SO BlackLights is over, and it was quite good really. just that im not so high about posting about it. haha don't really know why, maybe i am just lazy. Anyway, check out other people's blogs, they got quite descriptive posts about the event. In terms of leading it, there wasn't really any problem. Quite smooth except for the communication between the organisers and Mr Kao, but he is okay now (afterall, the thing is over!)
Still tired though. relapse perhaps, either that, my body has gone into a slack mode, and have gotten into the inertia of just lying around, relaxed and serene. Still, it never really does stop does it? i just had a BlackLights evaluation in school, and we still got to work hard the rest of the year to recoup our losses. but that is just part and parcel of the entire process. Moral- Don't get into debt in the first place!
Also, the classroom environment can get quite stressful. especially with stressed out groupmates that affect the team. I quite enjoy working with raghav and the gang, even though we don't always get top scores, but the thing is that we understand, and we have fun doing it. Just the other day, Mr Tearle Cheng was saying that we were the "Moron group". True, but at least we have a lot of fun! just that day we were screaming at the top of our voices, "DAMN YOU VELLAY! quick pour the damn thing!" and Bob was counting down, "10, 9, 8, 7,... 2,1!" and we were screaming cuz we were not ready! Haha, hence the name, "Moron group". absolutely crazy. But i do enjoy MOST of the projects we are doing. It is no point doing a project if you are not going to have fun learning the thing. What is the point of worrying about all the details and the grades, if you end up resenting the work?
Thankfully, i'm thoroughly enjoying the LA project play. I've always wanted to try my hand at putting up a production, and even though i did not get the chance in drama, im glad to have the opportunity now. And i think a large credit goes to my grpmates. it just clicks i guess. there is group dynamics, which sad to say, is not as prevalent in other groups (or at least not as obviously). And there is definitely that required level of commitment ( either that it is the group's living fear of the NOVEMBER FIST). So that is my major project for the term, or at least that is where my focus lies. I just hope that i dont end up having to pick between this and my studies.
Speaking of which, there are 2 accomplishments i would like to share. 1) I PASSED 2,4!! quite shocked, as this is my first time doing so. if only i had put in this effort and determination last year, as i fear i may not be able to get my bronze, due to chin ups. 2) i did better in my grades than expected! i got 2 As, and for the most unexpected subjects! A for Bio, which i flunked the test, and flunk almost every assignment given, but still able to get an A (mrs lam really must be stressed, she giving away As too freely) and A for History. Now that is the ultimate shocker for me, as i actually got a D last year for the year ends. I think i am starting to grasp the subject better. this is why i took history in the first place, it is an amazing subject, it may be a lot of information, and a lot of content, but it is bloody interesting, and i really see the relavance to my life.
Week 5. halfway through my term already, and that much closer to the promos. i think things have changed. In terms of effort, attitude, determination. I wouldn't say i am a muggertoad, nor would i say im the happy idiot that doesnt give a squat about work, but i think there is somewhat of a balance. I dont have as big an issue about putting in effort anymore, and i do feel better about myself. hmm... i wonder what brought about this change? Anywho, it is scary how close the end of year is. Revision shall be commencing soon.
I wonder what my social life is like now? i wish i could take a step back and observe myself, cuz honestly i have no clue.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Maybe its different
A normal schol day i guess, and i think it would have been. yet, i stood there staring at a teacher which i think suspects something, and he looks a lot more aged and unshaven than i remember. still his features were distinct enough for me to recognise him, despite the stubble and his greying hair.
A make up lesson, or i think it was some meeting that required a certain bunch of people to be there. i saw 3 PRC sitting at the table with him, and then i asked, "so who else are you waiting for?" he mentions a few familiar people, and then says your name in a way that i am quite sure he is suspecting something is going on. but i quickly let it pass, and leave the area looking, i think may be for you.
Then i see you, and i catch up. i cannot remember our dialogue, but that was insignificant. but then, you suddenly remembered something and was about to dart off. My reflexes snap, and i gripped onto your wrist. you were a little taken aback, and i guess i felt all the blood shoot up to my head. either i moved closer to you, or vice versa, but i didnt really let go. instead i tried to slip my hand down your palm, and tried to feel for your fingers. you did not pull back, nor did you feel shocked, and my hand just moved down until it was holding yours, locked.
Androgenous as it may seem, i think i layed my head on your shoulder ofr a while, as we walked. slow, but not slow enough, for soon we approached the teacher we both know. we sit, and i dont leave. Yet i dont think about how awkward it should be. Instead, i remember him calling my name, telling me that i am supposed to be part of the team.
Where was this? it was like a circle patch of grass, i can't really recall much further than that. but on the edges of the circle there were more benches with people , and in the middle our bench with the rest of the team. I cannot get it out of my head.
I don't usually remember my dreams, and even if i do i only have really short snippets. and it was unusual for me to remember such a huge chunk of my dream. Perhaps it could mean something? but chances are i wont pluck up the same courage to do what i envisioned myself doing.
I dont know why the feeling's back. i did not think that it would?
P.S. im still a little tired from all the events, i'll update open house, the LA play and BL another time.
A make up lesson, or i think it was some meeting that required a certain bunch of people to be there. i saw 3 PRC sitting at the table with him, and then i asked, "so who else are you waiting for?" he mentions a few familiar people, and then says your name in a way that i am quite sure he is suspecting something is going on. but i quickly let it pass, and leave the area looking, i think may be for you.
Then i see you, and i catch up. i cannot remember our dialogue, but that was insignificant. but then, you suddenly remembered something and was about to dart off. My reflexes snap, and i gripped onto your wrist. you were a little taken aback, and i guess i felt all the blood shoot up to my head. either i moved closer to you, or vice versa, but i didnt really let go. instead i tried to slip my hand down your palm, and tried to feel for your fingers. you did not pull back, nor did you feel shocked, and my hand just moved down until it was holding yours, locked.
Androgenous as it may seem, i think i layed my head on your shoulder ofr a while, as we walked. slow, but not slow enough, for soon we approached the teacher we both know. we sit, and i dont leave. Yet i dont think about how awkward it should be. Instead, i remember him calling my name, telling me that i am supposed to be part of the team.
Where was this? it was like a circle patch of grass, i can't really recall much further than that. but on the edges of the circle there were more benches with people , and in the middle our bench with the rest of the team. I cannot get it out of my head.
I don't usually remember my dreams, and even if i do i only have really short snippets. and it was unusual for me to remember such a huge chunk of my dream. Perhaps it could mean something? but chances are i wont pluck up the same courage to do what i envisioned myself doing.
I dont know why the feeling's back. i did not think that it would?
P.S. im still a little tired from all the events, i'll update open house, the LA play and BL another time.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
False Confidence
After getting back most of my tests, its quite disheartening to note that my confidence and supposed readiness in my tests, have not reflected in my scores. for most tests i failed, which is waay lower than i expected. chem i was shocked that i did so badly, as i thought i answered the test quite well. However, i didnt do well because much of what i said was said in a wrong manner. perhaps some of my content was wrong, but on a whole i think it was more of my expression. the realisation set in after i got back my biology test. before hand she asked us to write down our preparedness and confidence for the test, and both i put above 3 (ranging 1-5, 5 being most) and when i got back my tests, i was shocked beyond shock that i failed the test.
Expectations i guess. there was a chapter in the book Stepphy passed to me that say something like "envisage yourself in that bad situation, and deal with it before it occurs" e.g. imagine your favourite mug breaking. and you will learn to treasure it, and when it finally breaks, you will be able to just say "oh! there it goes" with positivity, without getting hung up over it. but that is not something i had done for these tests. i actually thought that i studied hard for the tests, and i put in a fair bit of effort to make sure i do better than before. Previously i would not have studied as hard for assesment, but i felt after my dissapointing attitude towards holiday assignments, i thought it would be best if i could put in effort to maintain at least a high standard in tests. you can tell from the previous post how much i "thought" i put into studies, but it seems like it was to no avail.
This i think i can handle, but then there was one thing that i felt weird about for a few days. after studying so hard with jane and sze sian, i guess i felt out of place when they did well, and i didnt. Its just that, after seemingly understanding and explaining all the things to them (especially in bio) i would have thought i would do as well as them, but that was severly not the case. I understand my concpets, but my phrasing, terminology and practically all about espression was completely wrong.
Yet, i have something inside me telling me to not give up. Actually, i expected my first reaction to be "if you study and fail anyway, why bother studying?" but somehow, that did not become my first reaction. rather, i felt that it was just to teach me to learn and do better for the next one. I think the "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff..." book really helped. i will study for my next test, and study harder, and earlier. Maybe this is a new me coming out, but i will not be able to tell until the next assesment comes.
now my focus has to be diverted away from the now over and completed tests, and focus on the projects and assingments at hand. there is a chinese project, where we are going to become Xiao Lao Shi, and teach the class. Math prect needs me to interview someone that uses math everyday. and the one i think im most excited about is LA where we are going to stage a play!
Hungry, was written by Ng Yi-Sheng, in a 24hr scriptwriting competition. he won gold, and i must say, that it is a brilliant peice of work. My mom doesnt share the sentiment though. i understand why. to a student it might be riveting and applicable, but to adults, it might seem a little trashy, with all the suicide and the negativity. either way, im proud to be doing the play, as it really is interesting to see how the play will go!
Yesterday i spent a whole day at Bernice's house with Bernice, Grace, Jane, Jia Yun and Magdalene, and spent all the time discussing about how to intepret the play, while trying out roles to see who will be what character. I never knew that so much thought went into a play. If it this difficult to stage a play, i cannot imagine the sheer difficulty of writing the script. Haha, if you want to see what others have said about our play, look at Grazz's blog!
So i am MUG, an indian forgotten god that people used to pray to for wisdom. notice the pun on my name "MUG", which is familiar to my fellow underlings, im sure. Maybe i should mass produce little statuettes of my "birthday" self, with a fig leaf covering what matters most. then everyone can remember who to pray to, in times of tests and exams XD.
It is fun, and im really excited! the only thing now is to keep it up, and maintain this interest in everyone. My first own production! Like Grazz said, "PLEASE ACCEPT THE PROPOSAL MS CHEAH!!!!"
I think there is one thing that i learnt from this false confidence. that it is a matter of positivity. False confidence can be in the form of optimism or denial. and i shoose to let it me optimism. im not going to deny that i did not study enough, but optimism has allowed me to go further, and work harder for my next tests/assignments.
Expectations i guess. there was a chapter in the book Stepphy passed to me that say something like "envisage yourself in that bad situation, and deal with it before it occurs" e.g. imagine your favourite mug breaking. and you will learn to treasure it, and when it finally breaks, you will be able to just say "oh! there it goes" with positivity, without getting hung up over it. but that is not something i had done for these tests. i actually thought that i studied hard for the tests, and i put in a fair bit of effort to make sure i do better than before. Previously i would not have studied as hard for assesment, but i felt after my dissapointing attitude towards holiday assignments, i thought it would be best if i could put in effort to maintain at least a high standard in tests. you can tell from the previous post how much i "thought" i put into studies, but it seems like it was to no avail.
This i think i can handle, but then there was one thing that i felt weird about for a few days. after studying so hard with jane and sze sian, i guess i felt out of place when they did well, and i didnt. Its just that, after seemingly understanding and explaining all the things to them (especially in bio) i would have thought i would do as well as them, but that was severly not the case. I understand my concpets, but my phrasing, terminology and practically all about espression was completely wrong.
Yet, i have something inside me telling me to not give up. Actually, i expected my first reaction to be "if you study and fail anyway, why bother studying?" but somehow, that did not become my first reaction. rather, i felt that it was just to teach me to learn and do better for the next one. I think the "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff..." book really helped. i will study for my next test, and study harder, and earlier. Maybe this is a new me coming out, but i will not be able to tell until the next assesment comes.
now my focus has to be diverted away from the now over and completed tests, and focus on the projects and assingments at hand. there is a chinese project, where we are going to become Xiao Lao Shi, and teach the class. Math prect needs me to interview someone that uses math everyday. and the one i think im most excited about is LA where we are going to stage a play!
Hungry, was written by Ng Yi-Sheng, in a 24hr scriptwriting competition. he won gold, and i must say, that it is a brilliant peice of work. My mom doesnt share the sentiment though. i understand why. to a student it might be riveting and applicable, but to adults, it might seem a little trashy, with all the suicide and the negativity. either way, im proud to be doing the play, as it really is interesting to see how the play will go!
Yesterday i spent a whole day at Bernice's house with Bernice, Grace, Jane, Jia Yun and Magdalene, and spent all the time discussing about how to intepret the play, while trying out roles to see who will be what character. I never knew that so much thought went into a play. If it this difficult to stage a play, i cannot imagine the sheer difficulty of writing the script. Haha, if you want to see what others have said about our play, look at Grazz's blog!
So i am MUG, an indian forgotten god that people used to pray to for wisdom. notice the pun on my name "MUG", which is familiar to my fellow underlings, im sure. Maybe i should mass produce little statuettes of my "birthday" self, with a fig leaf covering what matters most. then everyone can remember who to pray to, in times of tests and exams XD.
It is fun, and im really excited! the only thing now is to keep it up, and maintain this interest in everyone. My first own production! Like Grazz said, "PLEASE ACCEPT THE PROPOSAL MS CHEAH!!!!"
I think there is one thing that i learnt from this false confidence. that it is a matter of positivity. False confidence can be in the form of optimism or denial. and i shoose to let it me optimism. im not going to deny that i did not study enough, but optimism has allowed me to go further, and work harder for my next tests/assignments.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Methinks me thinks to much
After a whole week of intense studying and tests, im happy to take a good break, especailly in this long weekend, but alas, i have things to do and even history homework to accomplish by... tmr? still i had managed to steal 2 days of enoyment, even though tmr i should be going out to collect the open house/Black Lights Tee.
Before i proceed, here is a public service announcment
+++
Come on down to Hall@TJC for 2006's BlackLights!
Tickets going at $8
7-10pm, 21st July (friday)
read poster for more details!
Design, courtesy of Syakirah Sinin
+++
The week has been... different for me. Usually i would complain how i am lazy and dont study and simply cannot set myself down and focus on the task at hand, especially when it comes to studies. However, this week i have really deviated far from my usual self, and gave myself the pressure to focus on work.
This i have to give credit to Sze Sian and Jane. If not for going Sze Sian's house on tuesday and getting down to serious studying, i doubt i would have had teh momentum to continue the rest of the week. so from one study session focusing on biology, to the other subjects such as physics, and math. I wasnt studing the same topic as they were, as my tests were on different days, but the pressure they gave me was enough to kick off into a studying cycle, where after that little boost, i could get myself to study on my own as well. Perhaps this is potentially dangerous, after all does that mean that i need company to study? what would happen if my friends dont want to study (unlikely though) or they study at some ungodly hours (wake up 2 am, brain functions best then). Still i am grateful, as i had more confidence going into MOST of my tests that i would not have had otherwise.
Actually there is more to studying hard and doing well than just the grades. I realise that if i want people to take me seriously, i have to be serious about more things too. I may be serious when it comes to council, but that is not something everyone sees. Afterall, this is a school. Studies mean a lot to people. What the student body wants to see of their student leaders is not just the ideas and all the events of the leaders, nor do they just want to see some mugger that has no regard for anything but books, it is a balance. taking work seriously, is also a reflection of responsibility, and drive. a person can't possibly display a personality specific to the situation. attitude to work is attitude to life.
Thats where people like royston come into play. he is looked up to both as a student leader and as a councillor, and this is credited to his work attitude. I won't become top student overnight, or suddenly be classified as the epitome of mugger-dom, but i hope to gain more respect if i display that i can be serious in work, and in council. My aim is to discard that laid back, "all play no work" facade of myself, and let my more serious side emerge.
Enough about studies for now. i shall see whether my hard work pays off, when i get my tests back this coming week.
on Friday, i have to admit that the physics test was killer. i just cannot fathom how the physics teachers expect us to do well for the test. even BOB found it difficult, and that really says alot about the standard of the paper. but after that, the de-stressing session began. Dimira, Jane, Syak, Sze Sian and i, headed down to Sze Sian's house, for a movie session. I really don't wanna say too much in fear of offending people, but i just feel that "Aquamarine" is not really my cuppa tea. But it was nice just being around good friends, reminding myself how lucky i am to have them.
Saturday, i went to NYGH's Food and Funfair. actually i almost did not go. cuz, i wasnt too sure of whether i would feel out of place. But on Xinyi's invitation i felt obliged, after all i did promise her. So i went there hoping to meet some Ex-Ro i knew and maybe hang out with him/her for the course of the fair. Ended up, Isaac dissapeared somewhere in the school, and i was left hanging out with 3 Ex-Ro i havent seen in a while. I remember most of the time i spent hanging out at 410's food stall. cuz Yuling was now the monitress, and was in charge of her stall. I like not seeing people, and then meeting them after a long while. its cool to see how people have changed. Well Yuling and i used to be good friends back in Pri 4, and i will remember the stupid things we did, especially to our group mates, isaac and aaron XP.
Still one cannot just not meet anyone for a long time, and expect to be good friend automatically when they meet again, and i guess it was a little awkward at first. haha, if you chance upon this, sorry for the weirdness and hope we can catch up some time.
Speaking of cathching up. I met Leon at the Funfair, or rather, i told him to come meet me. It has been a while sincei spoke to him too. Now he is really slim, and really goodlooking too. Darn i think im jealous, oh well. FITNESS REGIME! haha. but it was cool hanging out with leon again. i even had teh chance to invite him to my new place. Maybe cuz he is a guy, it was no problem at all chatting with him abt school, about life, even though it we only chat for a while, it felt great, knowing that my friendship in the past has not died.
Maybe a VSGEP gathering could be done again, cuz there are some people that i havent seen in a long time. some i rather not meet, but some i wonder how they have changed? I think all this nostalgia could have been done during the june hols, but alas, i did not initiate it, so it did not occur.
I reminding myself of the people i have around me. Some things change, but same shall forever remain the same. :)
Before i proceed, here is a public service announcment
+++
Come on down to Hall@TJC for 2006's BlackLights!
Tickets going at $8
7-10pm, 21st July (friday)
read poster for more details!
Design, courtesy of Syakirah Sinin
+++
The week has been... different for me. Usually i would complain how i am lazy and dont study and simply cannot set myself down and focus on the task at hand, especially when it comes to studies. However, this week i have really deviated far from my usual self, and gave myself the pressure to focus on work.
This i have to give credit to Sze Sian and Jane. If not for going Sze Sian's house on tuesday and getting down to serious studying, i doubt i would have had teh momentum to continue the rest of the week. so from one study session focusing on biology, to the other subjects such as physics, and math. I wasnt studing the same topic as they were, as my tests were on different days, but the pressure they gave me was enough to kick off into a studying cycle, where after that little boost, i could get myself to study on my own as well. Perhaps this is potentially dangerous, after all does that mean that i need company to study? what would happen if my friends dont want to study (unlikely though) or they study at some ungodly hours (wake up 2 am, brain functions best then). Still i am grateful, as i had more confidence going into MOST of my tests that i would not have had otherwise.
Actually there is more to studying hard and doing well than just the grades. I realise that if i want people to take me seriously, i have to be serious about more things too. I may be serious when it comes to council, but that is not something everyone sees. Afterall, this is a school. Studies mean a lot to people. What the student body wants to see of their student leaders is not just the ideas and all the events of the leaders, nor do they just want to see some mugger that has no regard for anything but books, it is a balance. taking work seriously, is also a reflection of responsibility, and drive. a person can't possibly display a personality specific to the situation. attitude to work is attitude to life.
Thats where people like royston come into play. he is looked up to both as a student leader and as a councillor, and this is credited to his work attitude. I won't become top student overnight, or suddenly be classified as the epitome of mugger-dom, but i hope to gain more respect if i display that i can be serious in work, and in council. My aim is to discard that laid back, "all play no work" facade of myself, and let my more serious side emerge.
Enough about studies for now. i shall see whether my hard work pays off, when i get my tests back this coming week.
on Friday, i have to admit that the physics test was killer. i just cannot fathom how the physics teachers expect us to do well for the test. even BOB found it difficult, and that really says alot about the standard of the paper. but after that, the de-stressing session began. Dimira, Jane, Syak, Sze Sian and i, headed down to Sze Sian's house, for a movie session. I really don't wanna say too much in fear of offending people, but i just feel that "Aquamarine" is not really my cuppa tea. But it was nice just being around good friends, reminding myself how lucky i am to have them.
Saturday, i went to NYGH's Food and Funfair. actually i almost did not go. cuz, i wasnt too sure of whether i would feel out of place. But on Xinyi's invitation i felt obliged, after all i did promise her. So i went there hoping to meet some Ex-Ro i knew and maybe hang out with him/her for the course of the fair. Ended up, Isaac dissapeared somewhere in the school, and i was left hanging out with 3 Ex-Ro i havent seen in a while. I remember most of the time i spent hanging out at 410's food stall. cuz Yuling was now the monitress, and was in charge of her stall. I like not seeing people, and then meeting them after a long while. its cool to see how people have changed. Well Yuling and i used to be good friends back in Pri 4, and i will remember the stupid things we did, especially to our group mates, isaac and aaron XP.
Still one cannot just not meet anyone for a long time, and expect to be good friend automatically when they meet again, and i guess it was a little awkward at first. haha, if you chance upon this, sorry for the weirdness and hope we can catch up some time.
Speaking of cathching up. I met Leon at the Funfair, or rather, i told him to come meet me. It has been a while sincei spoke to him too. Now he is really slim, and really goodlooking too. Darn i think im jealous, oh well. FITNESS REGIME! haha. but it was cool hanging out with leon again. i even had teh chance to invite him to my new place. Maybe cuz he is a guy, it was no problem at all chatting with him abt school, about life, even though it we only chat for a while, it felt great, knowing that my friendship in the past has not died.
Maybe a VSGEP gathering could be done again, cuz there are some people that i havent seen in a long time. some i rather not meet, but some i wonder how they have changed? I think all this nostalgia could have been done during the june hols, but alas, i did not initiate it, so it did not occur.
I reminding myself of the people i have around me. Some things change, but same shall forever remain the same. :)
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