After the drama improve on Saturday, I had a real sense of pride knowing how well the drama peeps did and knowing that I had a lot of fun doing all we did for the improv. Then when we went for dinner, the same feeling I once felt from the drama BBQ repeated itself in my system.
However, there were a few differences. Apart from the fact that it is a different situation, I also felt a slightly milder yet deeper feeling. I know it sounds a bit contradictory, but the feeling was more subtle, yet it had a deeper impact. The BBQ by the beach was the first outing we had and therefore it felt more like the initial foundation to our friendship. Now, it felt like we were these bunch of close friends and that we were totally comfortable with each other.
Before I go deeper into the drama and the emotional thing, I just have to say a huge thanks to Nick and Anurag for coming to support us, and happy b’dae and sorry to gene for not turning up for his b’dae.
I think drama is infectious, and that the people in there are just amazing. The longer we are together, the deeper we sink. This all came from the talk I had with Yiming on the MRT home from City Hall.
The thing is that she will be quitting dram between now and the end of the year. The reason is because she cannot cope and that chamber is something she has to take or her MEP scholarship will be revoked. Yet, she has pretty much made up her mind about quitting. So I asked, “do you need to quit drama?” her reply was, “yes”. Then I asked, “Do you want to quit drama”, she answered me without hesitation, “no”.
That is the whole thing. We are getting closer as the days go by. Slowly we are getting sucked in, but we are enjoying each other’s company and we are more than glad we have each other to rely on. It is my emotional fulfillment, and it is not so much a physical bond we share of being in drama, but it has developed into an emotional bond which I don’t think can be separated.
The hard thing is for us to let anyone go. We have become part of each others’ lives, and losing one us is like losing a part of you. I was almost to tears when I though about anyone leaving the drama club. I will cry if we disband, as it is a fact that we are close, and more than that, we are so comfortable with each other that we take each other for granted.
And that is where feel great injustice has been done to Amanda. For all the times she has tried to confide in me, and tried to just let her spill her guts, I have not been there for her, and I find my self dismissing her a lot more than before. Yeah, we do have our own lives, yet she is a big part of mine as a friend and more than that too. People just take her for granted. Yes that means a certain person, but I and I think some others are like that too. I feel really guilty towards her now, and I will make it up to her soon. That is a promise.
Sometimes, I just am not in the right mood when I talk to her. I know that she would revolve around a certain person, and I would rather talk about something else, but she has not talked about him for a while, and she has matured a lot as a person and as a friend. I need to spend more time with her, I am way to caught up in a lot of things that I don’t really need to be involved in, and it is high time that I stop being so selfish.
I know that might sound like I am in love with her or something, but I thing it is not a love in terms of BGR, but rather she is like the closest thing I have to a sister. She not only is someone that I enjoy being around, but I just have a certain sense of solace, and comfort knowing she is around. It is more than a relationship, it has become family.
I have matured a lot in drama club. And it has a greater impact on my internal self than I think. I think that a part of me would just die if the TJC drama club disbanded, but I know that our emotional bond will always be there, and we would find our own way of staying together. How often do we say something and mean it? I mean this: “I love TJC Drama club, and I love every one of its members.” Thanks for everything.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Brothers
i havent added the link yet, but there is a 1E brothers unite blog. i was just pondering over how we started it and how even though we dont really post on it that often, we still are close friends in school.
I wrote a post about nostalgia and how i missed my primar schoolmates in secondary school. yet i today felt a certain sense of longing and belonging to the 1E guys. For example, when isaac had his tablet stolen, we were all in major uproar, and we all identified with him. Or today, we discovered the absurdity of making VS a co-ed school. At first, marcus, isaac and i were just viloently discussing the change that pow chew was gonna make in VS, then eugene and kenneth joined in, all angry at that idiot for doing something so stupid and against the entire victorian tradition.
Haha, well that is just display of the guys. also, it has been like an unwritten ritual that at least 3 guys from the brudders would go have lunch together across the road at the coffeeshop. In fact, today was the first day that all 5 of 8 guys in class went across for lunch. I mean, yeah, it is a small event, and it really doesnt matter where we eat. but the thing was that we were happily chatting away, and overall just enjoying ourselves.
Same thing when we went back to school and slacked before IS. just us 5 guys in the next door classroom, and we just crapping around, laughing our ass off at the jokes that i found off the net. It was just an overall feel good kinda thing. i felt that our space was kinda invaded when YX came in, but that wasnt a strong feeling, it was just a bit weird.
I just never expected this to happen. earlier this year, i hardly interacted with the guys at all. it was only slowly after that i gt to know eugene and then marcus, and kennteth better. Isaac has always been my friend, but this is the first time in years, that i know we could sit together, and just crap around enjoying each other's company. In VS this never happened, everyone kept to themselves, and all of the students have the very Heck Care attitude. then now knowing that there are always these bunch of guys that i can talk to and enjoy myself with, it feels good.
On a side note, i guess that nick is a great guy. I mean, even though i am not like the closest guy to me, i know that he is like my lease hole in SC. i would approach eugene, but he has his own things, and i would not want to cause uproar in my own SC. Nick just has that really fun, yet really good listening attitude that maybe i can learn from.
So every aspect i kinda need something or someone to release my angst and stress. In Council, i got nick. In class, the brothers. But the thing i really want to attribute would be to my home and family, they are my release to life
I wrote a post about nostalgia and how i missed my primar schoolmates in secondary school. yet i today felt a certain sense of longing and belonging to the 1E guys. For example, when isaac had his tablet stolen, we were all in major uproar, and we all identified with him. Or today, we discovered the absurdity of making VS a co-ed school. At first, marcus, isaac and i were just viloently discussing the change that pow chew was gonna make in VS, then eugene and kenneth joined in, all angry at that idiot for doing something so stupid and against the entire victorian tradition.
Haha, well that is just display of the guys. also, it has been like an unwritten ritual that at least 3 guys from the brudders would go have lunch together across the road at the coffeeshop. In fact, today was the first day that all 5 of 8 guys in class went across for lunch. I mean, yeah, it is a small event, and it really doesnt matter where we eat. but the thing was that we were happily chatting away, and overall just enjoying ourselves.
Same thing when we went back to school and slacked before IS. just us 5 guys in the next door classroom, and we just crapping around, laughing our ass off at the jokes that i found off the net. It was just an overall feel good kinda thing. i felt that our space was kinda invaded when YX came in, but that wasnt a strong feeling, it was just a bit weird.
I just never expected this to happen. earlier this year, i hardly interacted with the guys at all. it was only slowly after that i gt to know eugene and then marcus, and kennteth better. Isaac has always been my friend, but this is the first time in years, that i know we could sit together, and just crap around enjoying each other's company. In VS this never happened, everyone kept to themselves, and all of the students have the very Heck Care attitude. then now knowing that there are always these bunch of guys that i can talk to and enjoy myself with, it feels good.
On a side note, i guess that nick is a great guy. I mean, even though i am not like the closest guy to me, i know that he is like my lease hole in SC. i would approach eugene, but he has his own things, and i would not want to cause uproar in my own SC. Nick just has that really fun, yet really good listening attitude that maybe i can learn from.
So every aspect i kinda need something or someone to release my angst and stress. In Council, i got nick. In class, the brothers. But the thing i really want to attribute would be to my home and family, they are my release to life
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Blood Boil
if you read this tomorrow, then most of you will already know of the theft incident in TJ. IT REALLY MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL TO THINK OF WHO DID THIS!
The incident is as follows.
I ended my PDP, M.A.G.I.C. and walked down to in front of the general office where i saw arvin, isaac and a few other trackkers walking around. i heard something about lost..., and that was about it. then, i approached isaac to find out what exactly had happaned. Turns out, some assh*** stole isaac's bag and took his tablet, phone and iPod from his bag. That just made my blood boil. the nerve of someone to steal in broad daylight! Whatsmore, i have known isaac for 5 years, we may not have been the best of friends, but he is my close friend, and i know that i can depend on him. for such a thing to happen, is just unthinkable, the idiot who took his bag nessed with the wrong person, i gaurentee i will do everything in my power to get that guy.
The story does not end there. the bags of Zhong ting and Kheng Sheng were reported missing too. initially isaac could not find his bag and the trackkers found it at the marquee area, near the canteen. but at that point, the tablet and valuables were gone. then now we had to locate the bags of the two soccer players, and we were enraged by the fact that so many of this was occuring, and it seemed deliberated directly at IP students. The biggest blow to all of them was the notes and the important documents in the tablet. I know how important it is. i write most of my notes in onenote, and i have all hassims slides there too. 8 months of notes and work, all gone, due to the idiocy of the group that took it.
Helpless. that is probably the most irritating feeling in the world. knowing that i could not be of great help to isaac or to zhong ting and kheng sheng, really ticked me off. also knowing that there is someone that was so screwed up and neurotic so as to steal from IP students, really got me dissed. but the helplessness i felt was so much more irritating. at that point, i put it as my personal duty to do whatever possible to help in anywae. i know that a lot of things are not within my control, but i also know that when my friends are in need, i need to be there for them, and that i can be but a friend.
To kheng sheng and zhong ting, getting the items back is our top priority. I know that you are damn pissed with the guy who did this, but rest assured, he will be caught.
To isaac, dont worry about it too much. i understand that the items were worth a lot of money, and that you are pissed and just want to get at the guys throat, but that it not an option right now. If you do need anyone to talk to, need help in getting anything, including study material and notes, you know who to look for.
and to the asshole that has taken the things, this will be your final time doing anything like this. the SC will catch you, Mr Tong will catch you, the school will catch you. You have messed with the wrong people, and have really gone too far. it is no longer just a theft, you have offended me personally. you will pay.
The incident is as follows.
I ended my PDP, M.A.G.I.C. and walked down to in front of the general office where i saw arvin, isaac and a few other trackkers walking around. i heard something about lost..., and that was about it. then, i approached isaac to find out what exactly had happaned. Turns out, some assh*** stole isaac's bag and took his tablet, phone and iPod from his bag. That just made my blood boil. the nerve of someone to steal in broad daylight! Whatsmore, i have known isaac for 5 years, we may not have been the best of friends, but he is my close friend, and i know that i can depend on him. for such a thing to happen, is just unthinkable, the idiot who took his bag nessed with the wrong person, i gaurentee i will do everything in my power to get that guy.
The story does not end there. the bags of Zhong ting and Kheng Sheng were reported missing too. initially isaac could not find his bag and the trackkers found it at the marquee area, near the canteen. but at that point, the tablet and valuables were gone. then now we had to locate the bags of the two soccer players, and we were enraged by the fact that so many of this was occuring, and it seemed deliberated directly at IP students. The biggest blow to all of them was the notes and the important documents in the tablet. I know how important it is. i write most of my notes in onenote, and i have all hassims slides there too. 8 months of notes and work, all gone, due to the idiocy of the group that took it.
Helpless. that is probably the most irritating feeling in the world. knowing that i could not be of great help to isaac or to zhong ting and kheng sheng, really ticked me off. also knowing that there is someone that was so screwed up and neurotic so as to steal from IP students, really got me dissed. but the helplessness i felt was so much more irritating. at that point, i put it as my personal duty to do whatever possible to help in anywae. i know that a lot of things are not within my control, but i also know that when my friends are in need, i need to be there for them, and that i can be but a friend.
To kheng sheng and zhong ting, getting the items back is our top priority. I know that you are damn pissed with the guy who did this, but rest assured, he will be caught.
To isaac, dont worry about it too much. i understand that the items were worth a lot of money, and that you are pissed and just want to get at the guys throat, but that it not an option right now. If you do need anyone to talk to, need help in getting anything, including study material and notes, you know who to look for.
and to the asshole that has taken the things, this will be your final time doing anything like this. the SC will catch you, Mr Tong will catch you, the school will catch you. You have messed with the wrong people, and have really gone too far. it is no longer just a theft, you have offended me personally. you will pay.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Loner
Sam has gone back to China and i cntinue with my life. Im back to doing things myself and not having to worry about someone other than myself. yeah, i noe it sounds kinda selfish, but i guess i need my own time more than i think i do.
Am I a loner? Well, i dont think so. at least i didnt think so. I always felt that i need to belong to some group or some one other than just myself. then recently i felt a wave of loneliness that i have never experienced before. I felt that i needed more than just, as kheng foo put it Hi-Bye Friends. I have many people that know me and smile at me and just say hi! and then Bye! it is nice to know that i know so many people, but i realise that i dont have anyone i can really confide in.
Then Sam came along. he was the China exchange student from TianJin. i appreciated him being here for the first few days, but i guess after a while i felt a little distant from him. I was getting kinda irritted for a while, and when he finally left, i felt sorry, but i also realised why. Sam and i have very different maturity levels. He may be mature in China, but here, we are quite different. i saw that he interacted better with my brother and my bro is pri 5. Even Wendy said it, He is like a little kid. Haha, no offence but yeah, we are more different than he thinks.
So back to the question, am i a loner? I dont want to be, but do i have to be?
I may change my template soon, the background no longer appeals to me. and i want to change myself to. i want to find a person or a group of people that i can have a nice long chat with. I like talking to Nick and Isaac, as they are more than just a face and more than just a passing friend. Nick i only known for a short while, but his sincirity is really ejoyable. Isaac, what else can i say? 5 years, and many more to come, hopefully.
Nah, i dont think i am a loner. at least if i am it is not by choice, but rather by circumstance. I rather have no friends than just fins any stranger and pour out mindless rants and gossip that are not part of my nature. I am just looking for that person/group that can understand and can bring out the best in me. yeah, still looking.
Am I a loner? Well, i dont think so. at least i didnt think so. I always felt that i need to belong to some group or some one other than just myself. then recently i felt a wave of loneliness that i have never experienced before. I felt that i needed more than just, as kheng foo put it Hi-Bye Friends. I have many people that know me and smile at me and just say hi! and then Bye! it is nice to know that i know so many people, but i realise that i dont have anyone i can really confide in.
Then Sam came along. he was the China exchange student from TianJin. i appreciated him being here for the first few days, but i guess after a while i felt a little distant from him. I was getting kinda irritted for a while, and when he finally left, i felt sorry, but i also realised why. Sam and i have very different maturity levels. He may be mature in China, but here, we are quite different. i saw that he interacted better with my brother and my bro is pri 5. Even Wendy said it, He is like a little kid. Haha, no offence but yeah, we are more different than he thinks.
So back to the question, am i a loner? I dont want to be, but do i have to be?
I may change my template soon, the background no longer appeals to me. and i want to change myself to. i want to find a person or a group of people that i can have a nice long chat with. I like talking to Nick and Isaac, as they are more than just a face and more than just a passing friend. Nick i only known for a short while, but his sincirity is really ejoyable. Isaac, what else can i say? 5 years, and many more to come, hopefully.
Nah, i dont think i am a loner. at least if i am it is not by choice, but rather by circumstance. I rather have no friends than just fins any stranger and pour out mindless rants and gossip that are not part of my nature. I am just looking for that person/group that can understand and can bring out the best in me. yeah, still looking.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Accomplishment
i just finished my course on the adventure tower, and after all the 5 items on tuesday and the current physical torment, i feel like just lying down and sleeping till tomorrow.
However, i am sure that many of the 1E/05s are gonna post about this day. why? because it was an accomplishment. im sure varun must be feeling really good. he was missing climbing intially, but during the double dual, or something like that, vaun used all his migh to pull me up.
On this note, i would like to talk about varun. i know that isaac and i like making fun of him, and he has some procrastination problems, much like me. but during that element (the term for one of the items on the adventure tower) i felt really confident in his strength. at first i was hesitatn of his strength, and comparing our sizes, we dont exactly make a good climbing pair. yet, when we locked our wrists, and he pulled as hard as he could to lift me to the next rung, i couldnt help but feel that all the cruel jokes and the offending was just chucked aside and we just focused on the taks at hand.
Haha, hopefully NS will be like this too. i know how in Scouts PLTC, we had so much good time bonding, and we really got to know each of our troop members better.
I like this phrase, friends are like tea leaves, you wont get a taste of them until they are in hot water.
overall, i have a really good feeling today. no doubt, this morning i felt groggy and lifeless, and for some reason there was a certain low demeanor this morning. yet now i feel enriched, sort of, and it feels really good.
Accomplishment is a really good feeling. after slogging it out and pusing to the limit, then when you ponder back on the event, you can't help but feel good. =)
However, i am sure that many of the 1E/05s are gonna post about this day. why? because it was an accomplishment. im sure varun must be feeling really good. he was missing climbing intially, but during the double dual, or something like that, vaun used all his migh to pull me up.
On this note, i would like to talk about varun. i know that isaac and i like making fun of him, and he has some procrastination problems, much like me. but during that element (the term for one of the items on the adventure tower) i felt really confident in his strength. at first i was hesitatn of his strength, and comparing our sizes, we dont exactly make a good climbing pair. yet, when we locked our wrists, and he pulled as hard as he could to lift me to the next rung, i couldnt help but feel that all the cruel jokes and the offending was just chucked aside and we just focused on the taks at hand.
Haha, hopefully NS will be like this too. i know how in Scouts PLTC, we had so much good time bonding, and we really got to know each of our troop members better.
I like this phrase, friends are like tea leaves, you wont get a taste of them until they are in hot water.
overall, i have a really good feeling today. no doubt, this morning i felt groggy and lifeless, and for some reason there was a certain low demeanor this morning. yet now i feel enriched, sort of, and it feels really good.
Accomplishment is a really good feeling. after slogging it out and pusing to the limit, then when you ponder back on the event, you can't help but feel good. =)
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Fast paced life
I never realised how fast paced life i had. It has never occurred to me how quick life can past, and how many things i actually am doing within a week. This brings me to another point, it is already week 6 of the 3rd term, and the exams are not far away.
Recently, i have had a china exchange student from Tianjin, by the name of Sam ling, or "ling xiang". i realise how much work i am doing when i explain to him what i do, and the number of tings i have to accomplish within a day. some people realise it, but apparently i dont. i am not really sre whether this is a good sign, cuz it could mean that i enjoy the things i do a lot, and hence do not realise that time is passing when i do stuff. or it could also mean that i have no regard for time and proirities and end up not organising time well.
I do enjoy students council too, though. the constant barrage of projects and things to do, ensures that i have things to do throughout the year. however, it is also kinda distracts me from my work, also, i dont particularly enjoy the frustations and the tension i sometimes feel in council.
The pace of life is just something i have to keep in check more often. if i do not realise how much time i have b4 the exams, i also end up screwing up my results in the end. I admit that i spend a lot of time blogging and i also MSN a lot. this then results me in using this as an excuse like sometimes online i would say i am discussing council stuff.
what can i say? no offence to sam, but i guess he kinda drags me and slows me down. it is kinda ironic as when i am alone, as in before the exchange programme, i would usually spend much time alone, and lamenting on the fact that i do not have much company, yet with him around i feel like i have a lack of personal space and time. I enjoy his company and all, but i need my own space too. maybe it requires balance, i need to have a certain output like maybe some friends i can spout my nonsense to, but i also need to have time where can self reflect. that is what my blog is for.
eugene once said, imagine the world goes at this pace *pitterpatterpitterpatter*, if you go at this pace *pat pat pat* the world wont wait for you.. true, and that is where i know i cannot change the pace of my life, but i need to find more time to keep myself in check and remind myself to slow down, and relax, before i go too far.
Honestly, life is fast paced and, like a roller coaster, has its ups and downs, extreme ups and downs, but just enjoy the thrill of the ride, and do the best to make the ride enjoyable! =)
Recently, i have had a china exchange student from Tianjin, by the name of Sam ling, or "ling xiang". i realise how much work i am doing when i explain to him what i do, and the number of tings i have to accomplish within a day. some people realise it, but apparently i dont. i am not really sre whether this is a good sign, cuz it could mean that i enjoy the things i do a lot, and hence do not realise that time is passing when i do stuff. or it could also mean that i have no regard for time and proirities and end up not organising time well.
I do enjoy students council too, though. the constant barrage of projects and things to do, ensures that i have things to do throughout the year. however, it is also kinda distracts me from my work, also, i dont particularly enjoy the frustations and the tension i sometimes feel in council.
The pace of life is just something i have to keep in check more often. if i do not realise how much time i have b4 the exams, i also end up screwing up my results in the end. I admit that i spend a lot of time blogging and i also MSN a lot. this then results me in using this as an excuse like sometimes online i would say i am discussing council stuff.
what can i say? no offence to sam, but i guess he kinda drags me and slows me down. it is kinda ironic as when i am alone, as in before the exchange programme, i would usually spend much time alone, and lamenting on the fact that i do not have much company, yet with him around i feel like i have a lack of personal space and time. I enjoy his company and all, but i need my own space too. maybe it requires balance, i need to have a certain output like maybe some friends i can spout my nonsense to, but i also need to have time where can self reflect. that is what my blog is for.
eugene once said, imagine the world goes at this pace *pitterpatterpitterpatter*, if you go at this pace *pat pat pat* the world wont wait for you.. true, and that is where i know i cannot change the pace of my life, but i need to find more time to keep myself in check and remind myself to slow down, and relax, before i go too far.
Honestly, life is fast paced and, like a roller coaster, has its ups and downs, extreme ups and downs, but just enjoy the thrill of the ride, and do the best to make the ride enjoyable! =)
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