Sitting in a corner. Wondering...

it has always been the case for me to be outgoing, to be everywhere, and try to do everything. but this year's "change for the better" has left me thinking about how i really am like. Perhaps its also the constraints of my home, or now that i got my birthmark removed, i cant be as mobile as i would prefer, but i guess i feel kinda lonely on many occasions.

the past few days i feel like i have reall wasted them, cuz i am not doing work, nor am i doing anything to better myself. and i am not a avid MSN user, so even if i do see people online, i tend to not bother chatting, unless they start a convo with me first.

Thanks kaya cake, cuz although i am supposed to releive YOUR boredom, you end up releiving MINE instead :)

so i guess i rather have my close knit group of friends than all the friends in the world, but i still must admit, meeting many people is fun! still i cant really call syak and jane out of the blue. maybe i can, but i dont feel like it, cuz people like the DODOs get extinct early cuz we have to many activities, i just have a feeling that they arent as free as i am. like jane said: "if i didn't know you, i'd think you were deprived. but since i do know you, you are just BORED." oh well.

I take this time to wonder what i want to do with my life. people with a clear aim in mind, would go off and do what they want to in this holiday. i happen to know a certain someone is at pre-u sem, and i think that that is really fun, or some are going for their misc camps, MEP camp, Training camps, etc. if i said i want to be a Radio DJ in the future, what am i doing about it?

well, i cant wait for tomorrow. tomorrow morning is TASC meeting, followed by perhaps an afternoon outing? and in the evening! BBQ dinner with the 30th SC. I think i am growing really fond of the 30th SC, cuz they are filled with nice people. but that makes me worry as well. nice people are not strong in their words. perhaps it would avoid a lot of unneccesary conflict, but at the same time, it avoid necessary conflict. if people hold back what they are trying to say, it is to the the loss of everyone, not just yourself.

I feel like a real hypocrite now. i hold back what i want to say all the time. observe and see how i reserve myself. I need to learn from what mom says. "if you want people to take you seriously, first you need to talk a little less and listen a little more". that is something i definitely am working on. and not just to talk less, but like the teachers TLLM (teach less, learn more) i want to TLBTS (Talk Less, but Talk Smart!)

But now i am back to wondering what am i going to do for the whole day? will i waste it away like the previous days? or will i make something productive out of it?. perhaps i will start on my work (bio report due either last friday, or yesterday) or i remove my ass from the corner, and reach out to people.

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