was when Wilson (his volleyball, friend) got washed away. immedietly when Chuck saw wilson in the distance, he got into the water, with the rope to lead him back. then he swims out, and is within inches of Wilson, but is unable reach him. Wilson was built up as such a character, that even Mat and I were struck by Chucks loss.
Well, i think at this point my post sounds like a movie critique, but that could be because i read so many before posting this. But i enjoyed the movie a lot. Its just the relationship. and the power of the movie. I want to watch it again. but next time, with other people.
Tom Hanks: Brilliant actor. i want to watch as many of his movies as possible :) (Da Vinci Code, here i come!)
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Self-Help
I can solve my own problems. Everyone can. we just want someone to tell it to, so that we can get it off our chest. other people don't really need to take that problem onto themselves, they just need to be a listening ear, and just be supportive in the sense that, 'don't worry, im here listening' :)
i'm sure you have read those self-help books, that tell you how much you are in control of your life. i actually quite enjoy those kind of books. not because they enlighten me on what i have no clue about, but it just puts into words and quantifies all that vague feelings inside. thanks stepphy for the book, it kinda gives me some insight to myself.
If everyone can solve their own problems that why does there seem to be so many problems?
I realise that when i like someone, i tend to very often ask, "what's wrong". reason being, that i think i will get to know you better, or be closer to you, if i find out your problems. when you can let me see your vulnerable side, it would mean that we are close. That is like digging my own grave. why find problems if there aren't any?
even when i was attached, the reason why it did not work may have been certain problems, but also there was this mentality that "there has to be something wrong. if there is nothing wrong, then there is something even more wrong". so when a problem is solved, i look for the next problem, and when that is solved, the next. Just like a math student. In his world, everything is a problem waiting to be solved. but it just ends up in an ugly spiral. the momentum of solving problems can get quite strong. i reached a point where finding problems was very easy. unwittingly, i created problems for me to find.
Apparently for other aspects of my life, i can keep my cool head quite well. i am easily contented with my accomplishments, and even though i know that there are things that can be improved upon, i also find the opportunity to revel in my success. yet when it comes to realationships i wish i could say the same.
funny thing, this feeling of like/infatuation/crush. it makes cool people crazy, and causes erraticness where levelness is required. it is when it is this situation that i go completely haywire. the hypocrite in me comes out, and suddenly all hell breaks lose. Maybe it is because when i am doing a project, i can tell myself "don't get emotionally attached to this, its just a project. Professionalism, professionalism, professionalism!", obviously i can do the same if it is matters of the heart, "dont get emotionally involved" yeah right, then are you sure you like her?!?!
Independance is the way to go! if i can already solve all my problems on my own, then obviously i don't need anyone to share my burden. Ironically, my problems that i cannot solve are due to my love life (or lack of it), so it is like some cyclic pattern, where the problem is the same as the answer.
i thought i once told myself that the person i love, will be someone that will compliment my life, not become the sole entitity of it. yet now i am making such a big deal out of it, its scary.
yet i don't want to sit around and wait. YOU (whoever YOU may be) won't just suddenly plop yourself down. all that stuff about you being the master of your own life, is just tugging me to go look for YOU. Yet, part of me beleives in fate, and that YOU will come into my life, maybe already, or maybe someday, all i gotta do is to wait. But, i don't like waiting, its a waste of time.
i'm sure you have read those self-help books, that tell you how much you are in control of your life. i actually quite enjoy those kind of books. not because they enlighten me on what i have no clue about, but it just puts into words and quantifies all that vague feelings inside. thanks stepphy for the book, it kinda gives me some insight to myself.
If everyone can solve their own problems that why does there seem to be so many problems?
I realise that when i like someone, i tend to very often ask, "what's wrong". reason being, that i think i will get to know you better, or be closer to you, if i find out your problems. when you can let me see your vulnerable side, it would mean that we are close. That is like digging my own grave. why find problems if there aren't any?
even when i was attached, the reason why it did not work may have been certain problems, but also there was this mentality that "there has to be something wrong. if there is nothing wrong, then there is something even more wrong". so when a problem is solved, i look for the next problem, and when that is solved, the next. Just like a math student. In his world, everything is a problem waiting to be solved. but it just ends up in an ugly spiral. the momentum of solving problems can get quite strong. i reached a point where finding problems was very easy. unwittingly, i created problems for me to find.
Apparently for other aspects of my life, i can keep my cool head quite well. i am easily contented with my accomplishments, and even though i know that there are things that can be improved upon, i also find the opportunity to revel in my success. yet when it comes to realationships i wish i could say the same.
funny thing, this feeling of like/infatuation/crush. it makes cool people crazy, and causes erraticness where levelness is required. it is when it is this situation that i go completely haywire. the hypocrite in me comes out, and suddenly all hell breaks lose. Maybe it is because when i am doing a project, i can tell myself "don't get emotionally attached to this, its just a project. Professionalism, professionalism, professionalism!", obviously i can do the same if it is matters of the heart, "dont get emotionally involved" yeah right, then are you sure you like her?!?!
Independance is the way to go! if i can already solve all my problems on my own, then obviously i don't need anyone to share my burden. Ironically, my problems that i cannot solve are due to my love life (or lack of it), so it is like some cyclic pattern, where the problem is the same as the answer.
i thought i once told myself that the person i love, will be someone that will compliment my life, not become the sole entitity of it. yet now i am making such a big deal out of it, its scary.
yet i don't want to sit around and wait. YOU (whoever YOU may be) won't just suddenly plop yourself down. all that stuff about you being the master of your own life, is just tugging me to go look for YOU. Yet, part of me beleives in fate, and that YOU will come into my life, maybe already, or maybe someday, all i gotta do is to wait. But, i don't like waiting, its a waste of time.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
life is a stage, so why don't we stage life!
Even Up till today, i still do not have a habit for blogging often. still there were things on my mind now, as there were when i first started this blog, but there are just those times when you want to figure it for yourself before broadcasting it to the world. Just reading what Er Bao said on her blog, many people have secret blogs, and they post there, but i sad to say, have none, instead i figure it out on my own first.
There is something holding me back. Perhaps it could be the people that frequent my blog. afterall, this is a public domain, and anything said could be potentially implicating or potentially offensive.
what do i want? what is my drive, my passion, my interests? i guess im quite clueless, but if i knew in the first place, wouldn't that make life ever so boring? still, when i get fired up about something i do want to see it to the end, even if my interest falters along the way. That is the commitment i have to the play. LA project is taking quite a bit of my energy, and it is quite draining. still i enjoy every minute of it. the team is getting tired. the director's worst fear is that the cast gets tired. usually, a cast is at its peak performance about 1-2 weeks before the performance date, and they could lose that energy in no time flat. Hence, it is a duty to make sure that the cast is okay, and that it is balanced.
I can't help but feel gratitude for all that the play has brought to me. I remembered mentioning to louisa (TJ Drama Pres batch of 2004) that i was interested in observing the role of director and if possible, even direct something in my time in Drama. Sad to say i shall be leaving drama club at the end of the year, to purseue other things, like the floorball SIG, and maybe to focus more on Council. Anyway, now i get to direct and play in the LA play, and even though it may be a simple school project, most of us are treating the play with as much professionalism as one would to a ungraded play. It just puts me in awe, that there are talents which i can call my friends, that do have that knack for acting.
Well that was the professional bit of the play, but i also think that this play has brought me closer to certain people, and make friends which might not have been if not for this play. Bernice, Ultra cutie pie, ms groban/neruda/may/etc. (so i can't remember all the names >.< haha). its been eons since i watched a proper play. ms huang has brought many times for me to self reflect, and see a side of people that i think i have lost touch with for some time. We might end up in viscious quarrels or fist flying, but its worth making such a friend in you :) Grazz, "hello" will not be the last play you will be watching. also, its nice how you become fired up by the play too. Oli, i cannot compete in the art of hiding food from teachers, and i have to swear that you and your sister, are simply fun to watch. Jawi, hmm.. never spoken to you b4, may this be the platform for more opportunity. Mag, bubbly, fun, a little stressful, but nevertheless easy to work with. and Jane, they say that its hard to work with friends, its true, but in a good way, cuz at least you are eager, and i find it interesting directing you :) So with so much gained from all of you, why shouldn't i be confident of the play?
"Hello" by sprouts theatre was a good play. perhaps there were a few points that i felt were lacking in the actresses, but that is purely personal opinion. It was an odd feeling watching a play with ffriends again. have not done that since the VSGEP days, and it was refreshing to be able to talk about the play with a bunch of friends. Bernice (with Xiao Li taggin along), Grace and I went to guiness theatre along armenian street, with different opinions on how the play will be, but at the end of the night, one thing was for sure, we enjoyed the play, and our expectations definitely were exceeded. Such is the beauty of drama, the ability to evoke emotion, as well as demonstrate a slice of life in a slightly different perspective. At the same time, it made me aware of our own play, that the message is the most important thing. if we are able to leave the audience in contemplation of our message and to be aware of how strong this theme is, then we would have succeeded regardless of the grades we are given.
week 7 has dawned, and week 10 is the performance, we have a short time to refine and crank it into our full scale production. I would be an idiot to not say im worried, but i am also riveted by it, and it IS pumping through my veins. Excited? VERY.
+++
I wish i could fuse both of you, and you would be perfect.
I don't know where im going to go, and what i will choose. No one can have the best of both worlds. Each of you give me something so different, but both make me happy. I am just overthinking. who would want me anyway? i might think too much, when i know that i will end up with nothing.
There is something holding me back. Perhaps it could be the people that frequent my blog. afterall, this is a public domain, and anything said could be potentially implicating or potentially offensive.
what do i want? what is my drive, my passion, my interests? i guess im quite clueless, but if i knew in the first place, wouldn't that make life ever so boring? still, when i get fired up about something i do want to see it to the end, even if my interest falters along the way. That is the commitment i have to the play. LA project is taking quite a bit of my energy, and it is quite draining. still i enjoy every minute of it. the team is getting tired. the director's worst fear is that the cast gets tired. usually, a cast is at its peak performance about 1-2 weeks before the performance date, and they could lose that energy in no time flat. Hence, it is a duty to make sure that the cast is okay, and that it is balanced.
I can't help but feel gratitude for all that the play has brought to me. I remembered mentioning to louisa (TJ Drama Pres batch of 2004) that i was interested in observing the role of director and if possible, even direct something in my time in Drama. Sad to say i shall be leaving drama club at the end of the year, to purseue other things, like the floorball SIG, and maybe to focus more on Council. Anyway, now i get to direct and play in the LA play, and even though it may be a simple school project, most of us are treating the play with as much professionalism as one would to a ungraded play. It just puts me in awe, that there are talents which i can call my friends, that do have that knack for acting.
Well that was the professional bit of the play, but i also think that this play has brought me closer to certain people, and make friends which might not have been if not for this play. Bernice, Ultra cutie pie, ms groban/neruda/may/etc. (so i can't remember all the names >.< haha). its been eons since i watched a proper play. ms huang has brought many times for me to self reflect, and see a side of people that i think i have lost touch with for some time. We might end up in viscious quarrels or fist flying, but its worth making such a friend in you :) Grazz, "hello" will not be the last play you will be watching. also, its nice how you become fired up by the play too. Oli, i cannot compete in the art of hiding food from teachers, and i have to swear that you and your sister, are simply fun to watch. Jawi, hmm.. never spoken to you b4, may this be the platform for more opportunity. Mag, bubbly, fun, a little stressful, but nevertheless easy to work with. and Jane, they say that its hard to work with friends, its true, but in a good way, cuz at least you are eager, and i find it interesting directing you :) So with so much gained from all of you, why shouldn't i be confident of the play?
"Hello" by sprouts theatre was a good play. perhaps there were a few points that i felt were lacking in the actresses, but that is purely personal opinion. It was an odd feeling watching a play with ffriends again. have not done that since the VSGEP days, and it was refreshing to be able to talk about the play with a bunch of friends. Bernice (with Xiao Li taggin along), Grace and I went to guiness theatre along armenian street, with different opinions on how the play will be, but at the end of the night, one thing was for sure, we enjoyed the play, and our expectations definitely were exceeded. Such is the beauty of drama, the ability to evoke emotion, as well as demonstrate a slice of life in a slightly different perspective. At the same time, it made me aware of our own play, that the message is the most important thing. if we are able to leave the audience in contemplation of our message and to be aware of how strong this theme is, then we would have succeeded regardless of the grades we are given.
week 7 has dawned, and week 10 is the performance, we have a short time to refine and crank it into our full scale production. I would be an idiot to not say im worried, but i am also riveted by it, and it IS pumping through my veins. Excited? VERY.
+++
I wish i could fuse both of you, and you would be perfect.
I don't know where im going to go, and what i will choose. No one can have the best of both worlds. Each of you give me something so different, but both make me happy. I am just overthinking. who would want me anyway? i might think too much, when i know that i will end up with nothing.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Week 5? Already?
SO BlackLights is over, and it was quite good really. just that im not so high about posting about it. haha don't really know why, maybe i am just lazy. Anyway, check out other people's blogs, they got quite descriptive posts about the event. In terms of leading it, there wasn't really any problem. Quite smooth except for the communication between the organisers and Mr Kao, but he is okay now (afterall, the thing is over!)
Still tired though. relapse perhaps, either that, my body has gone into a slack mode, and have gotten into the inertia of just lying around, relaxed and serene. Still, it never really does stop does it? i just had a BlackLights evaluation in school, and we still got to work hard the rest of the year to recoup our losses. but that is just part and parcel of the entire process. Moral- Don't get into debt in the first place!
Also, the classroom environment can get quite stressful. especially with stressed out groupmates that affect the team. I quite enjoy working with raghav and the gang, even though we don't always get top scores, but the thing is that we understand, and we have fun doing it. Just the other day, Mr Tearle Cheng was saying that we were the "Moron group". True, but at least we have a lot of fun! just that day we were screaming at the top of our voices, "DAMN YOU VELLAY! quick pour the damn thing!" and Bob was counting down, "10, 9, 8, 7,... 2,1!" and we were screaming cuz we were not ready! Haha, hence the name, "Moron group". absolutely crazy. But i do enjoy MOST of the projects we are doing. It is no point doing a project if you are not going to have fun learning the thing. What is the point of worrying about all the details and the grades, if you end up resenting the work?
Thankfully, i'm thoroughly enjoying the LA project play. I've always wanted to try my hand at putting up a production, and even though i did not get the chance in drama, im glad to have the opportunity now. And i think a large credit goes to my grpmates. it just clicks i guess. there is group dynamics, which sad to say, is not as prevalent in other groups (or at least not as obviously). And there is definitely that required level of commitment ( either that it is the group's living fear of the NOVEMBER FIST). So that is my major project for the term, or at least that is where my focus lies. I just hope that i dont end up having to pick between this and my studies.
Speaking of which, there are 2 accomplishments i would like to share. 1) I PASSED 2,4!! quite shocked, as this is my first time doing so. if only i had put in this effort and determination last year, as i fear i may not be able to get my bronze, due to chin ups. 2) i did better in my grades than expected! i got 2 As, and for the most unexpected subjects! A for Bio, which i flunked the test, and flunk almost every assignment given, but still able to get an A (mrs lam really must be stressed, she giving away As too freely) and A for History. Now that is the ultimate shocker for me, as i actually got a D last year for the year ends. I think i am starting to grasp the subject better. this is why i took history in the first place, it is an amazing subject, it may be a lot of information, and a lot of content, but it is bloody interesting, and i really see the relavance to my life.
Week 5. halfway through my term already, and that much closer to the promos. i think things have changed. In terms of effort, attitude, determination. I wouldn't say i am a muggertoad, nor would i say im the happy idiot that doesnt give a squat about work, but i think there is somewhat of a balance. I dont have as big an issue about putting in effort anymore, and i do feel better about myself. hmm... i wonder what brought about this change? Anywho, it is scary how close the end of year is. Revision shall be commencing soon.
I wonder what my social life is like now? i wish i could take a step back and observe myself, cuz honestly i have no clue.
Still tired though. relapse perhaps, either that, my body has gone into a slack mode, and have gotten into the inertia of just lying around, relaxed and serene. Still, it never really does stop does it? i just had a BlackLights evaluation in school, and we still got to work hard the rest of the year to recoup our losses. but that is just part and parcel of the entire process. Moral- Don't get into debt in the first place!
Also, the classroom environment can get quite stressful. especially with stressed out groupmates that affect the team. I quite enjoy working with raghav and the gang, even though we don't always get top scores, but the thing is that we understand, and we have fun doing it. Just the other day, Mr Tearle Cheng was saying that we were the "Moron group". True, but at least we have a lot of fun! just that day we were screaming at the top of our voices, "DAMN YOU VELLAY! quick pour the damn thing!" and Bob was counting down, "10, 9, 8, 7,... 2,1!" and we were screaming cuz we were not ready! Haha, hence the name, "Moron group". absolutely crazy. But i do enjoy MOST of the projects we are doing. It is no point doing a project if you are not going to have fun learning the thing. What is the point of worrying about all the details and the grades, if you end up resenting the work?
Thankfully, i'm thoroughly enjoying the LA project play. I've always wanted to try my hand at putting up a production, and even though i did not get the chance in drama, im glad to have the opportunity now. And i think a large credit goes to my grpmates. it just clicks i guess. there is group dynamics, which sad to say, is not as prevalent in other groups (or at least not as obviously). And there is definitely that required level of commitment ( either that it is the group's living fear of the NOVEMBER FIST). So that is my major project for the term, or at least that is where my focus lies. I just hope that i dont end up having to pick between this and my studies.
Speaking of which, there are 2 accomplishments i would like to share. 1) I PASSED 2,4!! quite shocked, as this is my first time doing so. if only i had put in this effort and determination last year, as i fear i may not be able to get my bronze, due to chin ups. 2) i did better in my grades than expected! i got 2 As, and for the most unexpected subjects! A for Bio, which i flunked the test, and flunk almost every assignment given, but still able to get an A (mrs lam really must be stressed, she giving away As too freely) and A for History. Now that is the ultimate shocker for me, as i actually got a D last year for the year ends. I think i am starting to grasp the subject better. this is why i took history in the first place, it is an amazing subject, it may be a lot of information, and a lot of content, but it is bloody interesting, and i really see the relavance to my life.
Week 5. halfway through my term already, and that much closer to the promos. i think things have changed. In terms of effort, attitude, determination. I wouldn't say i am a muggertoad, nor would i say im the happy idiot that doesnt give a squat about work, but i think there is somewhat of a balance. I dont have as big an issue about putting in effort anymore, and i do feel better about myself. hmm... i wonder what brought about this change? Anywho, it is scary how close the end of year is. Revision shall be commencing soon.
I wonder what my social life is like now? i wish i could take a step back and observe myself, cuz honestly i have no clue.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Maybe its different
A normal schol day i guess, and i think it would have been. yet, i stood there staring at a teacher which i think suspects something, and he looks a lot more aged and unshaven than i remember. still his features were distinct enough for me to recognise him, despite the stubble and his greying hair.
A make up lesson, or i think it was some meeting that required a certain bunch of people to be there. i saw 3 PRC sitting at the table with him, and then i asked, "so who else are you waiting for?" he mentions a few familiar people, and then says your name in a way that i am quite sure he is suspecting something is going on. but i quickly let it pass, and leave the area looking, i think may be for you.
Then i see you, and i catch up. i cannot remember our dialogue, but that was insignificant. but then, you suddenly remembered something and was about to dart off. My reflexes snap, and i gripped onto your wrist. you were a little taken aback, and i guess i felt all the blood shoot up to my head. either i moved closer to you, or vice versa, but i didnt really let go. instead i tried to slip my hand down your palm, and tried to feel for your fingers. you did not pull back, nor did you feel shocked, and my hand just moved down until it was holding yours, locked.
Androgenous as it may seem, i think i layed my head on your shoulder ofr a while, as we walked. slow, but not slow enough, for soon we approached the teacher we both know. we sit, and i dont leave. Yet i dont think about how awkward it should be. Instead, i remember him calling my name, telling me that i am supposed to be part of the team.
Where was this? it was like a circle patch of grass, i can't really recall much further than that. but on the edges of the circle there were more benches with people , and in the middle our bench with the rest of the team. I cannot get it out of my head.
I don't usually remember my dreams, and even if i do i only have really short snippets. and it was unusual for me to remember such a huge chunk of my dream. Perhaps it could mean something? but chances are i wont pluck up the same courage to do what i envisioned myself doing.
I dont know why the feeling's back. i did not think that it would?
P.S. im still a little tired from all the events, i'll update open house, the LA play and BL another time.
A make up lesson, or i think it was some meeting that required a certain bunch of people to be there. i saw 3 PRC sitting at the table with him, and then i asked, "so who else are you waiting for?" he mentions a few familiar people, and then says your name in a way that i am quite sure he is suspecting something is going on. but i quickly let it pass, and leave the area looking, i think may be for you.
Then i see you, and i catch up. i cannot remember our dialogue, but that was insignificant. but then, you suddenly remembered something and was about to dart off. My reflexes snap, and i gripped onto your wrist. you were a little taken aback, and i guess i felt all the blood shoot up to my head. either i moved closer to you, or vice versa, but i didnt really let go. instead i tried to slip my hand down your palm, and tried to feel for your fingers. you did not pull back, nor did you feel shocked, and my hand just moved down until it was holding yours, locked.
Androgenous as it may seem, i think i layed my head on your shoulder ofr a while, as we walked. slow, but not slow enough, for soon we approached the teacher we both know. we sit, and i dont leave. Yet i dont think about how awkward it should be. Instead, i remember him calling my name, telling me that i am supposed to be part of the team.
Where was this? it was like a circle patch of grass, i can't really recall much further than that. but on the edges of the circle there were more benches with people , and in the middle our bench with the rest of the team. I cannot get it out of my head.
I don't usually remember my dreams, and even if i do i only have really short snippets. and it was unusual for me to remember such a huge chunk of my dream. Perhaps it could mean something? but chances are i wont pluck up the same courage to do what i envisioned myself doing.
I dont know why the feeling's back. i did not think that it would?
P.S. im still a little tired from all the events, i'll update open house, the LA play and BL another time.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
False Confidence
After getting back most of my tests, its quite disheartening to note that my confidence and supposed readiness in my tests, have not reflected in my scores. for most tests i failed, which is waay lower than i expected. chem i was shocked that i did so badly, as i thought i answered the test quite well. However, i didnt do well because much of what i said was said in a wrong manner. perhaps some of my content was wrong, but on a whole i think it was more of my expression. the realisation set in after i got back my biology test. before hand she asked us to write down our preparedness and confidence for the test, and both i put above 3 (ranging 1-5, 5 being most) and when i got back my tests, i was shocked beyond shock that i failed the test.
Expectations i guess. there was a chapter in the book Stepphy passed to me that say something like "envisage yourself in that bad situation, and deal with it before it occurs" e.g. imagine your favourite mug breaking. and you will learn to treasure it, and when it finally breaks, you will be able to just say "oh! there it goes" with positivity, without getting hung up over it. but that is not something i had done for these tests. i actually thought that i studied hard for the tests, and i put in a fair bit of effort to make sure i do better than before. Previously i would not have studied as hard for assesment, but i felt after my dissapointing attitude towards holiday assignments, i thought it would be best if i could put in effort to maintain at least a high standard in tests. you can tell from the previous post how much i "thought" i put into studies, but it seems like it was to no avail.
This i think i can handle, but then there was one thing that i felt weird about for a few days. after studying so hard with jane and sze sian, i guess i felt out of place when they did well, and i didnt. Its just that, after seemingly understanding and explaining all the things to them (especially in bio) i would have thought i would do as well as them, but that was severly not the case. I understand my concpets, but my phrasing, terminology and practically all about espression was completely wrong.
Yet, i have something inside me telling me to not give up. Actually, i expected my first reaction to be "if you study and fail anyway, why bother studying?" but somehow, that did not become my first reaction. rather, i felt that it was just to teach me to learn and do better for the next one. I think the "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff..." book really helped. i will study for my next test, and study harder, and earlier. Maybe this is a new me coming out, but i will not be able to tell until the next assesment comes.
now my focus has to be diverted away from the now over and completed tests, and focus on the projects and assingments at hand. there is a chinese project, where we are going to become Xiao Lao Shi, and teach the class. Math prect needs me to interview someone that uses math everyday. and the one i think im most excited about is LA where we are going to stage a play!
Hungry, was written by Ng Yi-Sheng, in a 24hr scriptwriting competition. he won gold, and i must say, that it is a brilliant peice of work. My mom doesnt share the sentiment though. i understand why. to a student it might be riveting and applicable, but to adults, it might seem a little trashy, with all the suicide and the negativity. either way, im proud to be doing the play, as it really is interesting to see how the play will go!
Yesterday i spent a whole day at Bernice's house with Bernice, Grace, Jane, Jia Yun and Magdalene, and spent all the time discussing about how to intepret the play, while trying out roles to see who will be what character. I never knew that so much thought went into a play. If it this difficult to stage a play, i cannot imagine the sheer difficulty of writing the script. Haha, if you want to see what others have said about our play, look at Grazz's blog!
So i am MUG, an indian forgotten god that people used to pray to for wisdom. notice the pun on my name "MUG", which is familiar to my fellow underlings, im sure. Maybe i should mass produce little statuettes of my "birthday" self, with a fig leaf covering what matters most. then everyone can remember who to pray to, in times of tests and exams XD.
It is fun, and im really excited! the only thing now is to keep it up, and maintain this interest in everyone. My first own production! Like Grazz said, "PLEASE ACCEPT THE PROPOSAL MS CHEAH!!!!"
I think there is one thing that i learnt from this false confidence. that it is a matter of positivity. False confidence can be in the form of optimism or denial. and i shoose to let it me optimism. im not going to deny that i did not study enough, but optimism has allowed me to go further, and work harder for my next tests/assignments.
Expectations i guess. there was a chapter in the book Stepphy passed to me that say something like "envisage yourself in that bad situation, and deal with it before it occurs" e.g. imagine your favourite mug breaking. and you will learn to treasure it, and when it finally breaks, you will be able to just say "oh! there it goes" with positivity, without getting hung up over it. but that is not something i had done for these tests. i actually thought that i studied hard for the tests, and i put in a fair bit of effort to make sure i do better than before. Previously i would not have studied as hard for assesment, but i felt after my dissapointing attitude towards holiday assignments, i thought it would be best if i could put in effort to maintain at least a high standard in tests. you can tell from the previous post how much i "thought" i put into studies, but it seems like it was to no avail.
This i think i can handle, but then there was one thing that i felt weird about for a few days. after studying so hard with jane and sze sian, i guess i felt out of place when they did well, and i didnt. Its just that, after seemingly understanding and explaining all the things to them (especially in bio) i would have thought i would do as well as them, but that was severly not the case. I understand my concpets, but my phrasing, terminology and practically all about espression was completely wrong.
Yet, i have something inside me telling me to not give up. Actually, i expected my first reaction to be "if you study and fail anyway, why bother studying?" but somehow, that did not become my first reaction. rather, i felt that it was just to teach me to learn and do better for the next one. I think the "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff..." book really helped. i will study for my next test, and study harder, and earlier. Maybe this is a new me coming out, but i will not be able to tell until the next assesment comes.
now my focus has to be diverted away from the now over and completed tests, and focus on the projects and assingments at hand. there is a chinese project, where we are going to become Xiao Lao Shi, and teach the class. Math prect needs me to interview someone that uses math everyday. and the one i think im most excited about is LA where we are going to stage a play!
Hungry, was written by Ng Yi-Sheng, in a 24hr scriptwriting competition. he won gold, and i must say, that it is a brilliant peice of work. My mom doesnt share the sentiment though. i understand why. to a student it might be riveting and applicable, but to adults, it might seem a little trashy, with all the suicide and the negativity. either way, im proud to be doing the play, as it really is interesting to see how the play will go!
Yesterday i spent a whole day at Bernice's house with Bernice, Grace, Jane, Jia Yun and Magdalene, and spent all the time discussing about how to intepret the play, while trying out roles to see who will be what character. I never knew that so much thought went into a play. If it this difficult to stage a play, i cannot imagine the sheer difficulty of writing the script. Haha, if you want to see what others have said about our play, look at Grazz's blog!
So i am MUG, an indian forgotten god that people used to pray to for wisdom. notice the pun on my name "MUG", which is familiar to my fellow underlings, im sure. Maybe i should mass produce little statuettes of my "birthday" self, with a fig leaf covering what matters most. then everyone can remember who to pray to, in times of tests and exams XD.
It is fun, and im really excited! the only thing now is to keep it up, and maintain this interest in everyone. My first own production! Like Grazz said, "PLEASE ACCEPT THE PROPOSAL MS CHEAH!!!!"
I think there is one thing that i learnt from this false confidence. that it is a matter of positivity. False confidence can be in the form of optimism or denial. and i shoose to let it me optimism. im not going to deny that i did not study enough, but optimism has allowed me to go further, and work harder for my next tests/assignments.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Methinks me thinks to much
After a whole week of intense studying and tests, im happy to take a good break, especailly in this long weekend, but alas, i have things to do and even history homework to accomplish by... tmr? still i had managed to steal 2 days of enoyment, even though tmr i should be going out to collect the open house/Black Lights Tee.
Before i proceed, here is a public service announcment
+++
Come on down to Hall@TJC for 2006's BlackLights!
Tickets going at $8
7-10pm, 21st July (friday)
read poster for more details!
Design, courtesy of Syakirah Sinin
+++
The week has been... different for me. Usually i would complain how i am lazy and dont study and simply cannot set myself down and focus on the task at hand, especially when it comes to studies. However, this week i have really deviated far from my usual self, and gave myself the pressure to focus on work.
This i have to give credit to Sze Sian and Jane. If not for going Sze Sian's house on tuesday and getting down to serious studying, i doubt i would have had teh momentum to continue the rest of the week. so from one study session focusing on biology, to the other subjects such as physics, and math. I wasnt studing the same topic as they were, as my tests were on different days, but the pressure they gave me was enough to kick off into a studying cycle, where after that little boost, i could get myself to study on my own as well. Perhaps this is potentially dangerous, after all does that mean that i need company to study? what would happen if my friends dont want to study (unlikely though) or they study at some ungodly hours (wake up 2 am, brain functions best then). Still i am grateful, as i had more confidence going into MOST of my tests that i would not have had otherwise.
Actually there is more to studying hard and doing well than just the grades. I realise that if i want people to take me seriously, i have to be serious about more things too. I may be serious when it comes to council, but that is not something everyone sees. Afterall, this is a school. Studies mean a lot to people. What the student body wants to see of their student leaders is not just the ideas and all the events of the leaders, nor do they just want to see some mugger that has no regard for anything but books, it is a balance. taking work seriously, is also a reflection of responsibility, and drive. a person can't possibly display a personality specific to the situation. attitude to work is attitude to life.
Thats where people like royston come into play. he is looked up to both as a student leader and as a councillor, and this is credited to his work attitude. I won't become top student overnight, or suddenly be classified as the epitome of mugger-dom, but i hope to gain more respect if i display that i can be serious in work, and in council. My aim is to discard that laid back, "all play no work" facade of myself, and let my more serious side emerge.
Enough about studies for now. i shall see whether my hard work pays off, when i get my tests back this coming week.
on Friday, i have to admit that the physics test was killer. i just cannot fathom how the physics teachers expect us to do well for the test. even BOB found it difficult, and that really says alot about the standard of the paper. but after that, the de-stressing session began. Dimira, Jane, Syak, Sze Sian and i, headed down to Sze Sian's house, for a movie session. I really don't wanna say too much in fear of offending people, but i just feel that "Aquamarine" is not really my cuppa tea. But it was nice just being around good friends, reminding myself how lucky i am to have them.
Saturday, i went to NYGH's Food and Funfair. actually i almost did not go. cuz, i wasnt too sure of whether i would feel out of place. But on Xinyi's invitation i felt obliged, after all i did promise her. So i went there hoping to meet some Ex-Ro i knew and maybe hang out with him/her for the course of the fair. Ended up, Isaac dissapeared somewhere in the school, and i was left hanging out with 3 Ex-Ro i havent seen in a while. I remember most of the time i spent hanging out at 410's food stall. cuz Yuling was now the monitress, and was in charge of her stall. I like not seeing people, and then meeting them after a long while. its cool to see how people have changed. Well Yuling and i used to be good friends back in Pri 4, and i will remember the stupid things we did, especially to our group mates, isaac and aaron XP.
Still one cannot just not meet anyone for a long time, and expect to be good friend automatically when they meet again, and i guess it was a little awkward at first. haha, if you chance upon this, sorry for the weirdness and hope we can catch up some time.
Speaking of cathching up. I met Leon at the Funfair, or rather, i told him to come meet me. It has been a while sincei spoke to him too. Now he is really slim, and really goodlooking too. Darn i think im jealous, oh well. FITNESS REGIME! haha. but it was cool hanging out with leon again. i even had teh chance to invite him to my new place. Maybe cuz he is a guy, it was no problem at all chatting with him abt school, about life, even though it we only chat for a while, it felt great, knowing that my friendship in the past has not died.
Maybe a VSGEP gathering could be done again, cuz there are some people that i havent seen in a long time. some i rather not meet, but some i wonder how they have changed? I think all this nostalgia could have been done during the june hols, but alas, i did not initiate it, so it did not occur.
I reminding myself of the people i have around me. Some things change, but same shall forever remain the same. :)
Before i proceed, here is a public service announcment
+++
Come on down to Hall@TJC for 2006's BlackLights!
Tickets going at $8
7-10pm, 21st July (friday)
read poster for more details!
Design, courtesy of Syakirah Sinin
+++
The week has been... different for me. Usually i would complain how i am lazy and dont study and simply cannot set myself down and focus on the task at hand, especially when it comes to studies. However, this week i have really deviated far from my usual self, and gave myself the pressure to focus on work.
This i have to give credit to Sze Sian and Jane. If not for going Sze Sian's house on tuesday and getting down to serious studying, i doubt i would have had teh momentum to continue the rest of the week. so from one study session focusing on biology, to the other subjects such as physics, and math. I wasnt studing the same topic as they were, as my tests were on different days, but the pressure they gave me was enough to kick off into a studying cycle, where after that little boost, i could get myself to study on my own as well. Perhaps this is potentially dangerous, after all does that mean that i need company to study? what would happen if my friends dont want to study (unlikely though) or they study at some ungodly hours (wake up 2 am, brain functions best then). Still i am grateful, as i had more confidence going into MOST of my tests that i would not have had otherwise.
Actually there is more to studying hard and doing well than just the grades. I realise that if i want people to take me seriously, i have to be serious about more things too. I may be serious when it comes to council, but that is not something everyone sees. Afterall, this is a school. Studies mean a lot to people. What the student body wants to see of their student leaders is not just the ideas and all the events of the leaders, nor do they just want to see some mugger that has no regard for anything but books, it is a balance. taking work seriously, is also a reflection of responsibility, and drive. a person can't possibly display a personality specific to the situation. attitude to work is attitude to life.
Thats where people like royston come into play. he is looked up to both as a student leader and as a councillor, and this is credited to his work attitude. I won't become top student overnight, or suddenly be classified as the epitome of mugger-dom, but i hope to gain more respect if i display that i can be serious in work, and in council. My aim is to discard that laid back, "all play no work" facade of myself, and let my more serious side emerge.
Enough about studies for now. i shall see whether my hard work pays off, when i get my tests back this coming week.
on Friday, i have to admit that the physics test was killer. i just cannot fathom how the physics teachers expect us to do well for the test. even BOB found it difficult, and that really says alot about the standard of the paper. but after that, the de-stressing session began. Dimira, Jane, Syak, Sze Sian and i, headed down to Sze Sian's house, for a movie session. I really don't wanna say too much in fear of offending people, but i just feel that "Aquamarine" is not really my cuppa tea. But it was nice just being around good friends, reminding myself how lucky i am to have them.
Saturday, i went to NYGH's Food and Funfair. actually i almost did not go. cuz, i wasnt too sure of whether i would feel out of place. But on Xinyi's invitation i felt obliged, after all i did promise her. So i went there hoping to meet some Ex-Ro i knew and maybe hang out with him/her for the course of the fair. Ended up, Isaac dissapeared somewhere in the school, and i was left hanging out with 3 Ex-Ro i havent seen in a while. I remember most of the time i spent hanging out at 410's food stall. cuz Yuling was now the monitress, and was in charge of her stall. I like not seeing people, and then meeting them after a long while. its cool to see how people have changed. Well Yuling and i used to be good friends back in Pri 4, and i will remember the stupid things we did, especially to our group mates, isaac and aaron XP.
Still one cannot just not meet anyone for a long time, and expect to be good friend automatically when they meet again, and i guess it was a little awkward at first. haha, if you chance upon this, sorry for the weirdness and hope we can catch up some time.
Speaking of cathching up. I met Leon at the Funfair, or rather, i told him to come meet me. It has been a while sincei spoke to him too. Now he is really slim, and really goodlooking too. Darn i think im jealous, oh well. FITNESS REGIME! haha. but it was cool hanging out with leon again. i even had teh chance to invite him to my new place. Maybe cuz he is a guy, it was no problem at all chatting with him abt school, about life, even though it we only chat for a while, it felt great, knowing that my friendship in the past has not died.
Maybe a VSGEP gathering could be done again, cuz there are some people that i havent seen in a long time. some i rather not meet, but some i wonder how they have changed? I think all this nostalgia could have been done during the june hols, but alas, i did not initiate it, so it did not occur.
I reminding myself of the people i have around me. Some things change, but same shall forever remain the same. :)
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Two ducks sitting side by side, Pair-a-ducks of going back to school
Its finally the last week of holidays! I as any normal person, i bet going back to school is a bittersweet feeling. Back to all the good friends, good times, and of course, the deprivation of boredom. but at the same time, all the work that we gonna have to face, as well as tests in the first 2 weeks. Not to mention BlackLights is coming up, which i may be worried about, but i know it will turn out fine!
Any way, back from my malaysia trip. it could be considered just another family trip and to genting no less, but i think this trip i learnt quite a lot of things that i am both happy, and scared about. no.1) i learn that i have reached an age where genting is no longer fun. to old to appreciate the theme parks, and not old enough to go to the casino. maybe one day (when it is possible) it would be best to go with a group of friends. Bowling, Pool, Arcade, its not the activites that are fun, but like alot of things, it is the company!
So, with nothing to do outside, i was left to the pages between my book, and dreamland to occupy my time. I recently finished "Sons of Fortune" by Jeffrey Archer, and i can say that i quite enjoyed the Politiking of the characters, but also it also made me realise a few things. somehow, after finishing the book, i felt compelled to work harder in my studies. it just seemed that even though the characters were of different background, despite being genetically the same, they both had a commonality. Drive, intelligence and courage. now, both characters did really well in their studies, which contributed to them attaining presidency in their school, and later on, even in the country. one way of gaining this respect, would be to do better in my studies. i am not just a joker with no academic strength, i want to show that if i put my mind to it i can do it too. this in addition to the fear and the guilt i am finally feeling for not doing my work, it is pushing me to want to excel in my studies, because i have the capacity to.
another would also be my family. somehow, at home i feel lonely, because my parents are at work, and my brother doesn't really talk to me. but over the holiday in m'sia, i got a chance to be NICE to my brother. the block letters is not because i am being sarcastic, but it is because i have hardly ever been nice to the poor kid, and i dont want things to stay that way. and i always love being around my parents, they just make my life good. they are the best support anyone can find.
Back from my holidy, i had a thousand things on my mind, BlackLights, Schoolwork, and the new found want to excel in studies. it would be quite crazy to balance and fit them all into a day, especially while changing to want to study more (in other words, i am still easily distracted)
SYAK AND JANE! SYAK AND JANE! SYAK AND JANE!
this was on specail request by syakirah! haha, yes you 2 mean the world to me!
This sunday we 3 shall be performing at Jane's condo, Sunhaven, for some Sunhaven Idol. as much as we would like to win, it has been fun spending time practicing and rehearsing for the thing. Another reason i want to back to school!
time and time again, i really ponder over how my friendships will end up. and maybe it might be another superficial one, but i have teh gut feeling it wont be that simple. I like jane's photo on friendsterm the one with the caption "my 2 favorite people", and i wanna thank syak for getting something for me when she went on holiday. we may not have the opportunity to chat much, but its great knowing you gals are around! :)
and one more person made my oh-so-boring holidays not so "oh-so-boring". thats mee favourite kaya cake! no i havent been stuffing myself with THAT, but you know what i mean. No matter what happens there will always be one person to be there no matter what! haha! so if anything. anything at all, give a shout out!
+++
that was quite a lot of "testimonials", kind of. i think it has made me realise that the holidays weren't so bad afterall. maybe i am dissapointed at my attitude to work, and my extreme laziness and procrastination in the first few weeks, but i have certainly learnt a lesson on how to better myself.
Speaking to Kerry today, i am worried about school. her high stress/worry level is starting to rub off quite significantly, and even i, the extreme sloth, is starting to seriously consider focusing and putting in my all.
Having a little difficulty changing though, Rome wasnt built in a day, and i find it difficult to break from my easily distracted self. but everytime i do, i try to pull my self back. i think i sutdy better with a group. at least that was the case studying with Sean today. got quite a bit done, but i guess since it was only the short span of an hour. but maybe i can set up another study grp, then i can focus better, and also, teaching is the best form of revising.
So now. on my agenda. finish up my overdue work. study hard for the upcoming tests. make sure BlackLights is a HIT! change my attitude. and apologise to teachers, and most importantly my parents, because the guilt largely is in fear of letting them down.
Well, not that i have a choice, but school starts in 4 days time? i'll make the best of what is left!
Any way, back from my malaysia trip. it could be considered just another family trip and to genting no less, but i think this trip i learnt quite a lot of things that i am both happy, and scared about. no.1) i learn that i have reached an age where genting is no longer fun. to old to appreciate the theme parks, and not old enough to go to the casino. maybe one day (when it is possible) it would be best to go with a group of friends. Bowling, Pool, Arcade, its not the activites that are fun, but like alot of things, it is the company!
So, with nothing to do outside, i was left to the pages between my book, and dreamland to occupy my time. I recently finished "Sons of Fortune" by Jeffrey Archer, and i can say that i quite enjoyed the Politiking of the characters, but also it also made me realise a few things. somehow, after finishing the book, i felt compelled to work harder in my studies. it just seemed that even though the characters were of different background, despite being genetically the same, they both had a commonality. Drive, intelligence and courage. now, both characters did really well in their studies, which contributed to them attaining presidency in their school, and later on, even in the country. one way of gaining this respect, would be to do better in my studies. i am not just a joker with no academic strength, i want to show that if i put my mind to it i can do it too. this in addition to the fear and the guilt i am finally feeling for not doing my work, it is pushing me to want to excel in my studies, because i have the capacity to.
another would also be my family. somehow, at home i feel lonely, because my parents are at work, and my brother doesn't really talk to me. but over the holiday in m'sia, i got a chance to be NICE to my brother. the block letters is not because i am being sarcastic, but it is because i have hardly ever been nice to the poor kid, and i dont want things to stay that way. and i always love being around my parents, they just make my life good. they are the best support anyone can find.
Back from my holidy, i had a thousand things on my mind, BlackLights, Schoolwork, and the new found want to excel in studies. it would be quite crazy to balance and fit them all into a day, especially while changing to want to study more (in other words, i am still easily distracted)
SYAK AND JANE! SYAK AND JANE! SYAK AND JANE!
this was on specail request by syakirah! haha, yes you 2 mean the world to me!
This sunday we 3 shall be performing at Jane's condo, Sunhaven, for some Sunhaven Idol. as much as we would like to win, it has been fun spending time practicing and rehearsing for the thing. Another reason i want to back to school!
time and time again, i really ponder over how my friendships will end up. and maybe it might be another superficial one, but i have teh gut feeling it wont be that simple. I like jane's photo on friendsterm the one with the caption "my 2 favorite people", and i wanna thank syak for getting something for me when she went on holiday. we may not have the opportunity to chat much, but its great knowing you gals are around! :)
and one more person made my oh-so-boring holidays not so "oh-so-boring". thats mee favourite kaya cake! no i havent been stuffing myself with THAT, but you know what i mean. No matter what happens there will always be one person to be there no matter what! haha! so if anything. anything at all, give a shout out!
+++
that was quite a lot of "testimonials", kind of. i think it has made me realise that the holidays weren't so bad afterall. maybe i am dissapointed at my attitude to work, and my extreme laziness and procrastination in the first few weeks, but i have certainly learnt a lesson on how to better myself.
Speaking to Kerry today, i am worried about school. her high stress/worry level is starting to rub off quite significantly, and even i, the extreme sloth, is starting to seriously consider focusing and putting in my all.
Having a little difficulty changing though, Rome wasnt built in a day, and i find it difficult to break from my easily distracted self. but everytime i do, i try to pull my self back. i think i sutdy better with a group. at least that was the case studying with Sean today. got quite a bit done, but i guess since it was only the short span of an hour. but maybe i can set up another study grp, then i can focus better, and also, teaching is the best form of revising.
So now. on my agenda. finish up my overdue work. study hard for the upcoming tests. make sure BlackLights is a HIT! change my attitude. and apologise to teachers, and most importantly my parents, because the guilt largely is in fear of letting them down.
Well, not that i have a choice, but school starts in 4 days time? i'll make the best of what is left!
Monday, June 12, 2006
Going to Malaysia tomorrow!
I just have nothing to blog about. Day after day, same-o same-o. and routine i guess. never really liked routine, i can't even stand having teh same breakfast every morning, must have variety, must change.
Im going to Malaysia tomorrow for a short holiday! usually i dont think much about holidays, but for one, i have more free time to THINK. period. but anyway, when i thought about what holidays are to me and what they are to other people, i reflect on how lucky i am. In fact I am very lucky. so lucky, that i am UNlucky.
Unlucky in a lucky way.
that sucks. lemme first justify and explain what i mean. i am lucky to come from a well off family. that can afford most things and give me a comfortable lifestyle. but that takes away a lot of my drive and the pressure to do things. I don't exactly know what it is like to suffer hardship, and have to earn a living. then next is my studies. im not a top student, but without much effort i can pass. not do well, just pass. so if i know i dont need to put in much effort to pass, then i wont put in much effort. (and i dont)
well i definitely look forward to it! Because it means i get to get out of the house, and it also means i get to spend quality time with my family. that is what the holiday is all about. family.
at home i feel a little... empty? but that is just during the day. the holidays are usually a very boring time for me. cuz im not doing anything productive with my life, and i can't really spend that much time with my loved ones. my parents work till late, and my bro has a better time on the computer then with me. (but then again sometimes im like that to, oh well, you get what you give) and i envy people that can find the friends to keep going out with them, or find so many things to do. I think i said before, I rather be busy than bored, and right now, i'm waaayyy bored.
i want to go back to school. yep, everything, even the workload. cuz its starting to bug me. with the hols i am not constantly chased, and the added minus is that there is more and larger work due when i go back. i rather the normal day schoolwork, where i hand in 1 or 2 days late and teachers are a bit dissapointed, but at least it is in. and of course there is the people. i miss seeing familiar faces unexpectedly. its a challenge for me to keep up with people, a challenge that i enjoy.
Well another thing to look forwatrd to is my BBQ with the exros when i come back. these are people i havent seen in a loooong time, some longer than others. i wonder what it will be like. its gonna go one of 2 ways. either its going to go really well, and i will be really pally with them, or its going to be awkward and quiet, and people wont know what to say to each other. the school cliques would form, and i being the odd one out, would teeter from grp to grp, not really "belonging". but i wait in anticipation. i just want to see them again, im not so worried about what happens after that.
+++
GWAHH its bad being a teenager. stupid hormones. thats the thing bugging me, i guess. as much as i would like to avoid that topic, cuz of my LACK OF a realtionship. HAHA, no one would ever pry anything out of me!
but like i said. that is nothing... at all...(that sucks >.<) and not like its going to move anywhere anytime soon. this playa' has "no game" -.-'''
Im going to Malaysia tomorrow for a short holiday! usually i dont think much about holidays, but for one, i have more free time to THINK. period. but anyway, when i thought about what holidays are to me and what they are to other people, i reflect on how lucky i am. In fact I am very lucky. so lucky, that i am UNlucky.
Unlucky in a lucky way.
that sucks. lemme first justify and explain what i mean. i am lucky to come from a well off family. that can afford most things and give me a comfortable lifestyle. but that takes away a lot of my drive and the pressure to do things. I don't exactly know what it is like to suffer hardship, and have to earn a living. then next is my studies. im not a top student, but without much effort i can pass. not do well, just pass. so if i know i dont need to put in much effort to pass, then i wont put in much effort. (and i dont)
well i definitely look forward to it! Because it means i get to get out of the house, and it also means i get to spend quality time with my family. that is what the holiday is all about. family.
at home i feel a little... empty? but that is just during the day. the holidays are usually a very boring time for me. cuz im not doing anything productive with my life, and i can't really spend that much time with my loved ones. my parents work till late, and my bro has a better time on the computer then with me. (but then again sometimes im like that to, oh well, you get what you give) and i envy people that can find the friends to keep going out with them, or find so many things to do. I think i said before, I rather be busy than bored, and right now, i'm waaayyy bored.
i want to go back to school. yep, everything, even the workload. cuz its starting to bug me. with the hols i am not constantly chased, and the added minus is that there is more and larger work due when i go back. i rather the normal day schoolwork, where i hand in 1 or 2 days late and teachers are a bit dissapointed, but at least it is in. and of course there is the people. i miss seeing familiar faces unexpectedly. its a challenge for me to keep up with people, a challenge that i enjoy.
Well another thing to look forwatrd to is my BBQ with the exros when i come back. these are people i havent seen in a loooong time, some longer than others. i wonder what it will be like. its gonna go one of 2 ways. either its going to go really well, and i will be really pally with them, or its going to be awkward and quiet, and people wont know what to say to each other. the school cliques would form, and i being the odd one out, would teeter from grp to grp, not really "belonging". but i wait in anticipation. i just want to see them again, im not so worried about what happens after that.
+++
GWAHH its bad being a teenager. stupid hormones. thats the thing bugging me, i guess. as much as i would like to avoid that topic, cuz of my LACK OF a realtionship. HAHA, no one would ever pry anything out of me!
but like i said. that is nothing... at all...(that sucks >.<) and not like its going to move anywhere anytime soon. this playa' has "no game" -.-'''
Saturday, June 10, 2006
I'm Just.... sick
No, not the mental psychopath way, i've just been really really ill. if i were to sum up my entire week, it would be 75% ill, nad 25% council. Maybe its something to do with being at home and rotting. i breathe in the same stuffy air, adn maybe whatever germs in the air is just recycled, and keeps attacking until it get in. in any case. im sick. and it sucks.
but somehow my body listens to me quite a bit. i can heal just enough to hold out for SC meetings and stuff. but the moment i get back home, and after a night of sleep, the sam symptoms come back, and i'm immobilised for yet another day. On the other hand, im glad i finally took out my stitches! i feel more mobile now! even if i am still a bit wary of my stitches, i want to do something. like a run perhaps? but apparently there are still 2 gaps at both ends of my scar, so i need to secure it, which also means i can swim for about another week.
so sad. now that i have finally moved into the condo, i don't use the facilities that are just under my nose. the swimming pool has been waiting for me. On really quiet days, where i thnk my mind goes deliriuos, i swear that i hear the swimming pool calling my name in the wind... creepy.
In anycase, if i did not get the chance to go back to school, i think i might have gotten a lot worse. i need the fresh air, the movement and the activity, gets my lungs working, and my systems moving. It helps ALOT.
on Thursday was the second General Meeting forthe 30th SC. I never liked those kind of things. i think im a bit perfectionist, in the sense that sometimes i wish people would just shut up and get things over and done with. but of course, with me being myself, i would be one of the contributors to the rowdyness as well... so mr Hyporcrite, what have YOU got to say?
then after the GM, I called for a BlackLights meeting with the TASC. Im glad that we got some direction into it. i finally feel like we are moving away from square one. we may not be at square 2 yet, but at least we in the process of getting there. Spare you the details, but ironically that is what the project needs. Details, all of it.
To put things into action, you must first know specifics, and then work on it. a great planner that cannot execute is obviously useless, but a great executer without any plans is similarly handicapped. I have never enjoyed doing up proposals. In fact looking back at one of the F&B proposals i did for Movie Mania, it was total and utter crap. but when it came to doing Movie Mania, it took some decisiveness, and i swear, comparatively the execution was tonnes better than the planning. But like all things, i need to learn to become better, and doing up the proposal is a good way of thinking things through, and making sure it will work.
Im beginning to trust the people around me more. somehow, people are pushing themselves to WANT to make this a success. and frankly, i am stunned. its quite amazing how my I/Cs are working, accomplishing everything they need to plus more. I won't say that i feel like im lagging behind, but i will say that i am awestruck. at the same time, i had a meeting for the interns today, and it went of a lot better than expected. they werent too rowdy, and they were highly effective in cranking out ideas. Confidence is building up. the project, the team and myself.
This does not make me any less tired though. My mind cannot keep up with many things that are going on around me. it is just in some blurry state where it has a hard time to focus. Just holding on i guess. hoping my illness will subside soon, and i can get back to whatever it was i was doing.
I think my posts are getting more static... i don't exactly have anything overwhleming with angst or emotion to blog about. PERHAPS there is... but i dont want to put it here on public domain. Ah wells... cant be helped. but i dont like to see my blog all stale and tagboard dry, so i shall post snippets of how my life is going. but i do hope to more "passionate"? in my future posts.
I'm just flooded with details. too many concurrent things that buzz in my head. need to clear the junk...... i need to pour it out... sigh.... oh well :D
but somehow my body listens to me quite a bit. i can heal just enough to hold out for SC meetings and stuff. but the moment i get back home, and after a night of sleep, the sam symptoms come back, and i'm immobilised for yet another day. On the other hand, im glad i finally took out my stitches! i feel more mobile now! even if i am still a bit wary of my stitches, i want to do something. like a run perhaps? but apparently there are still 2 gaps at both ends of my scar, so i need to secure it, which also means i can swim for about another week.
so sad. now that i have finally moved into the condo, i don't use the facilities that are just under my nose. the swimming pool has been waiting for me. On really quiet days, where i thnk my mind goes deliriuos, i swear that i hear the swimming pool calling my name in the wind... creepy.
In anycase, if i did not get the chance to go back to school, i think i might have gotten a lot worse. i need the fresh air, the movement and the activity, gets my lungs working, and my systems moving. It helps ALOT.
on Thursday was the second General Meeting forthe 30th SC. I never liked those kind of things. i think im a bit perfectionist, in the sense that sometimes i wish people would just shut up and get things over and done with. but of course, with me being myself, i would be one of the contributors to the rowdyness as well... so mr Hyporcrite, what have YOU got to say?
then after the GM, I called for a BlackLights meeting with the TASC. Im glad that we got some direction into it. i finally feel like we are moving away from square one. we may not be at square 2 yet, but at least we in the process of getting there. Spare you the details, but ironically that is what the project needs. Details, all of it.
To put things into action, you must first know specifics, and then work on it. a great planner that cannot execute is obviously useless, but a great executer without any plans is similarly handicapped. I have never enjoyed doing up proposals. In fact looking back at one of the F&B proposals i did for Movie Mania, it was total and utter crap. but when it came to doing Movie Mania, it took some decisiveness, and i swear, comparatively the execution was tonnes better than the planning. But like all things, i need to learn to become better, and doing up the proposal is a good way of thinking things through, and making sure it will work.
Im beginning to trust the people around me more. somehow, people are pushing themselves to WANT to make this a success. and frankly, i am stunned. its quite amazing how my I/Cs are working, accomplishing everything they need to plus more. I won't say that i feel like im lagging behind, but i will say that i am awestruck. at the same time, i had a meeting for the interns today, and it went of a lot better than expected. they werent too rowdy, and they were highly effective in cranking out ideas. Confidence is building up. the project, the team and myself.
This does not make me any less tired though. My mind cannot keep up with many things that are going on around me. it is just in some blurry state where it has a hard time to focus. Just holding on i guess. hoping my illness will subside soon, and i can get back to whatever it was i was doing.
I think my posts are getting more static... i don't exactly have anything overwhleming with angst or emotion to blog about. PERHAPS there is... but i dont want to put it here on public domain. Ah wells... cant be helped. but i dont like to see my blog all stale and tagboard dry, so i shall post snippets of how my life is going. but i do hope to more "passionate"? in my future posts.
I'm just flooded with details. too many concurrent things that buzz in my head. need to clear the junk...... i need to pour it out... sigh.... oh well :D
Thursday, June 01, 2006
MishMashMosh
no particular reason for the title, i think its funny the way words can come together and make a funny sound! Hopefully this entry will be a short one. havent posted a short entry in a while. i think cuz usually when i post, i have an issue in mind, and so when i do post i can rant on and on about it. but then again when i dont post, i hold it all back, so not even some of it leaks out.
Well. i cant wait for tomorrow, especially the BBQ! it would be good to finally have some other human contact apart from family. Hey, i love my family okay! but i need to be outdoors. need to streth and move, and get things jogging in my mind. if not i really think i am sitting at home rotting.
MSN is not my style, so i dont wanna chat or have long elaborate conversations. i realise that most of my words and feelings come out in sound effects. that is why i do not have a way with words, its every other thing that communicates the message. facial expression, body language, tone, sound effects, etc.
Therefore i know that i am not the only one that is anticipating tomorrows arrival! Sigh, but i think some people dont see what i see in the "elder SC". i mean, thats why i want to get so close to them right? they are different. they aren't competition, they are people that i either look up to or dont, i dont always have to work with them. not last year at least. this year its a slightly different ball game. but its good. i think hte more symbolic day will be sat. the SC room handover. now that would be a spectacle!
Im generally happy. if not for the rotting, i think i just need to get a hobby, or at least things to keep me occupied. i havent drawn in a long time. maybe i could pick up my pencil and start sketching again. i think i still have my current sketch book somewhere...
there are things where people just hold back. its for the better of everyone. as much as i would like to say to myself: "it really will be good for you to get it off your chest. its okay, the truth would not change anything" but i somehow cant bring myself to acknowlege that. its tough. and im happy with my current position. maybe someday? im sure i can wait :)
Mish Mash Mosh
Splish Splash Splosh
mixing and matching and squeezing it up
Squishy squish-squash
BLEH
Well. i cant wait for tomorrow, especially the BBQ! it would be good to finally have some other human contact apart from family. Hey, i love my family okay! but i need to be outdoors. need to streth and move, and get things jogging in my mind. if not i really think i am sitting at home rotting.
MSN is not my style, so i dont wanna chat or have long elaborate conversations. i realise that most of my words and feelings come out in sound effects. that is why i do not have a way with words, its every other thing that communicates the message. facial expression, body language, tone, sound effects, etc.
Therefore i know that i am not the only one that is anticipating tomorrows arrival! Sigh, but i think some people dont see what i see in the "elder SC". i mean, thats why i want to get so close to them right? they are different. they aren't competition, they are people that i either look up to or dont, i dont always have to work with them. not last year at least. this year its a slightly different ball game. but its good. i think hte more symbolic day will be sat. the SC room handover. now that would be a spectacle!
Im generally happy. if not for the rotting, i think i just need to get a hobby, or at least things to keep me occupied. i havent drawn in a long time. maybe i could pick up my pencil and start sketching again. i think i still have my current sketch book somewhere...
there are things where people just hold back. its for the better of everyone. as much as i would like to say to myself: "it really will be good for you to get it off your chest. its okay, the truth would not change anything" but i somehow cant bring myself to acknowlege that. its tough. and im happy with my current position. maybe someday? im sure i can wait :)
Mish Mash Mosh
Splish Splash Splosh
mixing and matching and squeezing it up
Squishy squish-squash
BLEH
Sitting in a corner. Wondering...
it has always been the case for me to be outgoing, to be everywhere, and try to do everything. but this year's "change for the better" has left me thinking about how i really am like. Perhaps its also the constraints of my home, or now that i got my birthmark removed, i cant be as mobile as i would prefer, but i guess i feel kinda lonely on many occasions.
the past few days i feel like i have reall wasted them, cuz i am not doing work, nor am i doing anything to better myself. and i am not a avid MSN user, so even if i do see people online, i tend to not bother chatting, unless they start a convo with me first.
Thanks kaya cake, cuz although i am supposed to releive YOUR boredom, you end up releiving MINE instead :)
so i guess i rather have my close knit group of friends than all the friends in the world, but i still must admit, meeting many people is fun! still i cant really call syak and jane out of the blue. maybe i can, but i dont feel like it, cuz people like the DODOs get extinct early cuz we have to many activities, i just have a feeling that they arent as free as i am. like jane said: "if i didn't know you, i'd think you were deprived. but since i do know you, you are just BORED." oh well.
I take this time to wonder what i want to do with my life. people with a clear aim in mind, would go off and do what they want to in this holiday. i happen to know a certain someone is at pre-u sem, and i think that that is really fun, or some are going for their misc camps, MEP camp, Training camps, etc. if i said i want to be a Radio DJ in the future, what am i doing about it?
well, i cant wait for tomorrow. tomorrow morning is TASC meeting, followed by perhaps an afternoon outing? and in the evening! BBQ dinner with the 30th SC. I think i am growing really fond of the 30th SC, cuz they are filled with nice people. but that makes me worry as well. nice people are not strong in their words. perhaps it would avoid a lot of unneccesary conflict, but at the same time, it avoid necessary conflict. if people hold back what they are trying to say, it is to the the loss of everyone, not just yourself.
I feel like a real hypocrite now. i hold back what i want to say all the time. observe and see how i reserve myself. I need to learn from what mom says. "if you want people to take you seriously, first you need to talk a little less and listen a little more". that is something i definitely am working on. and not just to talk less, but like the teachers TLLM (teach less, learn more) i want to TLBTS (Talk Less, but Talk Smart!)
But now i am back to wondering what am i going to do for the whole day? will i waste it away like the previous days? or will i make something productive out of it?. perhaps i will start on my work (bio report due either last friday, or yesterday) or i remove my ass from the corner, and reach out to people.
---
the past few days i feel like i have reall wasted them, cuz i am not doing work, nor am i doing anything to better myself. and i am not a avid MSN user, so even if i do see people online, i tend to not bother chatting, unless they start a convo with me first.
Thanks kaya cake, cuz although i am supposed to releive YOUR boredom, you end up releiving MINE instead :)
so i guess i rather have my close knit group of friends than all the friends in the world, but i still must admit, meeting many people is fun! still i cant really call syak and jane out of the blue. maybe i can, but i dont feel like it, cuz people like the DODOs get extinct early cuz we have to many activities, i just have a feeling that they arent as free as i am. like jane said: "if i didn't know you, i'd think you were deprived. but since i do know you, you are just BORED." oh well.
I take this time to wonder what i want to do with my life. people with a clear aim in mind, would go off and do what they want to in this holiday. i happen to know a certain someone is at pre-u sem, and i think that that is really fun, or some are going for their misc camps, MEP camp, Training camps, etc. if i said i want to be a Radio DJ in the future, what am i doing about it?
well, i cant wait for tomorrow. tomorrow morning is TASC meeting, followed by perhaps an afternoon outing? and in the evening! BBQ dinner with the 30th SC. I think i am growing really fond of the 30th SC, cuz they are filled with nice people. but that makes me worry as well. nice people are not strong in their words. perhaps it would avoid a lot of unneccesary conflict, but at the same time, it avoid necessary conflict. if people hold back what they are trying to say, it is to the the loss of everyone, not just yourself.
I feel like a real hypocrite now. i hold back what i want to say all the time. observe and see how i reserve myself. I need to learn from what mom says. "if you want people to take you seriously, first you need to talk a little less and listen a little more". that is something i definitely am working on. and not just to talk less, but like the teachers TLLM (teach less, learn more) i want to TLBTS (Talk Less, but Talk Smart!)
But now i am back to wondering what am i going to do for the whole day? will i waste it away like the previous days? or will i make something productive out of it?. perhaps i will start on my work (bio report due either last friday, or yesterday) or i remove my ass from the corner, and reach out to people.
---
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Started writing on the next page
the June holidays just started, and im in high anticipation for.... for.... SLEEP! haha. but that is really something it need after the last week of school.
For anything worth updating would have to have started on Wednesday. The 30th Students' Council Investiture! Its really funny and amazing how one year flies by so fast. i can still remember the jonking and the discussing on how next year's investiture is gonna be like. and when it finally came, it was just overwhelming. a little disorganised, but nonetheless cool! 29th mean so much to me. so many of them shaped me and gave me inspiration, and sad to say, not everyone will feel the loss, but i know i definitely will. Im finding it hard to put into words what i want to say, cuz its just a build up of so many things across the year. the small time ushering, to helping out in the events, national day, teachers day, even Grad nite. I will miss them dearly, but at the same time, im saving up my surge of emotions for grad nite. where hopefully there are enough buckets for both syak and me to fill.
i saw 4 people cry that day. in the morning, Yinwei was all emotional, and the investiture's coming was felt. then during the pinning of badge, i was simple overwhelmed by Ying Xiu's response, and Kenneth's influence on me and her. Ying Xiu was so overwhelmed by the whole thing, while Kenneth was fighting tears in passing on his "torch". I stood there stunned, and amazed. it was good. the year. the batch. the experiences.
one more person i saw weeping was Ximin. it was initially awkward, cuz it was investiture for 29th and 30th and TASC, but she was touched by her past, and things that she never had. It makes me hold on to the memories so much more. the whole 29th term. the things that i have had, that some people have not seen.
The last 2 items of the investiture was a song composed by Weldon sung by the 29th, and a dance choreographed by my favourite dancers in SC! the song was simply heart warming. the trigger to ximin's tears i guess, and i understand why. its lyrics, and tune, all background to the things that we went through. the dance. It was like our "going out with a BANG!" not so much the TASC but the 29th. and it was a great showstopper, i must admit.
that nights 290 rounds became my transition. the first thing that came up was running with Drama club. it was fun, and it brought out the Family, i havent seen in a while. just wish that we had more time after that >.<
the transtition came in with the 6 rounds with 30th SC. my first "event" with them, and it just felt right. Afterwhich we sat around and did what any group of friends would do. Talk Cock. haha not really. at least not with girls around. but more like just having fun, and having no cares abt the world. that is how it should kick off, feel good, and optimistic. the right footing.
then, i went of for a while. and found time to chat with nick. i was worried that i would either be overly attatched to the 29th and end up offending the 30th, or get really involved with the 30th and neglect the 29th. surprisingly neither feeling came up. 8 of us, eugene, nick, weldon, mei hui, zhi yong, gabriel, dingxuan, and me, went to orchard cineleisure (at 1am in the morning!!!), to catch the 2 show of X-men 3. Words do not have to be said to know that you are with a bunch of friends, and i agree, movies are not about the show, but abt the company.
so with minimal sleep (esp if you come back at 4, and decide to spend abt an hour putting toothpaste on people's faces =D) the body starts to shut down, which after thursday, i think my body did.
sports carnival was a good way to end of the term. tiring yes, but fun too, and giving me time to rest up and come back to school fresh in Term 3!
P.S. a few more things i would like to post. but not in the mood for it now. just finish up this entry. goes with the title anyway. post more next time :)
For anything worth updating would have to have started on Wednesday. The 30th Students' Council Investiture! Its really funny and amazing how one year flies by so fast. i can still remember the jonking and the discussing on how next year's investiture is gonna be like. and when it finally came, it was just overwhelming. a little disorganised, but nonetheless cool! 29th mean so much to me. so many of them shaped me and gave me inspiration, and sad to say, not everyone will feel the loss, but i know i definitely will. Im finding it hard to put into words what i want to say, cuz its just a build up of so many things across the year. the small time ushering, to helping out in the events, national day, teachers day, even Grad nite. I will miss them dearly, but at the same time, im saving up my surge of emotions for grad nite. where hopefully there are enough buckets for both syak and me to fill.
i saw 4 people cry that day. in the morning, Yinwei was all emotional, and the investiture's coming was felt. then during the pinning of badge, i was simple overwhelmed by Ying Xiu's response, and Kenneth's influence on me and her. Ying Xiu was so overwhelmed by the whole thing, while Kenneth was fighting tears in passing on his "torch". I stood there stunned, and amazed. it was good. the year. the batch. the experiences.
one more person i saw weeping was Ximin. it was initially awkward, cuz it was investiture for 29th and 30th and TASC, but she was touched by her past, and things that she never had. It makes me hold on to the memories so much more. the whole 29th term. the things that i have had, that some people have not seen.
The last 2 items of the investiture was a song composed by Weldon sung by the 29th, and a dance choreographed by my favourite dancers in SC! the song was simply heart warming. the trigger to ximin's tears i guess, and i understand why. its lyrics, and tune, all background to the things that we went through. the dance. It was like our "going out with a BANG!" not so much the TASC but the 29th. and it was a great showstopper, i must admit.
that nights 290 rounds became my transition. the first thing that came up was running with Drama club. it was fun, and it brought out the Family, i havent seen in a while. just wish that we had more time after that >.<
the transtition came in with the 6 rounds with 30th SC. my first "event" with them, and it just felt right. Afterwhich we sat around and did what any group of friends would do. Talk Cock. haha not really. at least not with girls around. but more like just having fun, and having no cares abt the world. that is how it should kick off, feel good, and optimistic. the right footing.
then, i went of for a while. and found time to chat with nick. i was worried that i would either be overly attatched to the 29th and end up offending the 30th, or get really involved with the 30th and neglect the 29th. surprisingly neither feeling came up. 8 of us, eugene, nick, weldon, mei hui, zhi yong, gabriel, dingxuan, and me, went to orchard cineleisure (at 1am in the morning!!!), to catch the 2 show of X-men 3. Words do not have to be said to know that you are with a bunch of friends, and i agree, movies are not about the show, but abt the company.
so with minimal sleep (esp if you come back at 4, and decide to spend abt an hour putting toothpaste on people's faces =D) the body starts to shut down, which after thursday, i think my body did.
sports carnival was a good way to end of the term. tiring yes, but fun too, and giving me time to rest up and come back to school fresh in Term 3!
P.S. a few more things i would like to post. but not in the mood for it now. just finish up this entry. goes with the title anyway. post more next time :)
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Enough blue sky to mend a pair of shorts
When i was young i was an avid reader of enid blyton, one of the stories mentioned something, that is now my title.
The story was about a weather wizard that cast a curse over a town. the curse was for the town to never have a bright blue sky, and it is forever covered by rainclouds, and the town is forever caught in a storm. the villagers wanted to see the sunshine again, but were too afraid of the wizard. so a little sailor boy stepped up, and he devised a way to get enough blue sky to bring back the joy in the town. he made the wizard's dogs tear his shorts, and he demanded compensation from the wizard. the wizard being a very shrewed man, did not want to pay for new shorts, so instead the sailor asked for enough blue sky to mend his shorts. the wizard did not think much of it, but the sailor gave the peice of blue sky into the air, and opened up a hole for sunshine to peek in. this led to the sky clearing, and the joy and happiness returned to the town.
Moral: a little optimism in the worst of times, can finally lead to better times ahead.
that is what i have felt today. as most could tell from the previous post, i have been in a bad dip recently. i cannot say that i am fully recovered, but i can say that today has been my peice of blue sky that i have not seen in a while.
Posting this after i came home, as i want to say it out while the feeling is fresh. i dont want it to fade and become unrecorded.
My day started off like any other, with my usual worries in the morning. i think hard about the things undone, but overall am quite neutral with the things around me. Then elective starts, and i think one of the things that pull down my day is a boring lecture during elective that i fall asleep and drain my energy. But today was not too bad. although i missed floorball training, i managed to finish my elective early, and get ready for my outing in the afternoon. So it passed quite quickly, with some comparison between food labels.
although elective was better than expected, what really perked my day up was my "family outing" :D
Initially i worried about the 4 baos getting along and interacting. cuz Tooth Fairy was telling me that if not for SLC, the 4 bao would not have been close in the first place. some did not even know each other before the camp. so i was worried that we would not have anything to talk about, or just feel weird or awkward in each other's company. but i guess that was undue worry, as with Kelly, Pei Yi, Zenia and Yanting around, how can i ever expect them to have nothing to say? haha. Yanting could only join us later due to electives, so Da Bao, San Bao, Xiao Bao and I headed down to Parkway for lunch.
We went to Yoshinoya (which like the deprived child i am, have never eaten there before) and realised we kinda all ordered the same thing, the Beef rice with one thing or the other. its quite pleasant! and hopefully i can go again soon! So we chatted about all sorts of things over lunch. school, people, volleyball and i think Xiao Bao's favourite conversation topic: Relationships! it was nice getting to know them better, and seeing how well we could get along.
Some pics at Yoshinoya:
My 4 Baos!
DA + BAO = DAO (look at her face!?!?!)
TRYING to take pic of ourselves
Family photo :)
Afterwhich, the 4 Baos went to get some ice cream. while i went to introduce them to Mos Burger's Ichigo Bliss. it was hilarious to see them squirming at how cold the ichigo bliss was. the Ichigo Bliss is a frozen Strawberry with white chocolate in the middle, so it feels like a ice pop, but very nice! i think (or hope) they like it too!
Then we got ice cream, even though it was getting late, and i had to rush back for council meeting >.< i finally understand why Xiao Bao can be so silly and bubbly. She is actually.... DRUNK! her fave flavour ice cream is Rum and Raisin, and tasting the rum and raisin at Scoopz, the alcohol taste and smell is very very strong! but nonetheless it was nice! then Da Bao and Er Bao tried to share a durian icecream sandwhich, there is nothing wrong with that, but they tried to both eat it AT THE SAME TIME!
Yummy BITE!
San Bao, and the others Icecream!
Yup, Xiao Bao is sooo DRUNK!
I realised that i went back to school feeling on top of the world, and i was just filled with joy. it was not because of a specific someone or something. but i just felt good. and i know its credited to my Family :) Thanks!
And it just carried on for the day. In the evening, going for dance concert. i didnt feel like anything could bring me down. i just enjoyed the entire performance, and everytime someone i know comes on stage, i would automatically smile! and im just in awe and stunned by how well some of them can dance! It was really cool, especially the first part, Punk 101, as well as the performance just before the interlude.
I think it wouldnt be justice to post pictures here, as Dance is all about the movement, the enery and the grace. but i must have a screening of the dance concert at my place! let Jane and Syak see what it was like siting in the audience and watching the performance!
My day has just been great, amazing and wonderful! and im appreciative of every person that made it so wonderful! i love all of you!
Optimism, thats the lesson for the day. Open your mouth a little wider, and show off a bit more teeth. just open up, and SMILE =D
p.s. kaya cake, good luck for your nobert! im in high anticipation!
The story was about a weather wizard that cast a curse over a town. the curse was for the town to never have a bright blue sky, and it is forever covered by rainclouds, and the town is forever caught in a storm. the villagers wanted to see the sunshine again, but were too afraid of the wizard. so a little sailor boy stepped up, and he devised a way to get enough blue sky to bring back the joy in the town. he made the wizard's dogs tear his shorts, and he demanded compensation from the wizard. the wizard being a very shrewed man, did not want to pay for new shorts, so instead the sailor asked for enough blue sky to mend his shorts. the wizard did not think much of it, but the sailor gave the peice of blue sky into the air, and opened up a hole for sunshine to peek in. this led to the sky clearing, and the joy and happiness returned to the town.
Moral: a little optimism in the worst of times, can finally lead to better times ahead.
that is what i have felt today. as most could tell from the previous post, i have been in a bad dip recently. i cannot say that i am fully recovered, but i can say that today has been my peice of blue sky that i have not seen in a while.
Posting this after i came home, as i want to say it out while the feeling is fresh. i dont want it to fade and become unrecorded.
My day started off like any other, with my usual worries in the morning. i think hard about the things undone, but overall am quite neutral with the things around me. Then elective starts, and i think one of the things that pull down my day is a boring lecture during elective that i fall asleep and drain my energy. But today was not too bad. although i missed floorball training, i managed to finish my elective early, and get ready for my outing in the afternoon. So it passed quite quickly, with some comparison between food labels.
although elective was better than expected, what really perked my day up was my "family outing" :D
Initially i worried about the 4 baos getting along and interacting. cuz Tooth Fairy was telling me that if not for SLC, the 4 bao would not have been close in the first place. some did not even know each other before the camp. so i was worried that we would not have anything to talk about, or just feel weird or awkward in each other's company. but i guess that was undue worry, as with Kelly, Pei Yi, Zenia and Yanting around, how can i ever expect them to have nothing to say? haha. Yanting could only join us later due to electives, so Da Bao, San Bao, Xiao Bao and I headed down to Parkway for lunch.
We went to Yoshinoya (which like the deprived child i am, have never eaten there before) and realised we kinda all ordered the same thing, the Beef rice with one thing or the other. its quite pleasant! and hopefully i can go again soon! So we chatted about all sorts of things over lunch. school, people, volleyball and i think Xiao Bao's favourite conversation topic: Relationships! it was nice getting to know them better, and seeing how well we could get along.
Some pics at Yoshinoya:
My 4 Baos!
DA + BAO = DAO (look at her face!?!?!)
TRYING to take pic of ourselves
Family photo :)
Afterwhich, the 4 Baos went to get some ice cream. while i went to introduce them to Mos Burger's Ichigo Bliss. it was hilarious to see them squirming at how cold the ichigo bliss was. the Ichigo Bliss is a frozen Strawberry with white chocolate in the middle, so it feels like a ice pop, but very nice! i think (or hope) they like it too!
Then we got ice cream, even though it was getting late, and i had to rush back for council meeting >.< i finally understand why Xiao Bao can be so silly and bubbly. She is actually.... DRUNK! her fave flavour ice cream is Rum and Raisin, and tasting the rum and raisin at Scoopz, the alcohol taste and smell is very very strong! but nonetheless it was nice! then Da Bao and Er Bao tried to share a durian icecream sandwhich, there is nothing wrong with that, but they tried to both eat it AT THE SAME TIME!
Yummy BITE!
San Bao, and the others Icecream!
Yup, Xiao Bao is sooo DRUNK!
I realised that i went back to school feeling on top of the world, and i was just filled with joy. it was not because of a specific someone or something. but i just felt good. and i know its credited to my Family :) Thanks!
And it just carried on for the day. In the evening, going for dance concert. i didnt feel like anything could bring me down. i just enjoyed the entire performance, and everytime someone i know comes on stage, i would automatically smile! and im just in awe and stunned by how well some of them can dance! It was really cool, especially the first part, Punk 101, as well as the performance just before the interlude.
I think it wouldnt be justice to post pictures here, as Dance is all about the movement, the enery and the grace. but i must have a screening of the dance concert at my place! let Jane and Syak see what it was like siting in the audience and watching the performance!
My day has just been great, amazing and wonderful! and im appreciative of every person that made it so wonderful! i love all of you!
Optimism, thats the lesson for the day. Open your mouth a little wider, and show off a bit more teeth. just open up, and SMILE =D
p.s. kaya cake, good luck for your nobert! im in high anticipation!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Filled to the brim
i think i have had a stint of depression the past few days. it may not be heavily obvious in my actions and words, but those that know me well know that i have not been feeling to high. Im just exhausted. i go home each day and find myself highly incapable of doing anything. yet i just press on and certain nights i know i have to finish something, so i do, and then straight to bed.
too many things are on my mind. each like a person poking me with a stick. so its like thousands of people poking and prodding, pushing and peircing, against the soft tissue of my brain. that's why sometimes i just can concentrate, or i cant absolutely focus on the thing at hand.
Before that, i shall mention some of the better things this week. on Monday, i went down to orchard and finally purchased my floorball stick! i really feel the sting in my wallet ($150!?!?!?) but i think it has put me on the road of commitment to this sport, a drive if anything.
The week has been bad. everyday seems to demand more and more of me. and comparatively, even though the days are shorter and there is supposedly more time for ourselves, i see that everyday my schedule is packed. filled with council activities, floorball, elective, other duties. i even had to sacrifice drama on wednesday because i had so much going on.
i feel a certain sense of detatchment now. like i have no real place of solace. im not home long enough to find the comfort and the support i need. i have been going home on my own, and my parents don't seem to be back until late, and even then i have things to settle for Black Lights and for Council.
Dad got me a few books on leadership, and some files which he used for leadership seminars and workshops. just picking one book up, i saw 3 points that i guess have been a major issue, and it was all clearly stated out in black and white. i feel very aimless in school sometimes. like i come and am like a chicken without its head. running around and bumping into people and into things. and it hurts.
im appreciative of those that give me support. but i realise i don't open up to that many people, and therefore its hard to say things free flowingly. Syak and Jane are still busy with dance and their performancs. while they also have to prep for Temasek Titans next week. in that sense it would be selfish for me to pull them away and pour out my worries.
Speaking of which, i feel really bad abt pouring my worries to Kaya cake. Recently, with all my stress and depression, Kaya cake is my outlet for it. I feel really guilty. Kaya cake has its own share of stress, and i have to add on to its worries. still Thanks Kaya Cake! for your support and listening ear. still hoping for the X-men 2 :)
I have to relearn to trust people. as much as i seem to be open and wear my heart on my sleeve, i also realise that i hide alot as well. talking to varun way back, he tells me that i dont seem like the one who would share. and i dont want to get hurt, so i protect myself alot.
I want to trust. cuz that is how every organisation, relationship and friendship works, and is based on. i may give a certain amount of trust, but i have not been able to wholeheartedly and completely trust anyone yet. Then again who can.
but that is partially why i am so tired. i have people i can rely on, but they are few, and they are up to their necks in work as well. This therefore results in i having to rely on myself, and this may result in the weight being unbearable. i can commit and i will get it done, but i may break a few bones in the process. where are the people you need the most when you need them the most?
Now im hanging on till the end of the week. a break in a sense. Im looking forward to my "family outing", and the dance concert in the evening. while on Sat, there will be College Day, and the evening going to Band concert, Prelude, which i know i will enjoy stage band :).
Im filled to the brim, and starting to overflow. will anyone catch the water that spills?
too many things are on my mind. each like a person poking me with a stick. so its like thousands of people poking and prodding, pushing and peircing, against the soft tissue of my brain. that's why sometimes i just can concentrate, or i cant absolutely focus on the thing at hand.
Before that, i shall mention some of the better things this week. on Monday, i went down to orchard and finally purchased my floorball stick! i really feel the sting in my wallet ($150!?!?!?) but i think it has put me on the road of commitment to this sport, a drive if anything.
The week has been bad. everyday seems to demand more and more of me. and comparatively, even though the days are shorter and there is supposedly more time for ourselves, i see that everyday my schedule is packed. filled with council activities, floorball, elective, other duties. i even had to sacrifice drama on wednesday because i had so much going on.
i feel a certain sense of detatchment now. like i have no real place of solace. im not home long enough to find the comfort and the support i need. i have been going home on my own, and my parents don't seem to be back until late, and even then i have things to settle for Black Lights and for Council.
Dad got me a few books on leadership, and some files which he used for leadership seminars and workshops. just picking one book up, i saw 3 points that i guess have been a major issue, and it was all clearly stated out in black and white. i feel very aimless in school sometimes. like i come and am like a chicken without its head. running around and bumping into people and into things. and it hurts.
im appreciative of those that give me support. but i realise i don't open up to that many people, and therefore its hard to say things free flowingly. Syak and Jane are still busy with dance and their performancs. while they also have to prep for Temasek Titans next week. in that sense it would be selfish for me to pull them away and pour out my worries.
Speaking of which, i feel really bad abt pouring my worries to Kaya cake. Recently, with all my stress and depression, Kaya cake is my outlet for it. I feel really guilty. Kaya cake has its own share of stress, and i have to add on to its worries. still Thanks Kaya Cake! for your support and listening ear. still hoping for the X-men 2 :)
I have to relearn to trust people. as much as i seem to be open and wear my heart on my sleeve, i also realise that i hide alot as well. talking to varun way back, he tells me that i dont seem like the one who would share. and i dont want to get hurt, so i protect myself alot.
I want to trust. cuz that is how every organisation, relationship and friendship works, and is based on. i may give a certain amount of trust, but i have not been able to wholeheartedly and completely trust anyone yet. Then again who can.
but that is partially why i am so tired. i have people i can rely on, but they are few, and they are up to their necks in work as well. This therefore results in i having to rely on myself, and this may result in the weight being unbearable. i can commit and i will get it done, but i may break a few bones in the process. where are the people you need the most when you need them the most?
Now im hanging on till the end of the week. a break in a sense. Im looking forward to my "family outing", and the dance concert in the evening. while on Sat, there will be College Day, and the evening going to Band concert, Prelude, which i know i will enjoy stage band :).
Im filled to the brim, and starting to overflow. will anyone catch the water that spills?
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Mother's Day
Mother's day comes and goes eveery year, and it seems like i keep forgeting to get my mom a present. so in that sense, when i make up for it by cooking breakfast, it has become some what of a tradition, where mother's day morning, i/'ll surprise her with breakfast made by her very own son.
however, i always feel guilty when i do so. yes the thought counts, and i put in effort to make her breakfast, but its because i dont have the time/money, or rather didnt find the time/money to get her a proper present, that i am making her breakfast. but i still enjoy it when mom smiles and thanks me for the breakfast i made. haha, it get me embarassed, and mom always knows how to embarass me :P
but i cant say i started this mother's day well. last night/this morning, i reached home at 12+ in the morning, cuz i was at Gema Temasek and it lasted till late. My mom was severly dissapointed in me, and the only thing she left me with that night was /"we shall talk about it in the morning"/. that is the influence and significance of my mom, and my parents. they dont have to scold me and reprimand me. they just show their dissapointment. the guilt that sets in later, i think is stronger than any scolding they could ever give me. however, i still dont seem to learn, if not i wouldnt have broken curfew so many times >.<
i have got to hand it to my mom. she holds it together really well. i swear it is not easy dealing with people like my bor and i, and i think its to be admired how influential and how capable she is. my mom is my /"go to person"/ for stress and problems in my life. Dad is there when i need advice, cuz he is my role model in leadership, but mom is just there for me, and i know that she would hear out my school problems (especially in social life!) and help me with it.
I'm hyper lucky. i have 2 amazing parents that are both really supportive, and my life has pretty much been smooth sailing for many things. i told Kaya cake that i am very lucky to have parents like this, and that is why i want to bring it out, /"pay it forward"/, and /"share the love"/ with people that dont have the luck of having parents like mine. or even the TA1s, Mrs Lim had tremendous influence on me. i even cried when she left, and that is why i feel its my obligation to carry it forward.
Moms, mother figures, motherly people, and basically to all those that care for others and protect them like my mom protects me. i want to wish you a happy Mother/'s Day, and kudos to the great job you have done.
I Love you Mom!
+++
added at 1pm
there was something i felt i had to add to my post abt mother's day. i was chatting with Xiao Bao, and i guess that i was really touched by her actions. Xiao Bao is very close to her family (her real one). and i guess that i have seen people close, but she is REALLY close. im inspired. im close to my family, but i think i take them for granted sometimes. just listening to Xiao Bao and what she does for her family, i think she is the perfect daughter.
She cancels things so she can spend time with her family, while i break curfew and am not at home when the clock hits midnight, on mothers day. Its hard to describe it well. but i just feel the ache in my heart when i think about the times i let my mom down. there are a lot of things ive done that havent been exactly to be proud of, but mom always is there for me.
I WANT to be a momma's boy. Because i love my mom.
Thanks Xiao Bao :)
however, i always feel guilty when i do so. yes the thought counts, and i put in effort to make her breakfast, but its because i dont have the time/money, or rather didnt find the time/money to get her a proper present, that i am making her breakfast. but i still enjoy it when mom smiles and thanks me for the breakfast i made. haha, it get me embarassed, and mom always knows how to embarass me :P
but i cant say i started this mother's day well. last night/this morning, i reached home at 12+ in the morning, cuz i was at Gema Temasek and it lasted till late. My mom was severly dissapointed in me, and the only thing she left me with that night was /"we shall talk about it in the morning"/. that is the influence and significance of my mom, and my parents. they dont have to scold me and reprimand me. they just show their dissapointment. the guilt that sets in later, i think is stronger than any scolding they could ever give me. however, i still dont seem to learn, if not i wouldnt have broken curfew so many times >.<
i have got to hand it to my mom. she holds it together really well. i swear it is not easy dealing with people like my bor and i, and i think its to be admired how influential and how capable she is. my mom is my /"go to person"/ for stress and problems in my life. Dad is there when i need advice, cuz he is my role model in leadership, but mom is just there for me, and i know that she would hear out my school problems (especially in social life!) and help me with it.
I'm hyper lucky. i have 2 amazing parents that are both really supportive, and my life has pretty much been smooth sailing for many things. i told Kaya cake that i am very lucky to have parents like this, and that is why i want to bring it out, /"pay it forward"/, and /"share the love"/ with people that dont have the luck of having parents like mine. or even the TA1s, Mrs Lim had tremendous influence on me. i even cried when she left, and that is why i feel its my obligation to carry it forward.
Moms, mother figures, motherly people, and basically to all those that care for others and protect them like my mom protects me. i want to wish you a happy Mother/'s Day, and kudos to the great job you have done.
I Love you Mom!
+++
added at 1pm
there was something i felt i had to add to my post abt mother's day. i was chatting with Xiao Bao, and i guess that i was really touched by her actions. Xiao Bao is very close to her family (her real one). and i guess that i have seen people close, but she is REALLY close. im inspired. im close to my family, but i think i take them for granted sometimes. just listening to Xiao Bao and what she does for her family, i think she is the perfect daughter.
She cancels things so she can spend time with her family, while i break curfew and am not at home when the clock hits midnight, on mothers day. Its hard to describe it well. but i just feel the ache in my heart when i think about the times i let my mom down. there are a lot of things ive done that havent been exactly to be proud of, but mom always is there for me.
I WANT to be a momma's boy. Because i love my mom.
Thanks Xiao Bao :)
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Student Leadership Camp
I have been back from camp, but cant say im fully recovered. still a tad tired, and my voice is still quite gone, but if not im in TIP TOP form!
SLC was great. its wednesday today, and still suffering from hangover. i miss everyone of the people there. from the groupmates in RAFIKI, to the instructors and the people from other groups.
Student leadership camp really did what it set out to do. or rather, i maximised this opportunity to learn about myself and my leadership style. every chance i got, i tried to either be model and guide to the TA1 juniors, or learn about myself and my own leadership abilities.
I wont say too much about what i learnt here, but i can safely say that i need to trust myself, my juniors, and the support they can give. I have to work doubly hard to prove to my peers my change and development, as not only do i have to disprove their initial negative impression of me, and then rebuild the /"new and improved"/ version, which is the positive one im trying to portray.
On a lighter note (and i swear that this gets me HIGH!!!!)
Im proud to announce my adoption of my /"4 ge bao"/, haha just saying it gets me all warm and fuzzy inside. all i had to do, was tie a flap of the tent up to let air flow in, then along comese Zenia (Xiao Bao) with the comment:/" we are like babies in a cot! and he is like some daddy watching over us"/ and somehow, by some divine intervention, i am blessed to have 4 babies that are willingly calling me DADDY or PAPA when they see me!
sounds weird but it gives me a fluttery feeling when they do! I feel damn outdated, huimin was even reeling in shock when she heard that i never play FAMILY before.
BUT its never too late to start, and i am super lucky to get 4 of them as my first adopted daughters!
DA BAO- Kelly- hmmm so far, ive spoken to her (before SLC) once at the bus stop and exchanged email contact, then now ive seen her spastic pic on her blog, as well as /"her beautiful shit"/ whatever that is >.<
ER BAO- Yanting- hmmm.... i used to wave to her is school, but a) never really knew her name, and b) never really chatted. but after SLC!!! she is like full of energy, like a bowl full of Cheerios! ever smiling and ever ready to call on her DADDY!
SAN BAO- Pei Yi- we were in the same elective last year, and i dont rmb chatting much then, but definitely an intriguing one in my books! cant wait to find out more! unlocking the mysteries of San Bao!
XIAO BAO BAO- Zenia- this is like a ball bursting with energy! she's got the optimistic, ever bright and silly Jeans (genes) in the family! another one who never fails to call PAPA! i cant beleive that once upon a time i actually thought that she was dao!!!
well there ya go! /"Wo Jia Si Ge Bao"/ each unique and special in their own way. a new addittion of the family has yet to find her spot.
Hui Min- Aunt/Grandma/Fairy Godmother/Tooth fairy/Uncle/"/"/etc.
hopefully you find your place soon... >.< lolz
ive got a whole ton of SLC pics and things that i wanna say, but maybe not for public domain. Photos if anyone wants, you know who to get it from!
and lastly, SLC brought the council back together, SLC rawks!!!
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
My Perfect life
sometimes i think i wonder if people think my life is good/great/wonderful/perfect. i admit that i have been quite lucky in this life, and a lot of opportunities have come my way. Perhaps to some i might come off as being on top of everything. even though i would rant and sometimes complain, or even look really tired, i always seem to bounce back and put in my all for that thing im doing.
still, there are certain drawbacks, like my studies have been suffering, and maybe a little lack of sleep. If not i think i really have had the luck to do quite well in other things in my life. i may not be the fittest, but after training and stuff, cheerleading came quite easily to me. the /"mo chi"/ btw me and zhi zhong helped ALOT, and it fell into place, kinda, i can say that i was extremely comfortable with our entire element.
My life has been quite smooth sailing. from young i had the outspoken characteristic, and never seemed to have a problem with intercting and speaking to people, then i had the luck of getting into GEP and rosyth school where i met a bunch of friends that i really love. then even when i was failing in GEP, i managed to squeeze through to secondary school, though i was still on probation. then i think the biggest stroke of luck was applying for TA. i think i handed up my form on one of the last, if not the last day of application, and because i was first to be interviewed, i managed to get a fresh start in TA. then a lot of uphill events in TA which i think i can spare the facts (Students council, cheerleading, orientation, drama etc.). and i think the biggest support and pillar in my life is my family. without their undying love and support, i dont think i would have done as many of the things that i have done.
i guess that is how i come off as quite a stable person. i have had all these good things in my life, that i seem to be above problems and issues that bug me seriously. but i still think, and know that there are things in my life that are not perfect. i have many flaws and problems which either i hide well, or i just dont seem willing to share.
how contrary to how i usually feel. i feel like i have quite a few things bent up in my life, just that i dont have the people and the audience to let it out to. either that, i might just be very silly, cuz i realise that my parents are my main source of confidance. however, i know that i have close friends. yet, its either them or me, but i dont seem to tell them much, or i dont get te chance to tell them much.
this tends to lead to insecurity. cuz it may not be true, but if i dont share my problems, i might be taken to be a fair weather friend. and maybe when i do face a rut or a problem, the people i am close to i dont know if they would be there.
sometimes i feel like a bucket, a bigg bucket. many problems and things get poured inside me, and i dont seem to have any problem storing it. but at the same time, i fear being taken for granted, and if there is incessant pouring, wone day i would over flow, if i didnt pour some of my own things out.
if you read chain mails on the web, you read about those /"the strongest usually need protection"/, and i think its quite true. i am really vulnerable, and i know of those that have exploited it. this is something you learn in a boys school, that guys can be just as bitchy as girls, and smart guys can blackmail the pants of you.
friendships and relationships have to be two way- always. if not either side if not both sides can tend to feel insecure. when you share all your secrets with someone, and they dont share back, you would feel very vulnerable to the blackmail that person could put on you, while if you were on the other end of the stick, and people keep pouring you their problems, you would be worried that if you shared your problems, they would turn away.
/"the greatest thing in life is to love, and be loved back"/ - quote from my favourite movie Moulin Rouge ( at least the quote is something like that)
it doesnt matter what kind of love, it could be friendship love to relationship love, even to brotherly love. in anycase, that is the dual-dependence between 2 people, and i dont know why, i always seem to be in relationships that are heavily leaning to one side than a balance.
I wonder which i come off more as, 1) a person that is on top of most things, and have very little problems in life, or, 2) a person that can be quite cold and distant that is unwilling to open up his life to other people.
this is definitely testiment to my insecurity and vulnerability. i need to learn to stop thinking so much about the problems and think simply the great things that i have got. I am thankful for many things in life, and i dont think i should be asking for more. yet when life is too smooth sailing, i want to challenge the boudaries, and see how far i can go! that is why we have goals, to push for and to attain, or to not acheive and learn from it.
haha this might sound really petty, and silly, but it would be great for people to once in a while remind me that i am appreciated. everyone wants to be appreciated, and to belong. reassurance never hurt anyone! =D
So how perfect is my life? i think considerably, i am quite the lucky bastard, my life is perfect because, i have problems and i have greatness, i think if life were any other way, it wouldnt be worth living. cheers to life as a whole, and to those that are cursing life, and squealing at the screwed up parts, look at the bigger picture, appreciate what you have, life would be a lot finer that way!
still, there are certain drawbacks, like my studies have been suffering, and maybe a little lack of sleep. If not i think i really have had the luck to do quite well in other things in my life. i may not be the fittest, but after training and stuff, cheerleading came quite easily to me. the /"mo chi"/ btw me and zhi zhong helped ALOT, and it fell into place, kinda, i can say that i was extremely comfortable with our entire element.
My life has been quite smooth sailing. from young i had the outspoken characteristic, and never seemed to have a problem with intercting and speaking to people, then i had the luck of getting into GEP and rosyth school where i met a bunch of friends that i really love. then even when i was failing in GEP, i managed to squeeze through to secondary school, though i was still on probation. then i think the biggest stroke of luck was applying for TA. i think i handed up my form on one of the last, if not the last day of application, and because i was first to be interviewed, i managed to get a fresh start in TA. then a lot of uphill events in TA which i think i can spare the facts (Students council, cheerleading, orientation, drama etc.). and i think the biggest support and pillar in my life is my family. without their undying love and support, i dont think i would have done as many of the things that i have done.
i guess that is how i come off as quite a stable person. i have had all these good things in my life, that i seem to be above problems and issues that bug me seriously. but i still think, and know that there are things in my life that are not perfect. i have many flaws and problems which either i hide well, or i just dont seem willing to share.
how contrary to how i usually feel. i feel like i have quite a few things bent up in my life, just that i dont have the people and the audience to let it out to. either that, i might just be very silly, cuz i realise that my parents are my main source of confidance. however, i know that i have close friends. yet, its either them or me, but i dont seem to tell them much, or i dont get te chance to tell them much.
this tends to lead to insecurity. cuz it may not be true, but if i dont share my problems, i might be taken to be a fair weather friend. and maybe when i do face a rut or a problem, the people i am close to i dont know if they would be there.
sometimes i feel like a bucket, a bigg bucket. many problems and things get poured inside me, and i dont seem to have any problem storing it. but at the same time, i fear being taken for granted, and if there is incessant pouring, wone day i would over flow, if i didnt pour some of my own things out.
if you read chain mails on the web, you read about those /"the strongest usually need protection"/, and i think its quite true. i am really vulnerable, and i know of those that have exploited it. this is something you learn in a boys school, that guys can be just as bitchy as girls, and smart guys can blackmail the pants of you.
friendships and relationships have to be two way- always. if not either side if not both sides can tend to feel insecure. when you share all your secrets with someone, and they dont share back, you would feel very vulnerable to the blackmail that person could put on you, while if you were on the other end of the stick, and people keep pouring you their problems, you would be worried that if you shared your problems, they would turn away.
/"the greatest thing in life is to love, and be loved back"/ - quote from my favourite movie Moulin Rouge ( at least the quote is something like that)
it doesnt matter what kind of love, it could be friendship love to relationship love, even to brotherly love. in anycase, that is the dual-dependence between 2 people, and i dont know why, i always seem to be in relationships that are heavily leaning to one side than a balance.
I wonder which i come off more as, 1) a person that is on top of most things, and have very little problems in life, or, 2) a person that can be quite cold and distant that is unwilling to open up his life to other people.
this is definitely testiment to my insecurity and vulnerability. i need to learn to stop thinking so much about the problems and think simply the great things that i have got. I am thankful for many things in life, and i dont think i should be asking for more. yet when life is too smooth sailing, i want to challenge the boudaries, and see how far i can go! that is why we have goals, to push for and to attain, or to not acheive and learn from it.
haha this might sound really petty, and silly, but it would be great for people to once in a while remind me that i am appreciated. everyone wants to be appreciated, and to belong. reassurance never hurt anyone! =D
So how perfect is my life? i think considerably, i am quite the lucky bastard, my life is perfect because, i have problems and i have greatness, i think if life were any other way, it wouldnt be worth living. cheers to life as a whole, and to those that are cursing life, and squealing at the screwed up parts, look at the bigger picture, appreciate what you have, life would be a lot finer that way!
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