I am home early on the eve of teachers' day, and thinking about things that have been happening the past few weeks. 2 BIG things i guess, LA night (cum performance for grading cum rehearsals) and Teachers' Day (or the silly name that TJ came up with "Staff Day" - we need to celebrate the other staff as well).
Firstly, i am very proud of the Production. It really has been pretty much blood sweat and tears for the entire thing. All the long sleepy afternoons, in the blistering heat of school, across school or at Bernice's House, it boiled down to this night. Yet as fondly as i speak of it, i cannot fathom the words to express my gratitude and satisfaction with our performance. 300 hungry pamphlets, not all given out, but all with sentimental value (Also because we folded it :)). I took apart our backdrop today, thinking about how many times we put it up and took it down, and because it got tangled in the process, we had to redo it for every performance. Behind the Audi has become my "hang out-place" for most of the past 3 weeks, and now to go there with no intention of doing the play, it feels different. But, Finally, the people. I don't know if using the word 'love' here is too frivolous, but that would best sum up what i feel for teh cast. Tiring rehearsals, heated debate and sometimes plain crankiness and frustration. but we pulled through together. never once did i feel that people were feeling left out, as everyone put in their all.
Dad was there to see me. Of the 4 major plays i have done in the past 4 years, i am very happy to know that he saw this one. this might have been the first play my dad has seen me perform in. Not only that, but this play was directed by us, the cast, me inclusive, and i am glad that he saw the fruits of all my labour. I am grateful for the Drama Club to have seen what we could do, as well as for all those that came down to support. It means to me greatly that you were able to see the virgin attempt of self directing and acting in our very own play.
I Actually invited Mrs Jay to the performance, but i think she may not have received my email. i wanted to invite her, as i think she really inspired me to drama and plays. in sec 1 and 2, we watched numerous plays, and i guess when you are required to do something you do not really see the relevance, nor do you enjoy it properly. but not looking back, it has been something to be remembered, everything from "atomic Jaya" to "the Scientist" i enjoyed it loads, so thanks Mrs Jay, and Happy Teachers' Day
Happy Teachers' Day to all celebrating teachers' day today and tomorrow. Before, my concept of teachers were these figures of oppression and strictness, but coming to TA i have grown to realise that they can be as funky and fun as any one of us students. maybe im sucking up too much, but i still think that my perceptionf of teachers have changed. I know i frustrate tutors immensely, and so, i apologise.
Thanks for Everything, everyone has done. it has been rewarding :)
I'm just waiting... :)
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Cast Away
Today i came home extremely early from school, as i went to the skin clinic to get a review on my scar (the birthmark removal one). so when i reached home, i got a chance to switch on the home theatre, and watch Cast Away, with Tom Hanks.
I realise i watch movies more for the actor, and the acting than the storyline. Tom Hanks is one of my absolute favourite actors. he has such strong acting, and powerful roles. Cast Away is just one of them. I enjoyed BIG, and You've got mail, Forrest Gump etc. he says things with such gravity, and such emotion, that it is hard not to get captivated by him.
I didn't think i was going to watch Cast Away today. i was meaning to, but never got the chance to in the past. Actually, since i was home early, i thought i would watch some comedy, and be happy happy the rest of the evening, instead, i watched Cast Away, and it just set me thinking. Cuz, Cast Away, as Robinson Crusoe (i love the book by the way) as it was publicised to be, was much deeper than i expected. it dealt with the whole issue about surviving.
My favourite scene was when Wilson (his volleyball, friend) got washed away. immedietly when Chuck saw wilson in the distance, he got into the water, with the rope to lead him back. then he swims out, and is within inches of Wilson, but is unable reach him. Wilson was built up as such a character, that even Mat and I were struck by Chucks loss.
Well, i think at this point my post sounds like a movie critique, but that could be because i read so many before posting this. But i enjoyed the movie a lot. Its just the relationship. and the power of the movie. I want to watch it again. but next time, with other people.
Tom Hanks: Brilliant actor. i want to watch as many of his movies as possible :) (Da Vinci Code, here i come!)
I realise i watch movies more for the actor, and the acting than the storyline. Tom Hanks is one of my absolute favourite actors. he has such strong acting, and powerful roles. Cast Away is just one of them. I enjoyed BIG, and You've got mail, Forrest Gump etc. he says things with such gravity, and such emotion, that it is hard not to get captivated by him.
I didn't think i was going to watch Cast Away today. i was meaning to, but never got the chance to in the past. Actually, since i was home early, i thought i would watch some comedy, and be happy happy the rest of the evening, instead, i watched Cast Away, and it just set me thinking. Cuz, Cast Away, as Robinson Crusoe (i love the book by the way) as it was publicised to be, was much deeper than i expected. it dealt with the whole issue about surviving.
My favourite scene was when Wilson (his volleyball, friend) got washed away. immedietly when Chuck saw wilson in the distance, he got into the water, with the rope to lead him back. then he swims out, and is within inches of Wilson, but is unable reach him. Wilson was built up as such a character, that even Mat and I were struck by Chucks loss.
Well, i think at this point my post sounds like a movie critique, but that could be because i read so many before posting this. But i enjoyed the movie a lot. Its just the relationship. and the power of the movie. I want to watch it again. but next time, with other people.
Tom Hanks: Brilliant actor. i want to watch as many of his movies as possible :) (Da Vinci Code, here i come!)
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Self-Help
I can solve my own problems. Everyone can. we just want someone to tell it to, so that we can get it off our chest. other people don't really need to take that problem onto themselves, they just need to be a listening ear, and just be supportive in the sense that, 'don't worry, im here listening' :)
i'm sure you have read those self-help books, that tell you how much you are in control of your life. i actually quite enjoy those kind of books. not because they enlighten me on what i have no clue about, but it just puts into words and quantifies all that vague feelings inside. thanks stepphy for the book, it kinda gives me some insight to myself.
If everyone can solve their own problems that why does there seem to be so many problems?
I realise that when i like someone, i tend to very often ask, "what's wrong". reason being, that i think i will get to know you better, or be closer to you, if i find out your problems. when you can let me see your vulnerable side, it would mean that we are close. That is like digging my own grave. why find problems if there aren't any?
even when i was attached, the reason why it did not work may have been certain problems, but also there was this mentality that "there has to be something wrong. if there is nothing wrong, then there is something even more wrong". so when a problem is solved, i look for the next problem, and when that is solved, the next. Just like a math student. In his world, everything is a problem waiting to be solved. but it just ends up in an ugly spiral. the momentum of solving problems can get quite strong. i reached a point where finding problems was very easy. unwittingly, i created problems for me to find.
Apparently for other aspects of my life, i can keep my cool head quite well. i am easily contented with my accomplishments, and even though i know that there are things that can be improved upon, i also find the opportunity to revel in my success. yet when it comes to realationships i wish i could say the same.
funny thing, this feeling of like/infatuation/crush. it makes cool people crazy, and causes erraticness where levelness is required. it is when it is this situation that i go completely haywire. the hypocrite in me comes out, and suddenly all hell breaks lose. Maybe it is because when i am doing a project, i can tell myself "don't get emotionally attached to this, its just a project. Professionalism, professionalism, professionalism!", obviously i can do the same if it is matters of the heart, "dont get emotionally involved" yeah right, then are you sure you like her?!?!
Independance is the way to go! if i can already solve all my problems on my own, then obviously i don't need anyone to share my burden. Ironically, my problems that i cannot solve are due to my love life (or lack of it), so it is like some cyclic pattern, where the problem is the same as the answer.
i thought i once told myself that the person i love, will be someone that will compliment my life, not become the sole entitity of it. yet now i am making such a big deal out of it, its scary.
yet i don't want to sit around and wait. YOU (whoever YOU may be) won't just suddenly plop yourself down. all that stuff about you being the master of your own life, is just tugging me to go look for YOU. Yet, part of me beleives in fate, and that YOU will come into my life, maybe already, or maybe someday, all i gotta do is to wait. But, i don't like waiting, its a waste of time.
i'm sure you have read those self-help books, that tell you how much you are in control of your life. i actually quite enjoy those kind of books. not because they enlighten me on what i have no clue about, but it just puts into words and quantifies all that vague feelings inside. thanks stepphy for the book, it kinda gives me some insight to myself.
If everyone can solve their own problems that why does there seem to be so many problems?
I realise that when i like someone, i tend to very often ask, "what's wrong". reason being, that i think i will get to know you better, or be closer to you, if i find out your problems. when you can let me see your vulnerable side, it would mean that we are close. That is like digging my own grave. why find problems if there aren't any?
even when i was attached, the reason why it did not work may have been certain problems, but also there was this mentality that "there has to be something wrong. if there is nothing wrong, then there is something even more wrong". so when a problem is solved, i look for the next problem, and when that is solved, the next. Just like a math student. In his world, everything is a problem waiting to be solved. but it just ends up in an ugly spiral. the momentum of solving problems can get quite strong. i reached a point where finding problems was very easy. unwittingly, i created problems for me to find.
Apparently for other aspects of my life, i can keep my cool head quite well. i am easily contented with my accomplishments, and even though i know that there are things that can be improved upon, i also find the opportunity to revel in my success. yet when it comes to realationships i wish i could say the same.
funny thing, this feeling of like/infatuation/crush. it makes cool people crazy, and causes erraticness where levelness is required. it is when it is this situation that i go completely haywire. the hypocrite in me comes out, and suddenly all hell breaks lose. Maybe it is because when i am doing a project, i can tell myself "don't get emotionally attached to this, its just a project. Professionalism, professionalism, professionalism!", obviously i can do the same if it is matters of the heart, "dont get emotionally involved" yeah right, then are you sure you like her?!?!
Independance is the way to go! if i can already solve all my problems on my own, then obviously i don't need anyone to share my burden. Ironically, my problems that i cannot solve are due to my love life (or lack of it), so it is like some cyclic pattern, where the problem is the same as the answer.
i thought i once told myself that the person i love, will be someone that will compliment my life, not become the sole entitity of it. yet now i am making such a big deal out of it, its scary.
yet i don't want to sit around and wait. YOU (whoever YOU may be) won't just suddenly plop yourself down. all that stuff about you being the master of your own life, is just tugging me to go look for YOU. Yet, part of me beleives in fate, and that YOU will come into my life, maybe already, or maybe someday, all i gotta do is to wait. But, i don't like waiting, its a waste of time.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
life is a stage, so why don't we stage life!
Even Up till today, i still do not have a habit for blogging often. still there were things on my mind now, as there were when i first started this blog, but there are just those times when you want to figure it for yourself before broadcasting it to the world. Just reading what Er Bao said on her blog, many people have secret blogs, and they post there, but i sad to say, have none, instead i figure it out on my own first.
There is something holding me back. Perhaps it could be the people that frequent my blog. afterall, this is a public domain, and anything said could be potentially implicating or potentially offensive.
what do i want? what is my drive, my passion, my interests? i guess im quite clueless, but if i knew in the first place, wouldn't that make life ever so boring? still, when i get fired up about something i do want to see it to the end, even if my interest falters along the way. That is the commitment i have to the play. LA project is taking quite a bit of my energy, and it is quite draining. still i enjoy every minute of it. the team is getting tired. the director's worst fear is that the cast gets tired. usually, a cast is at its peak performance about 1-2 weeks before the performance date, and they could lose that energy in no time flat. Hence, it is a duty to make sure that the cast is okay, and that it is balanced.
I can't help but feel gratitude for all that the play has brought to me. I remembered mentioning to louisa (TJ Drama Pres batch of 2004) that i was interested in observing the role of director and if possible, even direct something in my time in Drama. Sad to say i shall be leaving drama club at the end of the year, to purseue other things, like the floorball SIG, and maybe to focus more on Council. Anyway, now i get to direct and play in the LA play, and even though it may be a simple school project, most of us are treating the play with as much professionalism as one would to a ungraded play. It just puts me in awe, that there are talents which i can call my friends, that do have that knack for acting.
Well that was the professional bit of the play, but i also think that this play has brought me closer to certain people, and make friends which might not have been if not for this play. Bernice, Ultra cutie pie, ms groban/neruda/may/etc. (so i can't remember all the names >.< haha). its been eons since i watched a proper play. ms huang has brought many times for me to self reflect, and see a side of people that i think i have lost touch with for some time. We might end up in viscious quarrels or fist flying, but its worth making such a friend in you :) Grazz, "hello" will not be the last play you will be watching. also, its nice how you become fired up by the play too. Oli, i cannot compete in the art of hiding food from teachers, and i have to swear that you and your sister, are simply fun to watch. Jawi, hmm.. never spoken to you b4, may this be the platform for more opportunity. Mag, bubbly, fun, a little stressful, but nevertheless easy to work with. and Jane, they say that its hard to work with friends, its true, but in a good way, cuz at least you are eager, and i find it interesting directing you :) So with so much gained from all of you, why shouldn't i be confident of the play?
"Hello" by sprouts theatre was a good play. perhaps there were a few points that i felt were lacking in the actresses, but that is purely personal opinion. It was an odd feeling watching a play with ffriends again. have not done that since the VSGEP days, and it was refreshing to be able to talk about the play with a bunch of friends. Bernice (with Xiao Li taggin along), Grace and I went to guiness theatre along armenian street, with different opinions on how the play will be, but at the end of the night, one thing was for sure, we enjoyed the play, and our expectations definitely were exceeded. Such is the beauty of drama, the ability to evoke emotion, as well as demonstrate a slice of life in a slightly different perspective. At the same time, it made me aware of our own play, that the message is the most important thing. if we are able to leave the audience in contemplation of our message and to be aware of how strong this theme is, then we would have succeeded regardless of the grades we are given.
week 7 has dawned, and week 10 is the performance, we have a short time to refine and crank it into our full scale production. I would be an idiot to not say im worried, but i am also riveted by it, and it IS pumping through my veins. Excited? VERY.
+++
I wish i could fuse both of you, and you would be perfect.
I don't know where im going to go, and what i will choose. No one can have the best of both worlds. Each of you give me something so different, but both make me happy. I am just overthinking. who would want me anyway? i might think too much, when i know that i will end up with nothing.
There is something holding me back. Perhaps it could be the people that frequent my blog. afterall, this is a public domain, and anything said could be potentially implicating or potentially offensive.
what do i want? what is my drive, my passion, my interests? i guess im quite clueless, but if i knew in the first place, wouldn't that make life ever so boring? still, when i get fired up about something i do want to see it to the end, even if my interest falters along the way. That is the commitment i have to the play. LA project is taking quite a bit of my energy, and it is quite draining. still i enjoy every minute of it. the team is getting tired. the director's worst fear is that the cast gets tired. usually, a cast is at its peak performance about 1-2 weeks before the performance date, and they could lose that energy in no time flat. Hence, it is a duty to make sure that the cast is okay, and that it is balanced.
I can't help but feel gratitude for all that the play has brought to me. I remembered mentioning to louisa (TJ Drama Pres batch of 2004) that i was interested in observing the role of director and if possible, even direct something in my time in Drama. Sad to say i shall be leaving drama club at the end of the year, to purseue other things, like the floorball SIG, and maybe to focus more on Council. Anyway, now i get to direct and play in the LA play, and even though it may be a simple school project, most of us are treating the play with as much professionalism as one would to a ungraded play. It just puts me in awe, that there are talents which i can call my friends, that do have that knack for acting.
Well that was the professional bit of the play, but i also think that this play has brought me closer to certain people, and make friends which might not have been if not for this play. Bernice, Ultra cutie pie, ms groban/neruda/may/etc. (so i can't remember all the names >.< haha). its been eons since i watched a proper play. ms huang has brought many times for me to self reflect, and see a side of people that i think i have lost touch with for some time. We might end up in viscious quarrels or fist flying, but its worth making such a friend in you :) Grazz, "hello" will not be the last play you will be watching. also, its nice how you become fired up by the play too. Oli, i cannot compete in the art of hiding food from teachers, and i have to swear that you and your sister, are simply fun to watch. Jawi, hmm.. never spoken to you b4, may this be the platform for more opportunity. Mag, bubbly, fun, a little stressful, but nevertheless easy to work with. and Jane, they say that its hard to work with friends, its true, but in a good way, cuz at least you are eager, and i find it interesting directing you :) So with so much gained from all of you, why shouldn't i be confident of the play?
"Hello" by sprouts theatre was a good play. perhaps there were a few points that i felt were lacking in the actresses, but that is purely personal opinion. It was an odd feeling watching a play with ffriends again. have not done that since the VSGEP days, and it was refreshing to be able to talk about the play with a bunch of friends. Bernice (with Xiao Li taggin along), Grace and I went to guiness theatre along armenian street, with different opinions on how the play will be, but at the end of the night, one thing was for sure, we enjoyed the play, and our expectations definitely were exceeded. Such is the beauty of drama, the ability to evoke emotion, as well as demonstrate a slice of life in a slightly different perspective. At the same time, it made me aware of our own play, that the message is the most important thing. if we are able to leave the audience in contemplation of our message and to be aware of how strong this theme is, then we would have succeeded regardless of the grades we are given.
week 7 has dawned, and week 10 is the performance, we have a short time to refine and crank it into our full scale production. I would be an idiot to not say im worried, but i am also riveted by it, and it IS pumping through my veins. Excited? VERY.
+++
I wish i could fuse both of you, and you would be perfect.
I don't know where im going to go, and what i will choose. No one can have the best of both worlds. Each of you give me something so different, but both make me happy. I am just overthinking. who would want me anyway? i might think too much, when i know that i will end up with nothing.
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