SO BlackLights is over, and it was quite good really. just that im not so high about posting about it. haha don't really know why, maybe i am just lazy. Anyway, check out other people's blogs, they got quite descriptive posts about the event. In terms of leading it, there wasn't really any problem. Quite smooth except for the communication between the organisers and Mr Kao, but he is okay now (afterall, the thing is over!)
Still tired though. relapse perhaps, either that, my body has gone into a slack mode, and have gotten into the inertia of just lying around, relaxed and serene. Still, it never really does stop does it? i just had a BlackLights evaluation in school, and we still got to work hard the rest of the year to recoup our losses. but that is just part and parcel of the entire process. Moral- Don't get into debt in the first place!
Also, the classroom environment can get quite stressful. especially with stressed out groupmates that affect the team. I quite enjoy working with raghav and the gang, even though we don't always get top scores, but the thing is that we understand, and we have fun doing it. Just the other day, Mr Tearle Cheng was saying that we were the "Moron group". True, but at least we have a lot of fun! just that day we were screaming at the top of our voices, "DAMN YOU VELLAY! quick pour the damn thing!" and Bob was counting down, "10, 9, 8, 7,... 2,1!" and we were screaming cuz we were not ready! Haha, hence the name, "Moron group". absolutely crazy. But i do enjoy MOST of the projects we are doing. It is no point doing a project if you are not going to have fun learning the thing. What is the point of worrying about all the details and the grades, if you end up resenting the work?
Thankfully, i'm thoroughly enjoying the LA project play. I've always wanted to try my hand at putting up a production, and even though i did not get the chance in drama, im glad to have the opportunity now. And i think a large credit goes to my grpmates. it just clicks i guess. there is group dynamics, which sad to say, is not as prevalent in other groups (or at least not as obviously). And there is definitely that required level of commitment ( either that it is the group's living fear of the NOVEMBER FIST). So that is my major project for the term, or at least that is where my focus lies. I just hope that i dont end up having to pick between this and my studies.
Speaking of which, there are 2 accomplishments i would like to share. 1) I PASSED 2,4!! quite shocked, as this is my first time doing so. if only i had put in this effort and determination last year, as i fear i may not be able to get my bronze, due to chin ups. 2) i did better in my grades than expected! i got 2 As, and for the most unexpected subjects! A for Bio, which i flunked the test, and flunk almost every assignment given, but still able to get an A (mrs lam really must be stressed, she giving away As too freely) and A for History. Now that is the ultimate shocker for me, as i actually got a D last year for the year ends. I think i am starting to grasp the subject better. this is why i took history in the first place, it is an amazing subject, it may be a lot of information, and a lot of content, but it is bloody interesting, and i really see the relavance to my life.
Week 5. halfway through my term already, and that much closer to the promos. i think things have changed. In terms of effort, attitude, determination. I wouldn't say i am a muggertoad, nor would i say im the happy idiot that doesnt give a squat about work, but i think there is somewhat of a balance. I dont have as big an issue about putting in effort anymore, and i do feel better about myself. hmm... i wonder what brought about this change? Anywho, it is scary how close the end of year is. Revision shall be commencing soon.
I wonder what my social life is like now? i wish i could take a step back and observe myself, cuz honestly i have no clue.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Maybe its different
A normal schol day i guess, and i think it would have been. yet, i stood there staring at a teacher which i think suspects something, and he looks a lot more aged and unshaven than i remember. still his features were distinct enough for me to recognise him, despite the stubble and his greying hair.
A make up lesson, or i think it was some meeting that required a certain bunch of people to be there. i saw 3 PRC sitting at the table with him, and then i asked, "so who else are you waiting for?" he mentions a few familiar people, and then says your name in a way that i am quite sure he is suspecting something is going on. but i quickly let it pass, and leave the area looking, i think may be for you.
Then i see you, and i catch up. i cannot remember our dialogue, but that was insignificant. but then, you suddenly remembered something and was about to dart off. My reflexes snap, and i gripped onto your wrist. you were a little taken aback, and i guess i felt all the blood shoot up to my head. either i moved closer to you, or vice versa, but i didnt really let go. instead i tried to slip my hand down your palm, and tried to feel for your fingers. you did not pull back, nor did you feel shocked, and my hand just moved down until it was holding yours, locked.
Androgenous as it may seem, i think i layed my head on your shoulder ofr a while, as we walked. slow, but not slow enough, for soon we approached the teacher we both know. we sit, and i dont leave. Yet i dont think about how awkward it should be. Instead, i remember him calling my name, telling me that i am supposed to be part of the team.
Where was this? it was like a circle patch of grass, i can't really recall much further than that. but on the edges of the circle there were more benches with people , and in the middle our bench with the rest of the team. I cannot get it out of my head.
I don't usually remember my dreams, and even if i do i only have really short snippets. and it was unusual for me to remember such a huge chunk of my dream. Perhaps it could mean something? but chances are i wont pluck up the same courage to do what i envisioned myself doing.
I dont know why the feeling's back. i did not think that it would?
P.S. im still a little tired from all the events, i'll update open house, the LA play and BL another time.
A make up lesson, or i think it was some meeting that required a certain bunch of people to be there. i saw 3 PRC sitting at the table with him, and then i asked, "so who else are you waiting for?" he mentions a few familiar people, and then says your name in a way that i am quite sure he is suspecting something is going on. but i quickly let it pass, and leave the area looking, i think may be for you.
Then i see you, and i catch up. i cannot remember our dialogue, but that was insignificant. but then, you suddenly remembered something and was about to dart off. My reflexes snap, and i gripped onto your wrist. you were a little taken aback, and i guess i felt all the blood shoot up to my head. either i moved closer to you, or vice versa, but i didnt really let go. instead i tried to slip my hand down your palm, and tried to feel for your fingers. you did not pull back, nor did you feel shocked, and my hand just moved down until it was holding yours, locked.
Androgenous as it may seem, i think i layed my head on your shoulder ofr a while, as we walked. slow, but not slow enough, for soon we approached the teacher we both know. we sit, and i dont leave. Yet i dont think about how awkward it should be. Instead, i remember him calling my name, telling me that i am supposed to be part of the team.
Where was this? it was like a circle patch of grass, i can't really recall much further than that. but on the edges of the circle there were more benches with people , and in the middle our bench with the rest of the team. I cannot get it out of my head.
I don't usually remember my dreams, and even if i do i only have really short snippets. and it was unusual for me to remember such a huge chunk of my dream. Perhaps it could mean something? but chances are i wont pluck up the same courage to do what i envisioned myself doing.
I dont know why the feeling's back. i did not think that it would?
P.S. im still a little tired from all the events, i'll update open house, the LA play and BL another time.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
False Confidence
After getting back most of my tests, its quite disheartening to note that my confidence and supposed readiness in my tests, have not reflected in my scores. for most tests i failed, which is waay lower than i expected. chem i was shocked that i did so badly, as i thought i answered the test quite well. However, i didnt do well because much of what i said was said in a wrong manner. perhaps some of my content was wrong, but on a whole i think it was more of my expression. the realisation set in after i got back my biology test. before hand she asked us to write down our preparedness and confidence for the test, and both i put above 3 (ranging 1-5, 5 being most) and when i got back my tests, i was shocked beyond shock that i failed the test.
Expectations i guess. there was a chapter in the book Stepphy passed to me that say something like "envisage yourself in that bad situation, and deal with it before it occurs" e.g. imagine your favourite mug breaking. and you will learn to treasure it, and when it finally breaks, you will be able to just say "oh! there it goes" with positivity, without getting hung up over it. but that is not something i had done for these tests. i actually thought that i studied hard for the tests, and i put in a fair bit of effort to make sure i do better than before. Previously i would not have studied as hard for assesment, but i felt after my dissapointing attitude towards holiday assignments, i thought it would be best if i could put in effort to maintain at least a high standard in tests. you can tell from the previous post how much i "thought" i put into studies, but it seems like it was to no avail.
This i think i can handle, but then there was one thing that i felt weird about for a few days. after studying so hard with jane and sze sian, i guess i felt out of place when they did well, and i didnt. Its just that, after seemingly understanding and explaining all the things to them (especially in bio) i would have thought i would do as well as them, but that was severly not the case. I understand my concpets, but my phrasing, terminology and practically all about espression was completely wrong.
Yet, i have something inside me telling me to not give up. Actually, i expected my first reaction to be "if you study and fail anyway, why bother studying?" but somehow, that did not become my first reaction. rather, i felt that it was just to teach me to learn and do better for the next one. I think the "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff..." book really helped. i will study for my next test, and study harder, and earlier. Maybe this is a new me coming out, but i will not be able to tell until the next assesment comes.
now my focus has to be diverted away from the now over and completed tests, and focus on the projects and assingments at hand. there is a chinese project, where we are going to become Xiao Lao Shi, and teach the class. Math prect needs me to interview someone that uses math everyday. and the one i think im most excited about is LA where we are going to stage a play!
Hungry, was written by Ng Yi-Sheng, in a 24hr scriptwriting competition. he won gold, and i must say, that it is a brilliant peice of work. My mom doesnt share the sentiment though. i understand why. to a student it might be riveting and applicable, but to adults, it might seem a little trashy, with all the suicide and the negativity. either way, im proud to be doing the play, as it really is interesting to see how the play will go!
Yesterday i spent a whole day at Bernice's house with Bernice, Grace, Jane, Jia Yun and Magdalene, and spent all the time discussing about how to intepret the play, while trying out roles to see who will be what character. I never knew that so much thought went into a play. If it this difficult to stage a play, i cannot imagine the sheer difficulty of writing the script. Haha, if you want to see what others have said about our play, look at Grazz's blog!
So i am MUG, an indian forgotten god that people used to pray to for wisdom. notice the pun on my name "MUG", which is familiar to my fellow underlings, im sure. Maybe i should mass produce little statuettes of my "birthday" self, with a fig leaf covering what matters most. then everyone can remember who to pray to, in times of tests and exams XD.
It is fun, and im really excited! the only thing now is to keep it up, and maintain this interest in everyone. My first own production! Like Grazz said, "PLEASE ACCEPT THE PROPOSAL MS CHEAH!!!!"
I think there is one thing that i learnt from this false confidence. that it is a matter of positivity. False confidence can be in the form of optimism or denial. and i shoose to let it me optimism. im not going to deny that i did not study enough, but optimism has allowed me to go further, and work harder for my next tests/assignments.
Expectations i guess. there was a chapter in the book Stepphy passed to me that say something like "envisage yourself in that bad situation, and deal with it before it occurs" e.g. imagine your favourite mug breaking. and you will learn to treasure it, and when it finally breaks, you will be able to just say "oh! there it goes" with positivity, without getting hung up over it. but that is not something i had done for these tests. i actually thought that i studied hard for the tests, and i put in a fair bit of effort to make sure i do better than before. Previously i would not have studied as hard for assesment, but i felt after my dissapointing attitude towards holiday assignments, i thought it would be best if i could put in effort to maintain at least a high standard in tests. you can tell from the previous post how much i "thought" i put into studies, but it seems like it was to no avail.
This i think i can handle, but then there was one thing that i felt weird about for a few days. after studying so hard with jane and sze sian, i guess i felt out of place when they did well, and i didnt. Its just that, after seemingly understanding and explaining all the things to them (especially in bio) i would have thought i would do as well as them, but that was severly not the case. I understand my concpets, but my phrasing, terminology and practically all about espression was completely wrong.
Yet, i have something inside me telling me to not give up. Actually, i expected my first reaction to be "if you study and fail anyway, why bother studying?" but somehow, that did not become my first reaction. rather, i felt that it was just to teach me to learn and do better for the next one. I think the "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff..." book really helped. i will study for my next test, and study harder, and earlier. Maybe this is a new me coming out, but i will not be able to tell until the next assesment comes.
now my focus has to be diverted away from the now over and completed tests, and focus on the projects and assingments at hand. there is a chinese project, where we are going to become Xiao Lao Shi, and teach the class. Math prect needs me to interview someone that uses math everyday. and the one i think im most excited about is LA where we are going to stage a play!
Hungry, was written by Ng Yi-Sheng, in a 24hr scriptwriting competition. he won gold, and i must say, that it is a brilliant peice of work. My mom doesnt share the sentiment though. i understand why. to a student it might be riveting and applicable, but to adults, it might seem a little trashy, with all the suicide and the negativity. either way, im proud to be doing the play, as it really is interesting to see how the play will go!
Yesterday i spent a whole day at Bernice's house with Bernice, Grace, Jane, Jia Yun and Magdalene, and spent all the time discussing about how to intepret the play, while trying out roles to see who will be what character. I never knew that so much thought went into a play. If it this difficult to stage a play, i cannot imagine the sheer difficulty of writing the script. Haha, if you want to see what others have said about our play, look at Grazz's blog!
So i am MUG, an indian forgotten god that people used to pray to for wisdom. notice the pun on my name "MUG", which is familiar to my fellow underlings, im sure. Maybe i should mass produce little statuettes of my "birthday" self, with a fig leaf covering what matters most. then everyone can remember who to pray to, in times of tests and exams XD.
It is fun, and im really excited! the only thing now is to keep it up, and maintain this interest in everyone. My first own production! Like Grazz said, "PLEASE ACCEPT THE PROPOSAL MS CHEAH!!!!"
I think there is one thing that i learnt from this false confidence. that it is a matter of positivity. False confidence can be in the form of optimism or denial. and i shoose to let it me optimism. im not going to deny that i did not study enough, but optimism has allowed me to go further, and work harder for my next tests/assignments.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Methinks me thinks to much
After a whole week of intense studying and tests, im happy to take a good break, especailly in this long weekend, but alas, i have things to do and even history homework to accomplish by... tmr? still i had managed to steal 2 days of enoyment, even though tmr i should be going out to collect the open house/Black Lights Tee.
Before i proceed, here is a public service announcment
+++
Come on down to Hall@TJC for 2006's BlackLights!
Tickets going at $8
7-10pm, 21st July (friday)
read poster for more details!
Design, courtesy of Syakirah Sinin
+++
The week has been... different for me. Usually i would complain how i am lazy and dont study and simply cannot set myself down and focus on the task at hand, especially when it comes to studies. However, this week i have really deviated far from my usual self, and gave myself the pressure to focus on work.
This i have to give credit to Sze Sian and Jane. If not for going Sze Sian's house on tuesday and getting down to serious studying, i doubt i would have had teh momentum to continue the rest of the week. so from one study session focusing on biology, to the other subjects such as physics, and math. I wasnt studing the same topic as they were, as my tests were on different days, but the pressure they gave me was enough to kick off into a studying cycle, where after that little boost, i could get myself to study on my own as well. Perhaps this is potentially dangerous, after all does that mean that i need company to study? what would happen if my friends dont want to study (unlikely though) or they study at some ungodly hours (wake up 2 am, brain functions best then). Still i am grateful, as i had more confidence going into MOST of my tests that i would not have had otherwise.
Actually there is more to studying hard and doing well than just the grades. I realise that if i want people to take me seriously, i have to be serious about more things too. I may be serious when it comes to council, but that is not something everyone sees. Afterall, this is a school. Studies mean a lot to people. What the student body wants to see of their student leaders is not just the ideas and all the events of the leaders, nor do they just want to see some mugger that has no regard for anything but books, it is a balance. taking work seriously, is also a reflection of responsibility, and drive. a person can't possibly display a personality specific to the situation. attitude to work is attitude to life.
Thats where people like royston come into play. he is looked up to both as a student leader and as a councillor, and this is credited to his work attitude. I won't become top student overnight, or suddenly be classified as the epitome of mugger-dom, but i hope to gain more respect if i display that i can be serious in work, and in council. My aim is to discard that laid back, "all play no work" facade of myself, and let my more serious side emerge.
Enough about studies for now. i shall see whether my hard work pays off, when i get my tests back this coming week.
on Friday, i have to admit that the physics test was killer. i just cannot fathom how the physics teachers expect us to do well for the test. even BOB found it difficult, and that really says alot about the standard of the paper. but after that, the de-stressing session began. Dimira, Jane, Syak, Sze Sian and i, headed down to Sze Sian's house, for a movie session. I really don't wanna say too much in fear of offending people, but i just feel that "Aquamarine" is not really my cuppa tea. But it was nice just being around good friends, reminding myself how lucky i am to have them.
Saturday, i went to NYGH's Food and Funfair. actually i almost did not go. cuz, i wasnt too sure of whether i would feel out of place. But on Xinyi's invitation i felt obliged, after all i did promise her. So i went there hoping to meet some Ex-Ro i knew and maybe hang out with him/her for the course of the fair. Ended up, Isaac dissapeared somewhere in the school, and i was left hanging out with 3 Ex-Ro i havent seen in a while. I remember most of the time i spent hanging out at 410's food stall. cuz Yuling was now the monitress, and was in charge of her stall. I like not seeing people, and then meeting them after a long while. its cool to see how people have changed. Well Yuling and i used to be good friends back in Pri 4, and i will remember the stupid things we did, especially to our group mates, isaac and aaron XP.
Still one cannot just not meet anyone for a long time, and expect to be good friend automatically when they meet again, and i guess it was a little awkward at first. haha, if you chance upon this, sorry for the weirdness and hope we can catch up some time.
Speaking of cathching up. I met Leon at the Funfair, or rather, i told him to come meet me. It has been a while sincei spoke to him too. Now he is really slim, and really goodlooking too. Darn i think im jealous, oh well. FITNESS REGIME! haha. but it was cool hanging out with leon again. i even had teh chance to invite him to my new place. Maybe cuz he is a guy, it was no problem at all chatting with him abt school, about life, even though it we only chat for a while, it felt great, knowing that my friendship in the past has not died.
Maybe a VSGEP gathering could be done again, cuz there are some people that i havent seen in a long time. some i rather not meet, but some i wonder how they have changed? I think all this nostalgia could have been done during the june hols, but alas, i did not initiate it, so it did not occur.
I reminding myself of the people i have around me. Some things change, but same shall forever remain the same. :)
Before i proceed, here is a public service announcment
+++
Come on down to Hall@TJC for 2006's BlackLights!
Tickets going at $8
7-10pm, 21st July (friday)
read poster for more details!
Design, courtesy of Syakirah Sinin
+++
The week has been... different for me. Usually i would complain how i am lazy and dont study and simply cannot set myself down and focus on the task at hand, especially when it comes to studies. However, this week i have really deviated far from my usual self, and gave myself the pressure to focus on work.
This i have to give credit to Sze Sian and Jane. If not for going Sze Sian's house on tuesday and getting down to serious studying, i doubt i would have had teh momentum to continue the rest of the week. so from one study session focusing on biology, to the other subjects such as physics, and math. I wasnt studing the same topic as they were, as my tests were on different days, but the pressure they gave me was enough to kick off into a studying cycle, where after that little boost, i could get myself to study on my own as well. Perhaps this is potentially dangerous, after all does that mean that i need company to study? what would happen if my friends dont want to study (unlikely though) or they study at some ungodly hours (wake up 2 am, brain functions best then). Still i am grateful, as i had more confidence going into MOST of my tests that i would not have had otherwise.
Actually there is more to studying hard and doing well than just the grades. I realise that if i want people to take me seriously, i have to be serious about more things too. I may be serious when it comes to council, but that is not something everyone sees. Afterall, this is a school. Studies mean a lot to people. What the student body wants to see of their student leaders is not just the ideas and all the events of the leaders, nor do they just want to see some mugger that has no regard for anything but books, it is a balance. taking work seriously, is also a reflection of responsibility, and drive. a person can't possibly display a personality specific to the situation. attitude to work is attitude to life.
Thats where people like royston come into play. he is looked up to both as a student leader and as a councillor, and this is credited to his work attitude. I won't become top student overnight, or suddenly be classified as the epitome of mugger-dom, but i hope to gain more respect if i display that i can be serious in work, and in council. My aim is to discard that laid back, "all play no work" facade of myself, and let my more serious side emerge.
Enough about studies for now. i shall see whether my hard work pays off, when i get my tests back this coming week.
on Friday, i have to admit that the physics test was killer. i just cannot fathom how the physics teachers expect us to do well for the test. even BOB found it difficult, and that really says alot about the standard of the paper. but after that, the de-stressing session began. Dimira, Jane, Syak, Sze Sian and i, headed down to Sze Sian's house, for a movie session. I really don't wanna say too much in fear of offending people, but i just feel that "Aquamarine" is not really my cuppa tea. But it was nice just being around good friends, reminding myself how lucky i am to have them.
Saturday, i went to NYGH's Food and Funfair. actually i almost did not go. cuz, i wasnt too sure of whether i would feel out of place. But on Xinyi's invitation i felt obliged, after all i did promise her. So i went there hoping to meet some Ex-Ro i knew and maybe hang out with him/her for the course of the fair. Ended up, Isaac dissapeared somewhere in the school, and i was left hanging out with 3 Ex-Ro i havent seen in a while. I remember most of the time i spent hanging out at 410's food stall. cuz Yuling was now the monitress, and was in charge of her stall. I like not seeing people, and then meeting them after a long while. its cool to see how people have changed. Well Yuling and i used to be good friends back in Pri 4, and i will remember the stupid things we did, especially to our group mates, isaac and aaron XP.
Still one cannot just not meet anyone for a long time, and expect to be good friend automatically when they meet again, and i guess it was a little awkward at first. haha, if you chance upon this, sorry for the weirdness and hope we can catch up some time.
Speaking of cathching up. I met Leon at the Funfair, or rather, i told him to come meet me. It has been a while sincei spoke to him too. Now he is really slim, and really goodlooking too. Darn i think im jealous, oh well. FITNESS REGIME! haha. but it was cool hanging out with leon again. i even had teh chance to invite him to my new place. Maybe cuz he is a guy, it was no problem at all chatting with him abt school, about life, even though it we only chat for a while, it felt great, knowing that my friendship in the past has not died.
Maybe a VSGEP gathering could be done again, cuz there are some people that i havent seen in a long time. some i rather not meet, but some i wonder how they have changed? I think all this nostalgia could have been done during the june hols, but alas, i did not initiate it, so it did not occur.
I reminding myself of the people i have around me. Some things change, but same shall forever remain the same. :)
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Two ducks sitting side by side, Pair-a-ducks of going back to school
Its finally the last week of holidays! I as any normal person, i bet going back to school is a bittersweet feeling. Back to all the good friends, good times, and of course, the deprivation of boredom. but at the same time, all the work that we gonna have to face, as well as tests in the first 2 weeks. Not to mention BlackLights is coming up, which i may be worried about, but i know it will turn out fine!
Any way, back from my malaysia trip. it could be considered just another family trip and to genting no less, but i think this trip i learnt quite a lot of things that i am both happy, and scared about. no.1) i learn that i have reached an age where genting is no longer fun. to old to appreciate the theme parks, and not old enough to go to the casino. maybe one day (when it is possible) it would be best to go with a group of friends. Bowling, Pool, Arcade, its not the activites that are fun, but like alot of things, it is the company!
So, with nothing to do outside, i was left to the pages between my book, and dreamland to occupy my time. I recently finished "Sons of Fortune" by Jeffrey Archer, and i can say that i quite enjoyed the Politiking of the characters, but also it also made me realise a few things. somehow, after finishing the book, i felt compelled to work harder in my studies. it just seemed that even though the characters were of different background, despite being genetically the same, they both had a commonality. Drive, intelligence and courage. now, both characters did really well in their studies, which contributed to them attaining presidency in their school, and later on, even in the country. one way of gaining this respect, would be to do better in my studies. i am not just a joker with no academic strength, i want to show that if i put my mind to it i can do it too. this in addition to the fear and the guilt i am finally feeling for not doing my work, it is pushing me to want to excel in my studies, because i have the capacity to.
another would also be my family. somehow, at home i feel lonely, because my parents are at work, and my brother doesn't really talk to me. but over the holiday in m'sia, i got a chance to be NICE to my brother. the block letters is not because i am being sarcastic, but it is because i have hardly ever been nice to the poor kid, and i dont want things to stay that way. and i always love being around my parents, they just make my life good. they are the best support anyone can find.
Back from my holidy, i had a thousand things on my mind, BlackLights, Schoolwork, and the new found want to excel in studies. it would be quite crazy to balance and fit them all into a day, especially while changing to want to study more (in other words, i am still easily distracted)
SYAK AND JANE! SYAK AND JANE! SYAK AND JANE!
this was on specail request by syakirah! haha, yes you 2 mean the world to me!
This sunday we 3 shall be performing at Jane's condo, Sunhaven, for some Sunhaven Idol. as much as we would like to win, it has been fun spending time practicing and rehearsing for the thing. Another reason i want to back to school!
time and time again, i really ponder over how my friendships will end up. and maybe it might be another superficial one, but i have teh gut feeling it wont be that simple. I like jane's photo on friendsterm the one with the caption "my 2 favorite people", and i wanna thank syak for getting something for me when she went on holiday. we may not have the opportunity to chat much, but its great knowing you gals are around! :)
and one more person made my oh-so-boring holidays not so "oh-so-boring". thats mee favourite kaya cake! no i havent been stuffing myself with THAT, but you know what i mean. No matter what happens there will always be one person to be there no matter what! haha! so if anything. anything at all, give a shout out!
+++
that was quite a lot of "testimonials", kind of. i think it has made me realise that the holidays weren't so bad afterall. maybe i am dissapointed at my attitude to work, and my extreme laziness and procrastination in the first few weeks, but i have certainly learnt a lesson on how to better myself.
Speaking to Kerry today, i am worried about school. her high stress/worry level is starting to rub off quite significantly, and even i, the extreme sloth, is starting to seriously consider focusing and putting in my all.
Having a little difficulty changing though, Rome wasnt built in a day, and i find it difficult to break from my easily distracted self. but everytime i do, i try to pull my self back. i think i sutdy better with a group. at least that was the case studying with Sean today. got quite a bit done, but i guess since it was only the short span of an hour. but maybe i can set up another study grp, then i can focus better, and also, teaching is the best form of revising.
So now. on my agenda. finish up my overdue work. study hard for the upcoming tests. make sure BlackLights is a HIT! change my attitude. and apologise to teachers, and most importantly my parents, because the guilt largely is in fear of letting them down.
Well, not that i have a choice, but school starts in 4 days time? i'll make the best of what is left!
Any way, back from my malaysia trip. it could be considered just another family trip and to genting no less, but i think this trip i learnt quite a lot of things that i am both happy, and scared about. no.1) i learn that i have reached an age where genting is no longer fun. to old to appreciate the theme parks, and not old enough to go to the casino. maybe one day (when it is possible) it would be best to go with a group of friends. Bowling, Pool, Arcade, its not the activites that are fun, but like alot of things, it is the company!
So, with nothing to do outside, i was left to the pages between my book, and dreamland to occupy my time. I recently finished "Sons of Fortune" by Jeffrey Archer, and i can say that i quite enjoyed the Politiking of the characters, but also it also made me realise a few things. somehow, after finishing the book, i felt compelled to work harder in my studies. it just seemed that even though the characters were of different background, despite being genetically the same, they both had a commonality. Drive, intelligence and courage. now, both characters did really well in their studies, which contributed to them attaining presidency in their school, and later on, even in the country. one way of gaining this respect, would be to do better in my studies. i am not just a joker with no academic strength, i want to show that if i put my mind to it i can do it too. this in addition to the fear and the guilt i am finally feeling for not doing my work, it is pushing me to want to excel in my studies, because i have the capacity to.
another would also be my family. somehow, at home i feel lonely, because my parents are at work, and my brother doesn't really talk to me. but over the holiday in m'sia, i got a chance to be NICE to my brother. the block letters is not because i am being sarcastic, but it is because i have hardly ever been nice to the poor kid, and i dont want things to stay that way. and i always love being around my parents, they just make my life good. they are the best support anyone can find.
Back from my holidy, i had a thousand things on my mind, BlackLights, Schoolwork, and the new found want to excel in studies. it would be quite crazy to balance and fit them all into a day, especially while changing to want to study more (in other words, i am still easily distracted)
SYAK AND JANE! SYAK AND JANE! SYAK AND JANE!
this was on specail request by syakirah! haha, yes you 2 mean the world to me!
This sunday we 3 shall be performing at Jane's condo, Sunhaven, for some Sunhaven Idol. as much as we would like to win, it has been fun spending time practicing and rehearsing for the thing. Another reason i want to back to school!
time and time again, i really ponder over how my friendships will end up. and maybe it might be another superficial one, but i have teh gut feeling it wont be that simple. I like jane's photo on friendsterm the one with the caption "my 2 favorite people", and i wanna thank syak for getting something for me when she went on holiday. we may not have the opportunity to chat much, but its great knowing you gals are around! :)
and one more person made my oh-so-boring holidays not so "oh-so-boring". thats mee favourite kaya cake! no i havent been stuffing myself with THAT, but you know what i mean. No matter what happens there will always be one person to be there no matter what! haha! so if anything. anything at all, give a shout out!
+++
that was quite a lot of "testimonials", kind of. i think it has made me realise that the holidays weren't so bad afterall. maybe i am dissapointed at my attitude to work, and my extreme laziness and procrastination in the first few weeks, but i have certainly learnt a lesson on how to better myself.
Speaking to Kerry today, i am worried about school. her high stress/worry level is starting to rub off quite significantly, and even i, the extreme sloth, is starting to seriously consider focusing and putting in my all.
Having a little difficulty changing though, Rome wasnt built in a day, and i find it difficult to break from my easily distracted self. but everytime i do, i try to pull my self back. i think i sutdy better with a group. at least that was the case studying with Sean today. got quite a bit done, but i guess since it was only the short span of an hour. but maybe i can set up another study grp, then i can focus better, and also, teaching is the best form of revising.
So now. on my agenda. finish up my overdue work. study hard for the upcoming tests. make sure BlackLights is a HIT! change my attitude. and apologise to teachers, and most importantly my parents, because the guilt largely is in fear of letting them down.
Well, not that i have a choice, but school starts in 4 days time? i'll make the best of what is left!
Monday, June 12, 2006
Going to Malaysia tomorrow!
I just have nothing to blog about. Day after day, same-o same-o. and routine i guess. never really liked routine, i can't even stand having teh same breakfast every morning, must have variety, must change.
Im going to Malaysia tomorrow for a short holiday! usually i dont think much about holidays, but for one, i have more free time to THINK. period. but anyway, when i thought about what holidays are to me and what they are to other people, i reflect on how lucky i am. In fact I am very lucky. so lucky, that i am UNlucky.
Unlucky in a lucky way.
that sucks. lemme first justify and explain what i mean. i am lucky to come from a well off family. that can afford most things and give me a comfortable lifestyle. but that takes away a lot of my drive and the pressure to do things. I don't exactly know what it is like to suffer hardship, and have to earn a living. then next is my studies. im not a top student, but without much effort i can pass. not do well, just pass. so if i know i dont need to put in much effort to pass, then i wont put in much effort. (and i dont)
well i definitely look forward to it! Because it means i get to get out of the house, and it also means i get to spend quality time with my family. that is what the holiday is all about. family.
at home i feel a little... empty? but that is just during the day. the holidays are usually a very boring time for me. cuz im not doing anything productive with my life, and i can't really spend that much time with my loved ones. my parents work till late, and my bro has a better time on the computer then with me. (but then again sometimes im like that to, oh well, you get what you give) and i envy people that can find the friends to keep going out with them, or find so many things to do. I think i said before, I rather be busy than bored, and right now, i'm waaayyy bored.
i want to go back to school. yep, everything, even the workload. cuz its starting to bug me. with the hols i am not constantly chased, and the added minus is that there is more and larger work due when i go back. i rather the normal day schoolwork, where i hand in 1 or 2 days late and teachers are a bit dissapointed, but at least it is in. and of course there is the people. i miss seeing familiar faces unexpectedly. its a challenge for me to keep up with people, a challenge that i enjoy.
Well another thing to look forwatrd to is my BBQ with the exros when i come back. these are people i havent seen in a loooong time, some longer than others. i wonder what it will be like. its gonna go one of 2 ways. either its going to go really well, and i will be really pally with them, or its going to be awkward and quiet, and people wont know what to say to each other. the school cliques would form, and i being the odd one out, would teeter from grp to grp, not really "belonging". but i wait in anticipation. i just want to see them again, im not so worried about what happens after that.
+++
GWAHH its bad being a teenager. stupid hormones. thats the thing bugging me, i guess. as much as i would like to avoid that topic, cuz of my LACK OF a realtionship. HAHA, no one would ever pry anything out of me!
but like i said. that is nothing... at all...(that sucks >.<) and not like its going to move anywhere anytime soon. this playa' has "no game" -.-'''
Im going to Malaysia tomorrow for a short holiday! usually i dont think much about holidays, but for one, i have more free time to THINK. period. but anyway, when i thought about what holidays are to me and what they are to other people, i reflect on how lucky i am. In fact I am very lucky. so lucky, that i am UNlucky.
Unlucky in a lucky way.
that sucks. lemme first justify and explain what i mean. i am lucky to come from a well off family. that can afford most things and give me a comfortable lifestyle. but that takes away a lot of my drive and the pressure to do things. I don't exactly know what it is like to suffer hardship, and have to earn a living. then next is my studies. im not a top student, but without much effort i can pass. not do well, just pass. so if i know i dont need to put in much effort to pass, then i wont put in much effort. (and i dont)
well i definitely look forward to it! Because it means i get to get out of the house, and it also means i get to spend quality time with my family. that is what the holiday is all about. family.
at home i feel a little... empty? but that is just during the day. the holidays are usually a very boring time for me. cuz im not doing anything productive with my life, and i can't really spend that much time with my loved ones. my parents work till late, and my bro has a better time on the computer then with me. (but then again sometimes im like that to, oh well, you get what you give) and i envy people that can find the friends to keep going out with them, or find so many things to do. I think i said before, I rather be busy than bored, and right now, i'm waaayyy bored.
i want to go back to school. yep, everything, even the workload. cuz its starting to bug me. with the hols i am not constantly chased, and the added minus is that there is more and larger work due when i go back. i rather the normal day schoolwork, where i hand in 1 or 2 days late and teachers are a bit dissapointed, but at least it is in. and of course there is the people. i miss seeing familiar faces unexpectedly. its a challenge for me to keep up with people, a challenge that i enjoy.
Well another thing to look forwatrd to is my BBQ with the exros when i come back. these are people i havent seen in a loooong time, some longer than others. i wonder what it will be like. its gonna go one of 2 ways. either its going to go really well, and i will be really pally with them, or its going to be awkward and quiet, and people wont know what to say to each other. the school cliques would form, and i being the odd one out, would teeter from grp to grp, not really "belonging". but i wait in anticipation. i just want to see them again, im not so worried about what happens after that.
+++
GWAHH its bad being a teenager. stupid hormones. thats the thing bugging me, i guess. as much as i would like to avoid that topic, cuz of my LACK OF a realtionship. HAHA, no one would ever pry anything out of me!
but like i said. that is nothing... at all...(that sucks >.<) and not like its going to move anywhere anytime soon. this playa' has "no game" -.-'''
Saturday, June 10, 2006
I'm Just.... sick
No, not the mental psychopath way, i've just been really really ill. if i were to sum up my entire week, it would be 75% ill, nad 25% council. Maybe its something to do with being at home and rotting. i breathe in the same stuffy air, adn maybe whatever germs in the air is just recycled, and keeps attacking until it get in. in any case. im sick. and it sucks.
but somehow my body listens to me quite a bit. i can heal just enough to hold out for SC meetings and stuff. but the moment i get back home, and after a night of sleep, the sam symptoms come back, and i'm immobilised for yet another day. On the other hand, im glad i finally took out my stitches! i feel more mobile now! even if i am still a bit wary of my stitches, i want to do something. like a run perhaps? but apparently there are still 2 gaps at both ends of my scar, so i need to secure it, which also means i can swim for about another week.
so sad. now that i have finally moved into the condo, i don't use the facilities that are just under my nose. the swimming pool has been waiting for me. On really quiet days, where i thnk my mind goes deliriuos, i swear that i hear the swimming pool calling my name in the wind... creepy.
In anycase, if i did not get the chance to go back to school, i think i might have gotten a lot worse. i need the fresh air, the movement and the activity, gets my lungs working, and my systems moving. It helps ALOT.
on Thursday was the second General Meeting forthe 30th SC. I never liked those kind of things. i think im a bit perfectionist, in the sense that sometimes i wish people would just shut up and get things over and done with. but of course, with me being myself, i would be one of the contributors to the rowdyness as well... so mr Hyporcrite, what have YOU got to say?
then after the GM, I called for a BlackLights meeting with the TASC. Im glad that we got some direction into it. i finally feel like we are moving away from square one. we may not be at square 2 yet, but at least we in the process of getting there. Spare you the details, but ironically that is what the project needs. Details, all of it.
To put things into action, you must first know specifics, and then work on it. a great planner that cannot execute is obviously useless, but a great executer without any plans is similarly handicapped. I have never enjoyed doing up proposals. In fact looking back at one of the F&B proposals i did for Movie Mania, it was total and utter crap. but when it came to doing Movie Mania, it took some decisiveness, and i swear, comparatively the execution was tonnes better than the planning. But like all things, i need to learn to become better, and doing up the proposal is a good way of thinking things through, and making sure it will work.
Im beginning to trust the people around me more. somehow, people are pushing themselves to WANT to make this a success. and frankly, i am stunned. its quite amazing how my I/Cs are working, accomplishing everything they need to plus more. I won't say that i feel like im lagging behind, but i will say that i am awestruck. at the same time, i had a meeting for the interns today, and it went of a lot better than expected. they werent too rowdy, and they were highly effective in cranking out ideas. Confidence is building up. the project, the team and myself.
This does not make me any less tired though. My mind cannot keep up with many things that are going on around me. it is just in some blurry state where it has a hard time to focus. Just holding on i guess. hoping my illness will subside soon, and i can get back to whatever it was i was doing.
I think my posts are getting more static... i don't exactly have anything overwhleming with angst or emotion to blog about. PERHAPS there is... but i dont want to put it here on public domain. Ah wells... cant be helped. but i dont like to see my blog all stale and tagboard dry, so i shall post snippets of how my life is going. but i do hope to more "passionate"? in my future posts.
I'm just flooded with details. too many concurrent things that buzz in my head. need to clear the junk...... i need to pour it out... sigh.... oh well :D
but somehow my body listens to me quite a bit. i can heal just enough to hold out for SC meetings and stuff. but the moment i get back home, and after a night of sleep, the sam symptoms come back, and i'm immobilised for yet another day. On the other hand, im glad i finally took out my stitches! i feel more mobile now! even if i am still a bit wary of my stitches, i want to do something. like a run perhaps? but apparently there are still 2 gaps at both ends of my scar, so i need to secure it, which also means i can swim for about another week.
so sad. now that i have finally moved into the condo, i don't use the facilities that are just under my nose. the swimming pool has been waiting for me. On really quiet days, where i thnk my mind goes deliriuos, i swear that i hear the swimming pool calling my name in the wind... creepy.
In anycase, if i did not get the chance to go back to school, i think i might have gotten a lot worse. i need the fresh air, the movement and the activity, gets my lungs working, and my systems moving. It helps ALOT.
on Thursday was the second General Meeting forthe 30th SC. I never liked those kind of things. i think im a bit perfectionist, in the sense that sometimes i wish people would just shut up and get things over and done with. but of course, with me being myself, i would be one of the contributors to the rowdyness as well... so mr Hyporcrite, what have YOU got to say?
then after the GM, I called for a BlackLights meeting with the TASC. Im glad that we got some direction into it. i finally feel like we are moving away from square one. we may not be at square 2 yet, but at least we in the process of getting there. Spare you the details, but ironically that is what the project needs. Details, all of it.
To put things into action, you must first know specifics, and then work on it. a great planner that cannot execute is obviously useless, but a great executer without any plans is similarly handicapped. I have never enjoyed doing up proposals. In fact looking back at one of the F&B proposals i did for Movie Mania, it was total and utter crap. but when it came to doing Movie Mania, it took some decisiveness, and i swear, comparatively the execution was tonnes better than the planning. But like all things, i need to learn to become better, and doing up the proposal is a good way of thinking things through, and making sure it will work.
Im beginning to trust the people around me more. somehow, people are pushing themselves to WANT to make this a success. and frankly, i am stunned. its quite amazing how my I/Cs are working, accomplishing everything they need to plus more. I won't say that i feel like im lagging behind, but i will say that i am awestruck. at the same time, i had a meeting for the interns today, and it went of a lot better than expected. they werent too rowdy, and they were highly effective in cranking out ideas. Confidence is building up. the project, the team and myself.
This does not make me any less tired though. My mind cannot keep up with many things that are going on around me. it is just in some blurry state where it has a hard time to focus. Just holding on i guess. hoping my illness will subside soon, and i can get back to whatever it was i was doing.
I think my posts are getting more static... i don't exactly have anything overwhleming with angst or emotion to blog about. PERHAPS there is... but i dont want to put it here on public domain. Ah wells... cant be helped. but i dont like to see my blog all stale and tagboard dry, so i shall post snippets of how my life is going. but i do hope to more "passionate"? in my future posts.
I'm just flooded with details. too many concurrent things that buzz in my head. need to clear the junk...... i need to pour it out... sigh.... oh well :D
Thursday, June 01, 2006
MishMashMosh
no particular reason for the title, i think its funny the way words can come together and make a funny sound! Hopefully this entry will be a short one. havent posted a short entry in a while. i think cuz usually when i post, i have an issue in mind, and so when i do post i can rant on and on about it. but then again when i dont post, i hold it all back, so not even some of it leaks out.
Well. i cant wait for tomorrow, especially the BBQ! it would be good to finally have some other human contact apart from family. Hey, i love my family okay! but i need to be outdoors. need to streth and move, and get things jogging in my mind. if not i really think i am sitting at home rotting.
MSN is not my style, so i dont wanna chat or have long elaborate conversations. i realise that most of my words and feelings come out in sound effects. that is why i do not have a way with words, its every other thing that communicates the message. facial expression, body language, tone, sound effects, etc.
Therefore i know that i am not the only one that is anticipating tomorrows arrival! Sigh, but i think some people dont see what i see in the "elder SC". i mean, thats why i want to get so close to them right? they are different. they aren't competition, they are people that i either look up to or dont, i dont always have to work with them. not last year at least. this year its a slightly different ball game. but its good. i think hte more symbolic day will be sat. the SC room handover. now that would be a spectacle!
Im generally happy. if not for the rotting, i think i just need to get a hobby, or at least things to keep me occupied. i havent drawn in a long time. maybe i could pick up my pencil and start sketching again. i think i still have my current sketch book somewhere...
there are things where people just hold back. its for the better of everyone. as much as i would like to say to myself: "it really will be good for you to get it off your chest. its okay, the truth would not change anything" but i somehow cant bring myself to acknowlege that. its tough. and im happy with my current position. maybe someday? im sure i can wait :)
Mish Mash Mosh
Splish Splash Splosh
mixing and matching and squeezing it up
Squishy squish-squash
BLEH
Well. i cant wait for tomorrow, especially the BBQ! it would be good to finally have some other human contact apart from family. Hey, i love my family okay! but i need to be outdoors. need to streth and move, and get things jogging in my mind. if not i really think i am sitting at home rotting.
MSN is not my style, so i dont wanna chat or have long elaborate conversations. i realise that most of my words and feelings come out in sound effects. that is why i do not have a way with words, its every other thing that communicates the message. facial expression, body language, tone, sound effects, etc.
Therefore i know that i am not the only one that is anticipating tomorrows arrival! Sigh, but i think some people dont see what i see in the "elder SC". i mean, thats why i want to get so close to them right? they are different. they aren't competition, they are people that i either look up to or dont, i dont always have to work with them. not last year at least. this year its a slightly different ball game. but its good. i think hte more symbolic day will be sat. the SC room handover. now that would be a spectacle!
Im generally happy. if not for the rotting, i think i just need to get a hobby, or at least things to keep me occupied. i havent drawn in a long time. maybe i could pick up my pencil and start sketching again. i think i still have my current sketch book somewhere...
there are things where people just hold back. its for the better of everyone. as much as i would like to say to myself: "it really will be good for you to get it off your chest. its okay, the truth would not change anything" but i somehow cant bring myself to acknowlege that. its tough. and im happy with my current position. maybe someday? im sure i can wait :)
Mish Mash Mosh
Splish Splash Splosh
mixing and matching and squeezing it up
Squishy squish-squash
BLEH
Sitting in a corner. Wondering...
it has always been the case for me to be outgoing, to be everywhere, and try to do everything. but this year's "change for the better" has left me thinking about how i really am like. Perhaps its also the constraints of my home, or now that i got my birthmark removed, i cant be as mobile as i would prefer, but i guess i feel kinda lonely on many occasions.
the past few days i feel like i have reall wasted them, cuz i am not doing work, nor am i doing anything to better myself. and i am not a avid MSN user, so even if i do see people online, i tend to not bother chatting, unless they start a convo with me first.
Thanks kaya cake, cuz although i am supposed to releive YOUR boredom, you end up releiving MINE instead :)
so i guess i rather have my close knit group of friends than all the friends in the world, but i still must admit, meeting many people is fun! still i cant really call syak and jane out of the blue. maybe i can, but i dont feel like it, cuz people like the DODOs get extinct early cuz we have to many activities, i just have a feeling that they arent as free as i am. like jane said: "if i didn't know you, i'd think you were deprived. but since i do know you, you are just BORED." oh well.
I take this time to wonder what i want to do with my life. people with a clear aim in mind, would go off and do what they want to in this holiday. i happen to know a certain someone is at pre-u sem, and i think that that is really fun, or some are going for their misc camps, MEP camp, Training camps, etc. if i said i want to be a Radio DJ in the future, what am i doing about it?
well, i cant wait for tomorrow. tomorrow morning is TASC meeting, followed by perhaps an afternoon outing? and in the evening! BBQ dinner with the 30th SC. I think i am growing really fond of the 30th SC, cuz they are filled with nice people. but that makes me worry as well. nice people are not strong in their words. perhaps it would avoid a lot of unneccesary conflict, but at the same time, it avoid necessary conflict. if people hold back what they are trying to say, it is to the the loss of everyone, not just yourself.
I feel like a real hypocrite now. i hold back what i want to say all the time. observe and see how i reserve myself. I need to learn from what mom says. "if you want people to take you seriously, first you need to talk a little less and listen a little more". that is something i definitely am working on. and not just to talk less, but like the teachers TLLM (teach less, learn more) i want to TLBTS (Talk Less, but Talk Smart!)
But now i am back to wondering what am i going to do for the whole day? will i waste it away like the previous days? or will i make something productive out of it?. perhaps i will start on my work (bio report due either last friday, or yesterday) or i remove my ass from the corner, and reach out to people.
---
the past few days i feel like i have reall wasted them, cuz i am not doing work, nor am i doing anything to better myself. and i am not a avid MSN user, so even if i do see people online, i tend to not bother chatting, unless they start a convo with me first.
Thanks kaya cake, cuz although i am supposed to releive YOUR boredom, you end up releiving MINE instead :)
so i guess i rather have my close knit group of friends than all the friends in the world, but i still must admit, meeting many people is fun! still i cant really call syak and jane out of the blue. maybe i can, but i dont feel like it, cuz people like the DODOs get extinct early cuz we have to many activities, i just have a feeling that they arent as free as i am. like jane said: "if i didn't know you, i'd think you were deprived. but since i do know you, you are just BORED." oh well.
I take this time to wonder what i want to do with my life. people with a clear aim in mind, would go off and do what they want to in this holiday. i happen to know a certain someone is at pre-u sem, and i think that that is really fun, or some are going for their misc camps, MEP camp, Training camps, etc. if i said i want to be a Radio DJ in the future, what am i doing about it?
well, i cant wait for tomorrow. tomorrow morning is TASC meeting, followed by perhaps an afternoon outing? and in the evening! BBQ dinner with the 30th SC. I think i am growing really fond of the 30th SC, cuz they are filled with nice people. but that makes me worry as well. nice people are not strong in their words. perhaps it would avoid a lot of unneccesary conflict, but at the same time, it avoid necessary conflict. if people hold back what they are trying to say, it is to the the loss of everyone, not just yourself.
I feel like a real hypocrite now. i hold back what i want to say all the time. observe and see how i reserve myself. I need to learn from what mom says. "if you want people to take you seriously, first you need to talk a little less and listen a little more". that is something i definitely am working on. and not just to talk less, but like the teachers TLLM (teach less, learn more) i want to TLBTS (Talk Less, but Talk Smart!)
But now i am back to wondering what am i going to do for the whole day? will i waste it away like the previous days? or will i make something productive out of it?. perhaps i will start on my work (bio report due either last friday, or yesterday) or i remove my ass from the corner, and reach out to people.
---
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Started writing on the next page
the June holidays just started, and im in high anticipation for.... for.... SLEEP! haha. but that is really something it need after the last week of school.
For anything worth updating would have to have started on Wednesday. The 30th Students' Council Investiture! Its really funny and amazing how one year flies by so fast. i can still remember the jonking and the discussing on how next year's investiture is gonna be like. and when it finally came, it was just overwhelming. a little disorganised, but nonetheless cool! 29th mean so much to me. so many of them shaped me and gave me inspiration, and sad to say, not everyone will feel the loss, but i know i definitely will. Im finding it hard to put into words what i want to say, cuz its just a build up of so many things across the year. the small time ushering, to helping out in the events, national day, teachers day, even Grad nite. I will miss them dearly, but at the same time, im saving up my surge of emotions for grad nite. where hopefully there are enough buckets for both syak and me to fill.
i saw 4 people cry that day. in the morning, Yinwei was all emotional, and the investiture's coming was felt. then during the pinning of badge, i was simple overwhelmed by Ying Xiu's response, and Kenneth's influence on me and her. Ying Xiu was so overwhelmed by the whole thing, while Kenneth was fighting tears in passing on his "torch". I stood there stunned, and amazed. it was good. the year. the batch. the experiences.
one more person i saw weeping was Ximin. it was initially awkward, cuz it was investiture for 29th and 30th and TASC, but she was touched by her past, and things that she never had. It makes me hold on to the memories so much more. the whole 29th term. the things that i have had, that some people have not seen.
The last 2 items of the investiture was a song composed by Weldon sung by the 29th, and a dance choreographed by my favourite dancers in SC! the song was simply heart warming. the trigger to ximin's tears i guess, and i understand why. its lyrics, and tune, all background to the things that we went through. the dance. It was like our "going out with a BANG!" not so much the TASC but the 29th. and it was a great showstopper, i must admit.
that nights 290 rounds became my transition. the first thing that came up was running with Drama club. it was fun, and it brought out the Family, i havent seen in a while. just wish that we had more time after that >.<
the transtition came in with the 6 rounds with 30th SC. my first "event" with them, and it just felt right. Afterwhich we sat around and did what any group of friends would do. Talk Cock. haha not really. at least not with girls around. but more like just having fun, and having no cares abt the world. that is how it should kick off, feel good, and optimistic. the right footing.
then, i went of for a while. and found time to chat with nick. i was worried that i would either be overly attatched to the 29th and end up offending the 30th, or get really involved with the 30th and neglect the 29th. surprisingly neither feeling came up. 8 of us, eugene, nick, weldon, mei hui, zhi yong, gabriel, dingxuan, and me, went to orchard cineleisure (at 1am in the morning!!!), to catch the 2 show of X-men 3. Words do not have to be said to know that you are with a bunch of friends, and i agree, movies are not about the show, but abt the company.
so with minimal sleep (esp if you come back at 4, and decide to spend abt an hour putting toothpaste on people's faces =D) the body starts to shut down, which after thursday, i think my body did.
sports carnival was a good way to end of the term. tiring yes, but fun too, and giving me time to rest up and come back to school fresh in Term 3!
P.S. a few more things i would like to post. but not in the mood for it now. just finish up this entry. goes with the title anyway. post more next time :)
For anything worth updating would have to have started on Wednesday. The 30th Students' Council Investiture! Its really funny and amazing how one year flies by so fast. i can still remember the jonking and the discussing on how next year's investiture is gonna be like. and when it finally came, it was just overwhelming. a little disorganised, but nonetheless cool! 29th mean so much to me. so many of them shaped me and gave me inspiration, and sad to say, not everyone will feel the loss, but i know i definitely will. Im finding it hard to put into words what i want to say, cuz its just a build up of so many things across the year. the small time ushering, to helping out in the events, national day, teachers day, even Grad nite. I will miss them dearly, but at the same time, im saving up my surge of emotions for grad nite. where hopefully there are enough buckets for both syak and me to fill.
i saw 4 people cry that day. in the morning, Yinwei was all emotional, and the investiture's coming was felt. then during the pinning of badge, i was simple overwhelmed by Ying Xiu's response, and Kenneth's influence on me and her. Ying Xiu was so overwhelmed by the whole thing, while Kenneth was fighting tears in passing on his "torch". I stood there stunned, and amazed. it was good. the year. the batch. the experiences.
one more person i saw weeping was Ximin. it was initially awkward, cuz it was investiture for 29th and 30th and TASC, but she was touched by her past, and things that she never had. It makes me hold on to the memories so much more. the whole 29th term. the things that i have had, that some people have not seen.
The last 2 items of the investiture was a song composed by Weldon sung by the 29th, and a dance choreographed by my favourite dancers in SC! the song was simply heart warming. the trigger to ximin's tears i guess, and i understand why. its lyrics, and tune, all background to the things that we went through. the dance. It was like our "going out with a BANG!" not so much the TASC but the 29th. and it was a great showstopper, i must admit.
that nights 290 rounds became my transition. the first thing that came up was running with Drama club. it was fun, and it brought out the Family, i havent seen in a while. just wish that we had more time after that >.<
the transtition came in with the 6 rounds with 30th SC. my first "event" with them, and it just felt right. Afterwhich we sat around and did what any group of friends would do. Talk Cock. haha not really. at least not with girls around. but more like just having fun, and having no cares abt the world. that is how it should kick off, feel good, and optimistic. the right footing.
then, i went of for a while. and found time to chat with nick. i was worried that i would either be overly attatched to the 29th and end up offending the 30th, or get really involved with the 30th and neglect the 29th. surprisingly neither feeling came up. 8 of us, eugene, nick, weldon, mei hui, zhi yong, gabriel, dingxuan, and me, went to orchard cineleisure (at 1am in the morning!!!), to catch the 2 show of X-men 3. Words do not have to be said to know that you are with a bunch of friends, and i agree, movies are not about the show, but abt the company.
so with minimal sleep (esp if you come back at 4, and decide to spend abt an hour putting toothpaste on people's faces =D) the body starts to shut down, which after thursday, i think my body did.
sports carnival was a good way to end of the term. tiring yes, but fun too, and giving me time to rest up and come back to school fresh in Term 3!
P.S. a few more things i would like to post. but not in the mood for it now. just finish up this entry. goes with the title anyway. post more next time :)
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Enough blue sky to mend a pair of shorts
When i was young i was an avid reader of enid blyton, one of the stories mentioned something, that is now my title.
The story was about a weather wizard that cast a curse over a town. the curse was for the town to never have a bright blue sky, and it is forever covered by rainclouds, and the town is forever caught in a storm. the villagers wanted to see the sunshine again, but were too afraid of the wizard. so a little sailor boy stepped up, and he devised a way to get enough blue sky to bring back the joy in the town. he made the wizard's dogs tear his shorts, and he demanded compensation from the wizard. the wizard being a very shrewed man, did not want to pay for new shorts, so instead the sailor asked for enough blue sky to mend his shorts. the wizard did not think much of it, but the sailor gave the peice of blue sky into the air, and opened up a hole for sunshine to peek in. this led to the sky clearing, and the joy and happiness returned to the town.
Moral: a little optimism in the worst of times, can finally lead to better times ahead.
that is what i have felt today. as most could tell from the previous post, i have been in a bad dip recently. i cannot say that i am fully recovered, but i can say that today has been my peice of blue sky that i have not seen in a while.
Posting this after i came home, as i want to say it out while the feeling is fresh. i dont want it to fade and become unrecorded.
My day started off like any other, with my usual worries in the morning. i think hard about the things undone, but overall am quite neutral with the things around me. Then elective starts, and i think one of the things that pull down my day is a boring lecture during elective that i fall asleep and drain my energy. But today was not too bad. although i missed floorball training, i managed to finish my elective early, and get ready for my outing in the afternoon. So it passed quite quickly, with some comparison between food labels.
although elective was better than expected, what really perked my day up was my "family outing" :D
Initially i worried about the 4 baos getting along and interacting. cuz Tooth Fairy was telling me that if not for SLC, the 4 bao would not have been close in the first place. some did not even know each other before the camp. so i was worried that we would not have anything to talk about, or just feel weird or awkward in each other's company. but i guess that was undue worry, as with Kelly, Pei Yi, Zenia and Yanting around, how can i ever expect them to have nothing to say? haha. Yanting could only join us later due to electives, so Da Bao, San Bao, Xiao Bao and I headed down to Parkway for lunch.
We went to Yoshinoya (which like the deprived child i am, have never eaten there before) and realised we kinda all ordered the same thing, the Beef rice with one thing or the other. its quite pleasant! and hopefully i can go again soon! So we chatted about all sorts of things over lunch. school, people, volleyball and i think Xiao Bao's favourite conversation topic: Relationships! it was nice getting to know them better, and seeing how well we could get along.
Some pics at Yoshinoya:
My 4 Baos!
DA + BAO = DAO (look at her face!?!?!)
TRYING to take pic of ourselves
Family photo :)
Afterwhich, the 4 Baos went to get some ice cream. while i went to introduce them to Mos Burger's Ichigo Bliss. it was hilarious to see them squirming at how cold the ichigo bliss was. the Ichigo Bliss is a frozen Strawberry with white chocolate in the middle, so it feels like a ice pop, but very nice! i think (or hope) they like it too!
Then we got ice cream, even though it was getting late, and i had to rush back for council meeting >.< i finally understand why Xiao Bao can be so silly and bubbly. She is actually.... DRUNK! her fave flavour ice cream is Rum and Raisin, and tasting the rum and raisin at Scoopz, the alcohol taste and smell is very very strong! but nonetheless it was nice! then Da Bao and Er Bao tried to share a durian icecream sandwhich, there is nothing wrong with that, but they tried to both eat it AT THE SAME TIME!
Yummy BITE!
San Bao, and the others Icecream!
Yup, Xiao Bao is sooo DRUNK!
I realised that i went back to school feeling on top of the world, and i was just filled with joy. it was not because of a specific someone or something. but i just felt good. and i know its credited to my Family :) Thanks!
And it just carried on for the day. In the evening, going for dance concert. i didnt feel like anything could bring me down. i just enjoyed the entire performance, and everytime someone i know comes on stage, i would automatically smile! and im just in awe and stunned by how well some of them can dance! It was really cool, especially the first part, Punk 101, as well as the performance just before the interlude.
I think it wouldnt be justice to post pictures here, as Dance is all about the movement, the enery and the grace. but i must have a screening of the dance concert at my place! let Jane and Syak see what it was like siting in the audience and watching the performance!
My day has just been great, amazing and wonderful! and im appreciative of every person that made it so wonderful! i love all of you!
Optimism, thats the lesson for the day. Open your mouth a little wider, and show off a bit more teeth. just open up, and SMILE =D
p.s. kaya cake, good luck for your nobert! im in high anticipation!
The story was about a weather wizard that cast a curse over a town. the curse was for the town to never have a bright blue sky, and it is forever covered by rainclouds, and the town is forever caught in a storm. the villagers wanted to see the sunshine again, but were too afraid of the wizard. so a little sailor boy stepped up, and he devised a way to get enough blue sky to bring back the joy in the town. he made the wizard's dogs tear his shorts, and he demanded compensation from the wizard. the wizard being a very shrewed man, did not want to pay for new shorts, so instead the sailor asked for enough blue sky to mend his shorts. the wizard did not think much of it, but the sailor gave the peice of blue sky into the air, and opened up a hole for sunshine to peek in. this led to the sky clearing, and the joy and happiness returned to the town.
Moral: a little optimism in the worst of times, can finally lead to better times ahead.
that is what i have felt today. as most could tell from the previous post, i have been in a bad dip recently. i cannot say that i am fully recovered, but i can say that today has been my peice of blue sky that i have not seen in a while.
Posting this after i came home, as i want to say it out while the feeling is fresh. i dont want it to fade and become unrecorded.
My day started off like any other, with my usual worries in the morning. i think hard about the things undone, but overall am quite neutral with the things around me. Then elective starts, and i think one of the things that pull down my day is a boring lecture during elective that i fall asleep and drain my energy. But today was not too bad. although i missed floorball training, i managed to finish my elective early, and get ready for my outing in the afternoon. So it passed quite quickly, with some comparison between food labels.
although elective was better than expected, what really perked my day up was my "family outing" :D
Initially i worried about the 4 baos getting along and interacting. cuz Tooth Fairy was telling me that if not for SLC, the 4 bao would not have been close in the first place. some did not even know each other before the camp. so i was worried that we would not have anything to talk about, or just feel weird or awkward in each other's company. but i guess that was undue worry, as with Kelly, Pei Yi, Zenia and Yanting around, how can i ever expect them to have nothing to say? haha. Yanting could only join us later due to electives, so Da Bao, San Bao, Xiao Bao and I headed down to Parkway for lunch.
We went to Yoshinoya (which like the deprived child i am, have never eaten there before) and realised we kinda all ordered the same thing, the Beef rice with one thing or the other. its quite pleasant! and hopefully i can go again soon! So we chatted about all sorts of things over lunch. school, people, volleyball and i think Xiao Bao's favourite conversation topic: Relationships! it was nice getting to know them better, and seeing how well we could get along.
Some pics at Yoshinoya:
My 4 Baos!
DA + BAO = DAO (look at her face!?!?!)
TRYING to take pic of ourselves
Family photo :)
Afterwhich, the 4 Baos went to get some ice cream. while i went to introduce them to Mos Burger's Ichigo Bliss. it was hilarious to see them squirming at how cold the ichigo bliss was. the Ichigo Bliss is a frozen Strawberry with white chocolate in the middle, so it feels like a ice pop, but very nice! i think (or hope) they like it too!
Then we got ice cream, even though it was getting late, and i had to rush back for council meeting >.< i finally understand why Xiao Bao can be so silly and bubbly. She is actually.... DRUNK! her fave flavour ice cream is Rum and Raisin, and tasting the rum and raisin at Scoopz, the alcohol taste and smell is very very strong! but nonetheless it was nice! then Da Bao and Er Bao tried to share a durian icecream sandwhich, there is nothing wrong with that, but they tried to both eat it AT THE SAME TIME!
Yummy BITE!
San Bao, and the others Icecream!
Yup, Xiao Bao is sooo DRUNK!
I realised that i went back to school feeling on top of the world, and i was just filled with joy. it was not because of a specific someone or something. but i just felt good. and i know its credited to my Family :) Thanks!
And it just carried on for the day. In the evening, going for dance concert. i didnt feel like anything could bring me down. i just enjoyed the entire performance, and everytime someone i know comes on stage, i would automatically smile! and im just in awe and stunned by how well some of them can dance! It was really cool, especially the first part, Punk 101, as well as the performance just before the interlude.
I think it wouldnt be justice to post pictures here, as Dance is all about the movement, the enery and the grace. but i must have a screening of the dance concert at my place! let Jane and Syak see what it was like siting in the audience and watching the performance!
My day has just been great, amazing and wonderful! and im appreciative of every person that made it so wonderful! i love all of you!
Optimism, thats the lesson for the day. Open your mouth a little wider, and show off a bit more teeth. just open up, and SMILE =D
p.s. kaya cake, good luck for your nobert! im in high anticipation!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Filled to the brim
i think i have had a stint of depression the past few days. it may not be heavily obvious in my actions and words, but those that know me well know that i have not been feeling to high. Im just exhausted. i go home each day and find myself highly incapable of doing anything. yet i just press on and certain nights i know i have to finish something, so i do, and then straight to bed.
too many things are on my mind. each like a person poking me with a stick. so its like thousands of people poking and prodding, pushing and peircing, against the soft tissue of my brain. that's why sometimes i just can concentrate, or i cant absolutely focus on the thing at hand.
Before that, i shall mention some of the better things this week. on Monday, i went down to orchard and finally purchased my floorball stick! i really feel the sting in my wallet ($150!?!?!?) but i think it has put me on the road of commitment to this sport, a drive if anything.
The week has been bad. everyday seems to demand more and more of me. and comparatively, even though the days are shorter and there is supposedly more time for ourselves, i see that everyday my schedule is packed. filled with council activities, floorball, elective, other duties. i even had to sacrifice drama on wednesday because i had so much going on.
i feel a certain sense of detatchment now. like i have no real place of solace. im not home long enough to find the comfort and the support i need. i have been going home on my own, and my parents don't seem to be back until late, and even then i have things to settle for Black Lights and for Council.
Dad got me a few books on leadership, and some files which he used for leadership seminars and workshops. just picking one book up, i saw 3 points that i guess have been a major issue, and it was all clearly stated out in black and white. i feel very aimless in school sometimes. like i come and am like a chicken without its head. running around and bumping into people and into things. and it hurts.
im appreciative of those that give me support. but i realise i don't open up to that many people, and therefore its hard to say things free flowingly. Syak and Jane are still busy with dance and their performancs. while they also have to prep for Temasek Titans next week. in that sense it would be selfish for me to pull them away and pour out my worries.
Speaking of which, i feel really bad abt pouring my worries to Kaya cake. Recently, with all my stress and depression, Kaya cake is my outlet for it. I feel really guilty. Kaya cake has its own share of stress, and i have to add on to its worries. still Thanks Kaya Cake! for your support and listening ear. still hoping for the X-men 2 :)
I have to relearn to trust people. as much as i seem to be open and wear my heart on my sleeve, i also realise that i hide alot as well. talking to varun way back, he tells me that i dont seem like the one who would share. and i dont want to get hurt, so i protect myself alot.
I want to trust. cuz that is how every organisation, relationship and friendship works, and is based on. i may give a certain amount of trust, but i have not been able to wholeheartedly and completely trust anyone yet. Then again who can.
but that is partially why i am so tired. i have people i can rely on, but they are few, and they are up to their necks in work as well. This therefore results in i having to rely on myself, and this may result in the weight being unbearable. i can commit and i will get it done, but i may break a few bones in the process. where are the people you need the most when you need them the most?
Now im hanging on till the end of the week. a break in a sense. Im looking forward to my "family outing", and the dance concert in the evening. while on Sat, there will be College Day, and the evening going to Band concert, Prelude, which i know i will enjoy stage band :).
Im filled to the brim, and starting to overflow. will anyone catch the water that spills?
too many things are on my mind. each like a person poking me with a stick. so its like thousands of people poking and prodding, pushing and peircing, against the soft tissue of my brain. that's why sometimes i just can concentrate, or i cant absolutely focus on the thing at hand.
Before that, i shall mention some of the better things this week. on Monday, i went down to orchard and finally purchased my floorball stick! i really feel the sting in my wallet ($150!?!?!?) but i think it has put me on the road of commitment to this sport, a drive if anything.
The week has been bad. everyday seems to demand more and more of me. and comparatively, even though the days are shorter and there is supposedly more time for ourselves, i see that everyday my schedule is packed. filled with council activities, floorball, elective, other duties. i even had to sacrifice drama on wednesday because i had so much going on.
i feel a certain sense of detatchment now. like i have no real place of solace. im not home long enough to find the comfort and the support i need. i have been going home on my own, and my parents don't seem to be back until late, and even then i have things to settle for Black Lights and for Council.
Dad got me a few books on leadership, and some files which he used for leadership seminars and workshops. just picking one book up, i saw 3 points that i guess have been a major issue, and it was all clearly stated out in black and white. i feel very aimless in school sometimes. like i come and am like a chicken without its head. running around and bumping into people and into things. and it hurts.
im appreciative of those that give me support. but i realise i don't open up to that many people, and therefore its hard to say things free flowingly. Syak and Jane are still busy with dance and their performancs. while they also have to prep for Temasek Titans next week. in that sense it would be selfish for me to pull them away and pour out my worries.
Speaking of which, i feel really bad abt pouring my worries to Kaya cake. Recently, with all my stress and depression, Kaya cake is my outlet for it. I feel really guilty. Kaya cake has its own share of stress, and i have to add on to its worries. still Thanks Kaya Cake! for your support and listening ear. still hoping for the X-men 2 :)
I have to relearn to trust people. as much as i seem to be open and wear my heart on my sleeve, i also realise that i hide alot as well. talking to varun way back, he tells me that i dont seem like the one who would share. and i dont want to get hurt, so i protect myself alot.
I want to trust. cuz that is how every organisation, relationship and friendship works, and is based on. i may give a certain amount of trust, but i have not been able to wholeheartedly and completely trust anyone yet. Then again who can.
but that is partially why i am so tired. i have people i can rely on, but they are few, and they are up to their necks in work as well. This therefore results in i having to rely on myself, and this may result in the weight being unbearable. i can commit and i will get it done, but i may break a few bones in the process. where are the people you need the most when you need them the most?
Now im hanging on till the end of the week. a break in a sense. Im looking forward to my "family outing", and the dance concert in the evening. while on Sat, there will be College Day, and the evening going to Band concert, Prelude, which i know i will enjoy stage band :).
Im filled to the brim, and starting to overflow. will anyone catch the water that spills?
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Mother's Day
Mother's day comes and goes eveery year, and it seems like i keep forgeting to get my mom a present. so in that sense, when i make up for it by cooking breakfast, it has become some what of a tradition, where mother's day morning, i/'ll surprise her with breakfast made by her very own son.
however, i always feel guilty when i do so. yes the thought counts, and i put in effort to make her breakfast, but its because i dont have the time/money, or rather didnt find the time/money to get her a proper present, that i am making her breakfast. but i still enjoy it when mom smiles and thanks me for the breakfast i made. haha, it get me embarassed, and mom always knows how to embarass me :P
but i cant say i started this mother's day well. last night/this morning, i reached home at 12+ in the morning, cuz i was at Gema Temasek and it lasted till late. My mom was severly dissapointed in me, and the only thing she left me with that night was /"we shall talk about it in the morning"/. that is the influence and significance of my mom, and my parents. they dont have to scold me and reprimand me. they just show their dissapointment. the guilt that sets in later, i think is stronger than any scolding they could ever give me. however, i still dont seem to learn, if not i wouldnt have broken curfew so many times >.<
i have got to hand it to my mom. she holds it together really well. i swear it is not easy dealing with people like my bor and i, and i think its to be admired how influential and how capable she is. my mom is my /"go to person"/ for stress and problems in my life. Dad is there when i need advice, cuz he is my role model in leadership, but mom is just there for me, and i know that she would hear out my school problems (especially in social life!) and help me with it.
I'm hyper lucky. i have 2 amazing parents that are both really supportive, and my life has pretty much been smooth sailing for many things. i told Kaya cake that i am very lucky to have parents like this, and that is why i want to bring it out, /"pay it forward"/, and /"share the love"/ with people that dont have the luck of having parents like mine. or even the TA1s, Mrs Lim had tremendous influence on me. i even cried when she left, and that is why i feel its my obligation to carry it forward.
Moms, mother figures, motherly people, and basically to all those that care for others and protect them like my mom protects me. i want to wish you a happy Mother/'s Day, and kudos to the great job you have done.
I Love you Mom!
+++
added at 1pm
there was something i felt i had to add to my post abt mother's day. i was chatting with Xiao Bao, and i guess that i was really touched by her actions. Xiao Bao is very close to her family (her real one). and i guess that i have seen people close, but she is REALLY close. im inspired. im close to my family, but i think i take them for granted sometimes. just listening to Xiao Bao and what she does for her family, i think she is the perfect daughter.
She cancels things so she can spend time with her family, while i break curfew and am not at home when the clock hits midnight, on mothers day. Its hard to describe it well. but i just feel the ache in my heart when i think about the times i let my mom down. there are a lot of things ive done that havent been exactly to be proud of, but mom always is there for me.
I WANT to be a momma's boy. Because i love my mom.
Thanks Xiao Bao :)
however, i always feel guilty when i do so. yes the thought counts, and i put in effort to make her breakfast, but its because i dont have the time/money, or rather didnt find the time/money to get her a proper present, that i am making her breakfast. but i still enjoy it when mom smiles and thanks me for the breakfast i made. haha, it get me embarassed, and mom always knows how to embarass me :P
but i cant say i started this mother's day well. last night/this morning, i reached home at 12+ in the morning, cuz i was at Gema Temasek and it lasted till late. My mom was severly dissapointed in me, and the only thing she left me with that night was /"we shall talk about it in the morning"/. that is the influence and significance of my mom, and my parents. they dont have to scold me and reprimand me. they just show their dissapointment. the guilt that sets in later, i think is stronger than any scolding they could ever give me. however, i still dont seem to learn, if not i wouldnt have broken curfew so many times >.<
i have got to hand it to my mom. she holds it together really well. i swear it is not easy dealing with people like my bor and i, and i think its to be admired how influential and how capable she is. my mom is my /"go to person"/ for stress and problems in my life. Dad is there when i need advice, cuz he is my role model in leadership, but mom is just there for me, and i know that she would hear out my school problems (especially in social life!) and help me with it.
I'm hyper lucky. i have 2 amazing parents that are both really supportive, and my life has pretty much been smooth sailing for many things. i told Kaya cake that i am very lucky to have parents like this, and that is why i want to bring it out, /"pay it forward"/, and /"share the love"/ with people that dont have the luck of having parents like mine. or even the TA1s, Mrs Lim had tremendous influence on me. i even cried when she left, and that is why i feel its my obligation to carry it forward.
Moms, mother figures, motherly people, and basically to all those that care for others and protect them like my mom protects me. i want to wish you a happy Mother/'s Day, and kudos to the great job you have done.
I Love you Mom!
+++
added at 1pm
there was something i felt i had to add to my post abt mother's day. i was chatting with Xiao Bao, and i guess that i was really touched by her actions. Xiao Bao is very close to her family (her real one). and i guess that i have seen people close, but she is REALLY close. im inspired. im close to my family, but i think i take them for granted sometimes. just listening to Xiao Bao and what she does for her family, i think she is the perfect daughter.
She cancels things so she can spend time with her family, while i break curfew and am not at home when the clock hits midnight, on mothers day. Its hard to describe it well. but i just feel the ache in my heart when i think about the times i let my mom down. there are a lot of things ive done that havent been exactly to be proud of, but mom always is there for me.
I WANT to be a momma's boy. Because i love my mom.
Thanks Xiao Bao :)
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Student Leadership Camp
I have been back from camp, but cant say im fully recovered. still a tad tired, and my voice is still quite gone, but if not im in TIP TOP form!
SLC was great. its wednesday today, and still suffering from hangover. i miss everyone of the people there. from the groupmates in RAFIKI, to the instructors and the people from other groups.
Student leadership camp really did what it set out to do. or rather, i maximised this opportunity to learn about myself and my leadership style. every chance i got, i tried to either be model and guide to the TA1 juniors, or learn about myself and my own leadership abilities.
I wont say too much about what i learnt here, but i can safely say that i need to trust myself, my juniors, and the support they can give. I have to work doubly hard to prove to my peers my change and development, as not only do i have to disprove their initial negative impression of me, and then rebuild the /"new and improved"/ version, which is the positive one im trying to portray.
On a lighter note (and i swear that this gets me HIGH!!!!)
Im proud to announce my adoption of my /"4 ge bao"/, haha just saying it gets me all warm and fuzzy inside. all i had to do, was tie a flap of the tent up to let air flow in, then along comese Zenia (Xiao Bao) with the comment:/" we are like babies in a cot! and he is like some daddy watching over us"/ and somehow, by some divine intervention, i am blessed to have 4 babies that are willingly calling me DADDY or PAPA when they see me!
sounds weird but it gives me a fluttery feeling when they do! I feel damn outdated, huimin was even reeling in shock when she heard that i never play FAMILY before.
BUT its never too late to start, and i am super lucky to get 4 of them as my first adopted daughters!
DA BAO- Kelly- hmmm so far, ive spoken to her (before SLC) once at the bus stop and exchanged email contact, then now ive seen her spastic pic on her blog, as well as /"her beautiful shit"/ whatever that is >.<
ER BAO- Yanting- hmmm.... i used to wave to her is school, but a) never really knew her name, and b) never really chatted. but after SLC!!! she is like full of energy, like a bowl full of Cheerios! ever smiling and ever ready to call on her DADDY!
SAN BAO- Pei Yi- we were in the same elective last year, and i dont rmb chatting much then, but definitely an intriguing one in my books! cant wait to find out more! unlocking the mysteries of San Bao!
XIAO BAO BAO- Zenia- this is like a ball bursting with energy! she's got the optimistic, ever bright and silly Jeans (genes) in the family! another one who never fails to call PAPA! i cant beleive that once upon a time i actually thought that she was dao!!!
well there ya go! /"Wo Jia Si Ge Bao"/ each unique and special in their own way. a new addittion of the family has yet to find her spot.
Hui Min- Aunt/Grandma/Fairy Godmother/Tooth fairy/Uncle/"/"/etc.
hopefully you find your place soon... >.< lolz
ive got a whole ton of SLC pics and things that i wanna say, but maybe not for public domain. Photos if anyone wants, you know who to get it from!
and lastly, SLC brought the council back together, SLC rawks!!!
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
My Perfect life
sometimes i think i wonder if people think my life is good/great/wonderful/perfect. i admit that i have been quite lucky in this life, and a lot of opportunities have come my way. Perhaps to some i might come off as being on top of everything. even though i would rant and sometimes complain, or even look really tired, i always seem to bounce back and put in my all for that thing im doing.
still, there are certain drawbacks, like my studies have been suffering, and maybe a little lack of sleep. If not i think i really have had the luck to do quite well in other things in my life. i may not be the fittest, but after training and stuff, cheerleading came quite easily to me. the /"mo chi"/ btw me and zhi zhong helped ALOT, and it fell into place, kinda, i can say that i was extremely comfortable with our entire element.
My life has been quite smooth sailing. from young i had the outspoken characteristic, and never seemed to have a problem with intercting and speaking to people, then i had the luck of getting into GEP and rosyth school where i met a bunch of friends that i really love. then even when i was failing in GEP, i managed to squeeze through to secondary school, though i was still on probation. then i think the biggest stroke of luck was applying for TA. i think i handed up my form on one of the last, if not the last day of application, and because i was first to be interviewed, i managed to get a fresh start in TA. then a lot of uphill events in TA which i think i can spare the facts (Students council, cheerleading, orientation, drama etc.). and i think the biggest support and pillar in my life is my family. without their undying love and support, i dont think i would have done as many of the things that i have done.
i guess that is how i come off as quite a stable person. i have had all these good things in my life, that i seem to be above problems and issues that bug me seriously. but i still think, and know that there are things in my life that are not perfect. i have many flaws and problems which either i hide well, or i just dont seem willing to share.
how contrary to how i usually feel. i feel like i have quite a few things bent up in my life, just that i dont have the people and the audience to let it out to. either that, i might just be very silly, cuz i realise that my parents are my main source of confidance. however, i know that i have close friends. yet, its either them or me, but i dont seem to tell them much, or i dont get te chance to tell them much.
this tends to lead to insecurity. cuz it may not be true, but if i dont share my problems, i might be taken to be a fair weather friend. and maybe when i do face a rut or a problem, the people i am close to i dont know if they would be there.
sometimes i feel like a bucket, a bigg bucket. many problems and things get poured inside me, and i dont seem to have any problem storing it. but at the same time, i fear being taken for granted, and if there is incessant pouring, wone day i would over flow, if i didnt pour some of my own things out.
if you read chain mails on the web, you read about those /"the strongest usually need protection"/, and i think its quite true. i am really vulnerable, and i know of those that have exploited it. this is something you learn in a boys school, that guys can be just as bitchy as girls, and smart guys can blackmail the pants of you.
friendships and relationships have to be two way- always. if not either side if not both sides can tend to feel insecure. when you share all your secrets with someone, and they dont share back, you would feel very vulnerable to the blackmail that person could put on you, while if you were on the other end of the stick, and people keep pouring you their problems, you would be worried that if you shared your problems, they would turn away.
/"the greatest thing in life is to love, and be loved back"/ - quote from my favourite movie Moulin Rouge ( at least the quote is something like that)
it doesnt matter what kind of love, it could be friendship love to relationship love, even to brotherly love. in anycase, that is the dual-dependence between 2 people, and i dont know why, i always seem to be in relationships that are heavily leaning to one side than a balance.
I wonder which i come off more as, 1) a person that is on top of most things, and have very little problems in life, or, 2) a person that can be quite cold and distant that is unwilling to open up his life to other people.
this is definitely testiment to my insecurity and vulnerability. i need to learn to stop thinking so much about the problems and think simply the great things that i have got. I am thankful for many things in life, and i dont think i should be asking for more. yet when life is too smooth sailing, i want to challenge the boudaries, and see how far i can go! that is why we have goals, to push for and to attain, or to not acheive and learn from it.
haha this might sound really petty, and silly, but it would be great for people to once in a while remind me that i am appreciated. everyone wants to be appreciated, and to belong. reassurance never hurt anyone! =D
So how perfect is my life? i think considerably, i am quite the lucky bastard, my life is perfect because, i have problems and i have greatness, i think if life were any other way, it wouldnt be worth living. cheers to life as a whole, and to those that are cursing life, and squealing at the screwed up parts, look at the bigger picture, appreciate what you have, life would be a lot finer that way!
still, there are certain drawbacks, like my studies have been suffering, and maybe a little lack of sleep. If not i think i really have had the luck to do quite well in other things in my life. i may not be the fittest, but after training and stuff, cheerleading came quite easily to me. the /"mo chi"/ btw me and zhi zhong helped ALOT, and it fell into place, kinda, i can say that i was extremely comfortable with our entire element.
My life has been quite smooth sailing. from young i had the outspoken characteristic, and never seemed to have a problem with intercting and speaking to people, then i had the luck of getting into GEP and rosyth school where i met a bunch of friends that i really love. then even when i was failing in GEP, i managed to squeeze through to secondary school, though i was still on probation. then i think the biggest stroke of luck was applying for TA. i think i handed up my form on one of the last, if not the last day of application, and because i was first to be interviewed, i managed to get a fresh start in TA. then a lot of uphill events in TA which i think i can spare the facts (Students council, cheerleading, orientation, drama etc.). and i think the biggest support and pillar in my life is my family. without their undying love and support, i dont think i would have done as many of the things that i have done.
i guess that is how i come off as quite a stable person. i have had all these good things in my life, that i seem to be above problems and issues that bug me seriously. but i still think, and know that there are things in my life that are not perfect. i have many flaws and problems which either i hide well, or i just dont seem willing to share.
how contrary to how i usually feel. i feel like i have quite a few things bent up in my life, just that i dont have the people and the audience to let it out to. either that, i might just be very silly, cuz i realise that my parents are my main source of confidance. however, i know that i have close friends. yet, its either them or me, but i dont seem to tell them much, or i dont get te chance to tell them much.
this tends to lead to insecurity. cuz it may not be true, but if i dont share my problems, i might be taken to be a fair weather friend. and maybe when i do face a rut or a problem, the people i am close to i dont know if they would be there.
sometimes i feel like a bucket, a bigg bucket. many problems and things get poured inside me, and i dont seem to have any problem storing it. but at the same time, i fear being taken for granted, and if there is incessant pouring, wone day i would over flow, if i didnt pour some of my own things out.
if you read chain mails on the web, you read about those /"the strongest usually need protection"/, and i think its quite true. i am really vulnerable, and i know of those that have exploited it. this is something you learn in a boys school, that guys can be just as bitchy as girls, and smart guys can blackmail the pants of you.
friendships and relationships have to be two way- always. if not either side if not both sides can tend to feel insecure. when you share all your secrets with someone, and they dont share back, you would feel very vulnerable to the blackmail that person could put on you, while if you were on the other end of the stick, and people keep pouring you their problems, you would be worried that if you shared your problems, they would turn away.
/"the greatest thing in life is to love, and be loved back"/ - quote from my favourite movie Moulin Rouge ( at least the quote is something like that)
it doesnt matter what kind of love, it could be friendship love to relationship love, even to brotherly love. in anycase, that is the dual-dependence between 2 people, and i dont know why, i always seem to be in relationships that are heavily leaning to one side than a balance.
I wonder which i come off more as, 1) a person that is on top of most things, and have very little problems in life, or, 2) a person that can be quite cold and distant that is unwilling to open up his life to other people.
this is definitely testiment to my insecurity and vulnerability. i need to learn to stop thinking so much about the problems and think simply the great things that i have got. I am thankful for many things in life, and i dont think i should be asking for more. yet when life is too smooth sailing, i want to challenge the boudaries, and see how far i can go! that is why we have goals, to push for and to attain, or to not acheive and learn from it.
haha this might sound really petty, and silly, but it would be great for people to once in a while remind me that i am appreciated. everyone wants to be appreciated, and to belong. reassurance never hurt anyone! =D
So how perfect is my life? i think considerably, i am quite the lucky bastard, my life is perfect because, i have problems and i have greatness, i think if life were any other way, it wouldnt be worth living. cheers to life as a whole, and to those that are cursing life, and squealing at the screwed up parts, look at the bigger picture, appreciate what you have, life would be a lot finer that way!
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Delta, and the Top Dragons!
my time has freed up a lot now, and now i actually have the time to sleep and catch up on work (though i cant say i exactly have). Reason being, i have completed my 2 major events this term, and had an additional small event which just happened on friday.
in my last post i already spoke about Mardi Gras, and was like /"one down, one to go!"/. then the next big thing was cheerleading and then the small project which followed was emcee-ing for Delta House Function: Charme Enchanteur.
Cheerleading is and has been one of the best expereinces of my life, so far at least. Last year it was a pity after the accident, and it was too bad i couldnt be part of the victory of Delta house, but this year i think it was so much better! We may not have won, but unlike last year, i think many of us felt a closer bond than last year. haha, it was great seeing the posts some people had on their blogs, like ZZ, zhi zhong, it was like we had grown so comfortable with each other, that once cheerleading ended, it waw little like cold turkey going back into our normal routine of things. I guess that we really miss each other now, but also we are all so busy with our own things that we barely have time to meet, even for another outing!
Truthfully, cheerleading made my entire term 2 good. without it, i think i would not have been able to hold a lot of things together. i remember that it was kinda a dip for this year's term one, but once i had cheerleading to not only occupy me, but also a place that i could chill and be comfortable, i felt better, and the trust that we had to build with each other will last forever more. We may not have won, but actually it doesnt bother me much. i dont even think about it. im more sparked by the times that we trained till late, and the sitting around half chatting about cheerleading, but also half sharing our lives, and letting each other into each others' lives. a flier has to trust his/her bases and backspot, the bases trust the backspot to catch the flier if the bases falter, and the flier to push him/herself up when they go into double base, and the backspot trusts the flier and bases to work well, to make sure he/she does not get hurt. that trust that we formed as an element, as a squad, and together as a team, it carried on to other parts of our life, and i can safely say that i would trusts the cheerleaders with many things in my life.
then that night, after sports day, most of us went to Fish and Co. to kind of celebrate our efforts. i swear that it was so much fun sitting next to Bel and Zhi Zhong. i think of the bases, i think i am most fond of these two. they are ust simply so... so... innocent? Bel is just cute, not Varun cute, but just cute in the way he behaves, and Zhi zhong is just quirky. they are like the positive life force of the group. just that dinner, Bel and Zhi zhong cracked me up utterly and completely, but in a way that is hard to explain. they were not funny persay, but their actions and their behavior, is just so bright and... indescribable. >.<
I just miss the whole bunch. like ZZ put it, its weird waking up on saturday and wondering what should you be doing, or tuesday after class having nothing to do... worse is that we cant find the time to meet as a whole group again... we/'re just too busy!!!! AHHHH! gah... maybe june hols is the closest time we can have our outing...
On the day of sports day, nadiah (House Comm one) re-asked me to be emcee for delta house function. at first i think i was kinda reluctant, but i knew that it would be interesting to. So i asked for a co-host. when nadiah first asked me under TRC, i had initially said to look for a co-host. ximin who happened to be around, jokingly said she would co-host, but when nad asked me on sports day itself, i had to pull ximin in, as she was the only one that was remotely willing.
So, with 1 week to prepare, no details until wednesday, and rushing for time on friday, i think we performed quite well! haha, i learn that its not easy trying to script for an event that is really open, as it relies on alot of the audience paying attention. if it were just a performing event, i think our sript would have worked better, cuz at least the audience would pay attention and notice the comments we were making. haha i think one of the more embarassing moments of the night was the introduction of the magician. we had to pretend to have an argument, and i /"surprised"/ her with a flower, but 1) she knew it was coming, so it wasnt a surprise and 2) no one was really paying attention anywae.
One thing i did realise working with Ximin, was that it is really easy to do so. we are quite comfortable with each other, but it can be weird on stage as it is kida scary up there. maybe another event? i dunno about her, but i think it would be fun, and after this hosting, i think we are due for a better performance... haha, anyhoo, towards the end of the night it got better, and when the audience became more concentrated to the band performance ( by Mike! <- name of band), the night was more fun :D
the two events were quite significant, and also i realised both is related to Delta. it just ups my interest in taking a house-based post. bcuz of SC i cant run for Houe committee this year, but i know that jane, yixiu and many of the cheereladers are running for HC, so i can always get involved by asking them for updates and helping with the planning. hopefully shaik will get House Captain, then it really will let the cheerleaders be very involved in HC.
Perhaps you could say its kind of a goal. House Captain does seem a very promising post, even if being in TA sets me at a disadvantage. but that can be left till next year. haha, goal worth working towards though!
in my last post i already spoke about Mardi Gras, and was like /"one down, one to go!"/. then the next big thing was cheerleading and then the small project which followed was emcee-ing for Delta House Function: Charme Enchanteur.
Cheerleading is and has been one of the best expereinces of my life, so far at least. Last year it was a pity after the accident, and it was too bad i couldnt be part of the victory of Delta house, but this year i think it was so much better! We may not have won, but unlike last year, i think many of us felt a closer bond than last year. haha, it was great seeing the posts some people had on their blogs, like ZZ, zhi zhong, it was like we had grown so comfortable with each other, that once cheerleading ended, it waw little like cold turkey going back into our normal routine of things. I guess that we really miss each other now, but also we are all so busy with our own things that we barely have time to meet, even for another outing!
Truthfully, cheerleading made my entire term 2 good. without it, i think i would not have been able to hold a lot of things together. i remember that it was kinda a dip for this year's term one, but once i had cheerleading to not only occupy me, but also a place that i could chill and be comfortable, i felt better, and the trust that we had to build with each other will last forever more. We may not have won, but actually it doesnt bother me much. i dont even think about it. im more sparked by the times that we trained till late, and the sitting around half chatting about cheerleading, but also half sharing our lives, and letting each other into each others' lives. a flier has to trust his/her bases and backspot, the bases trust the backspot to catch the flier if the bases falter, and the flier to push him/herself up when they go into double base, and the backspot trusts the flier and bases to work well, to make sure he/she does not get hurt. that trust that we formed as an element, as a squad, and together as a team, it carried on to other parts of our life, and i can safely say that i would trusts the cheerleaders with many things in my life.
then that night, after sports day, most of us went to Fish and Co. to kind of celebrate our efforts. i swear that it was so much fun sitting next to Bel and Zhi Zhong. i think of the bases, i think i am most fond of these two. they are ust simply so... so... innocent? Bel is just cute, not Varun cute, but just cute in the way he behaves, and Zhi zhong is just quirky. they are like the positive life force of the group. just that dinner, Bel and Zhi zhong cracked me up utterly and completely, but in a way that is hard to explain. they were not funny persay, but their actions and their behavior, is just so bright and... indescribable. >.<
I just miss the whole bunch. like ZZ put it, its weird waking up on saturday and wondering what should you be doing, or tuesday after class having nothing to do... worse is that we cant find the time to meet as a whole group again... we/'re just too busy!!!! AHHHH! gah... maybe june hols is the closest time we can have our outing...
On the day of sports day, nadiah (House Comm one) re-asked me to be emcee for delta house function. at first i think i was kinda reluctant, but i knew that it would be interesting to. So i asked for a co-host. when nadiah first asked me under TRC, i had initially said to look for a co-host. ximin who happened to be around, jokingly said she would co-host, but when nad asked me on sports day itself, i had to pull ximin in, as she was the only one that was remotely willing.
So, with 1 week to prepare, no details until wednesday, and rushing for time on friday, i think we performed quite well! haha, i learn that its not easy trying to script for an event that is really open, as it relies on alot of the audience paying attention. if it were just a performing event, i think our sript would have worked better, cuz at least the audience would pay attention and notice the comments we were making. haha i think one of the more embarassing moments of the night was the introduction of the magician. we had to pretend to have an argument, and i /"surprised"/ her with a flower, but 1) she knew it was coming, so it wasnt a surprise and 2) no one was really paying attention anywae.
One thing i did realise working with Ximin, was that it is really easy to do so. we are quite comfortable with each other, but it can be weird on stage as it is kida scary up there. maybe another event? i dunno about her, but i think it would be fun, and after this hosting, i think we are due for a better performance... haha, anyhoo, towards the end of the night it got better, and when the audience became more concentrated to the band performance ( by Mike! <- name of band), the night was more fun :D
the two events were quite significant, and also i realised both is related to Delta. it just ups my interest in taking a house-based post. bcuz of SC i cant run for Houe committee this year, but i know that jane, yixiu and many of the cheereladers are running for HC, so i can always get involved by asking them for updates and helping with the planning. hopefully shaik will get House Captain, then it really will let the cheerleaders be very involved in HC.
Perhaps you could say its kind of a goal. House Captain does seem a very promising post, even if being in TA sets me at a disadvantage. but that can be left till next year. haha, goal worth working towards though!
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Indifferrent. Selfish. Content.
sometimes its just better to ignore the things around me, as it saves a lot of unwanted, and unneccesary pain. Its just easier to surround youself with joy and comfort, and appreciate the things you have instead of lamenting over what you dont.
so that is where the selfishness kicks in. yes it would be selfish to ignore certain things and certain issues even if it involves you. on the other hand, it doesnt neccesarily mean that if you get involved it would become better. its all about judgment. there are bound to be things that are important and you can change, but there are just certain things that are pointless and immature, and just ignoring it would be the best option.
surrounding myself with the people i enjoy being around, or finding time to do things that you enjoy. just staying content and stable. there are many things to worry about and there are resposibilities i need to tend to, but the best way to handle everything would be just to stay positive, and to be upbeat.
Mardi Gras was a blast! the drama performance was okay, and there were certain things that were quite entertaining, but the thing was that it was a break from mundane school life, and it was a night to spend time with friends, while seeing the smiles on people's faces! Most of the night i spent wandering around on my own. It was really great seeing the J2's that came back. Derek with his crew cut was cool as usual, but it was the best when i saw Momma again! as usual she had her flari and the style she always did, and when i saw her, gave a BBIIIIGGGG hug! others i saw in the crowd were Aqil and Kia Liang. the teachers made it a success. without their sporting enthusiasm and willingness to look like complete idiots, it made the night so much more entertaining, and fun.
i think i am quite happy with life as a whole now. there are bound to be problems and days where arent so great. Maybe my schedule is starting to free up, and soon i would have more time, and so will my friends. term is taxing, im sure i have mentioned it countless times, but i still wouldnt give it up for the world.
I am quite blessed. i have been given so many opportunities to do things, and it never stops. every step of the way i learn something new, and i find something to enjoy. even when i hit a low, i know that i would always have the support i need from friends and especially family. I know i dont always reciprocate, but i try, and one of the ways i channel the support my parents give me, would be to be support to my friends.
I may need more guy friends though. I think its a new low when i end up in a conversation with 2 girls pop-quizzing me if i know the different kinds of girl clothing. Nick is cool, but like me, he is very busy too, and we always seem to have clashing schedules. Sean is another nice friend. we have similar thought wavelengths. Haish, maybe it really doesnt matter. friends are friends, and i know i can count on them, and vice versa.
so am i indifferent? Selfish? or Content? im all, and happy with it. SmileZ!
so that is where the selfishness kicks in. yes it would be selfish to ignore certain things and certain issues even if it involves you. on the other hand, it doesnt neccesarily mean that if you get involved it would become better. its all about judgment. there are bound to be things that are important and you can change, but there are just certain things that are pointless and immature, and just ignoring it would be the best option.
surrounding myself with the people i enjoy being around, or finding time to do things that you enjoy. just staying content and stable. there are many things to worry about and there are resposibilities i need to tend to, but the best way to handle everything would be just to stay positive, and to be upbeat.
Mardi Gras was a blast! the drama performance was okay, and there were certain things that were quite entertaining, but the thing was that it was a break from mundane school life, and it was a night to spend time with friends, while seeing the smiles on people's faces! Most of the night i spent wandering around on my own. It was really great seeing the J2's that came back. Derek with his crew cut was cool as usual, but it was the best when i saw Momma again! as usual she had her flari and the style she always did, and when i saw her, gave a BBIIIIGGGG hug! others i saw in the crowd were Aqil and Kia Liang. the teachers made it a success. without their sporting enthusiasm and willingness to look like complete idiots, it made the night so much more entertaining, and fun.
i think i am quite happy with life as a whole now. there are bound to be problems and days where arent so great. Maybe my schedule is starting to free up, and soon i would have more time, and so will my friends. term is taxing, im sure i have mentioned it countless times, but i still wouldnt give it up for the world.
I am quite blessed. i have been given so many opportunities to do things, and it never stops. every step of the way i learn something new, and i find something to enjoy. even when i hit a low, i know that i would always have the support i need from friends and especially family. I know i dont always reciprocate, but i try, and one of the ways i channel the support my parents give me, would be to be support to my friends.
I may need more guy friends though. I think its a new low when i end up in a conversation with 2 girls pop-quizzing me if i know the different kinds of girl clothing. Nick is cool, but like me, he is very busy too, and we always seem to have clashing schedules. Sean is another nice friend. we have similar thought wavelengths. Haish, maybe it really doesnt matter. friends are friends, and i know i can count on them, and vice versa.
so am i indifferent? Selfish? or Content? im all, and happy with it. SmileZ!
Friday, April 07, 2006
Gullible
Recently i have found it especially hard to find people that i enjoy talking to. even if it is to de-stress, or to pour my troubles without a worry of it being used against me, i just dont seem to have the time to chat, and likewise for people i want to chat with.
Mardi Gras is just around the corner. cheerleading in 2 weeks time, and quite stressed over Black Lights. but thats term 2 right? by now i should have realised that this is what the pace would be especially in the activity filled term 2. hence ironically, when I need to let loose most, the people I wanna confide in are as busy if not busier than me. still i pick my timing, and when i can i find those that i want to talk to, why settle for anything less?
So i have to admit that i can be quite gullible some/most of the time. somehow i can just get into that vulnerable state of mind where it close to doesnt matter who it is, i would just pour my troubles. sometimes i am luck and manage to find someone that actually gives sound advice, and is supportive and encouraging. but sometimes my luck is not as good, and i risk ebing betrayed and knifed in the back.
I wish i could trust people. It is never easy finding people you can tell things to. doesnt matter which gender, it is just difficult. but even so, STATISTICALLY showing i seem to talk/confide/share with girls than any guy. exception being nick of course, and there are guys that i really enjoy being around, Anu, you da man, and its guys like them that really make me feel in my sin, and just comfortable to chat and joke with. syak, jane and many others, its great having friends that even though we arent always in the same wavelength, we enjoy each other's company, and would always be there to support each other.
Term 2 comes down hard on everyone, it really strains us, and tests us, and its one of those things that you look back in pride. but that sure doesnt mean that it isnt tiring. Ash asked me, how come you seem to always have so much energy in the morning?. i dunno? maybe i have something to hyped up about, even if i dont know what it is. But this soon dies off when i go to class, and subsequently for pdp and activities. the energy tries to be there, but i realise that after a while my mind just goes on like a train, constantly chugging, but quite drone-ish and dead. so much for a second wind... but at least it keeps me going. its a short stint left to the completion of the activites, and im sure i will last till then.
Have i mentioned that juniors can be tiresome. yeah i know that i had a previous post saying how interesting school life is with TA1s around, but i come to realise that it can be amazingly tiresome sometimes as well. individuals are fine. i can talk to anyone on a 1-to-1 basis, but dealing with the TA1s as a cohort, it can be quite a handful. they seem to have a lot of time on their hands. most of them anyway, and it usually results in mindless chatter and gossip that make utter and complete nonsense. Term 2 has been quite a headache with all this chatter going around. i wouldnt mind if it didnt involve me, but balancing committments with problems in social life is really a little to much to handle.
actually its not really about age. its about maturity. and since i know the TA2s better and they have settled in and developed into the TA/TJ mindset, most of them are displaying their maturity and their potential. the shuffle in the class helped alot, getting to know the rest of the TA2 cohort, and becoming more like a cohort than just 1A-oneeeyohfive. thats what makes me want to get to know the TA2s better first. after all i have 2+ years to get to know the juniors, and i think that there is more than enough time.
DE-stress, thats the word of the day.
Mardi Gras is just around the corner. cheerleading in 2 weeks time, and quite stressed over Black Lights. but thats term 2 right? by now i should have realised that this is what the pace would be especially in the activity filled term 2. hence ironically, when I need to let loose most, the people I wanna confide in are as busy if not busier than me. still i pick my timing, and when i can i find those that i want to talk to, why settle for anything less?
So i have to admit that i can be quite gullible some/most of the time. somehow i can just get into that vulnerable state of mind where it close to doesnt matter who it is, i would just pour my troubles. sometimes i am luck and manage to find someone that actually gives sound advice, and is supportive and encouraging. but sometimes my luck is not as good, and i risk ebing betrayed and knifed in the back.
I wish i could trust people. It is never easy finding people you can tell things to. doesnt matter which gender, it is just difficult. but even so, STATISTICALLY showing i seem to talk/confide/share with girls than any guy. exception being nick of course, and there are guys that i really enjoy being around, Anu, you da man, and its guys like them that really make me feel in my sin, and just comfortable to chat and joke with. syak, jane and many others, its great having friends that even though we arent always in the same wavelength, we enjoy each other's company, and would always be there to support each other.
Term 2 comes down hard on everyone, it really strains us, and tests us, and its one of those things that you look back in pride. but that sure doesnt mean that it isnt tiring. Ash asked me, how come you seem to always have so much energy in the morning?. i dunno? maybe i have something to hyped up about, even if i dont know what it is. But this soon dies off when i go to class, and subsequently for pdp and activities. the energy tries to be there, but i realise that after a while my mind just goes on like a train, constantly chugging, but quite drone-ish and dead. so much for a second wind... but at least it keeps me going. its a short stint left to the completion of the activites, and im sure i will last till then.
Have i mentioned that juniors can be tiresome. yeah i know that i had a previous post saying how interesting school life is with TA1s around, but i come to realise that it can be amazingly tiresome sometimes as well. individuals are fine. i can talk to anyone on a 1-to-1 basis, but dealing with the TA1s as a cohort, it can be quite a handful. they seem to have a lot of time on their hands. most of them anyway, and it usually results in mindless chatter and gossip that make utter and complete nonsense. Term 2 has been quite a headache with all this chatter going around. i wouldnt mind if it didnt involve me, but balancing committments with problems in social life is really a little to much to handle.
actually its not really about age. its about maturity. and since i know the TA2s better and they have settled in and developed into the TA/TJ mindset, most of them are displaying their maturity and their potential. the shuffle in the class helped alot, getting to know the rest of the TA2 cohort, and becoming more like a cohort than just 1A-oneeeyohfive. thats what makes me want to get to know the TA2s better first. after all i have 2+ years to get to know the juniors, and i think that there is more than enough time.
DE-stress, thats the word of the day.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Duet
Elephant Song Medley
Ewan: All you need is love.
Nicole: A girl has got to eat.
Ewan: All you need is love.
Nicole: She'll end up on the streets.
Ewan: All you need is love.
Nicole: Love is just a game.
Ewan: I was made for loving you baby
and you were made for loving me.
Nicole: The only way of loving me baby is to pay a lovely fee.
Ewan: Just one night, just one night.
Nicole: There's no way, cause you cant pay.
Ewan: In the name of love, one night in the name of love.
Nicole: You crazy fool, i wont give into you.
Ewan: Dont leave me this way.
I cant survive without your sweet love, oh baby,
dont leave me this way.
Nicole: You'd think that people would of had enough of silly love songs.
Ewan: I look around and i see it isnt so, oh no.
Nicole: Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs.
Ewan: Well whats wrong with that, i'd like to know. Cause here i go again.
Ewan: Love lift us up where we belong. Where eagles fly on a mountain high.
Nicole: Love makes us act like we are fools, throw our lifes away, for one happy
day.
Ewan: We could be heroes... just for one day.
Nicole: You, you will be mean.
Ewan: No i wont.
Nicole: And i, i'll drink all the time.
Ewan: We should be lovers.
Nicole: We cant do that.
Ewan: We should be lovers, and thats a fact.
Nicole: No nothing would keep us together.
Ewan: We could steal time just for one day.
Together: We could be heroes forever and ever.
We could be heroes forever and ever.
We can be heroes...
Ewan: Just because I will always love..
Nicole: I...
Together: Can't help lovin' you.
Nicole: How wonderful life is..
Together: now your in the world.
that is the elephant song medley that was in Moulin Rouge, one of my all time favourite movies. there is just something about duets that are so fascinating, interesting, and touching. when 2 people can harmonise and compliment each other through voice, the feeling invoked is amazing.
Singing can help to get feelings out, sometimes when you feel a certain way, i love how there are songs that seem to totally encompass how you feel. sometimes through the lyrics of the song, we find deeper understanding of how we are feeling, or find the words to say how we feel.
I am looking for a duet partner. that was quite... crude, but at this time who doesnt have the rush of hormones and the craving for a confidant? sometimes relationships can be really one sided. when people pour their troubles towards you, the listener would (being a considerate friend) listen wholsomely, and not make any comments until they are done. I admit that i do and face the same thing. there are people that i confide in, but they dont usually share much about them in return, which sometimes can be quite frustrating. or instead i listen and listen, but do not share back how i feel, or my problems. So its looking for that person that you can share with, yet you can listen to their problems. that is how good friends and even relationships are formed.
I feel like i have much bottled in me, and that i cant find a suitable person for me to share with. I aint attatched (but i think that is what im bottling up anyway) and for friends that i am close to, we are all quite busy with one thing or another, so to pick up the conversation is even more difficult. maybe i could do like i previously did, and blurt to anyone i know roughly, then i would get it out, and they would learn more about me. but that is no longer what i am like, i want to keep more things to myself, and think about it more, instead of shooting my mouth off.
Such is life isnt it? when you dont want something it would naturally gravitate towards you, but the moment you want it, it naturally repels. its not so easy to throw away all your want and thoughts and just be natural. that is the idea of friends being lovers right? just when you find out you like your friend, you become less firendly, and are more conscious of your actions, and words.
Back to dreaming of my duet. i just thought of the perfect setting, 2 people in love, performing for an audience, a duet that encompasses their feelings for each other. the duet which can be called /"Our Song"/
sigh >.< hopeless...
Ewan: All you need is love.
Nicole: A girl has got to eat.
Ewan: All you need is love.
Nicole: She'll end up on the streets.
Ewan: All you need is love.
Nicole: Love is just a game.
Ewan: I was made for loving you baby
and you were made for loving me.
Nicole: The only way of loving me baby is to pay a lovely fee.
Ewan: Just one night, just one night.
Nicole: There's no way, cause you cant pay.
Ewan: In the name of love, one night in the name of love.
Nicole: You crazy fool, i wont give into you.
Ewan: Dont leave me this way.
I cant survive without your sweet love, oh baby,
dont leave me this way.
Nicole: You'd think that people would of had enough of silly love songs.
Ewan: I look around and i see it isnt so, oh no.
Nicole: Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs.
Ewan: Well whats wrong with that, i'd like to know. Cause here i go again.
Ewan: Love lift us up where we belong. Where eagles fly on a mountain high.
Nicole: Love makes us act like we are fools, throw our lifes away, for one happy
day.
Ewan: We could be heroes... just for one day.
Nicole: You, you will be mean.
Ewan: No i wont.
Nicole: And i, i'll drink all the time.
Ewan: We should be lovers.
Nicole: We cant do that.
Ewan: We should be lovers, and thats a fact.
Nicole: No nothing would keep us together.
Ewan: We could steal time just for one day.
Together: We could be heroes forever and ever.
We could be heroes forever and ever.
We can be heroes...
Ewan: Just because I will always love..
Nicole: I...
Together: Can't help lovin' you.
Nicole: How wonderful life is..
Together: now your in the world.
that is the elephant song medley that was in Moulin Rouge, one of my all time favourite movies. there is just something about duets that are so fascinating, interesting, and touching. when 2 people can harmonise and compliment each other through voice, the feeling invoked is amazing.
Singing can help to get feelings out, sometimes when you feel a certain way, i love how there are songs that seem to totally encompass how you feel. sometimes through the lyrics of the song, we find deeper understanding of how we are feeling, or find the words to say how we feel.
I am looking for a duet partner. that was quite... crude, but at this time who doesnt have the rush of hormones and the craving for a confidant? sometimes relationships can be really one sided. when people pour their troubles towards you, the listener would (being a considerate friend) listen wholsomely, and not make any comments until they are done. I admit that i do and face the same thing. there are people that i confide in, but they dont usually share much about them in return, which sometimes can be quite frustrating. or instead i listen and listen, but do not share back how i feel, or my problems. So its looking for that person that you can share with, yet you can listen to their problems. that is how good friends and even relationships are formed.
I feel like i have much bottled in me, and that i cant find a suitable person for me to share with. I aint attatched (but i think that is what im bottling up anyway) and for friends that i am close to, we are all quite busy with one thing or another, so to pick up the conversation is even more difficult. maybe i could do like i previously did, and blurt to anyone i know roughly, then i would get it out, and they would learn more about me. but that is no longer what i am like, i want to keep more things to myself, and think about it more, instead of shooting my mouth off.
Such is life isnt it? when you dont want something it would naturally gravitate towards you, but the moment you want it, it naturally repels. its not so easy to throw away all your want and thoughts and just be natural. that is the idea of friends being lovers right? just when you find out you like your friend, you become less firendly, and are more conscious of your actions, and words.
Back to dreaming of my duet. i just thought of the perfect setting, 2 people in love, performing for an audience, a duet that encompasses their feelings for each other. the duet which can be called /"Our Song"/
sigh >.< hopeless...
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Attention and Attraction
Some have said that i am not aware of my environment, or that i am ignorant of my "space" and it can lead to be quiteselfish, when i ignore those around me and their problems. yes i can be more carefree when the weight of the world is not bogged down on my shoulders, but then i realise that i wont have many around me that know me well, or any that i will know well either.
Truthfully, i dont think that i am very ignorant of my surrounding, but i think like most normal people, i can shut things out and ignore specific things or incidents. i sometimes even beleive that i am too sensitive even i f dont openly show it. thrown me and insult that has substance, and no matter how minorit may be, it would definitely affect me. However, after a while i learnt to seive through comments and leave out the emotionally charged bull, that actually dont make any sense at all, but what is left i can pick up on, if it is really a true things that i know i need to change, i would bear that in mind. Still, there is the shred of truth that i can unconciously ignore certain things that stare me in the face, and that can lead to frustration in certain people.
Anyway, i also have been noticing my surrounding more closely this year, and this could be some delusion of mine (or rumours that i have heard), but i may be getting more attenttion in respect with last year. It does seem a little odd, as i did feel that this year i have not been as overly friendly or hyper as last year, nor have i had teh time to go and try to know everyone in the school. perhaps its something to do with the TA year 1s. I still remember TA Orientation 06, and getting to know all the year 1s. at that time there wasnt many i knew, and i think it was only those that stood out more that i interacted with. I think i remembered 1B the most, as it was the break where they were still in the Lt, and i happened to have a breather from the rushing preperations for O nite. The accents i pulled off, and flirting with TA nicholas, as well as the gay pic with lester, one of the people that i noticed for O was clare, i mean how hard is it to notice her? haha. then of course there were others from the other classes, ximin, xiu qing, siddarth, sean, sophia, rachna etc. they just stood out, noticing them definitely was not hard.
School term started and everyone, including myself, got really caught up in work. the long days and the stressful workload, not much time for anything else. anc i kinda guess that i didnt realise how much i was getting to know the TA 1s. So i think i know a lot of people, yet it doesnt occur to me that many people know me. i still remember xiu qing metioning to me during her audition for drama.
Xiu qing: did you know that a lot of TA girls [know]* you?
J Heng: rite... i dont need to know this...
Shouvik: OMG!!! so cute! jonathan (in shouviks weird cutesy accent)
Xiu Qing: you know during that TASC talk? why do you think there was so much chatter, even giggles when you and kumarans name was said?
J Heng: oh, i thought i did something embarassing...
Xiu Qing: No. (goes on with her evil grin)
Flattered, quite a bit, embarassed, a whole lot. yet after a few days i guess i sort of dismissed it. it was not like i saw the TA juniors that often, so it did not really affect me or make me notice things that much either.
Image-conscious is what i have become more of over the year(s) in TA. friends have said that i dont look that bad, and all i gotta do is lose some weight, and it will help my image, confidence, and presentation in front of people. that is why i am spurred to go gym and find as many opportunities as possible play basketball and get myself involved in actvities that require me to move my body. Cheerleading, Road Run and other things, i feel the change in my body, and i do see a slight change in physical form. and i enjoy it too! maybe not the running portion, but i feel accomplished when i exert myself. maybe that is what isaac means. if you dont feel the push you dont feel the accomplishment. the strain and the fatigue felt are just testimony to your accomplishment.
I dont know about the looking better part, as that is not for me but rather for others to judge, but in the feeling better department, i definitely feel more confident and more gung ho to try things. a matter of empowerment. when i can play a good game of bball or can lift a flyer with ease, or getting 35 mins for a 5 km run, the accomplishment felt just pushes me to go on.
sigh.. i dont think i like holidays much now. holidays have to be packed with activities, if not i would feel like a pig/sloth/slug at home stoning in front of the TV and pigging out on junk food. after the march holidays i do feel fatter, which i am determined to work off when im back in school!
All in all, i really feel like more eyes are on me. like somehow people are watcing me. it is a little creepy at times, and can be exasperating when i dont know what they are talking about me. Insecure maybe, but then again i know that its not gonna affect me much if i know or not, its just interesting to know. I guess i have always been a sort of attention craver, but it can be weird when you get attention that you did not purposely attract. Oh well... i will just live with whatever it is. so long as my life is not severly affected by rumours, i think things will be fiiinneee!
i realised i havent hade real homemade lemonade before... maybe i can try to make some?
*ok so it wasnt actually /"know"/ but i think you can fill in the blanks >.<
Truthfully, i dont think that i am very ignorant of my surrounding, but i think like most normal people, i can shut things out and ignore specific things or incidents. i sometimes even beleive that i am too sensitive even i f dont openly show it. thrown me and insult that has substance, and no matter how minorit may be, it would definitely affect me. However, after a while i learnt to seive through comments and leave out the emotionally charged bull, that actually dont make any sense at all, but what is left i can pick up on, if it is really a true things that i know i need to change, i would bear that in mind. Still, there is the shred of truth that i can unconciously ignore certain things that stare me in the face, and that can lead to frustration in certain people.
Anyway, i also have been noticing my surrounding more closely this year, and this could be some delusion of mine (or rumours that i have heard), but i may be getting more attenttion in respect with last year. It does seem a little odd, as i did feel that this year i have not been as overly friendly or hyper as last year, nor have i had teh time to go and try to know everyone in the school. perhaps its something to do with the TA year 1s. I still remember TA Orientation 06, and getting to know all the year 1s. at that time there wasnt many i knew, and i think it was only those that stood out more that i interacted with. I think i remembered 1B the most, as it was the break where they were still in the Lt, and i happened to have a breather from the rushing preperations for O nite. The accents i pulled off, and flirting with TA nicholas, as well as the gay pic with lester, one of the people that i noticed for O was clare, i mean how hard is it to notice her? haha. then of course there were others from the other classes, ximin, xiu qing, siddarth, sean, sophia, rachna etc. they just stood out, noticing them definitely was not hard.
School term started and everyone, including myself, got really caught up in work. the long days and the stressful workload, not much time for anything else. anc i kinda guess that i didnt realise how much i was getting to know the TA 1s. So i think i know a lot of people, yet it doesnt occur to me that many people know me. i still remember xiu qing metioning to me during her audition for drama.
Xiu qing: did you know that a lot of TA girls [know]* you?
J Heng: rite... i dont need to know this...
Shouvik: OMG!!! so cute! jonathan (in shouviks weird cutesy accent)
Xiu Qing: you know during that TASC talk? why do you think there was so much chatter, even giggles when you and kumarans name was said?
J Heng: oh, i thought i did something embarassing...
Xiu Qing: No. (goes on with her evil grin)
Flattered, quite a bit, embarassed, a whole lot. yet after a few days i guess i sort of dismissed it. it was not like i saw the TA juniors that often, so it did not really affect me or make me notice things that much either.
Image-conscious is what i have become more of over the year(s) in TA. friends have said that i dont look that bad, and all i gotta do is lose some weight, and it will help my image, confidence, and presentation in front of people. that is why i am spurred to go gym and find as many opportunities as possible play basketball and get myself involved in actvities that require me to move my body. Cheerleading, Road Run and other things, i feel the change in my body, and i do see a slight change in physical form. and i enjoy it too! maybe not the running portion, but i feel accomplished when i exert myself. maybe that is what isaac means. if you dont feel the push you dont feel the accomplishment. the strain and the fatigue felt are just testimony to your accomplishment.
I dont know about the looking better part, as that is not for me but rather for others to judge, but in the feeling better department, i definitely feel more confident and more gung ho to try things. a matter of empowerment. when i can play a good game of bball or can lift a flyer with ease, or getting 35 mins for a 5 km run, the accomplishment felt just pushes me to go on.
sigh.. i dont think i like holidays much now. holidays have to be packed with activities, if not i would feel like a pig/sloth/slug at home stoning in front of the TV and pigging out on junk food. after the march holidays i do feel fatter, which i am determined to work off when im back in school!
All in all, i really feel like more eyes are on me. like somehow people are watcing me. it is a little creepy at times, and can be exasperating when i dont know what they are talking about me. Insecure maybe, but then again i know that its not gonna affect me much if i know or not, its just interesting to know. I guess i have always been a sort of attention craver, but it can be weird when you get attention that you did not purposely attract. Oh well... i will just live with whatever it is. so long as my life is not severly affected by rumours, i think things will be fiiinneee!
i realised i havent hade real homemade lemonade before... maybe i can try to make some?
*ok so it wasnt actually /"know"/ but i think you can fill in the blanks >.<
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