Gullible

Recently i have found it especially hard to find people that i enjoy talking to. even if it is to de-stress, or to pour my troubles without a worry of it being used against me, i just dont seem to have the time to chat, and likewise for people i want to chat with.

Mardi Gras is just around the corner. cheerleading in 2 weeks time, and quite stressed over Black Lights. but thats term 2 right? by now i should have realised that this is what the pace would be especially in the activity filled term 2. hence ironically, when I need to let loose most, the people I wanna confide in are as busy if not busier than me. still i pick my timing, and when i can i find those that i want to talk to, why settle for anything less?

So i have to admit that i can be quite gullible some/most of the time. somehow i can just get into that vulnerable state of mind where it close to doesnt matter who it is, i would just pour my troubles. sometimes i am luck and manage to find someone that actually gives sound advice, and is supportive and encouraging. but sometimes my luck is not as good, and i risk ebing betrayed and knifed in the back.

I wish i could trust people. It is never easy finding people you can tell things to. doesnt matter which gender, it is just difficult. but even so, STATISTICALLY showing i seem to talk/confide/share with girls than any guy. exception being nick of course, and there are guys that i really enjoy being around, Anu, you da man, and its guys like them that really make me feel in my sin, and just comfortable to chat and joke with. syak, jane and many others, its great having friends that even though we arent always in the same wavelength, we enjoy each other's company, and would always be there to support each other.

Term 2 comes down hard on everyone, it really strains us, and tests us, and its one of those things that you look back in pride. but that sure doesnt mean that it isnt tiring. Ash asked me, how come you seem to always have so much energy in the morning?. i dunno? maybe i have something to hyped up about, even if i dont know what it is. But this soon dies off when i go to class, and subsequently for pdp and activities. the energy tries to be there, but i realise that after a while my mind just goes on like a train, constantly chugging, but quite drone-ish and dead. so much for a second wind... but at least it keeps me going. its a short stint left to the completion of the activites, and im sure i will last till then.

Have i mentioned that juniors can be tiresome. yeah i know that i had a previous post saying how interesting school life is with TA1s around, but i come to realise that it can be amazingly tiresome sometimes as well. individuals are fine. i can talk to anyone on a 1-to-1 basis, but dealing with the TA1s as a cohort, it can be quite a handful. they seem to have a lot of time on their hands. most of them anyway, and it usually results in mindless chatter and gossip that make utter and complete nonsense. Term 2 has been quite a headache with all this chatter going around. i wouldnt mind if it didnt involve me, but balancing committments with problems in social life is really a little to much to handle.

actually its not really about age. its about maturity. and since i know the TA2s better and they have settled in and developed into the TA/TJ mindset, most of them are displaying their maturity and their potential. the shuffle in the class helped alot, getting to know the rest of the TA2 cohort, and becoming more like a cohort than just 1A-oneeeyohfive. thats what makes me want to get to know the TA2s better first. after all i have 2+ years to get to know the juniors, and i think that there is more than enough time.

DE-stress, thats the word of the day.