Self-Help

I can solve my own problems. Everyone can. we just want someone to tell it to, so that we can get it off our chest. other people don't really need to take that problem onto themselves, they just need to be a listening ear, and just be supportive in the sense that, 'don't worry, im here listening' :)

i'm sure you have read those self-help books, that tell you how much you are in control of your life. i actually quite enjoy those kind of books. not because they enlighten me on what i have no clue about, but it just puts into words and quantifies all that vague feelings inside. thanks stepphy for the book, it kinda gives me some insight to myself.

If everyone can solve their own problems that why does there seem to be so many problems?

I realise that when i like someone, i tend to very often ask, "what's wrong". reason being, that i think i will get to know you better, or be closer to you, if i find out your problems. when you can let me see your vulnerable side, it would mean that we are close. That is like digging my own grave. why find problems if there aren't any?

even when i was attached, the reason why it did not work may have been certain problems, but also there was this mentality that "there has to be something wrong. if there is nothing wrong, then there is something even more wrong". so when a problem is solved, i look for the next problem, and when that is solved, the next. Just like a math student. In his world, everything is a problem waiting to be solved. but it just ends up in an ugly spiral. the momentum of solving problems can get quite strong. i reached a point where finding problems was very easy. unwittingly, i created problems for me to find.

Apparently for other aspects of my life, i can keep my cool head quite well. i am easily contented with my accomplishments, and even though i know that there are things that can be improved upon, i also find the opportunity to revel in my success. yet when it comes to realationships i wish i could say the same.

funny thing, this feeling of like/infatuation/crush. it makes cool people crazy, and causes erraticness where levelness is required. it is when it is this situation that i go completely haywire. the hypocrite in me comes out, and suddenly all hell breaks lose. Maybe it is because when i am doing a project, i can tell myself "don't get emotionally attached to this, its just a project. Professionalism, professionalism, professionalism!", obviously i can do the same if it is matters of the heart, "dont get emotionally involved" yeah right, then are you sure you like her?!?!

Independance is the way to go! if i can already solve all my problems on my own, then obviously i don't need anyone to share my burden. Ironically, my problems that i cannot solve are due to my love life (or lack of it), so it is like some cyclic pattern, where the problem is the same as the answer.

i thought i once told myself that the person i love, will be someone that will compliment my life, not become the sole entitity of it. yet now i am making such a big deal out of it, its scary.

yet i don't want to sit around and wait. YOU (whoever YOU may be) won't just suddenly plop yourself down. all that stuff about you being the master of your own life, is just tugging me to go look for YOU. Yet, part of me beleives in fate, and that YOU will come into my life, maybe already, or maybe someday, all i gotta do is to wait. But, i don't like waiting, its a waste of time.